Muffyn

Some people very much want to have children. It is true that Jazz cannot bear a child; neither can Hope. Unlike on so many TV shows where grown adults marry but somehow never discuss whether or not they want and/or can bear children prior to getting married, in real life most people do have some kind of discussion about it. So I agree there are men who would not be interested in a serious relationship based on their inability to have children. They also might not be interested in a cisgender woman who cannot have children. I am personally uncomfortable with so much emphasis on whether the vagina was there when a girl was born or created later. Certainly there are heterosexual men who would not consider having sex or having a long term relationship with a transgender woman. There are also many men who fetishize them. And there are heterosexual men for whom whether a woman is cisgender or transgender is irrelevant. I'm not sure I would categorize any of these groups as more normal than another. There are also more people not categorizing their sexuality so strictly, with an increase of folks identifying as pansexual, demisexual, queer, etc. However, it is much harder for trans folks to date. Everyone on the show seems to be acknowledging that. And, as we know, Sander is the straightest straight man ever. Sander is so straight he has trouble getting into a chair because his straightness doesn't bend. He's so straight his vision automatically blurs when he's in the locker room so that he cannot see other men naked. He's so straight he has GOOP vagina candles so he can enjoy the aroma of Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina all night long.

Jazz shows no signs of a receding hairline. The wigs seem to be her having a bit of fun and trying a new look. She is neither the first nor the last woman to do so. She looked cute in some of the wigs. As far as Sander's interest in transgender women, Sander is desperate to be on TV, so this is a storyline he has chosen. The show is supposed to be about a transgender woman (although Jazz seems to be more of a supporting character this season). Whether Sander is actually attracted to Hope or any other transgender woman, to me, it in no way whatsoever answers whether or not any other cisgender heterosexual man is or is not attracted to any specific woman or to transgender women in general. People are people, not categories. Even on the various reality shows and documentaries that include transgender folks, I have seen all kinds of combinations of couples: trans/cis, heterosexual/homosexual/pansexual . . . . I know happy, long term couples with heterosexual men and transgender women. I also know several cis/trans lesbian couples. If this were reality and not reality TV, Sander would figure out if he really has a connection with Hope off camera. Then they could determine whether or not things will be workable for them sexually. Regardless of any concerns related to the genitalia that either partner has, people have been meeting, getting to know each other, and figuring out if they are interested in something further for a very long time. They do not typically do it on camera with obnoxious people there to grill them on whether or not they plan to have another date.

All reality shows are scripted to a large extent now. For example Luann decides to talk about her past behavior and alcohol use with her daughter while the film crew is there. Also, the editors choose what to show to create what they believe will be a compelling storyline. This season, partly due to Covid and partly due to the storylines they have chosen, has not been great viewing. We get much more candid interactions with others around and when the women can almost forget they are on camera. Eboni could have made the assignment of persons to each housewife more interesting if she let them read the cards themselves and then talk about the people or, if they wanted to, ask her questions. Then it would have been a conversation rather than a lecture. Housewives shows have had one housewife gift unique items to the others and explain why they chose the particular gift, however that usually leads to more fun or unwarranted outrage which is fun for the viewers. Having them think about why did I get this person would have been more interesting.

The Harlem trip was really affected by Covid. Being in a speakeasy with just your castmates and a few friends doesn't exactly give any insight into the experience. It's like going to a concert at a stadium with only a few people. Not exactly the sense of the crowd that would be there. With that said, I'm not sure how going to the only remaining speakeasy in Harlem was meant to educate the women about that area. Harlem has been through many changes over the years. I cannot say that I know it at all well, but I do know it's not all speakeasys and bootleggers. Was anyone carrying a machine gun in a violin case? I didn't mind Eboni doing some history by assigning the historical figures to each of the women, but Leah as James Baldwin? Give me a minute. I'm going to have to catch my breath after laughing so hard I almost vomited. Although vomiting could also be an appropriate reaction. Just no. Luann talking to her daughter about drinking - someone wake me up. Soooooooooo boring. Both Eboni and Ramona were rude at Ramona's house. Eboni because she would not let the topic go. The host said she did not want to discuss it. Unless it's a matter of life or death (hey Ramona, your kitchen is on fire!), you let it drop even if you feel it's important. Ramona needs a better answer than simply I don't want to talk politics since she will call anything politics. There are many gracious ways out of the conversation. Of course gracious and Ramona rarely go hand in hand.

The studies that supposedly show kids growing out of body dysmorphia that has them wanting to be another gender have been shown to be conflating two different conditions: 1) transgender kids who state they ARE a gender different than what they were assigned at birth, and 2) kids who state I WANT to be. Many children try out the other gender at different times in childhood. This can be expressed in asking to be called a different name, hanging out more with kids of that gender, dressing differently, etc. It is very common. It is also much more common for girls to state they want to be a boy than for boys to state they want to be a girl. These kids are not transgender nor do they have body dysmorphia related to gender. These are the kids that "grow out of it." Jazz has consistently stated she is a girl/female. I think the difficulty for folks who are not transgender is we have likely never had think about why we are the gender we are. Our genders have been confirmed for us from birth through subtle messages and some rather strong ones. If anything many of us at different times may have struggled against stereotypes of how we are supposed to be, but we have not questioned whether we are what we are. For transgender kids and adults, it is more than how you are telling me girls/boys act doesn't match who I am or I want to wear different clothes. It is a sense that this gender is not who I am. Where this gets most difficult is that TV focuses on the outer things, clothes and bodies. There is no good way to show the inner issues. Also, we typically only see transgender folks who are physically transitioning. The vast majority of transgender people do not physically transition to the level that we are shown on TV. And the vast majority trans women who undergo surgeries, etc. do not dress to feminine extremes. Much like cisgender women, transgender women present themselves in all different kinds of ways.

The unfortunate thing with this show is that in trying to maintain some privacy for Jazz, we do not see her outside of things related to her being transgender and her physical transition. TV is a visual medium. It is going to focus on what we can see. I can understand the frustration of having fought for gender equality only to feel like someone is focusing their idea of gender on appearance. At the same time, I see that as more of a problem of the show, not the person. Jazz is young and discovering who she is. Yes, she can come off giggly and silly. She is in some ways quite immature. In others she has been through a lot. She is intelligent. She has not said she wants to spend her life being taken care of. While we had the storyline of her struggling with school and switching to homeschooling, it was not based on lack of intelligence or low grades. The kid is smart and has through most of the time we've seen her been presented as a good student. She is kind of damned if she does/damned if she doesn't. If she wants to embrace the gender norms that many people assign to being female, then she is moving us back in terms of feminism and/or focusing only on appearance. If she doesn't then others will challenge whether or not she's acting enough like a girl. Yes, she needs to mature and improve in her ability to debate with others. Heck, I am too far past 17 to remember how well I could structure an argument around an issue that struck to the core of who I am and my validity as a human, but I am guessing I was not ready to have a well-reasoned, even-handed detailed debate addressing the finer nuances of history, gender, women's rights and the role of women in society.

@TwirlyGirly we are in agreement. I was trying to explain where the idea of gender as a social construct comes from without conflating it with discussions of people being transgender. Two separate items. I think that is also where many laypersons struggle because it is so hard to explain how you know you are the gender that you are so we tend to focus on what are perceived as gendered looks or behaviors. As you say, unfortunately some studies conflate this also. It also makes us need really specific language that can be very hard to maintain. I do like your equating discussions of gender as a social construct with gender non-conforming since that is often based on ideas of how people in given genders should look and/or behave.

Adding to the above, the argument of gender as a social construct was posited prior to much of the research on gender's impact on the brain. I would now pose it as many supposed gender-based behaviors are a social construct. Within our society, there are behaviors we expect of men and women. These are societal norms that are not carried across all societies. Many people have argued against these societal norms, especially given how many of them have been used to hold women back. The ideas that all women should want children; women are only sexual when in love and/or women only want sex if there is a material benefit offered (money, status, security); women are more emotional/cannot control their emotions; women are the homemakers; women love to shop; women care about their appearance; women are competitive with each other to compete for men; etc. Similarly boys don't cry; all men want sex all the time; men are into sports/athletic; men do not want to take on childrearing, nurturing or caring tasks; men are slobs who need to be taken care of; etc. There are societies in which these beliefs do not track against gender. They are not hard-coded. There are gender differences shown in the brain. These differences do not necessarily generate the behaviors our society expects. And are all people are not the same. As new views see gender as more of a bimodal distribution, so too are people challenging the idea that specific behaviors, likes and dislikes should be associated solely with a person's gender. If we allow for variation within behaviors and accept them as part of the norm rather than outside of the norm, fewer people will feel ostracized or as if they are somehow wrong in who they are. Note, this is not to say that correcting societal expectations of gender-based behaviors will end having transgender persons. Absolutely not. Transgender is rooted in the brain and body. Transgender people have always existed and will continue to exist as will people with other variations. We're all part of one big complex world in which we try to put everyone into distinct boxes only to have many people sitting outside those boxes looking in.

A few times now Jazz has changed from saying pretty vagina to saying she wants one that looks normal. To a large extent, I think the whole pretty vagina thing was used for shock value. She clearly enjoyed making her father and brothers uncomfortable. Personally I do not find vulvae unattractive. We are told that they are in a girls are icky kind of way; one more body part to feel is not up to par. Most of us never really see ours up close. I have seen quite a few in my day. Never found them particularly unattractive. In fact, some are quite lovely. Clearly YMMV. The focus on depth is from the doctors' concern that they would not have enough material to create a vagina of a normal depth. Otherwise I don't know that she would think of it that much. Given that her vagina will not react with the same expansion ability that non-surgical ones do, depth does matter. Should she choose too have penetrative sex at some point in time, she needs sufficient depth to not be hurt.

To me the huge focus on Jeanette last night was because that's where the drama was. She was clearly upset at the situation. While Greg is more controlled in his outward reactions, that't not who Jeanette is. While I would rather be around Greg (and I have often been told I am cold because I do not react like Jeanette), I can understand her reactions and feel sorry for her. She was the adult* caring for a child in a city away from home. Most people would prefer to have their partner with them during a time of great stress. And, as she stated, this was much harder than she expected. Other moms told her, but often we don't understand until we're in the middle of things. When overwhelmed it is hard to find the way out. Given that Jazz had complications, things were much worse than any of them were prepared for. She was due for a breakdown. The cameras were there when it happened and the producers ate it up. *yes, Ari is an adult. As Jeanette's child, she is not someone Jeanette is likely to lean on. She would see herself as needing to be strong for Ari. Hence her decision not to tell the girls about grandpa's situation until he was stable. I always look at this show with a bit of a side eye. The focus of the show is Jazz. They only have this show because Jazz is transgender. So whenever that can be the focus, it is. while Jeanette is more wrapped up in Jazz's life than she is for her other children, I don't get the sense that the others have been neglected. It is the issue of having special needs child. There will be a differing amount of attention, not necessarily neglect. I also suspect that outside the show they talk about more than Jazz and her vagina. The twins and Ari seem to be doing well. Somebody did something right in raising them. I saw Greg as simply very tired. He is also dealing with his father-in-law's emergency surgery and his daughter's emergency surgery. He was trying to help Jackie while Jack was in the hospital and is clearly concerned for his daughter. His being more quiet and looking exhausted is not a sign of impending divorce to me. It's a sign that he is worn out between the emotional toll and the travel. They all need a really long nap.

There was a moment in this episode or the last where Jazz moved away from saying "pretty" vagina. Ultimately she seems to be looking for genitals that fit within norms; that is, nothing that looks seriously odd. Too some extent I think she kept saying "pretty vagina" (or just vagina) to get a rise out of her parents. Greg does show his embarrassment. And yes, Americans need education on the difference between a vagina and a vulva. (Thinks to Laverne Cox's character explaining genitalia to the other prisoners on Orange is the New Black.) To some extent I blame Oprah with her infamous, "My vajayjay is hurtin'!" I will say that I do not find vulvas unattractive. I have seen more than my share throughout the years. I don't see anything ugly there. There has definitely been a shift in expectations based on the porn-perfect vulva that has women going in for labia surgery, typically to reduce the labia. I find this interesting given that there are other cultures where large or long labia are considered ideal. It seems that no matter the body part, we are always told there is something wrong with it. I assume the extended doctor shopping was plot driven. I also assume being told she might need a second surgery was for drama. Dr. Bowers has an excellent reputation; she and the team worked hard to find the best possible solution. I don't see her pulling a last minute bait and switch.

Ted was, by the typical standards of the time (although, as always, taste varies greatly) a good looking guy. He thought he was more important and deserving of more praise than he ever was. He was generally awkward around people, so he would have been awkward with women, as shown by his somewhat minimal dating history. He seems to have kept up appearances for reasonable periods of time so that there were a good number of people who could not imagine that this affable young man could have committed such heinous crimes. He is a monster who was able to hide it to the people in the Republican organizations he worked with and the members of his Mormon church. He knew how to pretend to fit the mold, at least for awhile. Those who knew him more closely (ex-partners, etc.) did not come to his defense. His girlfriend, being on the inside and seeing more and more of the real Ted, called the police. It was interesting that they said many women called about the possibility that their boyfriend was the Ted that the Seattle police were searching for. How horrifying would it be to be in a relationship with someone you could imagine kidnapping and killing women? And how horrifying is it that women who felt that way likely did not feel they could safely leave those relationships? I found the show interesting if a bit clunky. I am old enough to remember when this was happening, but have not followed the case closely; i.e., did not study up on it beyond my memories. I did work with someone who, earlier in his career, had carpooled with Bundy for a few months. He said Ted was always pleasant and didn't stand out in any particular way. He wasn't one to share much personal info, but none of them were; another case of Bundy holding it together in small interactions.

I don't see the transgender women as necessarily expecting their wives to stay with them. Per the show, Lawren was severely depressed (and most likely still depressed given her muted affect) prior to coming out to Jennifer. Part of the fear she expressed was that her wife would leave. Troy/Lucy wants Cindy to stay, but has acknowledged that they may not be able to make it work. Leslie had more of an expectation that Stacy might stay if, as has been stated on social media, Stacy is bisexual. The show never said that Bev chose to leave. I suspect Karen decided that transitioning was a good time to drop Bev too. They have such a horribly toxic relationship. They are also at the point where their kids are out of the house. Many have said how people should wait so they don't hurt their kids. I know it's tough to think I might say something neutral to good about Karen. but she played her role as husband and father until her kids were grown. Of course, she played that role horribly, so . . . not the most positive review. I know many transgender persons, some who were able to keep their relationships when they transitioned and many who were not. I think the show did show this transition as being hard on everyone in the family. If anyone was dealing with major depression, that is also hard on the family. However, people don't choose depression. It happens and it is very difficult to deal with. When someone is stuck in a depressed mindset, I don't expect them to snap out of it or not let it affect the way they are coping with life. It can be a long way from depressed to okay.

Amidst the reality TV shenanigans, we saw some real insight into the great dysfunction that is Bev and Karen's family. Karen is a controlling ass. Bev prefers to be a victim. It was telling that Karen said Bev refused to be involved in any of the household decisions during their marriage. Bev was able to avoid all responsibility and blame any issues on Karen. Karen has no respect for Bev and treats her like garbage. I didn't see Cas as treating Bev poorly here. She called her "Mom". She offered to help her get a new birth certificate. It seemed to me that Cas was acting the role she had been forced into over the years - trying to mediate between her parents. She does use this slow, measured speech when talking to Bev. I think she means for that to be calming. To some extent she was mimicking Bev's own speech pattern. Bev and Karen do not communicate at all. That had to be 22 years of absolute misery for everyone involved. It was interesting that we heard that Cas and Karen had been estranged prior to them bonding over being transgender. So from what we've been told, both children at some point were all "F this; I'm out!" They both re-engaged with their parents during the divorce, with each taking a side on whether they support Karen's transition. Karen will now present as female. Unless she makes some major changes in the way she interacts, she will always be a controlling jerk. If she does enter another relationship, it had best be with someone who is very forceful and confident. If she finds another Bev, she'll steamroll over them, hating them and herself in the process. Bev needs to find a social life outside the bar. When she complimented the man dancing with her, I was laughing. They looked like kids at a school dance pretending they knew how to dance. The arm swinging was really funny. Seeing Bev at the bar had me thinking of an old Saturday Night Live skit with Jon Lovitz as the devil being sued in the People's Court. When the plaintiff is asked her occupation she announces, "I am a barfly, your honor." Bev, don't be a barfly. You'll end up in court with the devil. Then again, if the divorce goes to trial, she's pretty much there.

I am giving Leslie the benefit of the doubt on some of this. Yes, it absolutely sucks that Stacy went back to work so quickly after giving birth. early on we were told that she works part time in her family's business, so they can probably be more accommodating to her. Also, given that it is her family's business, that is where the idea of her being able to pick up more hours (aka the family will help you out some; that is, unless they had already been hoping she could work more) would make some sense. It would be so much better if they were financially secure enough for Stacy to take time to be home with the baby. Unfortunately that is not happening. Leslie lost her job. I would expect that she has applied for unemployment and is most likely looking for a new job. Unless Leslie had to go into the unemployment office to apply and there was a chance that someone there would balk at her gender, the show wouldn't focus on that. So we're not going to hear about it. For them to film any job interviews, the hiring company would have to agree to filming and Leslie would have to explain why she was being filmed - not a good way to start things off. With the medical stuff, we are definitely missing some components in the story. If the endocrinologist leaped from bleeding nipples to remove tissue, that would be very odd. It may be that among this group of doctors the surgeon would be the one to order a mammogram, ultrasound, etc., then determine whether to do a biopsy. The endo referred her to a surgeon. When they say she has abnormal cells she either had a biopsy (I would expect to have heard that word if one was done) or she had the mammogram, etc. that showed an abnormality. She is now going in for the biopsy; they may have decided to remove all of the abnormal appearing tissue as part of the biopsy. Years ago this would have meant knocking her out and doing this in an operating room. Now this and many lumpectomies are done in surgeon's offices; while it is less scary than going under, it is still scary. To my mind, she and Stacy have every right to be concerned. I haven't heard her say she has cancer (She's no Betty Jo on My 600 Lb Life). I have heard both Leslie and Stacy express concern that they don't know if this is a setback or a major issue. Her saying she wishes Stacy could be there with her seems reasonable to me. I would rather have a partner with me than go alone. She followed her comment by saying it was important that Stacy be home to take care of the kids. Sounds reasonable to me. The show is playing up the drama - it's life-threatening! This is reality TV gold! Depending on the nature of the cells, even if they are not cancerous, it could mean she cannot tolerate hormone therapy. Not physically life threatening but certainly emotionally difficult. Stacy and Leslie are stuck in a way. They are getting paid to be on reality TV. They are not being paid enough to take care of all financial issues, but it's not money they can afford to throw away. Got to film when asked. At the same time, they need to work on a plan to get out of their financial hole. And I do mean they. While too much is falling on Stacy in their current situation, they decided to have a second child. They have been in a financially precarious situation for some time. They were already hunting and fishing to supplement their food budget. They represent the working class - living, working and trying to make ends meet - a situation in which one person losing their job quickly becomes critical. They are among the many who do not have a large rainy day fund to fall back on and are now being met with additional expenses. If things go well, Leslie's procedure and tests will go okay. She'll find a new job and they'll be able to stabilize again. But that might take more than a minute, especially if she has to get through filming before she can really commit to a new job. It's hard to start then say, "I'm gonna need these days off, then this afternoon, then . . . . " It is also hard to look for a new job when you have a medical concern. Again, I just started but I need time off for . . . doesn't play well.