jjane

Hi Guys, Just a quick update since so many of you have been so kind about the situation with my great niece. I am happy to say she is thriving away from her abusive mother. After finally getting into her online school account, she has brought her Fs up to Cs. We have had her since April 23 with no problems, which I was sure would be the case once she was able to just be herself without worrying that the wrong word would bring abuse or some trumped up excuse to throw her into a facility so her mother could do whatever new thing she was interested in. We are on track with new providers and have got the go ahead to wean her off some of her medications. One person was concerned that she was on a certain medication because it is an older drug that basically turns you into a zombie and is rarely used today. I simply took her off because she literally could not stay up. The neurologist said it was the right call and that I could also wean her off her thorazine. I kept saying her problems were a reaction to the abuse but no one would listen. Court date for permanent custod is May 20. Any prayers, good wishes and virtual hugs would be much appreciated. Much love, Janet

To all of you who responded to my post about getting custody of my niece, I can't thank you enough. I had to wait to reply because it moved me to tears. This is why I love this place. Wonderful, loving people are always here to listen and support you. Like I told one of the people who will be providing services to my niece, we feel like we have been out in the wilderness crying into the wind with no one hearing. I think I have talked about the problems with her mother before and got quite a lot of support, but the abuse I finally was told about was so horrific that I could not put my feelings into words. I had no idea if we could get her out and I was just too scared to articulate it. Even now, I'm afraid to assume it will end well, for fear of jinxing it. I will try, though, because she needs me to. Again, I am so grateful to have this place and I will be better about being a functioning part of the community. I hope we all stay well during this horrible time and I send all the love and good wishes anyone could ever be capable of. I feel enveloped in a giant virtual hug and I am sending it right back. I will be here watching over you from afar. Much Love, Janet

Hi Guys, I've been away for a while. Some of you may remember that there have been a lot of problems with my niece. In February I found out that the verbal abuse of her daughter that no one at DCFS cared about had turned to physical abuse. My great niece had tried to kill herself several times and her mother always said it was because she had mental problems. Every time we turned around she had been admitted to one mental facility or another. Her mother was trying to get her admitted to a long term facility. She told me that having to take care of my great niece was keeping her from living her life. Until the great niece opened up about the physical abuse no one would do anything, When she told me the details of the physical abuse I started making complaints to the child abuse hotline. No matter how many I made, though, she continued to be admitted to facilities. All her mother had to do was call the sheriff and say she threatened her and off she went. I told DCFS so many times that she would run attempt suicide or run away every time she was given back to her mother, Finally I found a lawyer who was willing to try for emergency custody and we got it against all odds. We have a hearing about changing permanent custody on May 20. Our great niece is here and thriving, She loves decorating her room and being part of a family. With her mother she was isolated and not allowed around very many people I mostly saw them when there was some reason for me to spend money on them. Now, I was already paying their bills because my niece refused to get a job. I finally took away her credit card and said I would not continue to pay her bills, My sister , the great nieces grandmother is supporting my niece because she says she has to support her daughter, I told her she should not support an abuser. She is incensed that I am no longer paying the bills. I took the child from a facility and she only had two changes of clothes so the first order of business was buying some but we were limited tp Target and Walmart. Her mother refuses to give us anything She also cancelled all her upcoming appointments and her medications. For the last week I have been fighting to get this straight. I hope the permanent custody goes our way because my great niece told us we saved her life and I don't even want to think what will happen if she is returned tp her mother. I would appreciate your prayers and good thoughts as we go through this. Much love, Janet

@latetotheparty, as others have said, what a beautiful tribute to your sister. To love someone that much is wonderful. I believe she heard everything you said on the phone and I am so glad that nurse helped you to be able to say it. Katie rests with the angels now and the difficult life she met with the cheerfulness and gratitude you describe is over. It is this kind of person we all remember with love and awe for their strength. Losing a sibling is very difficult because in a way we lose a part of ourselves. This is one of the people who, along with our parents, knew us from the very beginning. They helped shape our personalities and way of looking at the world like no one else could. I am glad you seem to have a close family to help you through this. Please know that we all wish you love and peace. This has been a place that I could come when I needed solace and support and it can be for you as well. There will always be someone to hear you and support you. We are from so many places and circumstances but there is a commonality among us that is beautiful. As for me, I send you much love, as many virtual hugs as you can handle and of course my deepest sympathy. Till we meet again.

I lurked on TV Without Pity until they folded and then lurked on PTV until I finally registered. On TV Without Pity to be honest I was afraid of the mods and had no desire to be told off by them. Here I lurked because I was still working and was usually so behind there was no point in commenting. Now that I'm retired I spend entirely too much time here.

So this happened tonight. Hubby and I go to a seafood buffet pretty much every Thursday night. We love the food but we also go to see two other couples that we have become friends with. We check with each other to make sure we are all going. If not, sometimes we skip it. We actually call our large table the crazy corner. Anyway, tonight the owner, who usually sits with us when we are there, got a call from someone wanting to have the use of the back room exclusively. Now, this isn't the biggest restaurant in the world. There is a large front space and the smaller back room where we always sit. This person said there would be "A-listers" who did not want to be bothered. Of course when we heard this we all said we weren't moving. This place doesn't have any private rooms and we were aware that several fairly well known people had eaten there without demanding that the owner shut down almost half of his restaurant for them. A couple in our group had actually worked on several movies in New Orleans. So we all sat right there at our table and awaited the "A-listers". We were expecting a limo but the waitress said they all arrived in regular old cars, none of which cost as much as mine. Not a brag, just an observation. Not one of us recognized anyone in the party. We were all dressed better than they were, and we were dressed casually. Several of them apparently don't own combs or brushes. Also, these "A-listers" were ridiculously excited to see the lobsters on the buffet. The only problem was there weren't any lobsters on the buffet, they were crabs. They also requested separate checks, twelve separate checks. Seems to me an "A-lister" could spring for a few buffets. Anyway, after hearing that these people were worried about being bothered by fans, I was disappointed to find that there was no one to bother, not that I would have. Hell, I've seen more stars walking around New Orleans, with all the movies and tv shows that are shot there. Anyway, I just thought it was ridiculous. Have a great night.

@lookeyloo, I'm so sorry to hear about your son. Sending prayers that the doctors find something to help. There is always the hope that something will work. Sending virtual hugs and much love your way. As @Mojitogirl said, there will always be someone here to listen anytime you need it.

Hi guys, I've been wanting to rant about my experience taking my nieces to Disney World but you've all got so many really important and sometimes sad things going on that I feel like I should keep it t myself. This is the only place, except for with my husband, that I can vent about the older niece. I've talked about her before. I thing she is bipolar, judging from her actions. Ok, here goes. Feel free to ignore me. I took my older niece and her 14 year old daughter to Disney. Of course I paid for everything. We can get military discounts on the rooms and tickets. Sarah, the older niece put the reservations in her name, which was the cause of a lot of problems later. I also paid for the meal plan to avoid having to worry about them paying for food if I was not with them. This resulted in Sarah making reservations for dinners that required more than one meal point and then informing me that I would have to pay to eat because most of my dinner points were used up. The hotel insisted that we add a credit card to the bands that contain all your information and get you into your hotel and the parks. She bought a lot of stuff for herself on that credit card. It all came to a head when I figured out that there were more dinners left than she told me. She went nuts on the phone to the extent that I told her I was going to get my things and go home. She started making threats and telling me I had better not take anything of hers. Guess what? She hasn't worked in years and my deceased brother and I have been supporting her because of her daughter. When he died it fell to me. I was already at the hotel and I made the mistake of telling someone there that I would like security to go with me to get my things because I was sure she would make a horrible scene. When they saw that the reservation was in her name the fact that I paid for everything didn't matter. They said I would have to wait until she was there to get my things, then they decided to get the sheriff involved. One of the hotel managers called her and told her to come back to the hotel. She showed up two hours later. In the meantime I was sitting in a back room with a rotating cast of characters. They would not let me go to the room to get my computer, which has all my financial information, nor would they let me go in there to get my medication, so I was in extreme pain, To add insult to injury one of the deputies came in and said she told him I was psychotic and refused to take my meds. I informed him that the only meds I took were the ones resulting from my heart attack and stroke, as well as those for migraines and fibromyalgia. I'll give her this, she's a good actress, which I told everybody before she got there. They insisted we would have to have to go to the room together, which I refused because I knew she would make horrible scene. She doesn't care how she looks in public because she thinks she is smarter than everyone else. I went in and got my things but with five other people in the room I was so stressed that I actually left some things there. The only good thing was that they got me a room at another Disney hotel at a good price because there was no way I could attempt a 12 hour drive at that point. So I removed myself to a nice hotel only to find out the next day that she had removed me from the dining plan I paid for and no one at my hotel or the other one could fix it because that was also in her name. The manager encouraged me to stay a few more days at the good rate and rest after he learned of all my health problems. He also gave me food vouchers for those days, including snacks. So, with the encouragement of my husband and my new friend Felipe', I decided to enjoy. The tickets were in my name so I went to the parks whenever I wanted and eventually I found someone who could get me on the dining plan again. He also told me I could convert lunches to snacks at a rate of three to one. Once I knew they had checked out I went to a candy store and got a boatload of cookies, praline and fudge. All was not magical, however. She texted that my husband had better not do anything to the dog he was watching for her, and she came up with a list of things she claimed were in my car. Fortunately, when the deputy went to my car with me to retrieve her gun, I gave him every single possession of hers that was in my car. He wasn't happy about it but I knew she would hunt me down and cause a scene so I insisted, In fact, later she accused me of keeping something I gave to the deputy and I told her she was welcome to accuse him of taking it and I informed her that everything we did before I left was on police video. Every day she called and said they threw her out of the hotel. Every day I called to check and was told she was still there and complaining about everything. She tried to get the manager of the hotel fired. She brought her mother into it and said I got her thrown out and they were in a homeless shelter. Then she said her neighbor at home said my husband brought her dog and threw it out of his truck and then went and messed with her car. Any guesses about who that car belongs to? Ding, Ding, Ding, you're right, it's ours. She claimed the neighbor called the police about my husband being there. He had a key to the gate because he was the one driving an hour each way to check on and feed her other two dogs. He had one at our house because she needed medication twice a day. The property she lives on belonged to my deceased brother and she doesn't know it but he left it to me knowing I would let her live there and that she would never make any attempt to provide a home for her daughter. Oh, and when I got the meal plan fixed she stalked me and texted me every time I went to a restaurant or snack shop. I stopped using it until about ten o'clock on the day she checked out because it expired at midnight. There's more but this is already ridiculous. Yes, I know how stupid it is to put up with her. Her daughter has a lot of medical problems and I need to be able to help her and know how she is doing, I've already told her daughter she can live with me when she is eighteen. I didn't tell he that her mother could jump off a bridge at that time. I know it's ugly and unchristian but the things she has done to other people have been horrible. She has no empathy and thinks she is the only person in the world is important. Anyway, writing this has been a catharsis for me even though I left out a lot. Thanks for listening, as it were. Our virtual family has been a great comfort to me many times.

Hi guys, I've been gone awhile, waiting for Hubby to finally start and finish his radiation. Big hugs to all of you dealing with your own illnesses and that of your families. @DragonFaerie, I did raise my glass along with everyone else to your dear hubby. The family members who couldn't be bothered to come don't deserve to be called family. I wish only love and peace for you now.

I can't believe I'm actually caught up on something. Can I come to the party without cream of crap? I don't have any and I'm not sure I could bring myself to buy it. I can bring Barbecue Shrimp and crab dip instead.

@lookeyloo, my family makes fun of me because I don't go anyplace for any length of time without a cooler. And I have hair like a chia pet, get out in the humidity and it just grows and grows.

@ijustwantsomechips, you're right about what would happen to food items left in a car in our climate. That's why I keep bags in the car so I can clean it out every time I get home. Where are you in Baton Rouge? We were in the Shenandoah area until we moved to Covington a little over a year ago. I love Covington but there are certain places in Baton Rouge that I miss. And condolences to the Duggar family, it sounds like no one was expecting Mary to go this way.

Okay, I was raised by a nurse so I may be a little obnoxious about cleanliness, but that car is gross. It's driving me crazy right now that my car needs a good wash and vacuum but we're in Louisiana and this is the first day of no rain in weeks and since the fibromyalgia flared up three days ago I'm not about to hit the car wash. The minute I feel better, or at least less like the New Orleans Saints all ran over me a few times, I will. The idea of leaving any kind of food in the car in an Arkansas summer makes me sick. I drive to Baton Rouge, about an hour away, to go to the doctor and whatever I bring as snacks leaves the car when I get home. Also, Jill, carseats usually have washable covers. It's not that hard to take them off and wash them. While they are washing maybe you could at least use some baby wipes on the surfaces and remove the car mats and shake them off. I wasn't raised to think my only option was to be a homemaker, but I'm much better at it than Jill and until I retired I did it while working a full time job. If it's important you will find a way.

Dear @DragonFaerie, my sincere condolences again. I wanted to salute you for the way you have gone through this horrible situation. From personal experience I know how hard it is to be a caregiver. While reading your posts I could see the love and caring you were pouring into your husband. He was so blessed to have you. I hope you will have someone like you at the end of your life. You deserve it. Now that you have walked the last mile with your husband, I hope you will take the time to care for yourself and to let other people care for you. If somebody asks what they can do to help you, give them a concrete answer, like run an errand for you or pick something up at the store. People really want to help but they don't know what you need. If all you want is someone else in the house with you for a while, say so. With time, the bad memories will recede and the good ones will be at the forefront. We're all here if you need a virtual conversation, hug, whatever. More virtual hugs and much love on the way.

Oh @DragonFaerie, I'm so sorry. I've mostly been lurking lately but I have been following your story. This is such sad news. Please know that those of us here hold you in our hearts and wish you peace at this time. Hold on to the good memories and feel free to talk to people about him, either in real life or here with us. Virtual hugs and much love coming your way.

@Nysha, I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. I wish you had gotten a different outcome but at least you have some hope of finding her body to maybe give you some peace. I've lost two brothers suddenly in the last two years and it is such a shock. Eventually you will be able to think of her with less pain. It helps to share your memories of her with other people. Feel free to PM if you need to vent. Strangers can sometimes offer help simply because they are outsiders. Virtual hugs and much love coming your way.

@ChiCricket, I loved the bingo game. As a fibromyalgia patient, I recognized every bit of it. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt because it is such a bizarre disease but sometimes it gets the better of me. Then your doctor says you look so good you must be feeling a lot better and you want to gouge his eyes out. Looking good is a function of pride, make-up, and sometimes sheer stubborn will.

@Barb23, hugs and prayers coming your way. I hope you are better soon. And, you're right about this board. People here are awesome and to tell you the truth, when I'm really upset about something, this is often the first place I turn. Not because I don't have other people in my life but because I've always been the one who makes it all better for them and they just don't know what to do when I'm not the strong one. The people here are encouraging and non-judgemental. We are obviously on a higher plane.

@Scarlett45, Dillard's always has dressy clothes on sale for great prices and Macy's has a section called Last Act, these could be worth a shot. Our Habitat for Humanity Restore has a lot of dressy stuff, usually still with the tags, if you have one near you. Of course, there's always Goodwill. The ones near the richer neighborhoods often have really good dressy clothes and shoes. I went to one near my home today and someone had donated a boatload of designer shoes.

Aja, I'm so happy things are looking up for you. Who knew losing your job in such a situation could be a lifesaver? Much love and hugs to you. And Mrs. P, love and hugs to you. You have a long road ahead of you and I hope you only get good results. Chemo's a bitch and surgery is too, but there is an end to the road and I hope great news awaits you at the end. Take care of yourself and let other people take care of you too. And please update us as you feel able, this is an awesomely supportive community.

Aja, so glad you wrestled the cancer monster and came out on top. Love and hugs to you. The best is yet to come.

Welcome back Aja! To Christina 87, migraines are the worst. I started having them when I was twenty and that was 40 years ago. I hope you can get them under control. I know it's impossible sometimes. To those of you who have read what seem like books from me a about my niece, I'll make it short for once. He daughter has had episodes of cutting herself. The niece has moved on to calling them suicide attempts. At first I was allowed to see her at these times, then the niece decided to keep her from me. I suspect that she is making some if it up because my great niece called me a few times with the phone her mother thought was hidden from her and told me she did not attempt suicide and was not in the hospital. I suspect her mother found out a out this. They went to a soccer tournament on my dime and the p lo thi g I heard about eS that the room was bad and I should call the credit card company. When I did later in the week so the charges would settle I found over 500.00 in charges for food and entertainment. The niece refused to answer her phone but claimed five days later to be putting the great niece in the hospital for another attempt. I don't know if this is true because she lies so much. When I asked to talk to my great niece she said the doctors would t let me talk to her because she is upset about me saying the niece should kill herself. She ckians I said that to someone at Verizon when she stayed on the phone after a conference call trying to fix her phone that I paid for. I asked the rep to call me so we could take care of the problem without her interjecting all the time. Anyway, the rep asked how I put up with her and she claims I said she should kill herself. The girl is a pathological liar who projects get her actions into others. I don't know if my great niece is in the hospital or if this is another ruse to get out of trouble a out the credit card. I don't know if I should be worried about the great niece or mad at the niece. I just found out I had a TIA a few weeks ago when I blacked out so this is stress I don't need if she is lying

No need to be sad, @Love2dance, the car's been fixed. We planned to sell it after I got a new one but she borrowed it and wrecked it, setting our timeline back. That's why it is available for loan if someone needs it, just not the niece for a while.

I hope you got the car started. It's always something. I'd let you borrow mine if I knew where you lived and it was close. No, really, better you than my niece who wrecked it a month ago. Take care

I'm so sorry @Sew Sumi, that you and your family are having such a tough time right now. I hope it all turns out well for you. I know everybody says this and it can be hard to do but please try to take care of yourself while you take care of everyone else. Remember to breathe and eat and rest whenever possible. Also, remember that this is an awesome community and there is always someone to listen, encourage, and just let you vent. Feel free to PM me if it gets to be too much, I've been there and there is nothing you can say that will be wrong. Much love and virtual hugs coming your way.