Zoey's Extraordinary Quotes

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Quotes go here!

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Zoey: Do you always have to play and sing your music quite that loud?
Mo: Well, how else am I supposed to listen to Wham!? Their songs demand a certain level of participation and volume.

MRI tech's playlist: Awesome MRI Mix: Music to Soothe

Max: Look at him. I don't think I've ever been as happy as that guy is at 9:30 in the morning on a Tuesday.

Zoey: What are you leaning towards?
Simon: Tough call. Middle of the day. Do I get a sugar cereal that'll make me crash hard or something super healthy that I'll totally hate?
Zoey: These are the struggles. My dad's a huge fan - well, was a huge fan of granola. I think I'm going to go that route. It's kinda the best of both worlds scenario.

Zoey: If you had the power to know what was going on in other people's heads, do you think you'd feel guilty?
Max: No, I think I'd just get my feelings hurt a lot more often.

Liam: Hey, congrats on the promotion. That is awesome. 
Tobin: Yeah, congrats. Now I have two female bosses. It's like I'm working at Goop.

Edited February 17, 2020 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Mo: So exactly what is the look we're going for in here? Third grade science fair? Corporate housing? Or "she was quiet and kept to herself"?

Zoey: Believe it or not, I didn't really play any sports growing up.
Simon: I'm not surprised by that information.

Mo: These are the best noise canceling headphones in the entire world. I wear them to sleep, when I'm DJing at the club, every time an Uber driver says, "How's your day going?"

Mo: Unbelievable. All I see is a bunch of mostly white people drinking overpriced coffee while you get a whole show. What song is it?
Zoey: Uh, I think it's Whitney Houston.
Mo: You think? This power is wasted on you.

Zoey: Thank you for getting those. I just wasn't in the mood for another over the top song and dance number by lonely overcaffeinated peple again.
Mo: Having to witness amazing private concerts throughout the day must be incredibly tedious. My heart breaks for you.

Tobin: I haven't felt this kind of stress since I got into both MIT and Harvard. "What are you going to do, Tobin? What are you going to do?" Hack into the CIA and go to prison for three years instead.

Joan: Swag is for the interns. It keeps them happy so we don't have to pay them.

Simon: Find another way to let [your team] know that you care about them.
Zoey: But what if I don't?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Max: I haven't breathed outside air in over 48 hours.

Zoey: My boss had to go and sing to me.
Mo: Was it 9 to 5? Because Dolly Parton is my spirit animal.
Zoey: It was actually Satisfaction which makes no sense because we've been working non-stop recently. How could Joan possibly not be satisfied?
Mo: Maybe she was singing about something besides work. There are lots of reasons why people are unsatisfied, Zoey. 80% of it's sex related.
Zoey: Do you just make these statistics up?

Mo: I say this with the love and respect that our three week friendship demands.

Emily: I was just looking for some pop tarts but then I realized that you're not stoned college kids so I'm just going to take down this loaf of bread instead.

Joan: We're out of Crunch Berries AGAIN?

Tobin: You could do anything in Better World. I lost my virginity in there.
Leif: Still counts.
Max: Does it though?

Zoey: I just wanted to do a quick check in and make sure you're happy with our performance. You seem just a little bit more frustrated than normal so I was wondering if you felt that from us you were getting no satisfaction.
Joan: First of all, that's terrible grammar.

Zoey: I know I'm just a colleague.
Joan: Subordinate.
Zoey: But I have always found it helpful to vent when I'm feeling dissatisfied.
Joan: I don't vent. I scream into a pillow.

Maggie: Doesn't [Joan] have any other female friends at work?
Zoey: There are no other females at work.

Susan: Rick and I just got back from Santa Cruz and we found this cute little salt water taffy shop and we thought Mitch would love some.
Maggie: That is so sweet of you, Susan. Thank you.
Zoey: Of course, my dad can barely swallow and might choke on it, but maybe I can try one and describe it to him.
Maggie: She day drank.
Zoey: I did.

David: This is all based on a hunch? As a public defender, do you know how many lives I've seen ruined by a hunch?

Joan: I'm going to take you with me to a women in tech thing next month. It's in Daytona, a place that's basically an STD with palm trees.

Joan: You dress like a docent at a folk art museum.

Tobin: Quick question. If you lose your virginity in Better World-
Charlie: Doesn't count.

Zoey: You're not gonna say anything about this place?
Mo: Honey, I snuck onto Elton John's yacht. This is literally nothing.

Joan: I said dramatic lighting, not interrogation room.

Joan: I had to beg him to come back. I had to apologize to him even though he's the one who threatened to leave. And it's not the first time he's bailed on me like that. And yet somehow, for some reason, I keep working on it cause the idea of losing Charlie feels worse than this - whatever this is.

Zoey: What did you do to your hair? I can't tell if I love it or I hate it.
Autumn: Max let me put a little natural product in there. It's a combination of hemp seed and CBD oil.
Max: Yeah, not only does it give your hair body, it also makes you just a little bit high.

[shapeshifter]

On 2/24/2020 at 6:54 AM, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Tobin: Quick question. If you lose your virginity in Better World-
Charlie: Doesn't count

“Better World” = “Second Life,” right?

[SomeTameGazelle]

On 2/24/2020 at 7:54 AM, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Zoey: My boss had to go and sing to me.
Mo: Was it 9 to 5? Because Dolly Parton is my spirit animal.
Zoey: It was actually Satisfaction which makes no sense because we've been working non-stop recently. How could Joan possibly not be satisfied?
Mo: Maybe she was singing about something besides work. There are lots of reasons why people are unsatisfied, Zoey. 80% of it's sex related.
Zoey: Do you just make these statistics up?

You left out my favourite part:

Mo: 35% of the time.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Mo: The first week here, you said, "Ma'am, will you help me hang my shower drapes?" I don't know which to be offended by more - you calling me ma'am or you calling them shower drapes.
Zoey: What would you call them?
Mo: Curtains, Zoey. They're curtains.

Mo: All I see is a single lady texting an engaged man before 9am.
Zoey: This is just innocent fun.
Mo: Said no innocent person ever.
Zoey: I can see your side eye.
Mo: Good.

Mo: I can't imagine hiding myself from the world. I'm a leo, baby - brave, bold, beautiful!
Zoey: And I'm...whatever a capricorn is.

Mo: If I'm going to sing anything, it's going to be something like "Walking on Sunshine" and there'd be a montage of me trying on cute clothes.

Zoey: Quick - feel something strongly but don't tell me about it. Just think it.
Simon: Did you just learn a new magic trick?

Simon: [Our florist] just totally bailed on us.
Zoey: If you need somebody, you should call my mom. She's a landscape architect, but that's florist adjacent adjacent.

Zoey: Did you have sex last night?
Max: As a matter of fact, Autumn and I did make our first love.

Zoey: Hey, Max, do you go to temple?
Max: I have been, yeah.
Zoey: Because you wanted to? Because your family wanted you to?
Max: Because I got to second base at several bar mitzvahs.

Joan: Maybe going through a separation is the best time to quit carbs.

Maggie: Did I ever tell you about the time I worked at a winery in France? I had just had this steamy affair with my married Russian lit professor and I needed to get away from it all.
Zoey: I'm sorry. You lived where when and were sleeping with whom?

[Lovecat]

On 2/24/2020 at 7:54 AM, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Joan: I had to beg him to come back.

Upon first listen, I thought she said "I had to BANG him to come back," and I was all "WHOA!  Shit just got DARK!"

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Emily: Wow, Zoey, I didn't realize you were such a fan of Cabbage Patch Kids.
David: Actually, that was mine.
Emily: Oh. And this [Care Bear].
David: Mine as well.

Mo: I am an artist, Zoey, and my brain does not like functioning until night o'clock.

Zoey: Where should we go?
Mo: Somewhere basic and hetero. I'm in the mood for potato skins.

Joan: What's the good of bad news if you can't share it?

Joan: Aside from several of [your coworkers] commenting on your extreme overuse of the eggplant emoji, in general their feedback about your work was that it is adequate.
Tobin: BOOYA! Love barely meeting expectations!

Joan: Leif, ready to hear what your colleagues had to say?
Leif: Only if you feel it's necessary. I know that all three of us know that as the best programmer here, I'm - what's the word? Beloved.
Joan: Um, okay. "Lief is self-righteous and overly ambitious. His 'aw, shucks' demeanor masks a relentless drive to win at all costs which is more alienating than endearing. It's probably why he didn't get the promotion."

Mo: Let's talk about this duet. Was it romantic? Depressing?
Zoey: It was tortured.
Mo: The best duets are.

Zoey: Emily and I aren't really the tightest. She's kind of acerbic. I'm kind of stand-offish.
Mo: You two would be great in a female cop show.

Max: Autumn's coming too but she thought she saw a rainbow in an oil slick outside so she's still absorbing its beauty.

Zoey: I thought you dug [Autumn's] whole adorable flower child-
Mo: Meets young Kristin Chenoweth vibe.

Leif: I don't expect you to understand this, Little Miss Perfect Score on the SAT.
Zoey: What'd you get on the SAT?
Leif: Also a perfect score. Not the point.

Simon: What is all this?
Zoey: It's a grief kit for your dad's birthday if you need it.
Simon: A pillow?
Zoey: To scream into or absorb your tears. You decide. There's also a hammer to bust things up and a package of Oreos to eat your feelings and tequila because tequila. And fair warning - that package of Oreos might not be entirely full.

Zoey: You can breathe a sigh of relief. Your husband's not a cheater. He's just delightfully neurotic. Yay!
Emily: And all his late nights at work?
Zoey: That's just him going out with some guys to blow off steam. Okay, so neurotic and a teeny tiny little bit of a liar.

Joan: That's why I never thought an anonymous peer review was a very good idea. It's too gutless. It's too passive aggressive. I like aggressive aggressive.

Zoey: "Stammers too much. Lacks confidence. Wears too many sweaters over collared shirts." Not sure how that one is quite performance related. "Can't delegate. Tries too hard. I deserved the promotion, not her."

Max: Whoa, what happened to your face?
Zoey: Mo sasy that my pores are screaming out for love and attention so he's making me look like a horror villain.

Zoey: Worst pep talk ever?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Mo: Is this a protractor?

Autumn: You always get the usual.
Max: I do, I do, but this time I'm thinking maybe I switch things up a little bit. Like I've always considered myself a coffee purist when it comes to java consumption but there are so many libations on this menu and it's like is this the day when I try my first chai tea or ooh, an iced latte maybe? I don't know.

Autumn: I'm glad we broke up. You're a self-important arrogant nerd who dresses like a third grader.

Joan: I was invited to [Simon's engagement party] but I have no interest in hanging out with a bunch of twenty somethings talking about artisanal beer all night.
Zoey: In our defense, we also talk about nut milk.

Zoey: Have fun tonight. And eat a pig in a blanket for me. There will be pigs in a blanket, won't there?
Simon: Zoey, this is a classy affair. Of course there'll be pigs in a blanket.

Max: I'm just trying to figure out what to say to Autumn when I go back in there. I broke up with her and she's super angry.
Mo: Is that why she wrote "NO MO" on the side of my cup?
Max: I guess so.
Mo: And you're returning to the scene of the crime because you want to...
Max: Apologize? I don't want her to hate me.
Mo: Let me get this straight. You're coming back to make sure that she's okay with the fact that you're still dumping her.
Max: Yeah, I guess so.
Mo: Straight people.

Joan: When we met, I was the fun one and now [Charlie]'s probably out with models or the daughters of models and somehow I'm boring.

Joan: Hi, Toblerone. What's up, beef stroganoff?
Tobin: Did you just give us nicknames?

Leif: Were you pre-gaming with Joan? I cannot believe the lengths you're willing to go to to get in with our boss.
Zoey: And I cannot believe you're dressed as Shaggy wearing Scooby Doo.

Paul: And that's when we realized that we were all naked!

Zoey: I don't understand why [Jessica] was so upset. I talked to her like twenty minutes ago. What changed all of a sudden?
Mo: Does it matter? If she's singing it, she's feeling it.

Max: Eddie, can I tell you a secret? Not only did Mo design this entire killer outfit but also tailored my suit to perfection.
Eddie: So you're attractive and talented.
Mo: There are so few of us.

[Lovecat]

7 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Joan: Hi, Toblerone. What's up, beef stroganoff?
Tobin: Did you just give us nicknames?

I believe she called him LEIF stroganoff!

[ElectricBoogaloo]

10 hours ago, Lovecat said:

I believe she called him LEIF stroganoff!

Hahaha, that just makes it even better. Joan was right. She IS fun!

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Zoey: Are you crying?
Max: What? I'm not allowed to get a little emotional about a superhero movie?

Max: You need better popcorn because that skinny stuff tastes like buttered sadness.

Tobin: What do you guys think [Joan] did to drive [Charlie] away?
Zoey: Did you ever think that maybe it was Charlie's fault?
Tobiin: Charlie's only fault was making a video game I sat and played for some many hours, I had to get my baby toe amputated.
Max: You did?
Tobin: Two thirds.

Joan: I know the news of my divorce broke today because I had my publicist plant it along with a photo of me in hot riding pants and Charlie in Tevas as a phish concert.

Joan: The chirp is a bluetooth earpiece with a hi res camera. It uses AI and facial recognition technology to gather information on everything the user sees.
Leif: It'll search public and personal databases, filter the results, and then chirp in your ear the exact thing you need to know in real time.
Joan: No more forgetting the name of your coworker's forgettable husband.
Leif: Or wondering what brand of kale chips the man next to you is eating when you're both out bird watching together.
Joan: Okay, we'll work on the examples.

Tobin: Leif, bro, I am so proud of you right now! But why didn't you tell me?
Leif: Sorry, it was all on a need to know basis.
Tobin: That time I got to second base with my third cousin was a need to know basis but I told you about it.

Tobin: Everybody, as you all know, spelliversary is-
Zoey: The day you both celebrate winning the national spelling bee at age eleven.
Max: Yeah, you only tell us about it every year.

Zoey: Leif looked so smug today with his evil little grin and his well tailored pants.

Joan: Now that the news of the divorce is public, I really need to pump the brakes on some of the bad behavior: excessive drinking, buying a ranch in Montana to go with my riding pants - oops.

Joan: Charlie and I only had sex three and a half times last year. How pathetic is that?
Zoey: I'm sorry. I'm stuck on the half.
Joan: When Richard Branson calls, "Time for dinner!" and you're staying at his private island, you stop what you're doing and you go to dinner.

Zoey: I am a mutant. I am the X-Men meets the Voice.

Zoey: Do you think Tobin will like these?
Max: Shots of Goldschläger? Yeah, it's the official drink of douche bros trying to be classy.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Zoey: You really missed out on movie night last night. I am doing a whole deep dive into the Jim Carrey oeuvre. I'm halfway through the high concept comedy phase. I'm slowly working my way towards serious artist territory.
Max: Which movie are you on now?
Zoey: The eternal classic that is Liar Liar.
Max: Maybe when you get past his blue period and he returns to his roots with Dumb & Dumber 2, I'll be ready for movie night.

Tobin: FYI this isn't my fault just because I wrote the entire calendar code.
Zoey: What's not your fault that really sounds like your fault?

Zoey: I heard [Leif] sing I Put a Spell on You - seemed real sketchy. Leif is definitely up to something.
Max: Are we talking like witchcraft or just shameless career advancement?
Zoey: Either way, hooking up with Leif is like kissing a Slytherin.

Leif: The Chirp is a wonderful product and Joan deserves to be rewarded for all her hard work and dedication.
Joan Take it down like 80%.

Howie: Bottom line is never rub your eyes when you're in the middle of a ghost pepper eating contest.

Max: Before you totally freak out, just remember a lot of people sing out loud - small children, waiters on your birthday, me every time I hear that song Africa on the radio.

Joan: Can you schedule your nervous breakdown for later?

Tobin: Oh, what's that? Are you guys talking about how Tobin fixed the glitch? Cause I did it, son. Boom! However, much like in life, in solving one problem, I've now created another. July Fourth is no longer on July Fourth.

Max: I'm sorry I ever doubted your whole powers thing or whatever this is because no person could ever make up what just happened in that room.

Max: What makes this day different from any other day?
Zoey: I'm constantly humiliating myself through song.

Joan: You have me raising my voice like I am a mom at a Target who's telling the kids we don't have time to look at the toys and that's not who I am. I've never even been to Target.

Zoey: You can't be mad at me for singing a song that I didn't mean to sing.
Max: Really? It actually seems like the best reason to be mad at you because when you sing, you're singing the truth.

Tobin: We fixed all the holiday switcheroos on the watch-
Zoey: That's good.
Tobin: Yeah, but now there are these reports of the watch sharing calendar events with everyone on your contact list. For example, I can see on my watch that Max has an appointment on Saturday for something called judo with Sensei Dom.
Max: I'm honestly lucky he fit me in.

Edited May 1, 2020 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Mo: Watch your step. My old thigh master's down there. And my shake weight. And my ab roller. I should really stop watching QVC.

Emily: David and I bought [the air mattress] for a fun camping trip and then we both realized we hate camping and fun.

Emily: I kicked David out of our room three times last week because his feet touched mine.

Zoey: I need to absorb your natural positivity and feed off it like a grumpy vampire.

Howie: Is that duct tape and a popsicle stick?
Zoey: Yeah.
Howie: That's resourceful but useless.

Howie: How'd that happen?
Zoey: I tripped over an exercise device, I tried to break my fall on a taxidermied peacock, but I landed on a disco ball instead.
Howie: Wow, your gym sounds amazing!

Mo: Take a shower. You smell like frozen burritos and Hot Pockets.
Zoey: I did eat both of those things before I destroyed this [microwave].

Zoey: Are we looking for Sather Gate, Sather Hall, or Sather Commons? Who is this Sather guy and exactly how rich was he?

Jessica: I love the vibe in here. How would you desribe it?
Mo: Lady and the Tramp meets Ladybird Johnson meets Lady Marmalade.

Mo: These [albums] were organized by year but I think I'm going to organize them by color. Or should I go crazy and do it by alphabet?

David: Hey, so it's been almost a day. Are you talking to me yet? Because I don't really know what I did exactly.
Emily: Well, you came home last night when I was already asleep, sat down next to me in bed, and said, "Wanna do it?"

Zoey: Since when do you know sign language?
Tobin: Junior year of high school. Teegan Schloss - dopest body in the land, couldn't hear a lick. I taught myself to sign for her. Never sealed the deal but I did fall in love with the expressive physical movements of ASL.
Zoey: You're a man of constant surprises.

Zoey: You know, I think I do actually feel the endorphins kicking it.
Mo: So do I and I don't think I like it.

Zoey: I was hanging out with this super cool girl this morning and you'd think her life would be hard cause she's deaf but she's got it all figured out, and I'm the one sitting there all down in the dumps because I occasionally sing or hear someone sing. What's up with that?
Mo: Ever heard of the term white privilege?

Edited May 1, 2020 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Zoey: I was getting worried. I haven't heard a word from Simon since he got on that elevator with Jessica. I thought maybe she shanked him.
Mo: As Eddie describes it, it was very amicable. The Brits don't scream and yell like we do.
Zoey: It seems like Simon's finally coming up for air. It says here "A new day begins. Looking forward to looking forward."
Mo: That just makes me want to shank him.

Zoey: I thought you said you were going to end it with [Liam].
Joan: We did basically. It's light and casual. He's a millennial. They're apathetic and non-committal.

Joan: I'm feeling the need for one of my inspirational speeches. You guys suck!

Simon: I couldn't find my pasta strainer so I think I'm going to have to use the tennis racket method.
Zoey: Isn't that the best way to serve?

Mo: It is emotionally exhausting watching you bend over backwards and forwards again and again for a man child who is clearly unavailable for anything so no, I am not about to help you unravel this mess.

Leif: Things change. People change. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing a cardigan I wore two years ago.
Joan: But you kept that one?

Edited May 1, 2020 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Maggie: You two are being very dramatic. I have dealt with salespeople before in my life.
Zoey: I guess we'll just forget about the timeshare in Canada.
David: Yeah, or the 20 inch rims and booming sound system you said came with the Volvo.

David: Are you going to write our eulogies for us too?
Dale: Well, actually, we can. If you take a look at the gold deluxe package, we have poets on hand. There's some that are very good at haiku, some dirty limericks which certain families enjoy.

Zoey: Are you really that mad at me that you would be willing to work with your least favorite human being at SPRQ Point?
Max: Okay, first of all, Tobin's my least favorite.

Mo: Would you like a straw? Would that help you drink my wine even faster?
Zoey: I know you're joking, but that would be great.

Mo: I've already planned my funeral in elaborate detail. It is much easier to make these decisions when you're thinking rationally. There's a dress code. Nothing teal, cerulean, or anything with a high neckline. There's going to be a sit down dinner where dessert's going to be served first. And I have pre-recorded five songs that I want played because who else is going to sing it better than me? Nobody! Oh, and bring tissues because I absolutely demolish Hallelujah.
Zoey: It almost sounds fun.
Mo: Oh, no no no no. It won't be. And if any of my friends are caught not sobbing, they got to go.

Zoey: I don't think I've ever seen you in a hoodie before.
Joan: This is made with cashmere yarn spun by Benedictine nuns in Italy. It cost more than all your stock options are worth but if you want to call it a hoodie, sure.

Joan: I hate karaoke more than I hate black light bowling.

Joan: My mom looked like Audrey Hepburn but talked like a college football coach.

Joan: How are things on the sixth floor?
Leif: Rock solid. Ten out of ten on the Mohs' scale which is the standard classification of hardness for minerals. 

Joan: Oh, gawd. There's nothing worse than a human being singing directly into another human being's eyes.

Tobin: I am so pumped right now I think I'm going to take a victory lap.
Joan: Please. We all know your bathroom schedule. We're not fooled.

Joan: This would be a great place to murder someone.
Leif: But that's not what's happening here, right?

Maggie: You must really like pie.
Deb: No, I just have a really terrible time making decisions.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Tobin: Now we've got our own omelette bar! Zoey, I've had three omelettes today. Egg whites only - gotta keep those triglycerides low when your cholesterol's sky high, son!
Zoey: Are you bragging about having high cholesterol?
Tobin: Top two percent for my age, you know it! Purely genetic. Now on all the statins. I am worried. This is how I compensate.

Zoey: Ava fired Max? Why did she do that?
Joan: I don't know. I'm guessing it's not because he did too good a job.

Emily: David, did you know there's something called a nipple shield? Could be a game changer. For my nipples!

Danny: I find you charming and disturbing, like a Pomeranian wearing a tutu.
Zoey: Thank you?

Danny: Tony, have them make me an omelette, hold the eggs.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Mo: Put on something bright and uplifting because this all black thing-
Zoey: Doesn't work for me, does it?
Mo: No, honey. You look like a sad Emma Stone Halloween costume.

Max: It's a shield with a musical note on it. I had them reverse the note so it looks a little bit more like a Z. I just thought after everything, you'd want a little extra strength to shield you from the world when you need it.
Zoey: Please tell me you bought this from a magical antique dealer in Chinatown.
Max: I actually did so whatever you do, do not get it wet. Seriously.
Zoey: I won't.
[Zoey puts on ring]
Zoey: Am I invisible now?
Max: No.
Zoey: Okay, maybe it can shield me from bullets. Pew! Pew pew pew pew!

Zoey: I just needed time to process everything that's happened in the past year.
Max: And have you come to any profound conclusions?
Zoey: Life's not fair. Nothing makes sense. There's no meaning to any of it. What about you? Did unemployment offer you any clarity?

Joan: This is jumping in the deep end during a raging fire while vultures circle your head and just hoping that you don't drown or get burned or have your head pecked to death.

Mo: So your powers are back. You're interesting again!

Zoey: Joan offered me this massive promotion. Suddenly you and Max and Simon are besties. Both of those men are practically throwing themselves at me and I'm just now sure that I'm ready for any of it.
Mo: Let me offer you a bit of perspective. As tough as it is to lose your father, you're going through what I like to call champagne problems. "I don't know, should I take the new promotion?" I don't know where my next paycheck is coming from. "Which boy should I choose? The handsome one or the more handsome one?"
Zoey: Which one is the more handsome one?
Mo: I'm not telling you which.

Joan: I like your sweater. It’s cute that you shop at etsy. 

Mo: Now's not a good time.
Max: Are you welding?
Mo: No, I'm making crème brûlées for a marginal friend's housewarming party. I'm at the crucial time when I have to start brûléeing before everything gets ruined.

Mo: What about your great unicorn business idea?
Max: Well, they're called unicorns because they don't exist.
Mo: No, they're called unicorns cause they have one horn.

Mo: Fine, we can discuss it but only after I finish.
Max: Don't worry. I'll totally stay out of your way.
Mo: Stay out of my way? You're helping. Come on. I made 200 of them.
Max: Two hundred?! Can I have one?
Mo: No.

Zoey: I decided I'm taking over the entire fourth floor.
Leif: I didn't know that was an option.
Zoey: It was. And it is. So I'm doing it, which means you will be manager of engineering all by yourself, no co-anything.
Leif: That's great.
Zoey: It also means I'll still be your boss, just with more power and oversight.
Leif: Also great.
Zoey: I think so too.

Edited January 6, 2021 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Zoey: Hi, Danny Michael Davis. What a surprise! You look great. House arrest really becomes you.

Danny: Get out, Tobin.
Tobin: What?
Danny: No, sorry, Zoey. I advise you to kick Tobin out.

Jenna: After moving from Santa Fe to Seattle and like struggling to find my way in the body art movement which is like surprisingly political, I finally found a great life coach who got me to like such a good place mentally that we started dating.

Yasmeen: I don't think I've ever been in the elevator with three other female programmers before. We must be breaking some sort of record.

Zoey: Can we have a makeover night?
Mo: Finally! Wanted to do a makeover on u 4ever but it always felt offensive if I suggested it!

Simon: SPRQ Point is really cutting corners. Note the disproportionate amount of chocolate coconut [protein bars]. You know they got those on discount.

Maggie: What would make [Emily's] life better right now?
Jenna: A really long vacation. A Swedish massage by two Swedish men. Copious amounts of illicit drugs.
Maggie: All good suggestions.

Zoey: Dust off your slim fitting chinos and keep moving forward.
Leif: They're a skinny cut taper.

Mo: You took advantage of makeover night, the most sacred of all nights, and because of that, there is no recovery so get out. Girl, I don't care that you look like Rafiki. Get out!

Zoey: What if I let you do a full head to toe makeover on me later? I won't say a word the entire time and you can have your way with me.
Mo: Can I burn all your sweaters?

Leif: They invented a new game called Cranberry Leif. It's just where they just throw dried cranberries at me.
Zoey: If you'll remember, they used to play Snowy on Zoey with packing peanuts.

Max: Did you make that swan yourself?
Zoey: I might have gone to origami camp in middle school.

Tobin: I don't get it. Why do these brogrammers look like girls?

Yasmeen: I don't know about extreme marker jousting, but I'm down to play nut punch.

Edited January 13, 2021 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Max: Did you have a bad dream? Because we could stop watching documentaries on serial killers before bed.

Max: What level bad dreams are we talking here? Falling out of the sky? Chased by wolves? Forgetting all the lines to your one act play? That one might be mine.

Emily: It feels wrong to be mad at a baby, but who waits until daylight to finally fall asleep?

Jenna: Hello, Miles. Are you still asleep because your room is so boring?
Emily: What do you mean? It's cute.
Jenna: There is nothing on the walls. It's like a prison for babies.
David: I guess we've been too busy keeping another human being alive to worry about home decor.

Jenna: I'm going to get some coffee. I only got like a light nine hours of sleep last night.

Zoey: Reducing stress is a little tricky since I've taken over the fourth floor and have ten times the responsibility now.
Simon: Have you not discovered the absolute joy of being in charge yet? Just give half of your responsibilities to other people. Take the important stuff for yourself. Give away the rest.

Mo: Fine, rent it. But know that I'm going to have to tear down walls, build up walls, chopper in a water fountain, rethink these roofs, tear up the floor, and put in a shark tank. Or do we want to do octopus?

Maggie: You were right.
Roger: My favorite words.

[D Angel]

Best line of the series:

Mo (about Simon): Hurt people hurt people.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Tobin: Zoey, your ensemble's looking extra on point today.
Zoey: Thank you, Tobin. That didn't sound at all calculated or timed.
Tobin: I'm just a boy standing in front of a girl telling her she pulled off houndstooth.
Zoey: Tobin, you're not fired.
Tobin: Yes!
Zoey: Or maybe you are.
Tobin: What?!

Mo: For the menu, we need a font that suggests whimsy but not too much bravado.
Max: Okay. What about Cambria?
Mo: Don't ever say that again.

Mo: We're doing a cleanse tonight. I need to call my crystal guy. And I need to find some owl feathers.
Max: I'll just be here doing the non-feather related work.

Fired woman: Everyone expenses Pilates.

Mo: From this moment forward, may this eatery have the financial success of Beyoncé, the staying power of Beyoncé, and the grace to weather the storm like Kelly and Solange.

Zoey: I'm trying to choose happiness but it's impossible so instead I'm choosing drinking.

Jenna: Whoa, what is going on next door?
Maggie: It's the neighbor's kid. He just move back home and apparently is using his liberal arts degree to start a garage band.

Jenna: Never have I ever spent a night in jail.
Maggie: I was protesting. It's called free speech for a reason. And I was naked.

[shapeshifter]

On 1/28/2021 at 5:20 AM, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Jenna: Never have I ever spent a night in jail.
Maggie: I was protesting. It's called free speech for a reason. And I was naked.

I'm Maggie's age and *so* glad we didn't get arrested when protesting naked!

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Zoey: Okay, so you graduated from college and then you did the whole backpacking through Thailand thing.
Aiden: Yeah, it was incredible to immerse myself in such an ancient culture.
Zoey: Oh, you mean like visiting the grand palace and going to all those Buddhist temples?
Aiden: I don't know about that. I mostly did shrooms on the beach.

Mo: What's with the casual wear? It's not casual Friday or giving up on the world Wednesday.

Mo: I treat my apartment like a Starbucks. I decorate every season and I kick men out when they've stayed too long.

Max: I can't wait for [my father] to tell me everything I'm doing wrong with my life and how I should have just gone to dental school and joined the family practice.
Mo: There's still time.

Zoey: I also made a list of rebellious things for us to do.
Mo: Oh, because nothing screams rebel more than a thorough to-do list.

Danny: In regular prison, you just want to go home but when your home is a prison, where do you go then?
Simon: The infinity pool.
Danny: No, you can't, not with an ankle bracelet. Now I know how Nelson Mandela felt.

Danny: [The Chirp] is having trouble with facial recognition. Specifically, its error rate with people of color is ten times higher than with white users.
Simon: So, wait, it can't see people of color?
Danny: It can. Just very, very poorly.

Zoey: Item 1 - go strawberry picking without sunscreen. Item 2 - head to the wharf, snag a couple bread bowls, then eat the bread first.

Zoey: Drugs? Is that drugs? You want to do drugs?
Aiden: You don't have to whisper. There are no cops here. Unless you're a cop, in which case you are legally required to tell me.

Zoey: Who sold you those drugs? They're a reputable drug dealer?
Aiden: Yes.
Zoey: And the drugs themselves - they're not laced with angel dust. Or are they angel dust? What is angel dust?

Mo: Hi, Simon. If you're calling because you have an extra hundred grand laying around, that'd be perfect timing.

Zoey: She cared too much about my dad. We all did. And none of that changed anything. All it led to was a bunch of people being devastated. That's the price of caring.
Danny: Caring is exhausting.

Danny: I'm talking about SPRQ Point. It's all I've ever cared about. And what did it get me? Endless pressure to innovate, a board I have to answer to 24 hours a day, and an ankle completely stripped of hair.
Zoey: Can I touch it?
Danny: Of course you can touch it.
Zoey: It's like a dolphin.

Aiden: According to this, you can live for about a month on popsicles. Who's in?

Tatiana: Shocking that a corporation with not a single person of color on its board would use a Black person as their shield.
Mo: That is what they do. I went to summer camp for one afternoon when I was nine and I'm still on the brochure.

[Trini]

Max: "I don't know, do we really want to start our company with guilt money?"
Mo: "It's better than no money!"

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Tobin: Racism's wack, yo!

Danny: I'm glad you included IAP. And I definitely know what that means.

Danny: I commissioned [Kehinde Wiley] to paint my portrait but then I got bumped by Obama. I let him use the canvas that Kehinde was going to use for me so, in a sense, it's our portrait.

Danny: Let's just cut to the chase. What kind of investment are we talking about here? Two million? Five million?
Max: Oh, no. 150.
Danny: Million?
Max: No.
Mo: Yes.
Max:  Thousand.

Leif: Did you get any of my texts or that edible arrangement I sent? I just feel terrible about getting you fired.
Max: Weirdly, not as bad as I felt.

Leif: I actually don't hate this. Decent layout, sexy banner. Did you do all this yourself?
Max: Yeah. It turns out when I'm not constantly being judged by my peers, I have a smidge of talent in this arena.

Mo: I know you're not asking your black friend how to talk to your other black friend.

Mo: You rely far too much on me to do your emotional heavy lifting and it's exhausting.

Danny: Did I invent racism? Or insider trading? Or trying to create a monopoly or selling thousands of shares of a company because I knew it was going to go down?

Danny: My therapist actually advised me not to look inward anymore.

Max: Mackenzie, I feel both flattered and objectified.

Tobin: If this is about the burned spot on the ceiling, it was a trick I saw Criss Angel do and Mackenzie dared me so I had to.

Zoey: It must be tough making yourself the butt of the joke,
Tobin: Not really. Most humor comes from personal experience. At least that's what me and Dave Chappelle believe.

Tobin: I don't really fit in anywhere.
Zoey: You fit in here.
Tobin: At SPRQ Point? Are you kidding me? Do you know how shocked people in other departments are when they meet me and I don't have an accent or I'm not the guy delivering their shawarma? It happens all the time.
Zoey: You should say something.
Tobin: To who? HR? Danny Michael Davis? What am I going to say? "People are treating me like an Indian guy"?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Aiden: I think there's something wrong with your shirt, mate.
David: It's baby puke, isn't it?
Aiden: It's also inside out and backwards.

David: Not to brag, but [my college band] actually self-released an album. Sam Goody carried it for like a minute.

Mo: That was my mo-lotov cocktail. It's a pun because my name is Mo. And it was on fire.
Haskins: I understand how puns work.

Haskins: Are those chenille drapes?
Mo: Omigawd, yes, thank you so much for noticing. They were really worth the splurge.
Haskins: They're also a [fire code] violation.
Mo: But they're so-
Haskins: Luxurious and shimmery. Believe me, I get the appeal.

Zoey: Would you like to come with me to see a meteor shower tonight? I saw your screensaver - Apollo 13. Are you into the cosmos?
McKenzie: No, I'm into Kevin Bacon.

Tobin: We're part of an ax throwing team, Bros Who Throw.

Leif: PB and J sandwiches with the crust cut off and orange soda. Is this a picnic for a 5 year old?

Tobin: Where are we going? This is mad spooky. This reminds me of this old documentary I saw called the Blair Witch Project.

Leif: Zoey, we're definitely going the wrong way.
Tobin: This is exactly how most horror movies start.

Tobin: Siri, is Blair Witch real?

Haskins: You can't have permanent extension cords taped to the floor, the installations in the ceiling are too close to the sprinklers, and this one probably feels like I'm stating the obvious but you cannot bejewel an exit sign.
Mo: It is not bejeweled. It is bedazzled.

Mo: Try that again but this time act like you care.

Mo: What song was it?
Zoey: I don't know. Something something love.
Mo: So every song ever written?

Mo: Didn't someone videotape [the meteor shower]? Isn't there some nerdatorium you can go view it at?

Leif: We decided to go to Marlowe B's, which is like the apex of molecular gastronomy.
Zoey: Isn't that the place with the nitrogen infused foam burger?
Leif: Yeah, you eat it with a straw.

Max: Rosanna Williams?
Rose: It's just Rose now.
Max: Omigawd, what are you doing here? You live in New York, right?
Rose: How do you know that? You keeping tabs?
Max: Well, Instagram keeps tabs, and I have an obsessive need to know what everyone I've ever known is doing with their life. But how are you? What's it been? Like, ten years?
Rose: Since that camp reunion.
Max: Yeah, and you're an art...person.
Rose: Curator is the word that I think you're looking for, but art person has a nice ring to it. I saw your post about the opening, and I'm in town for work, so I stopped by with some friends.
Max: So does that mean you're keeping tabs too?
Rose: I prefer the term stalking.

Aiden: Is there anything in particular you want to play?
David: I can play lots of stuff. Pop, ska, anything from "Now That's What I Call Music," volumes 11 through 18. And also some of 19.

McKenzie: Tobin, what douchey cocktail can I buy you?
Tobin: Hot toddy and a cup of cherries.

Tobin: Hey, bud. You all right?
Leif: Not really. Kaia was just using me to get a job.
McKenzie: Oh, man. There are so many more important people than you she could've used.

Haskins: This is Saint Florian, patron saint of firefighters and chimney sweeps and soap makers and Austria. It's kind of a catch-all saint.

Edited March 30, 2021 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Maggie: I'm sure [Mitch] would be setting up the fireworks display and hiring a marching band.
Zoey: Putting a jumpy castle up in the backyard.
David: Yeah, that was the best 21st birthday a boy could ever ask for.

David: How do you plan on filling this place? It's a pretty big house and don't you have like six friends?

Rose: So I thought I was getting on the 580 but I was getting on the 280 so then I ended up on the wrong side of the Bay Bridge and then this really nice hippie gave me directions and this worry stone.

Zoey: I don't know what the worst part was - how they sang together or how they dance together or how Max looked at her when they were singing and dancing together.
Mo: I get it. I hate when I see white people dance too.

Max: Ooh, hummus and baby carrots. I brought some ginger ale, whiskey, and chamomile tea because your "let's have a mature conversation about our relationship" text kind of threw me a little.

Zoey: I'm trying to be mature and be honest with you about what I'm feeling.
Max: Saying the word "mature" doesn't suddenly make you more mature.
Zoey: Well, raising your voice doesn't suddenly mean that you're right.

Tobin: I can't promise that a bunch of hot single ladies aren't going to show up at your mom's.

Zoey: "A Moment Like This"? Max, it's our song.
Max: Well, I would say it's America's song.

Mo: Did we sing? What did we sing? Luther? Stevie? Chaka?

Zoey: Why haven't you Tinder ladies shown up yet?
McKenzie: Probably because they're Russian bots.
Tobin: You're a Russian bot.

Mo: I don't think I've ever dated a divorced guy before.
Perry: Turns out this is the flip side of marriage equality.
Mo: So what are you picking up from your ex?
Perry: Just my kids.
Mo: As in little baby goats?

Aiden: Good luck finding another Australian boyfriend who plays the guitar and has this hair.

Emily: I still don't understand how you didn't realize it was a creepy lust anthem about your sister.
David: I thought the girl's name was Ginger, okay?

Mo: So what's on tap for the big 3-O?
Zoey: I was thinking about going back to bed.
Mo: That's what happens when you're old.

Edited April 5, 2021 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Simon: There's still so much more we have to learn. I mean, there must be a million things we don't know about each other.
Zoey: There are?
Simon: Well, I bet you didn't know that I am a part of an elite weekly woodworking club.
Zoey: Like sawing and hammering and making wood stuff?
Simon: In an elite way.

Zoey: Can I borrow Dad's fancy watch for the day? The medium requires a personal object to connect to the other side.
Maggie: Oh, yeah, sure. Just don't read the inscription on the back. It's kind of an inside and dirty joke. Do you want to grab a plate, sweetie?
Zoey: No, Mo's actually waiting for me and, you know, maybe so is dad.
David: Well, yeah. He's probably hanging out with Elvis and Larry King.
Zoey: This was a gift so I don't know how this is going to go but if anyone has a question for dad, let me know.
David: Ask him how he feels about me quitting my job and if he still loves me.
Maggie: You can tell him that I miss him every single day, and, um, if you could find out what he did with that rice cooker, I need it for a dinner party thing.
Emily: Maybe ask the psychic if I'll ever feel joy again.

Zoey: This is the psychic? Is she going to read my mind or is she going to knit me a sweater?
Mo: She's done both for me, but she's not a psychic. She prefers the term intuitive.

Mo: You will see a do not disturb sign on my door later this evening that I stole from the Ritz Carlton. Perry and I are having our first sleepover.
Zoey: Ooh, are you going to build a fort?
Mo: Don't do that. But I am gonna go sit over there right now and watch a marathon of Law & Order: SVU.

Zoey: I think my powers are malfunctioning again.
Mo: Malfunctioning how? You only hear jazz. Ooh, you only hear animals. You only hear animals singing jazz.

Zoey: I heard Max sing this heartbreaking, super sad heart song. Like his soul was breaking. But he swears he's fine, and actually, I mean, he did seem fine.
Mo: Well, as Detective Olivia Benson would say, "He's lying!" That wasn't worth it. I spilled my coffee everywhere and on me.
Zoey: What if he's not lying, though? Is the universe messing with me? I mean, the songs have never been wrong before.
Mo: Honestly, as Olivia would also say, the easiest solution is always the right one. Sounds like to me that you need to interrogate the suspect and get him to sing again. I need my own cop show.

Max: We had a really awesome night. I won [Rose] an inflatable bear, we got our faces painted, then we got stuck on the ferris wheel and I learned a really dark secret about her. She's a giant fan of Blake Shelton. I know. I'm still processing it.

Zoey: All I have to do is figure out who sang the mystery song - the sad one and the country one - and then the switch is over.
Mo: And how are you going to do that?
Zoey: Harass everyone I know until they burst into a musical number.

Mo: I like to use this [crime board] when I want to solve crime mystery murders. On this side, you have all the M's in your life - Maggie, Mitch, Me, Max, little baby Miles, Mackenzie. On this side, everyone that you've encountered lately. Post-it notes - songs.
Zoey: Hot delivery guy?
Mo: It could be anyone, Zoey. Even hot people.

Zoey: That would mean that Max's actual heart song is "What Does the Fox Say?" and that would mean he is a crazy person.

Mo: Do you want me to follow [Rose]? I have a Burberry trench coat that I have been dying to wear.

Zoey: We walk in, talk to Rose, hopefully get her to sing, get out, and then I go meet Simon for a good old fashion woodworking date.
Mo: I'm starting to realize you don't know what dates are.

Max: There's a lot of cool reconstituted old tech here, but you might want to avoid the Furby autopsy room in the back. I didn't need to see that.

Zoey: Wait, why would Rose have a heart song about drinking too much?
Mo: Cause she secretly drinks too much? Probably killed a person, spent some time in jail.

Perry: I tried to tell Mo that, but-
Zoey: Oh, yeah, well, he can be a little door slammy sometimes.

Zoey: Here are some things you should know about me. One, I never returned a library book in eighth grade and I still feel really guilty about it. Two, I wear a mouth guard to sleep but I don't when you come over cause I want to look cute. And, um, the main secret that I have been keeping from you, if you want to call it that is, um, I had some trust issues with my college boyfriend and I thought he was cheating on me and he kept denying it, so I, um, hacked into his email. I also knifed his tires. One tire. It was also a bike tire. I kind of just really poked it but it did lose a lot of air over time.

Zoey: You don't have to only hang out with your couple friends, especially if it makes you feel bad. 
Maggie: I know. It's true. I don't. I can go out at night downtown on my own.
Mo: I going to get you some mace or a taser just in case.

Zoey: Do you have a case of fizzy water in the back?
Max: Yeah, of course I do, though nobody over seven calls it that.

Nova: So let me get this straight, the only way that you can identify a sad person is if they stand in front of you singing a sad song spelling out how sad they are?
Zoey: Kind of.
Nova: Despite my incredible abilities, I don't get all my info from the spirits. A lot of it is connecting with people, looking around, reading between the lines.
Zoey: I thought I was doing that. You don't think so? You think I'm relying on the songs too much, needing everybody to telegraph what they're feeling with capital letters and jazz hands.

Zoey: [Emily] has been reaching out to me all week, but I wasn't paying attention, because... she wasn't singing a song directly in my face.
Nova: So what you're saying is that ignoring her is what triggered the song switching so this whole thing has been your fault from the very beginning. 
Zoey: I would have said it nicer myself, but-
Nova: Zoey, I have been doing this a little longer than you, okay? So here's what I know. We can't just rely on our gifts. Sometimes the thing you need to see is going to be right in front of you, and all you have to do is open your eyes.

Edited April 12, 2021 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Rose: Ooh hey, the iHeartRadio hologram tour is coming to town. Are you in?
Max: It depends. Are Kurt Cobain and Bowie doing a collab?

Rose: None of this. No sad face. It is fine. We just have to make the most of the time while I'm here.
Max: Yeah, absolutely. I love pre-scheduling my break ups.

Max: Sorry, sir, no socks and flip flops in the establishment. What? I'm casual, not a monster.

Deb: I'm so glad you called. I haven't seen you since the funeral and I thought you'd given up on the world and learned how to make candles and shampoo.

Zoey: You and I, we're a good team, right? We always found the hiding place for [mom's] Christmas presents.
David: Damn right. There were no surprises under that tree. We ruined every single Christmas.

Perry: I think the cinnamon mo-caroons go best with the mochaccino, but is it really wise to name everything on the special morning menu after you?
Mo: I didn't name the mochaccino. That's just what they're called.

Mo: I wanted to foster a puppy to prove that I could keep something alive but there was a waitlist so I got a hamster.
Perry: You got a hamster?
Mo: Jon Hammster. Keep your voice down. He's sleeping. We got into a fight earlier and he's a little angry at me.

Simon: Why are you googling the cerebral cortex at 8am on a Saturday?

Zoey: I'm not a professional but I do know how to read so I am reading.

Zoey: Well, well, well, Perry's leaving his clothes here now. Looks like things are heating up with the fireman.
Mo: First of all, calm down and have some respect. He's a fire marshal. Second of all, Perry has the kids tonight and you know he's not letting me anywhere near them so I'm stuck at home with two straight men and a surly hamster.

Zoey: [Emily] needs me.
Mo: Well, sweetie, what do you need?
Zoey: Me? I don't need anything. I'm fine.
Mo: Honey, your cuticles are screaming at me, telling me a whole nother story.

Zoey: Gooooo... whatever team Simon's rooting for! Whoo!

Max: Hey, sorry I'm late. I dropped a couple beers down the stairs but if we wait three to four hours, the fizz will settle down so fingers crossed for overtime.
Zoey: Hey, no Rose tonight?
Max: Nope. She is her own person, I'm my own person and that's how we keep things cool and casual.
Mo: She was busy tonight, wasn't she?
Max: Yeah, she had a thing and she couldn't get a plus one.

Zoey: If anyone is in pain in any way, maybe do a little check in at intermission. There's an intermission in this sport?

Fred: What's your name and where you from?
Maggie: I'm Savannah...from...Savannah. Savannah from Savannah.

Emily: Thanks for doing this with me. My friends are either all about work or all about their own babies so you are the perfect single childless partner for tonight.

Zoey: I can't believe the bouncer let you in with that bag. It's like you snuck Miles into your purse.
Emily: It's my breast pump so I can pump and dump until the sunrise.

Simon: Want to take a trip up to Sausalito, be the only interracial couple?

Rose: What is this thing that you have for me? A lanyard?
Max: When we were in camp, I was too scared to give that to you and then you ended up at the end of summer dance with Ryan Hartman of all people instead of me.
Rose: Yeah, sorry. Ryan did wear ribbed tank tops and smelled like Armani Exchange cologne so you never really did stand a chance.

Edited April 19, 2021 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Dr. Tesoro: Is there any area of your life that you feel that you can put more energy into?
Zoey: Simon. Definitely Simon. Yeah, I have been not so awesome to him lately.
Tesoro: Okay. Do you think working on things with him is a manageable goal until our next session?
Zoey: Absolutely. Yep, I'm gonna show Simon that I can be the best girlfriend in the entire world.
Tesoro: Or you could just aim for better.

Tobin: Bro, I thought we were bros, bro.

Deb: And someone on a screen yells at you as you do it?
Maggie: Yeah, but in, like, a supportive way.
Deb: I think I'm gonna get one of these. I hate bike riding but I do enjoy getting yelled at.

Rose: Max and I are doing the Bay to Breakers this weekend. Do you guys want to come?
Zoey: You want us both to run? Like, with our feet?

Rose: You must be Prince.
Simon: I mean, when you own a purple jacket like this, it's either that or a Victorian vampire.
Rose: And you, Zoey, you are...Punky Brewster?
Max: Garbage?

Rose: So you and Jessica broke it off after your engagement party was literally engulfed in flames, which, as signs from God go, pretty unambiguous.
Zoey: Oh, a sign from God or just, like, an accident-prone redhead.

Zoey: Oh, my gosh, fruit salad, I love you. Not you, honeydew.
Honeydew: That's really hurtful

Mo: What is she, the movie Twister? The inside of a Roomba?
Zoey: Oh, no, no, I'm static electricity.
Brad: She's existential dread. She is the human embodiment of sadness and solitude. She is Little Edie from "Grey Gardens."

Maggie: What is going on, Deb? Are you spying on me?
Deb: No, I just have a theory that people that frequent casinos are either world poker champions or they're trying to feel something again and it's leading them down a very, very dark path.
Maggie: Well, I don't think I fall into either of those categories and, you know, if I want to go to a casino in broad daylight, or I want to eat pizza for breakfast, or I want to mow my lawn in a spacesuit, who is to say I can't?

Rose: Zoey, listen, I'm sorry if I overstepped earlier. New Yorkers don't really have filters. It's one of the things that makes the East Coast the best coast.
Simon: Stop, excuse me, no. The West Coast runs circles around the East Coast every time. Sunny weather all year round.
Rose: Uh, you mean no seasons? Hard pass.
Simon: All right, we got a lock on burritos.
Rose: Bagels.
Simon: Beaches.
Rose: Brooklyn.
Zoey: I personally like the West Coast because we have the world's biggest artichoke.

Zoey: Did you know that Max is thinking about leaving for New York?
Mo: Yeah, the pop-up thing?
Zoey: And how do you feel about him abandoning you like that?
Mo: Listen, I am all for it. If he wants to franchise, that means I am one step closer to becoming a mogul.

Zoey: I am focusing on Simon, who looks superhot in his Prince costume, BTW.
Mo: Prince? Brad and I thought he was Grimace.

Leif: Should we grab arms and jump up and down right now?
Tobin: I think we should.

Brad: We like the same movies, the same books, our Hemsworths are ranked in the same order.

Rose: I offered him some of my pho.
Simon: It's a bowl of soup, Rose. We might as well be sharing a toothbrush.

Rose: You know who does have the best pho? And this should show you how objective I can be. San Francisco.
Simon: Well, then I must say that you also have the best, um, Special Victims Unit.

Mo: I am so excited to show you this telenovela. The drama is on point and there is a woman with an actual eye patch.

 

 

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Zoey: Do you ever have those mornings where you wake up and everything just feels right in the world?
David: You've clearly never defended a woman who went to jail for stealing baby formula. What is with that suit?
Zoey: It's a big day so I figured, you know, why not dress to impress? Oh, and this beauty's got it all - outside pockets, inside pockets, pockets in pockets.
Maggie: I think you look great.
David: Or like a congresswoman from Nebraska.

Mitch: It's not every day your parents are centerfolds.
Zoey: Before I look, this is a landscaping magazine, right?
Mitch: Hold on a second. Did they make my eyebrows look bigger?

David: Off to Monterey with my lady and not to brag, but I did score a pretty sick Groupon that, fingers crossed, also grants us access to the aquarium.
Zoey: Ugh, I want to make fun of you but I love that aquarium.

Leif: Yeah, before this, I was a software engineer over at JPL so if you want, I can hook you up with some pretty cool NASA swag.
Zoey: Wow, you were at JPL? Uh, did you work on the InSight mission?
Leif: I did... get CC'd on a few emails about that, so, yeah, basically.
Zoey: So cool. I'm Zoey, by the way.
Leif: Oh, Leif. Pronounced, but not spelled like the principal lateral appendage on the vascular plant stem.

Zoey: Oh, wow, look at this place. Sprqpoint has everything - full dental and indoor ball pits.
Max: Uh, so does McDonald's. They actually paid for my college roommate's Invisalign.

Max: Wow, milk first, huh? You know that's a classic psychopath move?

Zoey: Oh, Leif, hey. Do you want to be partners?
Leif: Yes.
Tobin: Um, actually, I think he's gonna team up with Amber here. She interned at Tesla.
Zoey: Okay, if Amber's so great, no offense, how come Tesla didn't offer her a permanent position?
Amber: They did, but I didn't want to live in Uncle Elon's shadow.

Max: Elon's niece and Legolas are just finishing up, and I guess they swapped hairstyles?

Edited May 10, 2021 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Mo: Girl, why are you whispering?
Zoey: Because it makes things less scary that way?

Zoey: Simon's great. It's just not working. But the last thing I want to do is hurt him.
Mo: Well, then, honey, you can completely avoid it and let that fester. That's healthy.

Zoey: How many Perry texts have you not responded to?
Mo: I've responded to all of them. Even the one he just sent.
Zoey: Oh, what did you say?
Mo: New phone, who dis?

Zoey: Are you okay, Danny Michael Davis?
Danny: Yeah, yeah, sorry, I'm just a little tired from giving these special guided tours through Presidio Park at midnight while people are on ayahuasca.

Tobin: We have an announcement to make. In accordance with the Sprqpoint employee handbook, Mackenzie and I have notified HR in writing that we're officially together. And by together, I mean that if you find us in the stairwell doing our thing, keep walking, bro, cause we legal.

Simon: I feel like you know everything about me, Zoey, and there's a piece of you that I can't know. Or that you won't let me know.
Zoey: I'm sorry. I've been trying.
Simon: Maybe that's part of the problem, right? You shouldn't have to try so hard.

David: Hey, so, which one of these [shirts] screams "hip guy at a cool downtown restaurant party" to you?
Emily: I can barely tell them apart.

Maggie: I hadn't gotten onto my Facebook page for like, months, and my high school boyfriend, Eric Shepard, he wrote me this really sweet note and I wrote him back, and now we're texting.
Emily: Aw, that's nice.
David: Mom, Mom, Mom, no, no, no. You gotta be more careful. Seriously, anyone can claim to be anyone on the internet. Maybe it's Eric Shepard, maybe it's the Sonoma Strangler. We don't know.
Emily: Is that even a serial killer?
David: Sounds like one, doesn't it?

Perry: You haven't responded to my calls, or emails, or texts.
Mo: Oh, so that Gayle King eye roll GIF I sent wasn't clear enough for you?

Danny: I hate to be that CEO, but you didn't get the job over Max. I offered it to him and then he turned it down cause he said that you deserved it more so I gave it to you.
Zoey: What? No. That's not what happened.
Danny: Now you're just making it awkward. I was there and I chose him. Uh, I'm gonna get some more eggrolls and a burrito and maybe, like, one of the muffins.

Zoey: The past couple months have been rough. And my powers make everything worse. I just feel alone, being the only one out there with this gift.
Mitch: I would think at this point your powers would be doing the exact opposite.
Zoey: Opposite how?
Mitch: Showing that everybody has fears and vulnerabilities and struggles. Isn't there some comfort in that?

Mitch: This is a terrible chair.

Zoey: Good morning. Perry, you're here. Yay.
Mo: Don't give me that look. You've got kids, I got her. Get used to it.

Zoey: My dad visited me in my dream last night and I have got to stop being in my head all the time. And I have to learn how to live more and not be afraid to take risks.
Mo: I've been trying to tell you that for forever. I'm so happy that your father could do that in one sleep session.

Zoey: I need to tell Max how I feel before he leaves.
Mo: Oh, so we're going there.
Zoey: We are going there, because if I don't say something, I might regret it for the rest of my life. And I texted him, but he hasn't responded. Do you know what time their flight is?
Mo: In about two hours. They're probably getting an Uber now.
Zoey: Okay, so that means
Mo: We're going to the airport to stop them?
Zoey: Oh, you don't have to come with me.
Mo: What? Are you kidding me? I've been through all that other nonsense with you. I'm not missing the best part.

Maggie: I should be banned from social media. Will you please ban me?
Emily: Oh, I don't think it works that way.

Maggie: Wait, who are you and what have you done with the real Emily?
Emily: It turns out because of these happy pills the psychiatrist gave me, I suddenly have these things called hope and optimism. It's uncomfortable.

Zoey: How are we going to do this? Bomb threat? Drive onto the tarmac? Oh, are we gonna stuff some drugs into Rose's backpack?
Mo: I know we did not drive all the way here without a plan.
Zoey: Since when did we have time for a plan?

Zoey: Why did you summon us here?
David: You're selling the house, aren't you? Please don't. We'll take it. We'll sublet Zoey's room. All that rent can be yours tax free.

Max: You know, you could keep trying, but that [ring]'s never actually going to make you invisible.