Small Talk: The Library

[AnnieF]

Y'all are making me feel really grateful for my mother, who is already paring down her belongings in anticipation of the inevitable (which is probably not for quite a while; my mom will be 70 this year and is in pretty good shape). She was the one who got stuck cleaning out her mother's place after her death, and that wasn't fun. So much crochet shit, oh my god. My mom doesn't want me to have to go through a house chock-full of crap, so she's become quite the minimalist. I am going to be sure to tell her again how awesome she is.

Fingers crossed for work, KPC! :)

ETA: Does this sound morbid? It's really not; my mom has reduced the amount of material ...material in her life because she's found it really freeing. The helping-me-out-after-her-death part is just a bonus. But a bonus that I'm feeling very appreciative of because of everyone's stories of recalcitrant older relatives. Thank you all for reminding me that I should say nice things to my mom. :)

Edited December 16, 2014 by AnnieF

[trudi-tru]

I'm going to have to move forward on my own and get it done and that will probably make them angry.

At which point you will not so politely tell them that if they wanted things done differently, they should have done them themselves.

 

Annie, it doesn't sound morbid at all. Very practical.

 

Finger crossed for KPC!

 

Happy birthday to our awesome Trivia Master and Secret Santa Arranger Extraordinaire, the one and only Hostile!

[Endeavour]

Good luck KPC!

Happy birthday Hostile!

LnB, you truly are lucky to have such a helpful family. These situations are difficult enough without added and unecessary stress.

AnnieF - it doesn't sound morbid at all and your mother sounds like a great person. I decluttered years ago and feel much the same way.
 

And now I'm editing because I even feel guilty about venting. Just wish me destressing vibes and thanks!

Edited December 16, 2014 by Endeavour

[Darkpool]

Destressing vibes to Endeavour.

[Loandbehold]

 

Just wish me destressing vibes and thanks!

I first read this as "distressing vibes" and wondered why you would want that. Still, I was all ready to give them until I saw Darkpool's response. So, De-stressing* vibes heading your way Endeavor.

 

* For me, hyphens can be good friends.

[Erratic]

Non-distressing de-stressing vibes to Endeavour and to LoandBehold.

Happy birthday to Hostile.

Work vibes to KPC, and writing/editing best wishes.

And a hearty 'Fuck MS' because it can't be said enough.

[AnnieF]

Fuck MS indeed. And cancer and dementia.

Sending you big de-stressing vibes, Endeavour. Not distressing vibes; I have some of those that I save for very special inlaws, but you don't deserve that. ;)

[Earl Is Dead]

I add my anti-stress vibes to you Endeavour and L&B, for all that you're dealing with.  I don't think anyone ever needs to feel guilty for venting.  Without venting we'd all explode at some point.

 

And happy birthdays to all you December babies.  And thank you for the quizzes, Hostile.  I've enjoyed making them a part of my morning routine, even if I suck at them.

 

This horrible story has been unfolding here for the past two days.  It's not just close to home, it is my home.  The town I work in, the town my parents live in (one of the locations is blocks from their house in fact), the towns I drive through and shop in every day, the schools my friends' children attend....  And now the manhunt is literally miles from where I live.  All I can think about is those poor girls, what they witnessed, and what they now have to carry with them for life.  I don't understand.

 

ETA:  It looks like now at least the hunt is over.  Some small relief.

Edited December 16, 2014 by Earl Is Dead

[Loandbehold]

Holy shit Earl Is Dead. That must have been not only horrible, but scary as well. 

 

Happy Birthday Hostile! Adding my thanks for being our quiz empress. I look forward to it every day (even Geo Wednesdays).

[KittenPokerCheater]

I don't think anyone ever needs to feel guilty for venting.  Without venting we'd all explode at some point.

 

^^^^^^THIS!

 

I worked today as a dead body.  I'd been shot (in the head).  Awesome makeup (and yes, I'm crazy but I took some photos so I can someday say, "Look, I'm only mostly dead).

 

De-stressing vibes to you LnB and Edneavour and Barphe, who I hope is lurking somewhere.

 

Fuck Cancer!  Fuck ms!  Fuck Dementia!

 

My secret santa present arrived today (via amazon, but I am being good and NOT looking at the receipt).  When is it okay to open them?

[buffyjunkie]

Jesus Earl is Dead. I blame Cheney. And I'm not being cute, I'm serious. We wage war and lay waste to these young men and womens mental health. Then we reap what others have sowed.

I don't think you are morbid AnnieF. After going through it twice as well, I am already thinking about it and I am two decades younger than your Mom.

Oodles of de-stressing vibes. Heaps of good bithday vibes for Hostile.

KPC I think cool make-up would be a fun part of your job! Can't wait to see.

[romantic idiot]

De-stressing vibes and (belated?) birthday wishes to Hostile.

[trudi-tru]

Earl, that is so horrible. Those poor girls.

 

Vent away, Endeavour. That is what this place is for.

 

Yay for work and cool dead makeup, KPC.

[Endeavour]

Thanks for the vibes and support. You guys really are the best.
 
What a terrible, scary and sad situation, Earl. So many lives affected.
 
Very cool and interesting, KPC.
 
Sending vibes to all who need them.
 
In other news, if I see this commerical one more time, I will scream - http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7EvD/the-clapper-world-class-clapper-kent-french

Edited December 17, 2014 by Endeavour

[romantic idiot]

132 children. How badly do you have to be brainwashed for the kill count to reach 132 children?

[Erratic]

That is the nature of zealous and fanatical belief. It is twisted and sick, and they believe that it is necessary and good.

In other news, if Obama can get a tentative start on Cuban/US negotiations, I will be very impressed and take back all I have been saying about his ineffective 2nd term.

Edited December 17, 2014 by Erratic

[KittenPokerCheater]

I cannot belIEVE about what happened in pakistan.  There are no words. 132 children.  Tears.  So many tears.  Vibes to them and their families.

 

I'm packing for home and I can't find my favorite hat- it's COLD where my mom lives, and I love my hat.  Damn hat.  I think I left it on set.

How has everyone's wednesday gone?  

[Chyna]

Since we were discussing the Librarians, and I know a lot of you are fans of Bruce Campbell, I'll just leave this here...

 

[Erratic]

So, remember how the Home Study was going to take 42 days and involve 3-5 home visits with probing and embarrassingly personal questions? Well, they start tomorrow and end on the 28th December.

Shit is getting quite real. I should probably start telling people soon.

Edited December 18, 2014 by Erratic

[Chyna]

Nerve-wracking that it's coming up so quickly, but it would be worse to have to wait and wait. The sooner this is over, the sooner you're approved!

[trudi-tru]

How badly do you have to be brainwashed for the kill count to reach 132 children?

I'd say to the point that you're devoid of any humanity.

What's horrible is that I don't think it's something that's ever going to stop and the complete state of helplessness we are all in.

What can anyone do? It's not like it's one lunatic you put down and that's it. And with the sort of weapons of mass destruction available today, the death counts are always going to be high.

 

How odd that they scheduled the visits during Christmas. Are we the only ones who know, Erratic?

 

KPC, I hope you find the hat. As for the package, if you can resist, maybe you could take it with you and open it with the rest of the Christmas presents. It really depends on how anal you are about present opening :-)

 

Chyna, Christian Kane tweeted that yesterday and than got jokingly scolded by Dean Devlin for ruining the surprise.

 

Speaking of shows, I'm watching The Fall. Really well done and with some very interesting takes on men/women.

I'm glad I can get my Gillian Anderson fix without having to go through the rest of Crisis, which is pretty awful.

[romantic idiot]

The third episode was improvement enough that I'm feeling better about watching The Librarians. And DD can't complain, he brought Bruce Campbell up himself, in show, I think. 

 

I cannot belIEVE about what happened in pakistan.  There are no words. 132 children.  Tears.  So many tears.  Vibes to them and their families.

 

I'm packing for home and I can't find my favorite hat- it's COLD where my mom lives, and I love my hat.  Damn hat.  I think I left it on set.

How has everyone's wednesday gone?  

Heh KPC, I liked this, and then realised I should clarify that I do NOT like that you were cold and that you may have lost your hat.

[Erratic]

How odd that they scheduled the visits during Christmas. Are we the only ones who know, Erratic?

There are probably about 20 or so people in the know know outside of you guys. I told my boss and 5 other coworkers, and a few family and friends. It's just that I don't want to jinx it, and I don't want to answer personal questions from people that have no business asking them. But that is going to be an issue whether I tell them now, or wait until I suddenly have a child. I have told two younger coworkers in the hope that this'll become a badly kept secret. That way, no one will ask me about it, but everyone will know....

Genius, eh?

[Ace Hansen]

My mom doesn't want me to have to go through a house chock-full of crap, so she's become quite the minimalist.

 

AnnieF, maybe your mom can call my mom with some tips. :) I'm afraid my mom will never stop accumulating and I'll be left with rooms full of fabric and various junk to deal with.

 

De-stressing vibes to everyone! May your holidays be sane and cozy.

[AnnieF]

AnnieF, maybe your mom can call my mom with some tips. :) I'm afraid my mom will never stop accumulating and I'll be left with rooms full of fabric and various junk to deal with.

It took my grandmother's death to make it real to my mom, so that's possibly the only tip she could offer: "Do not do unto my own children as my mother has done to me." My mom is one of 8 children, her mom ended up settling down in her town for her golden years, my mom knew she was going to get stuck doing all the post-mortem cleanup, and indeed that was the case.

Fingers crossed that the "badly kept secret" strategy works, Erratic. :)

[trudi-tru]



Genius, eh?

Diabolically so.

[Chyna]

It took my grandmother's death to make it real to my mom, so that's possibly the only tip she could offer: "Do not do unto my own children as my mother has done to me."

 

 

My mom had to have her water heater replaced a few years ago so she went to clear out the nearby crawlspace and she said she thought, "Good thing I found this now, because the kids would be really mad at me if they had to clean this out after I died." There were boxes of crap from when she led our Girl Scout troops 30+ years ago!

 

But that is going to be an issue whether I tell them now, or wait until I suddenly have a child.

 

 

Erratic, my husband's great aunt and uncle didn't tell anyone at all that they were going to adopt--they weren't able to conceive but you weren't supposed to talk about that stuff back then, so the whole thing seemed weirdly shameful. So they just showed up at a family BBQ one day with a baby. My MIL was about 10 at the time and she remembers everyone reacting "Um, WHAT?"

[Erratic]

See, I kind of like the idea of shocking people into silence :)

[KittenPokerCheater]

Erratic, however you choose to tell people will be the best way, be it all "Look, I materialized a child or two out of thin air!  Ta-DA!"  or telling everyone in advance via a form email/letter.  

 

Do not do unto my own children as my mother has done to me."

 

See, I am home and I am seeing that not only is my Mom going to do what was done to her (re: HER mother), but I think she is looking forward to putting me through the same crap.  

 

My hat is gone, and I will have to replace it when I get home.  It's okay, but still, I didn't want to have to buy TWO hats this year.  My SS gift is at home, waiting to be opened on the 26th.  I am looking forward to it.  Wheeeee!  SS fun!

 

Thank you, Trudi Tru and Hostile, for your hard work.

[buffyjunkie]

Erratic you are diabolical but in the good way. "Materialize a child out of the air" ...hee. I say best to get those interviews behind you and start the new year with a fresh slate.

Tomorrow I am going to bootcamp after an almost three week absence. As my melodramatic mother would say, "Pray for me." Except I think I might really need it. In other news I am beginnibg to realize that as our family shrinks and my Mom is unable to travel here and my Sis & BIL can't come at Xmas but will do New Year instead, it is actually a far more manageable event with 7 people, 1 dog & 1 cat than it was with 11.

Safe journeys everyone to those on the move.

[romantic idiot]

Holy s*** guys, have any of you seen the British series Black Mirror? It's brilliant. 

[Chyna]

I'm getting caught up on Arrow, and then I'm off to Orphan Black. I'll add Black Mirror after that. :)

 

Arrow really knows their audience--I love all the well-known genre actors they get for guest roles. (Even though John Barrowman is way too young to play Tommy's dad, but I love Barrowman so I'll accept it as an excuse to see him chew the scenery.)

Edited December 20, 2014 by Chyna

[romantic idiot]

Yeah, I'm being really tempted by starting with Arrow again, but the few episodes I have seen were so blah....the flesh is willing but the spirit is weak? re: Black Mirror, I'll say that it is not a feel good series and leaving time for reflection would be good. On the plus sides, it's just 2 seasons of 3 episodes each and a Christmas special with Jon Hamm - though really the show has no business doing a Christmes special. (At least they've broadcast it already). As a palate cleaner, I can suggest Please Like Me which again is only 16 30 min episodes. :o)

 

I've had way too much to eat today. 

[trudi-tru]



then I'm off to Orphan Black.

You still haven't watched the second season? Tsk, tsk, tsk.

 

I'm sick. Wahhhhh. It's all nature's fault. It's supposed to be cold in late December, not 17 degrees. Stupid climate change.

On the positive side, I'm going through the latest season of Downtown Abbey pretty fast.

 

How did bootcamp go, buffyjunkie?

Edited December 20, 2014 by trudi-tru

[buffyjunkie]

I think they purposely scheduled a wimpy workout - thank TPTB. So yeah, I'm hanging in there but back on the Sudafed & Mucinex. We took care of my Mom today so now I can turn my attention to securing a tree.

[Hostile16]

As the only night owl in my family, for two decades the real beginning of the holidays has been David Letterman's Christmas episode, during which I wrap packages alone by the tree while Darlene Love belts "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)" with a full orchestra and falling snow. I almost missed it last night because it's earlier in the month than usual, then I realized it will be the last time for that tradition since Letterman retires in May. I'm still a little verklempt.

Bronchitis a guest for the holidays here, too. I can hear Dad coughing in the other room, and I'm a little wheezy. Sixty degrees yesterday; snow flurries this morning.

By the way, I've gotten a few Secret Santa notes that have mentioned gifts that won't make it by Christmas. I'm responsible since I was so late getting assignments out so accept my apologies as you await your New Year's or Epiphany gifts. Let's remember the Twelve Days of Christmas BEGIN, not end, on the 25th.

Oh, hey, and did I mention I saw a fantastic shooting star in the wee hours of my birthday? I was so awestruck I forgot to make a wish. Can you imagine how much magical mojo a birthday shooting star must carry? I could probably have fulfilled the pageant answers of a stage full of beauty contestants.

[Chyna]

I'm being really tempted by starting with Arrow again, but the few episodes I have seen were so blah..

 

 

The first few episodes were a little blah, but a number of folks who like the same shows I do (including a few of you) said to stick with it until a few eps in, and then it starts to get good. Totally true. It starts getting better when Diggle comes on the scene, then better when Barrowman turns up, then better again when they start doing more with Felicity. 

[Loandbehold]

Wishing vibes to all the sicklies out there. Which can also be used by those who ate too much.

 

Today, Jerry the Salvage Man had his minions come to my mom's apartment. Three of them broke down and took out a shitload of stuff in a little over 2 hours. On Friday, the shredding company came over and took care of 1000 pounds of paper. Now, a lot of it was from when my mom and her friend had a business in the early 00s, but my brother and I are realizing just how much crap we put together and took outside for garbage. Tomorrow my mom's old cleaning woman will come over and then we will do more work. We're shooting for a week from Sunday to be done. I told my brother any money she gets from the security deposit is a bonus.Short of hiring industrial cleaners, there's no way to make that apartment look anything in the ballpark of new. 

 

We also went to see her today. Before doing that, we spoke to her care manager and the executive director about what we can do to improve my mother's chances of getting the long term insurance to agree to cover her. There are two ways for that to happen. [ignore the rest of this paragraph if you don't want to read possibly graphic details.] The first is needing help with two of six "aspects of daily living". The other is "severe cognitive impairment". The problem is that my mom pretty much falls through the cracks. Needing assistance with medicine is not an aspect of daily living, I guess b/c elderly people have no problems in that area on a daily basis. And, she does not have severe cognitive impairment. Besides talking to her neurologist (which we hopefully can do next week or the week after) and her primary care doctor, we have agreed to increase the level of care she will get. There are legitimate reasons to do so. My mother hasn't taken a shower since she got there (we don't know how she doesn't reek) and the only time her hair was washed was when she went to the salon in the place. What they're going to do is have someone assist her with showering and putting on clothes in order to make sure that she does it. Or, at least reminding her to do so, and being available if she requires physical assistance. She does dress herself, although she did need my help to take off a sweatshirt today. After we had talked with the two people, we spoke to my mother about what is happening. We are going to call the long term insurer early next year and have them do their evaluation. While we were there, my brother used an excuse to go to the bathroom to see if she was having her laundry done and if she had actually used soap and shampoo in the shower. He noticed a few pieces of wet undergarments. My mother said that she had an accident and, so help me, my brother and I almost did a touchdown dance since incontinence is another aspect of daily living that she might not meet. We went back downstairs and told the executive director to have that noted on her chart. The key isn't that she does require assistance, but that she might, and so assistance is at hand. At least, that's what we hope will be the case. The extra care is going to cost approximately $1,500/month, so, if her application for long-term care is rejected, she won't be able to live at this place for even a year. Fingers are now crossed, and fingernails are being bitten.  

[romantic idiot]

Major vibes for you, LnB.

[buffyjunkie]

A shooting star! That in itself is a wonderful birthday present Hostile16.

Amen to everything Chyna said regarding Arrow.

LnB, you and your brother are troopers and surely you will be blessed in return. My mom is so frail and gets so winded just walking a short distance. Yet they aren't completely incapacitated but it is so scary. Hugs.

[KittenPokerCheater]

Let's remember the Twelve Days of Christmas BEGIN, not end, on the 25th.

 

Mu friends at school used to tease me about how we never took down our christmas tree until January- but in my family the tree could go up whenever, but the tree could NOT come down before january 6th/the feast of the epiphany (when the wise men finally got to bethlehem- I always like to imagine them pounding at a ticketing agent's desk, yelling- "I had a reservation, I have to get there now, how can you call bad weather an act of god!?).  I'm a heathen.

 

So I am certain everyone will be happy to have their gift whenever it arrives.  Because secret santa is awesome at any time.

 

Congrats on the shooting star hostile!  I think, in birthday circumstances, you're allowed to goggle at the star and make your wish at a later date.

 

LnB, you are a superhero.  I'd get you a cape if it wasn't a superhero hazard.  Many many huge vibes to you, hoping that the long term health insurance kicks is approved and kicks in super fast.  You and your brother are super amazing

 

Jerry the Salvage Man had his minions

 

Can you send them to my Mom's house?

 

Congraulations on getting through bootcamp Buffyjunkie!  And good vibes for the next one, whenever that may be.

 

I'm an arrow fan.  Damn that salmon ladder.  It's never going to win awards (except for maybe fight choreography), and yet I find it watchable and fun, even when it starts to get too dark.  I almost expect Darth Vader to come out of the woodwork and intone, "Ollie I am your faather."

 

But I also enjoy AoS.  Clearly, I'm on a heroine/hero kick, and should break out into that bonnie tyler song at any second.

 

Vibes and happiness and joy and fuck ms/cancer/depression/colds/bronchitis/sucky people etc. etc.  

Edited December 21, 2014 by KittenPokerCheater

[Chyna]

Damn, LnB, your mother is lucky to have you and your brother looking out for her like that. (Also: 1,000 pounds of paper?? Yeesh)

[cko]

Hugs to LnB. You and your brother are doing amazing things. We have a bit of that with Dad, but haven't reached the stage you are at, yet. This part of life is hard. For us I mean, but of course for our parents, too....

[romantic idiot]

I'm an arrow fan.  Damn that salmon ladder.  It's never going to win awards (except for maybe fight choreography), and yet I find it watchable and fun, even when it starts to get too dark.  I almost expect Darth Vader to come out of the woodwork and intone, "Ollie I am your faather."

 

But I also enjoy AoS.  Clearly, I'm on a heroine/hero kick, and should break out into that bonnie tyler song at any second.

 

Vibes and happiness and joy and fuck ms/cancer/depression/colds/bronchitis/sucky people etc. etc.  

It is nice. re: Arrow , I'm also hamstrung by the fact that I don't find any of them (except Barrowman and maybe Tommy) particularly attractive. Ripped muscles with facial hair do nothing for me, in fact find it actively distressing. Yeah yeah, I know, world's slowest violin playing. I'm sure I'll start eventually. In the meanwhile had the chance to catch up to True Detective, finally, on the train from Bangalore to Kolkata. I can see why my brother is mad for me and the credits are gorgeous. The pacing is not for me though. 

 

Damn, LnB, your mother is lucky to have you and your brother looking out for her like that. (Also: 1,000 pounds of paper?? Yeesh)

 

I can well believe it. I was cleaning out my house and already I have so much superfluous paper that I am still not throwing away because "you never know" and I've just lived 7 years in Bangalore and less than 5 in the house. 

Edited December 21, 2014 by romantic idiot

[trudi-tru]

in my family the tree could go up whenever, but the tree could NOT come down before january 6th/the feast of the epiphany

That's how it goes. Tree goes up on the 8th of December and comes down on the 6th of January. Anyone who does it differently is wrong. Wrong!

 

I am certain everyone will be happy to have their gift whenever it arrives.  Because secret santa is awesome at any time.

Absolutely.

 

Lo, you and your brother are wonderful sons. I hope you can find a way to have your Mom get the assistance she needs without having to move to another place, which I imagine would be distressing for her. And for you.

 

It's amazing the amount of paper we accumulate. I've been working in my office for less than 5 years, and I'm sure there's way more the 1.000 punds of paper lying aound in my drawers.

 

The pace of True Detective is challenging, but once you get into the mood of the series, it's quite good.

[Hostile16]

I've watched the first two episodes of Black Mirror, and while I appreciate its audacity, I resent that it is being compared to The Twilight Zone because it is nothing like that show. I thought the first episode had an enormous plot hole and severely underwrote the character of the Prime Minister's wife. But I'll forgive it for including Lindsay Duncan. I adore her.

[Loandbehold]

Happy Birthday cko! One of the coolest chicks (actually person) I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

 

I'm just about through 8 episodes of Season 1 of Supernatural. It's been a little tough going, mainly because I don't consider either of the two leads to be even decent actors, even though from the commentary they did, they seem to be very nice and engaging people. The pilot episode had Jeffry Dean Morgan, Sarah Shahi, and Adrienne Palicki, and I couldn't help but think how awesome it would have been for those two to be sisters traveling around the country fighting supernatural phenomena. Alas, it was not to be. I did get some laughs out of the pilot commentary by the creators and director. Originally, the idea was to have a reporter at a tabloid doing the investigation. Which they apparently failed to recognize as the story of The Night Stalker. They later said that investigating a new paranormal phenomen or monster each week had never been done before. True, except for Buffy and, you know, The Night Stalker. I will forgive them not mentioning The Twilight Zone  or The Outer Limits as those were anthology shows. The second batch of four episodes has gotten better, so maybe it just took a few episodes to hit their stride. Does Mark Shepard show up this season?

[Harvester]

Supernatural is amusing for a few seasons, but when it goes to hell, it really goes to hell.

I need to check out these other shows. I've tried The Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce, but I hate several of the characters, especially the "free spirit" friend. I should give it another shot, I know.

[Valny]

I've watched the first two episodes of Black Mirror, and while I appreciate its audacity, I resent that it is being compared to The Twilight Zone because it is nothing like that show. I thought the first episode had an enormous plot hole and severely underwrote the character of the Prime Minister's wife. But I'll forgive it for including Lindsay Duncan. I adore her.

I've only seen the first three. I think I liked the first ep the best so far. That was effed up!

Happy birthday CKO! You rock.

 

I miss The 12 Days of Buffy at the other forum.   :(  Maybe next year I will start that thread here.

[romantic idiot]

Happy birthday, cko!!.

 

Re: BM, the first one is my favourite, too.