Stella MD

I don't understand the hidden door. Is it just an extra glass door to save energy for those who want to stand and stare? Why would I, who has neither the time nor the inclination to stare aimlessly in the fridge, want a system where I to have to go through two doors every time I need something? Or is it actually a second compartment? If so, they sure picked an extremely weird way to market that.

STFU, Humira lady. 'There I was, explaining my moderate to severe psoriasis to yet another stylist?' As if anyone who isn't a robot would repeatedly state that their psoriasis is 'moderate to severe' in normal conversation?

I did NOT just see a back-to-school commercial. It's June 24, people!

Who apparently has a severe anger management problem. And I still want to know how they manage to whip their shirts and robes off over the strings.

Cawowine from E-harmony is back, now with a little friend/brother who's even lispier and has some sort of prepubescent "girlfriend", which I guess we're supposed to find adowable. Here's the head scratcher: creepy Grandpa tells him to wait a few years, see if he and his girlfriend still like each other, then bring her back to E-Harmony to see if they're compatible. WTF? I thought the point of E-Harmony was to meet people - are they saying that established couples are supposed to go on there to see if they're right for each other? Fuck you, Grandpa, we can make our own decisions.

The worst is the one with the speed dating. These poor schlubs think they're going to make a love connection and instead she just yaps about cleaning her ass. Like first dates aren't awkward enough?

But in addition to being generally evil, queens are always specifically out to get the sweet, young, innocent princesses. 'Cause that's how us jealous old hags roll...

The Breyer's gelato commercial confuses me to the point of annoyance. First of all, I get that you have to show the product, but the scene in which the kid catches his parents eating the ice cream is just weird. Both parents have full bowls, yet there's also a completely full container open on the counter in front of them. Where did their servings come from? Not the container in front of them, which is completely untouched right down to the caramel crispies. Do they have a second container? And either way, why is this container still sitting out on the counter, melting away, when they've already served themselves and are eating? Second, why exactly can't the kid have some? There's obviously plenty - see above. Even if this is the last batch of this stuff ever sold, it is really too much to share a multiserving container with other people, especially if those people are your own offspring? I don't understand why advertisers love this weird selfish theme - it always makes the think the non-sharer has food addiction/hoarding problems, which hardly makes me think "ooh, I gotta go out and buy that!"

I don't generally advocate punching children, but the kid in the Special K commercial who comes to the front door shilling a box of donuts (like that's even a thing that kids sell) makes me want to rethink this position. The simpering, affected Vanna White pose she uses when she's holding up the box is irritating enough, but her pronounciation of "donuts" is downright absurd. It comes out like "daa..ts?" How did no one making the commercial notice this? Was there no other kid who could utter their one-word line correctly? Hate.

The look on the faces of the other guys was priceless as they overheard the fight between Andi and Eric - the sheer terror as they all collectively realized what a lifetime with Andi would look like and they started mentally looking for the exit. I think it's telling that not a single one of them came around the corner to defend "their girl".

I think they've given us some evidence that Summer Rae is annoying. Confronting Nattie at her own house was ridiculous, and going behind Eva's back to tattle to their mutual boss that she wasn't taking her job seriously was beyond the pale. Of course that's assuming that these things actually happened spontaneously and weren't just part of the scripted nonsense that I suspect comprises 99% of this show. But I agree that the editors are failing miserably at making Nattie tolerable. And not to be as catty as Summer Rae, but Nattie looks old enough to be mother to all of them, including TJ.

So, women can spontaneously turn into men if they don't shave, and men can turn into women if they accidentally use the special "va-jay-jay" soap in the shower? What dangerous times we live in.

Finally saw the Dump Cake ad last night. I still don't quite believe that it isn't an SNL parody. I mean, the entire concept of 'take some random shit that doesn't belong together and mix it into a visually unappealable mess!' is basically the same concept as the Bass-o-matic. And the name! I don't care if these things have been around as long as tuna casseroles, Bisquick Impossible Pies and all the other crap that came out of the '50s/'60s (and honestly, why would any of these tasteless relics need to be revisited?), you can't tell me these people couldn't come up with a more appropriate name in 2014.

It may be too soon for Juliette to believably come to Scarlett's rescue, but I really want Juliette to channel her residual Jolene issues and give Scarlett's mother the verbal smackdown she so clearly deserves. As for Luke, he can't go away fast enough.