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Quotes: Isn't it sweet? My son and babysitter passed out in a bar.

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From The Cranemakers:

Lilith: Lay your hands upon me everyone, I am life. I am mother. My man's seed is nourished within me. Touch my breasts, my friend, I am lactating.

Sam: Boy, I tell ya, this is kind of a first for me, uh, but I'm gonna pass.

From Abnormal Psychology:

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Sam: "You are the nuttiest, the stupidest, the phoniest fruitcake I ever met!"

Diane: "Sam Malone--"

Sam:"Shut up! Shut your fat mouth!"

Diane: "Make me."

Sam: "Make you? I'd like to bounce you off every wall in this office!"

Diane: "Try it and  you'll be walking funny tomorrow. Or should I say funnier?"

Sam: "You know, I've always wanted to pop you one. Maybe today's my lucky day, huh?"

Diane: "You disgust me, I hate you."

Sam: "Are you as turned on as I am?"

Diane: "More!"

 

And we know what happens after that. Classic.

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From Little Sister Don't Cha:

 

Cliff: I have impossibly high standards for a woman.
Norm: She has to like you, right?

 

From Second Time Around:

 

Frasier: Everyone, I'd like you to meet my date, Dr. Lilith Sternin: MD, PhD, EDD, APA.
Woody: Boy, it sure isn't spelled like it sounds.

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From Thanksgiving Orphans:

Diane: Now that I find myself within the warmth of your company, how can I possibly go?

Everybody gives her street directions

Diane: You holiday hooligans, gimme a beeeeeer.

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Another classic I was reminded of today from One Hugs, The Other Doesn't:

 

Frasier: Darling, are you going to be okay with this?
Lilith: Am I going to be okay with this? Let's see. Earlier today I discovered that my husband had an ex-wife he never told me about. Then I had the pleasure of watching him kiss said ex-wife in front of 1,000 children including his own. Then to top it all off, she hugged me. Can you deduce from my tone whether or not I'm going to be okay with this?
Frasier: Baby, you're the greatest.

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Rebecca: I won't let you call and arrange a wet t-shirt contest. It exploits women.

Sam: You got a better idea?

Rebecca: I'll call.

Sam: What about exploiting women?

Rebecca: When a man does it, it's exploitation. When a woman does it, it's good business. ... Hi! Is this Jiggly Party Queens?

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Carla: “I got off because I’m the sole support of six kids.”

Diane: “I’m sure they felt that anyone who hasn’t mastered birth control isn’t smart enough for jury duty.”

 

Sam: “How do you like getting your motor all revved up then have the rug pulled out from under you?”

Diane: “Mixed metaphor aside, I don’t like it one bit.”

 

Diane: “Everyone knows, hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is.”

Sam: “Whatever you say, I really don’t care.”

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Albania!

Albania!

You border on the Adriiiiiiiii-atic!

Your land is mostly mountainous

And your chief export is chrome!

 

Everybody sing along with Coach!

 

Saw this episode a couple of nights ago for the first time in over a decade, and it was even funnier than I remembered. Coach was such a great character. His absence really left a vacancy in this show that was never filled. 

 

Also in this ep, I only got a quick glimpse, but it looked like the school text book Sam was carrying around was called The World and It's People. Yes, it's. Well, it's geography class, not English...

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I love the scene where Sam meets his heckler, because Ted Danson just does the most perfect expression of wonderment and happiness when he recognizes her. I wish I could find the scene on YouTube.

Marge: Say, aren't you Sam Malone?
Sam: Guilty as charged.
Marge: Small world. Marge Thornhill here. Don't you remember me?
Sam: Ah, boy, you know, I can't quite place the face. Where did we meet?
Marge: Oh well, we didn't actually meet, but I know you remember me. I went to every home game you ever played.
Sam: Ah, Marge, there are a lot of people up in the stands there.
Marge: Sure, but you got to remember me. I always sat behind first base, five rows up, remember? I used to get there early so that I could watch you warm up in the bullpen.
Sam: I'm sorry.
Marge: I know you couldn't forget this. [stands up and yells] "Hey Malone, you pitch like my sister. Why don't you go home and make a dress!"
Sam: [affectionately] Was that you? Well, how have you been? Guys, guys, I want you... Do the one where you say I couldn't get the ball across the plate if I drove it there in my car.
Marge: No, no, that was then, and this is now. By the way, I'm really sorry for all those shots I gave you over the years. No hard feelings?
Sam: No, of course not, it's all part of the game.
Marge: [raises the martini Sam made for her in toast] You're a real sport, Malone. [tastes the martini then stands up and yells] You call this a martini? What did you use for vermouth, turpentine?
Sam: [to Norm] The great ones never lose it.

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Woody:  "Miss Chambers, can I ask you something?"

Diane:  "Mmmm hmmmm" (as she's cleaning tables)

Woody:  "You're a girl, right?"

Diane:  "Well, I am a woman."

Woody:  "Close enough."

You can quote Woody & Coach all day long, and they'd all be great.  As are Diane & Carla's barbs to each other, and to others.

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Lilith: "Well, I'm off. I don't know what the future holds. Whatever happens, I only hope I can reach my full potential to acquire things the old Lilith never had."
Carla: "Like a body temperature?"
Lilith: "Very good, Carla. Incidentally, I've taken your wisecracks for a few years now, you hideous gargoyle. And if you ever open that gateway to Hell you call a mouth in my direction again, I'll snap off your extremities like dead branches and feed them to you at gunpoint."
Carla: *rendered mute*
Lilith: "God, that felt good!"
Carla: "Well, that was just plain rude."

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