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Tara Ariano

S02.E10: Teacher's Pet

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As Joe's power over the Korban cult grows, new followers carry out his demands; Max and Ryan try to contact Joe and identify his whereabouts.

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Okay, here we go!

As I'm mostly watching this show and Hannibal right now, The Following gets to be my debut post here! So nervous...

So nervous, in fact, that I'm basically saying what I did over at TWoP, so I don't have to write it all out twice. Hope that's okay:

Aaahhhh, show. Once again, you do not disappoint. And by not disappoint I mean ramping up the clusterfuckery.

Clearly, one last follower is in Arizona and has wreaked vengeance by becoming Claire's hairdresser, attacking her former glorious mane with a dull razor and gallon of canola oil. Cripes, I know she's got to look different but that doesn't have to mean she looks like she does her hair with a blindfold on, using two pairs of safety scissors instead of a comb and brush.

Luckily, she's still our Claire underneath it all! I wanna see Ryan, I wanna see Ryan, I wanna seeeeeee Ryyyyyyannnnn!!!! And hey, it works! You know, Claire, you can leave WitSec anytime you want--you're not a prisoner. What's that? You didn't want to endanger Joey and the only parent he has left in the midst of this nightmare? Well, that's commendable, I guess--what? Oh, you changed your mind? Well, that's...something.

Annnnd moving on to Joe, the Pinkwashed Cult and the show's weekly open and riotous tossing out of major plot points--fuck off, Edgar Allen! There's a new quote source in town and it's--JESUS!  Yep, oldie but goodie for exploitation, misinterpretation and crushing of minds by a narcissistic madman. I have to admit watching Joe just barely restrain his contempt for this Moron Think Tank is the best part of this season. Every time they show him 'preaching' you can see him thinking "Damn, this is so easy! Why the hell did I bother writing novels and the rest of that crap? These dunces will literally believe anything!"

I liked the selection of the Evil Scoobies, especially when Joe headed down to be all handsy pals-y with them. I was really hoping they'd all just rush him and tear him to bits, that would have been hilarious.

On to the Bad Doctor and his Beluga Flipper and Ryan's questioning about Lance the Loser. As much as I ride Joe and Micah I will give them the fact that they put on a show for their flocks--Bad Doc just apparently likes to kill and dump. And leave his surgery victims' eyes wide open in the morgue--I guess no employees of this hospital ever found that odd. Or his habit of bringing schoolboys in to grope the corpses.

Luckily this pointless scene ends in time for us to watch the "It's never worked in the history of the FBI but hey let's try tracing the call; maybe we'll get lucky!" crapfest in Ryan's spotlessly white apartment. (Which cleaning service do you suppose he uses? Do you think he leaves notes reading "Wipe down the fridge, Vacuum, Watch Out For Booby Traps, Dust Around Guns?") Say, did you know Jana can make a phone call act like a computer virus? Sure, why not. Especially since that phone call lasted a good three minutes and would have been traceable in any other circumstance. It could have been traced by two hamsters using two tin cans and a piece of string.

Evil Scooby attack! I hate that guy! And that guy! Plus, we as a group who until a few hours ago were completely isolated from all society for the last several years have managed to find the only streets and public places in New York that contain no surveillance cameras or anybody with a smartphone! On to the Brooklyn restaurant where I got fired for never actually showing up to work, the jerks, but hey, Ryan figured out that we're heading this way because Joe threw in that weird ass thing about not being safe where you eat, even though Joe instructed us to pick impersonal targets so there's no way he meant us to go there so none of this should be happening! Whateves, bring on the booze and off to the Ladies!

Ryan, having once again gained the power of teleportation, gets him and his band of Merry FBI Pranksters from Manhattan to Brooklyn in rush hour traffic in ten minutes and burst into the restaurant just in time to get two more leads killed! Ryan, seriously, that's what, five for you now? In a week? Well, at least no civilians got killed, which basically counts as a win now. So much so that we'll just ignore the fact that even though the other Evil Scoobies were "around the corner in the alley" waiting in the van neither you nor any of the five hundred cops on the scene noticed it, either parked or when it apparently barreled through fifteen cop cars and presumed traffic stops to elude you completely. Again.  Which makes me wonder if the FBI director who's all "You're tops, Ryan! Have some more money and equipment and manhours!" is secretly a follower or related to a recently murdered civilian and is playing a revenge long game.

Looks like Mandy's planning to make a break for it. Wow, who woulda thought hooking up with a serial killer would have turned out to be a bad move? Also, Claire, take note: Mandy and Emma have both been running around with Joe for weeks, hanging out in the woods for days, and their hair is perfect. You have no excuse, Claire. No. Excuse.

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You know, I had totally forgotten that what initially drew me to this "show" was the EAP slant. And then they used it so poorly, and even started to abandon it during the first season, I kind of didn't notice it was completely gone.

Snookums, you have now made me laugh out loud twice, in two different places, with:

Clearly, one last follower is in Arizona and has wreaked vengeance by becoming Claire's hairdresser...

 

Man, I envied that racoon's hair!

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Also, Claire, take note: Mandy and Emma have both been running around with Joe for weeks, hanging out in the woods for days, and their hair is perfect. You have no excuse, Claire. No. Excuse.

Ding! Ding! Ding! Snookums for the win!

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Question about the Evil Scoobies (love it!), when crazy bullied girl went with fellow crazy boy to kill the family, did she lick the blood off the knife after her kill? Crazy boy looked on with such a look of lust I got even more squicked out than usual with all the knifing.

Breaking in the new place: Kill Emma! Praise Joe! Planethood for Pluto!

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Question about the Evil Scoobies (love it!), when crazy bullied girl went with fellow crazy boy to kill the family, did she lick the blood off the knife after her kill? Crazy boy looked on with such a look of lust I got even more squicked out than usual with all the knifing.

Breaking in the new place: Kill Emma! Praise Joe! Planethood for Pluto!

OK, practicing the new quote stuff. I only picked the first sentence, but it copied the whole thing. What did I do wrong? 

But, yes, she did lick the knife...

I'd like to add "Kill Claire" to that list this season.

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Planethood for Pluto!

Damn right. As I said over at TWoP, the best turn this show could take is Joe's Pinkwashers chasing Neil deGrasse Tyson all over that Ship of the Imagination.

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Damn right. As I said over at TWoP, the best turn this show could take is Joe's Pinkwashers chasing Neil deGrasse Tyson all over that Ship of the Imagination.

I can't stop picturing one of the evil scoobies chasing Neil deGrasse Tyson around to get stabby on him while Joe wanders encouraging the normal scoobies to embrace their destiny, or some such drivel. "The Milky Way is - stab, stab, stab." The normals are screaming, the evils are laughing while painting blood on their bodies & Emma is smirking. Although that's not new, Emma always smirks.

Joe: "The Milky Way is vast, we must cleanse it." Scoobies: "Praise the Milky Way." Joe: "No, you plebeians. Praise me, cleanse the Milky Way. We must cleanse it through the lovely freeing gift of blood sacrifice. Listen to my voice as I explain what we must do in long, boring detail & don't forget to praise me." Scoobie: "Praise you. I like Milky Ways. Joe, can we take a break & eat?"  Joe: "No breaks. Praise me dammit, praise me." Scoobie: "Praise Joe & Snickers." Second Scoobie: "Praise Kit Kits too. I like those a lot." Joe: "I hate you all." 

I obviously need a real life. 

Edited by ramble
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On to the Brooklyn restaurant where I got fired for never actually showing up to work, the jerks, but hey, Ryan figured out that we're heading this way because Joe threw in that weird ass thing about not being safe where you eat, even though Joe instructed us to pick impersonal targets so there's no way he meant us to go there so none of this should be happening!

That was the part that really got me. I thought, "Ah! That's why he added that weird "where you eat" part into his speech. Good, because otherwise that would have just been a really awkward thing to say." Then I remembered that they were supposed to be random killings, which meant that it turned out to be a clue given by Joe just because he can't turn a decent phrase and his disciples are idiots who can't follow directions.

Just the usual, then.

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Young Joe wasn't exactly a dead ringer for Old Joe but - that voice! I wasn't paying attention until I heard him speak.

The random targets thing does freak me out. You could just be sitting anywhere minding your business and some looney tune could murder up your day.

What was the point of putting the ones who wanted to leave in the hole. Free sacrifices, hello!

Mandy warms my snarky little heart. "Sure.. whatever THAT is *crazy eyes/huge smile*" I want her to kill Emma but I'm afraid it's going to be the other way around.

My biggest gripe is why Joe is trying to do his follower thing with "normal" people? His first group was people that he recruitted who had already killed or wanted to kill. These people are ripe for defection and botched plans as evidenced by the diner scene and the amount of people now down in Hotel Hole In the Ground.

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