Panda Bear

I think this is it. She doesn't care who she tells these stories to; she just needs to tell them to someone because she's trying really hard to reassure herself and the audience that she isn't just a loser who's getting divorced from another loser. Now, I don't think Shay is a loser; I think he's an addict who was deeply uncomfortable with fame. But Scheana seems to think he personally failed her by not being the perfect record producer husband she thought he'd be. She is deeply insecure and cares enormously about how her life looks to other people. She needs Rob to be this perfect partner to prove that she's worthwhile. She wasn't the failure--it was all Shay! But no one can be that person who validates her existence. She needs to see a therapist.

Jax has always treated Brittany like garbage and he always will. In season 4, we saw him try to get with Lala, lie about dating Brittany, and complain about her moving to LA for him; in season 5, we saw him say she's lazy and act like she never works; in their spin-off, we saw him insult her family and friends and complain about her weight; and this season, we've seen him cheat on her and blame her for it every time she tries to talk to him about it, not to mention all of the gross stuff this episode that's already been discussed. He's awful and she needs to dump the motherfucker already. The power imbalance of him being her way onto TV is gone now; she can do it on her own and she should. Or she should seriously go to school and get a degree in special education if that's her dream job. She would probably be a lot happier. Oh my god, yes, it's such a stupid idea! The more I see of Rob, the more I think he's just as dumb as all the rest of these people. The fact that he would even date Scheana in the first place should have been my first clue.

I don't doubt Scheana is right that Katie is trying fix her reputation this season after last year's backlash, but at least she's trying to alter her behavior, which is more than I can say for Scheana. I sort of had a soft spot for her in the earlier seasons, but after seeing how she treated Shay, I find her really hard to stomach.

When she was making one of those faces last night, I realized that she kind of looks like a bulldog.

Peggy reminded me of Scary Island Kelly Bensimon this episode. She seemed confused, angry, and unwell. I don't think it's good for her to be on this show.

I know that I should be on Cary's side in all of this because Leeann has been pretty terrible to her. But there's a smugness and a melodramatic quality to her that's difficult to take. And I don't know how she can stay married to Mark with the way he treats their daughter. I hope they talk about that in the next episode. The only truly likable person on this show is D'Andra. She should run off with her hot husband to the Alps. They can gather snow algae on a mountain and start their own skincare business, away from her mother.

Boy, this show is a dud, huh? Nobody is talking about it. I intend to keep watching because there's not a lot on right now and I want to know how this will all play out on Vanderpump Rules, but it is a struggle. I think the problem is that everyone in Brittany's life is just... normal. They're nice people who are too sane to give Jax the reactions he's trying to provoke. The "Brittany has lost her spark" thing seems like an obvious producer ploy, though I wouldn't put it past Jax to say all of that on his own, because he really does want to avoid commitment. I do agree with him: these people should not want him to marry Brittany and end up in a short, miserable marriage. I guess it was nice to see Brittany's brother and his wife raise the money for their IVF, but again, this kind of story is not really why I watch Vanderpump Rules...

We played it in my high school gym class in Wisconsin! It was a lot of fun. Hadn't thought of it again until this episode, though. Weirdly, the closed captions called it "pick-a-ball." Maybe that's an alternate name? That scene of Hannah's dad in the bar was one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever seen on TV. Louis handled it about as well as he could have. Poor Hannah. Poor Hannah's mom. I'm surprised by how much I've grown to like Catherine, who initially seemed snobby but has shown herself to be genuine and fun, and dislike Happy, who initially seemed sweet but has shown herself to be judgmental and joyless. And if you took a shot every time she says "like," you'd be puking faster than Ashley.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post. I was majorly grossed out by Shep's behavior in this episode. He was actually giving me Patrick Bateman vibes--saying he doesn't feel anything inside (!), telling Austen he doesn't have enough money (as he's told Craig in the past), telling Cam he can kiss any girl he wants. He came across as a disgusting, entitled creep. Maybe it's a bad edit, but we have seen him act like this before (remember how he reacted when Kelsea Ballerini went for Craig instead of him?).

I think he just took it this past February.

I think the frustrating thing about Cameron's baby storyline is that it appears every season with no change. Have a kid, don't have a kid, whatever--just stop using it as a focus point because you don't have anything else going on. And I say this as someone who is the same age and dealing with the same questions about whether I want kids; I get that it's a major issue she's considering. But it's just not interesting as a viewer unless she definitively decides to have a baby or not have one and deal with how it affects her relationship (which we never see anyway).

That Craig/Gizmo montage is my favorite thing this show has ever done. It's nice not having Kathryn and Thomas's problems dominate the whole show. I prefer the lighter tone these last few episodes have had.

How is Clare old enough to buy alcohol? She's a year behind the gang and they're all just turning 21 this season.

I'd argue that the theory holds, though, because she had a thing for John "Big Man on Campus" Sears right when she started college. I don't think it was a wig, because he had the same ridiculous long hair in Kicking and Screaming, which he probably filmed right before this. Maybe it was the 90210 casting people who made him cut it. If so, bless them. (It probably wasn't, given that they let all the other hair disasters through.)

I must thank Dave for unearthing "Clitasaurus Rex."

I've always liked this one because it has the cast actually spending time together and acting like college students. Well, except for Andrea, who seems to be in a very special thirtysomething episode.

I did like how Sam helped Sheldon. Maybe my opinion on him will change as the season goes on.

I hate Sam. It might just be bad memories of season two, but he seems so smug to me. I've also never understood why people find him attractive. His nose takes up his entire face. This premiere was a little disappointing to me, because it felt like one endless Quickfire (I guess it was). I hope having an Elimination Challenge next time will help.

I know the writers were probably trying really hard to come up with storylines to fit their insane 30 episodes per season orders, but: yes, my god, YES. They thought teenagers were going to care about things like daycare and teething, and dictators from made-up countries? Why not have the characters do actual college stuff like throwing parties and having drunken hook-ups? Give them some angst about internships and choosing a major. Or use the premise of the show, that these aren't regular people, but super glamorous Beverly Hills people. Throw in a few stories about Hollywood or something, anything else.

I think Footballers' Wives has to win, because wasn't it specifically her breasts that got burned at her bachelorette party, causing people to call her Crispy Tits? (I mean, even just writing that sentence made me want to watch Footballers' Wives again immediately, while I have no desire to ever watch this 90210 episode again.)

Heather is on WWHL doing the ol' "Just wait until next week and you'll see there's more to the story." Ehhh, I'm pretty sure I'm going to hate everyone next week too. (Well, okay, I don't hate Megan, but she's too boring to really care about.)

Kelly really is the second coming of Brandi Glanville. I hope she meets Brandi's same fate.

When Jac said her son was arrested, I thought she was talking about Nicholas and meant that he was developmentally arrested. I wasn't listening very closely, though, so I could be wrong.

Oh, man. "Bitchface McScragglemullet" made me laugh so hard. So perfect.

Didn't we see a scene last season of Kristen calling home and finding out Josh had left their kids with his parents so he could go to the Hamptons while she was away? Jules was giving me deja vu with her call to Michael tonight. I'm just going to start calling her "Kristen 2.0." Ramona's dancing was amazing.