LoneWolf

Not that my husband or I would ever be willing to have cameras recording our personal family life, as we are all introverts to the extreme, but if I was in a "scripted reality" I could never ever follow a script that portrayed us in a negative light just for entertainment. I care too much about my character and integrity to go along with something false, essentially lying about who I am or what my life is really like. And I certainly wouldn't allow my amazing husband and beautiful daughters to be exploited, either. I just don't understand how people allow bad behaviour--scripted or not--to be filmed and portrayed as representative of who they really are. It's not even about pride or vanity; it's about respect and dignity. Regarding Meri's infertility issues, my husband and I initially wanted more children and we wanted a large family. But as I have been fighting cancer for 15+ years, I was extremely grateful to have the two beautiful daughters that God has given us. We are Catholic and I see large, beautiful families and often feel a twinge of a lost dream, especially when I see cute little boys and I would've loved to have a little guy of my own. This is something I never allow to marinate: I believe in being grateful for the blessings I DO have and living for each day itself. The cancer is a sobering reminder that I must fully embrace NOW, being present in each moment as it comes, because we really only have 'now'. If Meri would look at life differently, gain proper perspective of her life, and ACCEPT and ADAPT to what IS, she would be a lot more happy and satisfied with what she does have.

Can you post a picture, please? I've never seen albino deer. Where I live at the base of the foothills we have had many animals in our yard: foxes, raccoons, rabbits, baby bunnies (so cute!), coyotes, wild turkeys, kestrels, many types of birds, and the resident owl. One day as we were leaving Mass (about two miles away) a herd of elk were in a large grassy area by the school--dozens of them. It was quite the sight to see. I think that many of the Browns look healthier and happier. I know many people love Vegas, but it doesn't seem to be the best place to raise a family. I hope they continue to enjoy their beautiful new environment; it looks lovely.

I do not work and I have two daughters, 12 and 14. I have a Masters and have been dealing with cancer the past 15 years or so. It has been an honour and privilege to be home to raise my girls. They are intelligent, well spoken, polite, empathetic, obedient, thoughtful, etc etc. Their teachers love them, I've had a half dozen notes from their principals over the years praising them, their peers like them, they voluntarily serve our community and Catholic charities, they help special ed students at school, they have such tender consciences that on the very few occasions one of them was dishonest they confess with tears nearly immediately. These girls are genuinely good people. Parenting RIGHT is hard work, repetitive, at times tedious, but infinitely rewarding. They are not perfect and my youngest is a hurricane that blows through and messes up the house and it drives me crazy. But they are both much better people than I will ever be. Yes, I'm being the obnoxious parent bragging about her kids, and I wouldn't have even mentioned them but for the above comments. If you were to see my daily activities you would probably look down on me because I don't accomplish much and my house is messy (which drives this neat freak certifiably insane). I am in pain and sick most of the time and the little energy I have I give to my husband and girls instead of keeping the house spotless. Not to say I don't try, but my little hurricane is a force to be reckoned with (and yes, the girls have chores and help a lot around the house; however my version of clean is very different than my youngest's.... I'm really trying to bridge that gap). I miss my career sometimes and have always needed a lot of intellectual stimulation, so you'll find me reading all the time, mostly nonfiction, history, psychology.... I painfully miss being healthy and strong, but I was dealt these cards and as I said above, the small amount of energy I have goes to the three most important people in my life. I don't have anything to show for it but a ridiculously happy marriage (today, in fact, is our 18th anniversary) and daughters who both humble me and make me proud. I do wish I could keep house like I use to, and please don't mistake my love and pride for my kids as a blind belief in their special snowflakeness. They have their faults (far fewer than I though) and I make many mistakes. But it has always been critical to my husband and I to raise children with integrity and character, and while I rarely look busy, parenting my girls takes everything I have. Totally worth every sacrifice. And....end rant and demonstrations of shameless parental pride.

This post was a long time ago; I’m just now catching up on the thread.....but I wanted to say thank you for all your work and care, especially in neuro ICU. I’ve been in ICU multiple times for cancer, including brain tumours, and the docs sweep in and out while the nurses did all the hard work. I’m very grateful for the excellent neurosurgeons I’ve had, and even more grateful for the nurses who have, well, nursed me towards health. And nurses are the bearers of pain medicine; my spinal cord surgeries were excruciating and pain meds barely touched the pain. After one of the surgeries, I was so out of it and even hallucinating, the pain was so awful, and I frustrated the nurse because I kept pushing the pain med button, something like dozens of times in an hour. It was hell, almost all the nurses were amazing and patient (I’m a good patient, too—not very demanding, sometime afraid to ‘bother’ the nurses). All this to say: I have deep respect for the job you’ve done and THANK YOU AND ALL THE AMAZING NURSES OF THE WORLD!! Not to insult Maddie, but I’m not sure she has what it takes. As another person said, I’d be happy to be proved wrong.

My dad spent loads of time with me. When I was little Dad took me to work sometimes and always played with me, and as a teen and young single adult I would spend several evenings and the weekend often with my Dad. When I married, Dad embraced my husband as a son, adored our children, and continued to be a part of my daily life. As I became an adult and responsible for myself, my dad truly was my best friend. Sure, I dated and had plenty of other friends, but my dad was consistent and unconditional in his love. He died ten years ago and I’ve been gutted for the last decade. I am a positive person and practice gratitude and present mindedness daily, but there is a gaping, jagged hole in my heart that will never be repaired. But I carry all the love and joy and wisdom of my dad in my heart. Now, I see my husband spend enormous amounts of time and energy with our girls who are now in their early teens. I am beyond grateful for the love and wisdom my dad invested in my life and I try to parent my children in a similar manner. If I am only a fraction as good as my dad I consider that a success. Fuck. I miss my dad. My mother, on the other hand, ignored me (unless I persisted in picking a fight which usually resulted in some attention in the form of a teeth rattling hit across the face). I moved out and got my own house to rent at nineteen and worked and put myself through undergraduate and graduate degree programs. All of my accomplishments are wholly unimpressive to my mom. My mother never has and still has nothing to do with me and when she does she cuts me down every chance she gets. She adores my younger brother. I was a good kid—good grades, varsity sports, went to church activities, helped around the house, etc—but she tells it like I was and am a hellion. Now, I don’t care anymore and I am in a very healthy place, and I see her a couple times a year (even though we’re within an hour of each other) and even that is too much for me. I have her only grandchildren and tried for years to involve her in our family, to no avail. Sorry for the rant, but my point is that how a parent interacts with a child imprints psychological and physiological conditions that are nearly impossible to erase. While I’ve reached a healthy place of acceptance of my mother’s rejection, her coldness and cruelty imbedded within my heart a complete and utter lack of self worth. I still struggle against feeling like I’m worth shit. And I had this amazing dad who loved me, spent time with me, disciplined when necessary (I don’t want to give the false impression that he spoiled me), and unconditionally accepted me. You know what? My brother would say the EXACT SAME THING because we BOTH were Dad’s favourites. It is extremely important for opposite sex parents to spend a great deal of time with their kids. Statistically, girls who have a positive relationship with their fathers do not engage in risky sexual behaviour, do drugs and drink, have abusive romantic relationships, and they have higher self esteem when compared to the same cohort without good relationships with their fathers. It is painfully obvious how Kody’s older kids have reacted to his lack of positive parenting. Maddie and Mykelti marry right out of the gate, and while Caleb seems to be a decent fellow, Tony is, actually I can’t even describe how much that guy triggers alarms and makes my skin crawl. Logan got out, other boys joined the military (my husband joined at 17 just to get away from the house and I suspect some of the Brown kids saw this same opportunity and took it). The body language of the female littles and teens when Kody is present just screams an uncertainty and discomfort. Parents think they are hiding things like how mom and dad interact, but it is uncanny how perceptive kids are and how they pick up on what’s going on. Those kids KNOW how Kody felt/feels about each of their moms. They are learning that this is how relationships work. Again, sorry again for the rant but I see so much abuse and I see how damaging it is to have a parent who is utterly uninterested in your life, never smiles at or hugs you, ignores you when you speak, etc. There are no perfect parents, but research shows that what they call “good enough” parenting, parents who put forth their best efforts consistently, will typically raise well adjusted kids. While I know a great deal of reality tv is scripted and manufactured, there is still a human element especially in these children. Those kids aren’t acting, they’re reacting to their environment and it’s extremely difficult to hide body language, microexpressions, the nearly (but not fully) imperceptible muscle movements in the face and especially the eyes that, for lack of a better word, betrays what is going on inside a person. My heart goes out to these kids and I do wish them all the best.

Dwight Shrute ROCKED the mustard yellow. Don’t knock it! ?

How is your Cody? My heart hurts to think of people losing pets. My husband and I have lost two dogs, and we now have a 4-5 year old dog, but I still miss the first two. I haven’t watched this show consistently and I have a really bad memory, but I vaguely remember the hole digging. With having ADHD I can’t just sit and watch tv so I’m always doing a bunch of things at once, so clearly digging a grave for a mobile and happy dog didn’t register at the time. That is horrible considering the heart wrenching decisions I’ve had to make in kindness to my pups and not holding on out of selfishness. I agonized over my puppies and when they quit eating and drinking it was kinder to send them to puppy heaven. Damn it, I can’t believe these people. Grrrrrr. If if you can, please write an update on your sweet little guy.

This makes me wonder if they’ve been filming some really good shit that made the network determine there is money still to be made.

I didn’t catch that first season and I have not read the book. As a therapist, the idea is to help clients and blah blah blah; as for my unfiltered opinion? I agree with the statements here regarding Meri, and everyone else, for that matter. What I find astounding is the poor choices continually and consistently made by every one of these adults. We all have shit in our lives of some nature; I have an amazing marriage going over two decades, but I have fought cancer....for those two decades as well—the cancer is my shit. It is what we do and how we CHOOSE to act in the face of adversity that defines our character. You are correct: Meri is extremely unpleasant and unlikable. She continues to choose in utterly selfish ways. And Janelle, living in freedom, was lured back by a house?!? That’s not a great life choice right there. I don’t remember if Logan is Janelle’s son; I would wonder if her returning to that unhealthy situation is a major factor in why he has essentially flown the coop and is making his own way. Either way, good for him. @ABSOLOM Thank you for the lesson regarding ratings. I would imagine producing this show and paying the salaries of the onsite crew is not cheap. The bottom line is always profitability and I’m thinking our quintet of clowns will soon be axed.

Amen!! Maybe I’m too self aware/self monitoring (read: I criticize and analyze my intentions, attitude, how I present myself...) but if I knew there were cameras around I would be on my best behaviour. Do these people have no shame? (I ask, regarding people who share a man child and his, er, member). Forgive my ignorance, but I don’t watch much television and don’t know how ratings work. What rating would a show like Big Bang Theory have? Just curious for comparison’s sake.

As a psychotherapist with a Master’s in Clinical Counseling, I can barely tolerate these people, including ‘therapist’ Nancy. Regarding Nancy, while I’m certain she had the family sign a shitload of waivers, is unprofessional and incompetent bordering on malfeasance. Ethically, she loses all objectivity to her client (who is the client? Meri? Janelle? Kody? The kids?—I wish. The family as a unit?) because of her involvement with other people in the family with competing interests. If the client is identified as the family as a unit, and there is ALWAYS an identified patient/client, according to family systems theory there is no way to reconcile the present situation other than to suggest these women split. Nancy’s ridiculous exercises, techniques, and input are more harmful and unethical than professional and beneficial. This situation is abusive to the women, perhaps excluding Robin because she intentionally went into this quagmire with eyes wide open and has manipulated and angled things to her own advantage. Christine: classic signs of abuse. Janelle: same. Meri: same. Yes, even Meri. All the Meri hate seems over the top if you consider her a women in an abusive situation. She married a man, decades ago; her brother’s wife pursues and couples up with her husband. Down the road comes a third, then fourth woman. She legitimately had fertility issues and the suffering of these issues can be heartbreaking for both men and women who desire children. Her daughter, grown, comes out as gay (nothing wrong with that) but Meri’s hope for extended traditional family is (seemingly) dashed. (I say seemingly because while is perfectly plausible a gay person can have a child, it is a complete shift in paradigm and perspective from everything Meri has known. And Mariah was so immature and bitchy towards her mother, regardless of what mistakes she thinks her mom made. I have issues with my mother, but I treat her with respect because MY behaviour reflects on ME regardless of how poorly my mother has treated me). As far as not helping or trying more, I think Meri tried for so many years and with the growing up of her only child, in a family in which children are centered, I can’t imagine how isolating it is for her. Even when she is physically present, she’s not remotely welcome. Everyone’s body language, regardless of fake smiles and keep-sweet-dialogue, shouts ‘YOU’RE NOT WANTED HERE’. Her husband doesn’t even hide his hatred. (I was equally disgusted by Kody and what he said about Christine and nachos: he is abusive and manipulative to all, with the possible exception of Robyn. I am focusing here on Meri as a case example). Is Meri a bitch? Yes. Does she whine, make excuses, and act selfishly? Yes. Imagine her thrill when a ‘man’ claimed to love her above anyone else (the very intrinsic nature of a good marriage!) and wanted to rescue her from her horrendous life. And then to be nationally humiliated by her cat fisher. Then her daughter acts horribly towards her and also has just flown the coop, putting Meri as the single person in the whole family without a child in the home to discuss and for whom to care. NONE of these three women have the life skills and capability to see a way out, or understand the choices available, or have the courage/self esteem/proactive decision making abilities to get out. Christine, bless her annoying but innocent little heart, seems so childlike sometimes. Not one person involved is ALL good or ALL bad, including Meri, and Kody (as much as I loathe to admit it). I’m certain the network manipulates the edit to make Meri look worse in comparison to the others because that’s the current storyline. (I think Robin’s edit has been extremely favourable considering how the stealth bitch snuck in and took everything except her bills for herself. The family, while maybe not the best, seemed to reach a homeostasis before Robin fucked it all up). Sorry that that my first ever post is this long rant. But I enjoy the intelligence and wit of you all and I share your frustration with these nitwits. Not that I’m the greatest therapist in the world or anything, but my counselor heart dies with every opportunity for healing that Nancy fucking misses. I haven’t watched the show much recently, but Nancy misses so much it’s professionally negligent. I would love for the opportunity to help some of these women and children. I’d do it for free. But holy hell, Nancy, open you fucking eyes; you’re doing way more damage than good. I wonder if any of her colleagues have reported her to the state board..... okay, I need to stop. Step away from the the keyboard, dumbass. Okay just us have to say, Caleb: man up, protect your wife, clean that pool and bathroom (shudder), kick everybody out, and experience your precious son coming into the world. I would never want this, but I do understand some women wanting their mom there. But as everyone has said, not a spectator sport. But I’m fiercely private like that. Okay, really leaving now. Well, I’m done writing; I still have a few pages of your witty comments to finish up. I’m a dork. Forgive me.