Halting Hex

A brilliant girl, not only for her pithy dismissal of this shit, but her being able to call it in advance, in her review of The Weight of The World. IIRC, it went something like this: Yeah, that X-Ray vision of his saved the group a bunch of other times, too! That's why they called him , you know! Oh, wait…that's not at all what happened. Never mind. One of the best "Lines You'll Never Hear on Buffy the Vampire Slayer" ever. (No, not my work. I self-cite sometimes, but not here.) It's the near-realism that sells it, you see. Let's not forget the "brilliance" of Buffybot's battle against Glory. First she affects Glory by using the Dagon Sphere (one of the "random plot points pulled out of Anya's ass" in that laughable "strategy" scene early on) against her, then she throws Glory the Glory-fighting weapon, so Glory can crush it! Wow, that's dumb on a level beyond dumb, isn't it? Meanwhile, what is Buffy doing while this is going on? Sneak-attacking Glory to take advantage of her confusion? Double-teaming her to keep the pressure on? I don't know, how about RESCUING DAWN?? Nah, none of that; Buffy is apparently busy making popcorn or doing her nails or checking her email or whatever. The key thing (heh) is that Joss is busy setting up his "did everybody know the Slayer was a robot?" joke, yet another cheap-cheap-cheap-ass "trick the audience" moment, so he didn't bother to have Buffy act in any way, shape or form like a hero whose baby sister was in mortal danger. Hell, at this point, fucking Anya was doing more in terms of heroics than Buffy was. High points: Spike offering Willow "courage" in the flask. And the W/T moments would be okay . Just as "I know that I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man" might get points if the whole idea of the 'ship didn't make me want to projectile vomit. But it does, so no points awarded, after all. Marks: 2/10. Because it is, indeed, very pretty crap. But you can only polish a turd so well, after all. PS-I'm also repulsed by the very concept of the Ben-smothering, that because Buffy is "a hero", she's incapable of Making the Hard Choices. I know what Angel would say about that: "Ouch!" Instead, Joss explicitly writes Buffy to be less mature, less capable, and less heroic at age 20 than she was at 17, just so Giles can get an unearned moment of "cool" in her place. Fuck you, Joss. God, I really hate this episode.

I much prefer character and relationship vids. Unfortunately, some of the classics are no longer on YT (can't find Pipsqueak's "Ordinary" anywhere) and while I still have them, size limits prohibit my uploading them here. So, I'm sifting through a limited amount of what's available. And given that Buffy-centric vids tend to focus less on her kicking ass and more on Those Fucking Vampires, I'll confine myself to W/X, for now: "My Salvation" by Tally Summers (to "Salvation", by Gabrielle Aplin): "There's a Fine, Fine Line" by Love525600, from the musical Avenue Q. Willow wonders if she's just wasting time feeling how she does. (No, the upgraded version never did get made.) btvsxanderlover (lol, not the subtlest of handles) has "just a Kiss", set to this truncated version of the Lady Antebellum song: And, of course, there are multiple vids set to "You Belong With Me", by Taylor Swift. (Hey, there's a reason Fearless sold 9,000,000 copies, after all. Even if I consider the next two albums Taylor's best work.) But I'll confine myself to just a couple. Here's Laurtew's version: And here's starryeyesxx1 taking a shot (which still isn't the best version I've seen, but as noted, hunting on YT is hard): And here's one set to Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You" (ugh, not sure how I feel about Greg Kurstin's Bombast!Pop…even Taylor was overwhelmed by Max Martin on the latest album), by Nisca RW. The vidder appears to be non-English speaking, so it's hard to get a handle on the storyline, but I think it's supposed to be Xander's thoughts at Willow's bedside in Becoming, Part 2: And let's close with a true classic, "There, There Baby" by Bookworm35, set to "Speeding Cars" by Imogen Heap. Caution for eye-gouge warning: look away when Caleb appears on the screen. (But isn't that good advice for S7, in general?) Xander tries to keep from losing Willow, through the years. Enjoy.

"They can never know." Jane Espenson is a worthless hack who can fuck off and die. Seriously. Marks: 1/10, for the cited bookstore/coffee shoppe "evolution" joke. But one good line does not an episode make. Okay, Anya nearly hacking herself to death was also pleasant, but I'm told I'm supposed to be horrified by that. Amongst the worst of the series, a possible Bottom 5 candidate.

The episode that convinced me that "my show" was irreparably broken and would never recover. I don't know which is worse, having Doug/Jane abuse the audience's affection for Giles to shit all over Willow (shove your "rank, arrogant amateur" crap up your tweedy ass, G-man!) or having Buffy outside on the porch, smiling at Spike's "joke" about "thinning the herd". Because Spike has never tried to kill Willow and Xander, nuh-huh! No reason to be offended at all about a mass-murderer suggesting he murder your friends, nope! (To be fair, Buffy did just let Spike stroll off at the end of Lovers Walk, too. So maybe she's never given a shit about Spike trying to kill W/X. But even so.) So nice to see that Jonathan "learned his lesson", no? Once a rapist, always a rapist. Amen. I "love" the eight (yes, I've counted) "I'm an egomaniac!!" indicators they put in Willow's mouth there. Including the incredibly awkward "maybe the word you should be looking for is 'congratulations'" that's there so Willow can't be asking Giles to say "thank you", which would be far more natural. And which would require Giles to admit he was in fact grateful. Have to "love" Giles upbraiding Will for "violating the rules of magic". Well, at least she wasn't summoning demons for freaking orgies, Eyghon-ophile. Or, more recently, who approved that enjoining spell that led the Primal Slayer to attack you all in your dreams, again? Just checking. Hey, if it's such a bad idea to have Willow do the spell…then have the other witch do it. Or do it yourself, Rupert. Or have Anya, who's been doing magic for 1000 years, do it. Or Spike, who invoked Elligor. Or Buffy, who did the Cloutier Trance. Or Dawn, who's made of magic and probably has a natural aptitude for it. Or fuck, let Xander give it his best. There are eight goddamn people in the room…at least have somebody try. But no, spells are bad now! Bad Willow, bad! our brand-new "magic is bad and Willow is bad and Willow wanting to do magic is really, really, REALLY bad" bullshit paradigm? Oh fuck me long and hard. Seriously. Also, the Dawn jokes sucked and the "finances" plot made no sense. Marks: 1/10, for the Buffy/Giles reunion, although he really needed to wear a nicer shirt. But otherwise, utter filth. One of the five worst episodes of the series, easily.

A what? A who? A how? *head spins and explodes* I've been (discussing events that occur on) the Hellmouth too long, apparently. I mean…HOW????

So my unspoiled podcaster is complaining that Maggie and Riley are extraneous, they keep popping up in the episodes and don't do anything. And his spoiled partner reminded him that Riley does do something in the episode; he saves Willow when she wanders out into the traffic. And his response is along the lines of "yeah, but that could have been anyone with a SAG card who just happened to be on set that day; I don't see any reason it had to be Riley, specifically. I mean, it could have been Parker." Which led the other podcaster into imagining the horror show that would been: Buffy hates Parker, but Parker saved her bff, so…maybe she loves him again, after all? In other words,

I thought it's always warm in California. "It's officially nippy. So say my nips." —Xander, Go Fish

Contemporary review by TWoP's SNeaker:

It is indeed called Buffy vs. Dracula. Hilarious…but didn't Brother Idiot Jeb tell Buffy that "for centuries [the Key] had no form at all", back when? There's really no reason the Monks of Mindfuck couldn't have done the Key-making a few years back. Or they could have made the (brand-new) Key look like a 70-year-old dude instead of a 14-year-old girl. And that whole Mindfucking element makes it all moot, anyway. Still love the lines, though.

So…Oz is dressed as "God". And all of this happened because Oz cut himself and shed his blood on the sigil, activating the curse. So…accurate? Or does Oz (inadvertently) causing all the mischief mean that he's really Satan (Loki?) and the "God" nametag means he's dressed as what he's afraid of, like Anya with the bunny suit? Huh.

Oh, wow. Now I can't unsee them. Cold that day, was it, Aly?

Well, Willow clearly needs to hear this from Buffy, which means that either a) Tara didn't give Willow the necessary affirmation, or b) Willow found Tara's affirmations unconvincing, or c) Willow needs constant affirmation. IMO, neither "a" nor "b" makes Tara and the W/T relationship look good, and "c" seems less likely because we don't see Willow seeking further affirmation, so I don't think the writer is that far wide of the mark, IMO.

Really vicious anti-Willow/Tara piece here: sunclouds33's livejournal. 97% anti-Tara, but it's all about the relationship, so I'm putting it here, rather than in the Tara topic. The author continues in the comments, as well. A rather pity summary is this bit:

So now, any time anything happens, Buffy's just going to go straight to Willow as the culprit? "My Creme Rinse is neither creme-y nor rinse-y, Willow must be doing more spells!", is that it? Some best friend you are, "friend". Didn't Buffy see Willow being all guilty? Didn't she see Willow baking all those cookies? (Of course, Buffy didn't eat the cookies, but Buffy doesn't eat, period…) Didn't she see Willow detailing Giles's Citroen? Does she think that Willow was just putting on a show, she wasn't really remorseful, and blammo, first chance she gets, break out the candles? Sheesh. Even if Buffy assumes (for no reason) that it must be someone she knows (instead of the other 38,494 potential magic-users on Hellmouth Central), why Willow, specifically? Didn't Giles used to summon demons for orgies? Isn't Xander currently banging a (former) demon who has openly declared she wants her powers back and has a reputation of using magic to try to accomplish this? Could Buffy at least wait until the gang's all together before she goes after Willow while giving the guys a free pass? FFS. Of course Amber is definitely not waifish; I meant that she seemed to be trying to be such, given Joss's prejudices there, and it came off as awkward, in the extreme. But JMO.

Any sentence that starts with "Just wait until" is by definition a spoiler, no? I mean, not the biggest thing, but still.

Joyce is frequently criticized for turning Buffy's room into storage so quickly, but my podcaster points out the practical aspect: Buffy's room is upstairs. It's a lot of work to schlep all that stuff upstairs and maybe only bring a piece or two back down again, every once in a while. They have a basement; put it there. Just remember to make sure there aren't any dead cats lurking around.

From a Digital Spy "things you didn't know" list: Oh, bullshit. Joss said that he wasn't going to an arc for Larry in late-S2 because he was doing "a gay arc about Buffy", what with "coming out" to Joyce. This very episode has Joyce's "Slayer Pride Parade" remark, and most famously, Faith's remarking about how slaying makes you "hungry and horny" and Buffy denying it…and then after they slay Kakistos, Faith asking if Buffy is hungry and Buffy going "starving". Meaning that she has conceded Faith's point, and that she is therefore also really horny and that this horniness is something that the Slayers share because of their (almost) unique nature. Nah, that's not gay at all. Surrrrre, Joss. Surrrre.

It's in the script; it just didn't make air. I thought it was even more temporary than that. Or do we think that Cordelia remained blind for most of the episode? So…is this literally Buffy's first non-vampiric foe? No , or anything? Or was she just defaulting to her usual status in the quote? I'm unsure, myself.

Cordelia, nailing it even without knowing it, as usual. Hey, Buffy knows what turns Her Willow on, I'm just saying…

Giles, finally 'fessing up about his cross-dressing habit. (We knew all that tweed was just over-compensation, right?)

The fact that Joss will have Buffy confuse "renaissance" and "reconnaissance" before the next commercial break (and Xander correct her!) shows that he's just spewing random jokes rather that building consistent characterizations here, but heck…it's still funny. Besides, Buffy's always had a thing for the abstract. (See Bad Eggs.)

I think a key element may be that with W/K you get to see Willow react to someone actively showing an interest in her, sexually. Oz was so "cool" that Willow questioned his feelings; Tara was all shy and stuttery. Xander had his moments, but only now and then. Whereas Kennedy was "you're hot, and I want you", pretty much right from the jump. That revs up the intensity, all else aside. JMO.

Don't worry, Buff; Willow's glad to help:

S1 establishes that Willow and Xander live near each other (Willow walks to Xander's when he isn't answering his phone in Prophecy Girl) and the school (Xander "commutes" via skateboard in Welcome to the Hellmouth, whereas Buffy needs a ride from Joyce), whereas Buffy lives near the Bronze (she and Angel run to Revello Drive from there in Angel) and thus Angel's place (Buffy says "he lives near the Bronze" in that same episode, although it's not established how she knows this). Walking over to Buffy's place appears to be a longer jaunt, although the Scoobs sometimes do it, as in Ted. But Xander needs to get his mom's car to go to the dance at the Bronze in Inca Mummy Girl, and needs a lift from Cordelia to get to Buffy's place in What's My Line. So it's no surprise X/C took a bit of time to get there, on foot. JMO.

In The Freshman, Willow says that UCSunnyhell is "like five miles away", so I guess the girls' decision to live in the dorms is mostly symbolic, rather than practical. Joyce's gallery must be raking it in. (Willow presumably got room & board with her scholarship offer.)