jjane

@jcbrown, I'm so sorry you have such a situation to deal with on top of the decision to put your father in hospice. I know having to make that decision is impossibly hard because it puts an endtime to things, in a way, and we never want to think that the end is coming. I think you will find that the hospice workers will be a great help and comfort to you and will take great care of your father. I think you are making the right decisions with regard to taking care of and protecting your father, please don't second guess yourself. I will keep you and your family in my prayers as you and your father take this walk together. Much love and many virtual hugs to you and your father. And, as always, we will all be here for you anytime you need to talk. Janet

My mother had this problem too at the end. She was bedridden with Parkinson's and had a feeding tube and a catheter. Everyone was told to give her plenty of fluids and watch the catheter to see if the urine was cloudy. It was a constant battle.

Hi Guys, I've been away for a while. Just stopped in to wish Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all my people. For those of us that have had challenges this year, I hope we all have a much better 2021. I am still trying to get my great-niece to safety. The new lawyer can't get DCFS to budge. They are so entrenched in the idea that the best person to have a child is the natural parent, despite evidence of abuse. He is working on a new plan. I am at the point that I cry if anyone even asks me if we are making progress. I have no idea if she is in a facility due to lies from her mother about her behavior or if she has been hurt yet again. This is just information for those of you who have offered comfort, not an offer to debate me about the situation, which is why I had to step away. There was someone on here who for some reason accused me of changing my story. Anyway, much love, virtual hugs, and wishes for love, good health and peace of mind to all those who have given me a safe place to come and talk about the situation in the past. Janet

I never got banned over there but if a certain mod could have read my mind I would have been. I like the atmosphere here better.

I manage to control myself in public but I curse like the sailor I'm married to in private. My favorites right now are shit and fuck. Please pardon the language if it bothers you. Lately I've been adding mother to the front of fuck. That particular combination used to really bother me but with all the stuff that has happened in my life since February and the shitstorm with the niece I just don't care. It seems to do the job at the moment.

Dearest @lookeyloo, my heart breaks for you and your family. I know this is devastating and there is nothing I can say that will make it better. I can only wish you and your family strength for your walk as you accompany your sweet son on his journey. I wish you peace and comfort and of course I send you much love and warm hugs. Always here for you, Janet.

Dearest @lookeyloo, praying hard today for your family. @ChiCricket, so sorry for your pain. Your eyes are so important. I hope this gets better soon. @MonicaM, keep up the fight for your husband. You are the one who knows what he needs and can tolerate. You need to be respected by the staff. I come from a family of nurses and I greatly admire them but there are some that jump too fast to keep families out of the loop. I know this from experience as a caregiver. Take care of yourself through this and push anybody you have to push. We're all behind all of you. Much love, gentle hugs, and towering support. Janet

Dearest @lookeyloo, I"m so sorry. I hope tomorrow will bring the best outcome possible for your family. Sending much love and gentle hugs to you all. Please keep us informed as you feel able. We are all here for you. Janet

Dearest @lookeyloo, I second everything that has been said about your sweet son. You have shown yourself to be a devoted and loving parent and I wish there was something I could say to take the pain away from you and your family. I too wish there was something tangible I could do in person to help all of you. Just know that I am one of the huge number of people here who are praying for you and holding you in our hearts. Sending virtual hugs and much love your way. Janet

Dear @Mindthinkr, please don't hesitate to post. This is a safe space for us all to vent. You are doing a wonderful thing for someone who has family members who should be taking care of him. The bad guys are these family members who can find time for their own recreation but not to take care of their own parent. The fact that you have done as much as you have is mind boggling. There aren't that many people in this world who would put themselves out like this. As a former caregiver for my parents I know how exhausting what you are doing is. Please, please encourage this man to take advantage of whatever other caregiving options he may have. You need to be able to take care of yourself or you will be the one needing care. I don't blame your daughter for thinking you are being taken advantage of. I'm glad you have someone who cares enough about you to encourage you to step back and take care of yourself. I realize this man may feel that you are his only hope for care, considering the fact that his own family hasn't stepped up, but you are not responsible for that. You sound like a wonderful, compassionate person, which is what has gotten you into this situation. If you really want to help him, maybe you could offer to just coordinate care provided by other people. As a cancer survivor you deserve and need rest and peace. I admire you for your efforts and I hope you can change this situation as soon as possible. Sending many virtual hugs and much love, Janet

@iwantcookies, sorry for the late reply but I echo the sentiment that there are a lot of people in here that care about you. We may not know you in real life but your interactions here have shown us that you are a person who matters. This is a place where you will always find someone to encourage you and lift you up. I have found this to be true for myself on several occasions. I wish you had people in your real life to do this for you but don't give up, better things could be around the corner. As for the ones in your life who don't make any effort to show they care, well, excuse the language, but "screw 'em". Much love and hugs. Janet.

Dear @lookeyloo. I hope you didn't think I was telling you something you didn't already know. I was simply expressing the hope that you remember your own needs no matter how busy you are with your son. You seem to be such a loving and caring parent and I understand the feeling that doing things for yourself is a betrayal of the family member that needs you. Sorry, my past feelings from being in the same situation took over. Love, Janet.

@lookeyloo, I'm so glad your son has been released. I too hope he will soon be in less pain. Please remember that you are important here too and take care of yourself. I know from experience in this situation that it is easy to forgot about that and just keep going until you are on empty. I would tell you to take all assistance offered but with the Covid situation that is probably not possible, so rest, eat, and get all the sleep you can. I am praying for your whole family and wish all of you peace, love and comfort. Virtual hug and much love. Janet

So sorry about your son, @lookeyloo. I know how hard it must be to be away from him at this time. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Virtual hugs and much love. Janet

Yes, sorry. I'm fine. Here in Covington we dodged the bullet and just had some rain. Thanks for asking. I hope you are doing ok. I ended up in the ER two days ago with very low blood pressure and dehydration so I haven't been on the computer. All's well now, though. Virtual hugs for your kindness.

Well, the sun's shining here and the hurricane watch has been cancelled but we still have the tropical storm warning in place. My therapy for my broken foot an hour away wasn't cancelled so I'm about to get in the car. I don't know why things turned ugly last night but I appreciate the support from the others. I would not make anything this serious up and frankly the tone from a couple of people was so much like my niece that it triggered memories of previous episodes with her so I think I'll have to step back for a few days. I need to be in a good place to go and talk to the people my attorney wants me to meet with. Hope everybody stays safe from the storms and I wish you all good health, love and whatever support you may need. Much love, Janet

I never said anything about a brother's child. He only has sons. I said he allowed them to live on his property. I don't know where this is coming from or why there are suddenly two people invested in making this some sort of made up story but it's the last thing I need. Y'all have a good night. I've got a hurricane to worry about.

Thanks @Emma675. I remember the whole wanderwoman saga too. I wish this was not a real situation. I'd like to have a day that I don't imagine some unimaginable horror and a night where I actually sleep. I worry about this wonderful child every single day and worry that she will be irreparably harmed, both physically and mentally. The constant stress is unimaginable and makes the pain from my chronic illnesses and conditions worse . It has caused my to question myself about whether I did all I could do in the first place, and I hope she is holding onto my promise to get her out of danger. I have no idea where any idea about her being my husband's niece came from. The niece is my sister's daughter and the great niece is her grandaughter.

Hi Guys, I think I've just about hit the wall. I've been away since June when my niece took off with her daughter, for those of you who are familiar with the story. I thought getting the big deal lawyer would be a slam dunk as far as getting the poor child to safety but with the Covid crisis DCFS is working from home with very little support and has no way of finding her. I left money in her minor's account and it has been emptied but the bank says they don't know what location they took it out from. I find this hard to believe. Unless my niece does something that triggers a warrant the police aren't going to look for her. The lawyer is trying to work through channels by talking to the head of DCFS but if they gave her back when we had proof of abuse, they aren't going to do it when we don't even know where they are. Yesterday I got a fraud alert from the bank about charges coming through on the bank account but the company the stuff was ordered from won't tell me where it is to go to. Knowing my sister, the niece's mother, it is probably going to her house to be forwarded. She refuses to admit her daughter is an abuser and I am convinced she knows where they are. A week or so ago the nephew who owns the trailer they were living in sent me letters from the D A's in two surrounding parishes about the false charges the niece had her daughter arrested on. I sent them to the lawyer and he has talked to both of them and wants me to arrange to see them in person to apprise them of the situation and tell them everything I know about the situation. I am afraid the well has been so poisoned by the niece about both the daughter and myself as a proactive measure for herself that there is not much I can do. I'll try, though. It's so frustrating and discouraging that it is so hard to protect children when it is the parents that are responsible for abuse, particularly when it is so well documented. At this point, I don't even know if the child is alive. The fact that someone is taking money out of the bank account doesn't mean it isn't just the niece doing it. My lovely neighbor next door, who is in our quarantine bubble, says all in God's time, but we all know God doesn't prevent every bad thing from happening. I think we have a responsibility to keep things from happening if we can, and I've been trying for a long time. I just don't know how much more I can do or stand. Anyway, thanks for reading. Much love and virtual hugs to the lovely people in my safe space. Janet

I don't mean to imply that the people who work for DCFS are not trained professionals. I have, however, asked if the caseworkers who are dealing with my great niece have any training in mental health issues and have been told that they do not. I have also asked that the therapist I took her to, with whom she has bonded and with whom her sessions have been private, assist in talking to her about her life with her mother. This request has been denied. I have asked about CASA and been informed that they only get involved in ongoing court cases. Ours has been adjudicated already, now we simply are in the throes of another DCFS case. None of this makes any sense. The fact of the matter is that the courts and DCFS in this state consider family reunification to be the holy grail.

Thank you @Scarlett45. I am doing the best I can but it isn't working so I feel guilty and frustrated. I promised to get her out of the situation and we managed a whole month of normalcy for her but now she is back in the same situation. I wish the people dealing with the situation understood that having mental issues from the abuse and PTSD keep you from being able to articulate what is happening to you because you are so scared.

Ok, this is my place to vent thanks to you wonderful people, so feel free to ignore me. I think I've told you about losing custody of my great-niece to her mother after my attorney folded like a cheap suit (very old expression), in court. She called me a few days ago from a neighbor's house when her mother took a nap and said they are moving very soon. Her mother won't say where, just that it is far away. The therapist I took her to therapy before our hearing has filed a new report as a mandated reporter and DCFS has opened a new case. She came here from California where the child would have been taken from the mother a long time ago. I know we have to have safeguards in place to keep parents from losing custody over unimportant things or by people having a grudge, but this is very serious abuse. The DCFS case worker called the therapist and said she would be going out to see the child again and was told she would not tell them anything because she was scared of her mother. She was told the child would be seen apart from her mother but unless she takes her away immediately, which won't happen, the result is the same. If you know your mother will beat you if you detail abuse and that you will be left with her, are you going to open your mouth? In this case, the person interviewing the child should be a therapist or some sort of mental health professional, not a social worker. I know they are wonderful for wanting to go into this type of work, but dealing with a terrified child who already has mental issues, is not their specialty. The therapist said she would call them today and bring up that issue. The therapist emphasized her fears that the child will either attempt suicide again or the mother will do some harm to the child that she will not come back from. I also made another report to the child abuse hotline after my great-niece told me something after her therapy session that I consider to be sexual abuse. I assumed she told the therapist but apparently she forgot to bring it up. My sister, who also lied in court, was there for a few days and came home and told her son there was a fight with the mother and was told she would never see the child again. Now she is back out there because she says the mother is "mad". Now mad for her is volcanic and scary, so I don't know what is happening out there. I've talked to the sheriff and they know what the mother is like but they can't sit out there all day. Every new attorney I've talked to has said I need new evidence to even try for emergency custody again and they doubt that this report will work since she saw the therapist the day before the hearing. She saw her at five o'clock and the hearing was the next day at nine in the morning. I mentioned the visit in court and said the therapist would be happy to give a report to the court. They were simply not interested. I think the judge simply does not want to take custody from parents. All I can do is sit and wait and hope this report and the pushing by the therapist will accomplish something before it is too late. Thanks for reading and being such a warm and supportive community. Being behind a keyboard makes it easier to put this all out there. Much love, Janet

@Nysha, my heart breaks for you that you were not able to keep your grandson. I feel the same way now. We did not get permanent custody. I thought when we went in Wednesday that is would go that way. The judge allowed the statement by opposing counsel that they could not listen to anything Alonna had to say because she was bipolar go with no comment. Alonna was sure she would be going back home with us and was devastated, especially since the judge didn't give us any time. Her mother got on the stand and it was like watching a play. She knew exactly what her attorney would ask and when so she was prepared with her lies. I insisted on getting back on the stand but my attorney didn't ask the questions that would have allowed me to refute the most important things she lied about. Basically she assassinated our characters, including accusing my husband of sexual abuse. My attorney just caved. I was out-lawyered. Apparently mine is great in the office and on the phone and absolute shit in court. No shockern when we pulled up to bring Alonna to her mother, she was already on the phone reporting us for some transgression. We were early and started yelling at us before we got out of the car, saying she was recording and not even greeting Alonna except to yell at her to get in the car. The police had no idea why she called them. Less than 2 hours later I am hearing her mother twisted her arm to get a piece of paper from her. The police were called and another stay in a facility was threatened. I begged the police to take her to safety but they said previous abuse did not mean they could do anything at that point. Next thing I know Alonna is calling me saying they were coming to arrest me. The shit mom called her attorney and said I filed a false police report and claimed I had custondy. At this point I have no idea if Alonna is in a facility, hurt, dead by suicide or beaten to a pulp. The only ran of hope, and I use the term loosely, is that I called her new therapist and was told that something Alonna told her the day before court was something that will trigger a report by her to CPS as a mandated reporter. She says most of what she was told was bad enough but that this particular thing is beyond the pale. She says they will probably open up another investigation and since this is coming from a professional rather than just me, it should have more weight. She is also willing to write a report to the judge in hopes of having him vacate the judgement. Cross your fingers. Sorry for the wall of text. Thanks for listening. The support here really helps tremendously. Again, Nysha, I'm so sorry about your situation. I wish it had had a better outcome. Much love and hugs to you. I'll keep you all posted. Much love to all, Janet

Hi guys, to answer your questions. They apparently don't appoint guardians outside the scope of DCFS. I couldn't get them to do anything so I filed for emergency custody. I have emailed NAMI with no results. I did speak to the sheriff and asked why the niece had not been arrested on one of the many times she called them and lied about the great niece threatening her, they said there was no record of the great niece complaining about abuse. If court does not go well tomorrow I will tell them we need to go home and get clothes before we give her to her mother and then I will take her to the sheriff to file charges against her mother. One way or another I will get this child to safety. Wish us luck, much love to you all. Janet

I'm so upset. We went for the hearing about getting permanent custody of my niece and the judge just basically said he was not inclined to give us custody because we could not prove the abuse and since she was diagnosed as bipolar they couldn't believe anything she said. Can you imagine saying that in this day and age? She is supposed to see the judge in private Friday morning and I don't have any hope that he will listen to her and we will have to give her back to her abusive mother. I am going to try tomorrow to find someone who can maybe intervene based on discrimination against people with mental issues. The fact is if my niece were an adult saying her boyfriend beat her up she would be listened to. Because she is a child with a mental issue she doesn't have to be. I am convinced her life is in danger if she goes back to her mother and my attorney said that multiple times to the judge but he is not paying any attention. I promised her I will continue to fight even if she has to go back but I am afraid of what will happen and since her mother isolates her and does not let her talk to anyone I won't know until it is too late. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks and Much love, Janet