brilliantbreakfast

This show was better when the couples went their own way and weren't attached at the hip to the other couples. The endless and competitive ruminating on "How's your marriage going?" is dull and tiresome. Kirsten is so wrapped up in her identity as "beauty queen" that there's nothing to her but her looks, and she expects men to come crawling to her and doing whatever she wants -- except she has no idea what she wants. I'm not sure why Airiss is even on this show or why he was cast. Or why he thought he wanted to get married. Jas should take the hit and get out now, instead of letting this zero of a man humiliate her for another four weeks. Clint and Gina need to both realize that they are perfectly happy being single. Then they could have a nice friendship, maybe even with benefits, and Hank would be kept happy. Nicole needs to learn how to keep her insecurities to herself. I know about wanting reassurance all the time. But the thing about people who need that is there is no amount of reassurance that makes these people feel reassured. I wasn't all that offended by what her father told Chris. It was inartful and crude, but essentially he was telling Chris that he needs to have good boundaries or Nicole will devour him -- and then lose respect for him. And that seems true. Of this whole bunch, Shaq is the only one I'd give you a nickel for. He seems like he would be a good guy for someone very self-assured who perhaps needs to have space as well as togetherness. He seems like a decent guy.

Carson was clearly cast to be the Second Coming of Christian Hubicki, and yes, I am aware of how weird that sounds. And yes, 18-year-old me would have been crushing big time; as I gravitated towards cute nerdboys with glasses. But the difference between Carson and Christian is that Carson is trying too hard to be the Second Coming of Christian while not getting at all that Christian just went about being Christian, rather than talking about it all the time. He always seemed blissfully unaware of just how funny he came across, whereas Carson, being clearly very much a creature of the social media generation, seems always to be aware of How Will I Come Across on TV.

Well I am 67 and a) I don't think these girls are particularly large, except perhaps for Nicole; and b) There were plenty of overweight people when I was a kid (including me). You're on to something about being raised how to interact in social situations. These people have spent much of their lives on smartphones or on the internet, whether it was messageboards or social media. Young people now will text each other while sitting next to each other. It's all about the phone -- how many likes you get, who's looking at your bikini shot or your abs, who's out there better looking than the person or people you're with. Dating? Dating is more superficial than ever. Yes, it was always about looks, but when you met people in person you either a) were attracted to their looks immediately; or b) you might not find them terribly attractive physically but you enjoyed the conversation, or they were a good dancer. Until the 1970s, models were people that were mostly seen by women and girls, outside of Playboy, which not every boy had. And there was more recognition of the difference between fantasy and reality. Now, with social media, Instagram, and filters, anyone can look better than they actually do, and people have more access to images of conventionally attractive people than they used to. Life is no longer about living, it's about showing it off on social media. EVERYTHING is a trophy to be compared with your friends' -- partner, travel, kids, house, etc. So what you get is people like Kirsten, with a checklist. Or Alyssa from a few seasons ago with her cowboy fantasy. And guys like Airris and Nate and Olajuwon -- players who think they can stop playing. Now it's swipe, swipe, swipe, until you see someone who looks like your fantasy. And if you're not theirs, you say dating doesn't work and you sign up for a show like this...except you still have your checklist and you think these "experts" whose job is to create entertaining TV will fulfill it. It seems everyone on this show at this point is on it for the recognition -- the reality show "stardom." You watch the matchmaking and it's all about me me me me me -- they never talk about building a life, or sharing a life, or being there for someone else. It's all about "I'm ready" or "It's time" or "I want a baby." I'll bet not one of the people on this show have ever done the work to figure out why they're not meeting the kind of people they want, or whether what they want is realistic, or even exists. When you look at the couples who ARE still together, they are there through sheer hard work, commitment and persistence. Many of them have gone through rough times together (Doug/Jamie, Jamie/Beth, Shawniece/Jephte) but have managed to make it work or keep trying. All they get today is people who check out when what they want isn't waiting for them at their matched-for-TV wedding.

One would think that this many seasons into this show, the "experts" would have learned some things about matching people beyond "they're both religious and family is important to them. Like the pet situation. Why wouldn't you ask if the person likes dogs, cats, snakes or whatever? And why would you match someone who doesn't like dogs with a dog breeder? Even if both have dogs, that's no guarantee the dogs will get along. And then you have poor whatzis-name -- the tall guy -- from last season, who had to give up his dog to be with the awful, self-centered mess they matched him with. And why would you match a guy who professes to like slim women with a curvy girl? At this point, I can only think these matches are being done SPECIFICALLY for conflict...and that's just cruel. From the other perspective, you'd think that all these seasons in, people would know that these experts don't know jack and this "marriage" is as much a crapshoot as going to a bar, getting drunk, and going to city hall with the first person who's willing to carry on a conversation.

If you're talking about dusk and after dark, it's tree frogs, and they are part of night time in Jamaica. I happen to love the sound. Here's a nice video -- not mine, but from a place I've stayed -- that nicely shows how the sound increases with increasing darkness. Also some general musings: Shaq seems like a decent guy. Kirsten seems like a spoiled brat who wants everything her way and keeps score. The Book Of You Owe Me is no way to start a marriage. Nicole can look extremely attractive or extremely not. Chris (?) is either full of it or he sees something I don't. He seems kind of sweet, but also a little desperate. In general: Why do the "experts" deliberately make mismatches in terms of what people find attractive. If a guy says he likes slim, fit girls, why would you set him up with someone who's got big thighs? If a woman likes a man with hair, why sabotage it out of the gate by matching her with a bald guy? These matches are clearly just set up for drama, and since we're talking about actual marriage and actually divorce, it's awfully cruel.

19-time vacationer in Jamaica, 13 times to Negril. First of all, you don't have to stay at Hedonism. There are plenty of hotels in Negril that are not all about sexual activity and partner swapping. Yes, you are going to be hassled on the beach. It started with "How Stella Got her Groove Back" and it stayed that way. Look, there are women who meet a Jamaican guy, bring him home and live happily ever after. Some women meet a guy there, move there, and marry him. Some spend months at a time there and have a guy there whose function is more than just being a f***boi, but to essentially keep them safe and un-hassled. Only idiots think their vacation fling is a potential husband until and unless they get to know them and keep their wits about them. But here's the thing: Word gets around among the beach vendors. If you say "No thank you," whether it's to ganja, to reggae bracelets (this one is important, they'll grab your hand and tie it on you as a "gift", then ask for money), or to sex, after a few days the guys learn you mean business and they'll leave you alone. Just be sure to keep your signals straight and watch your drinks as you would anywhere. Getting drunk is just not a great idea. Negril is a beautiful place. I've been there only once since 2007 and that was to take my dead husband's ashes to be buried at sea out by one of the reefs. It's kind of a different scene now, but people still love it. You just need to keep your wits about you. And there are many smaller properties that might not be as luxurious as the big all-inclusives, but likely are more careful about screening their potential employees. (Riu properties have had a particularly bad time with this.) Remember -- Negril is part of a country full of really interesting people and a rich culture. It's not, or at least shouldn't be treated as, a theme park for sex tourism.

As someone who has been to Negril in Jamaica 13 times and to the country a grand total of 19, I simply cannot imagine how even a young woman can be foolish enough to a) have unprotected sex on vacation; b) not use SOME kind of contraception; and c) think that the guy she met on the beach or at a bar is in love with her. Now granted, my trips were with my husband until he died, but these guys are EVERYWHERE and it's one reason why even at my advanced age of 67, I would not go back alone. Sherlon obviously works at Hedonism. Now I don't know if that's where Aryanna stayed on her first trip, but can she possibly be that naive? I recognize that it can be a heady experience being a "fluffy girl" subject to contempt and called "fat" in the US who suddenly becomes a hot babe in Negril. I get that. I've experienced it. But Aryanna's stupidity and stubborn belief that she is in a relationship with this man is just bonkers. Look, there are some good guys in Negril, and there are guys who do marry tourists and move to the US or Canada and they live happily ever after. Or they marry tourists who move to Negril and they set up a business together. But Sherlon is clearly one of those who sees the beach as an all-you-can-eat buffet. As far as he was concerned, Aryanna was just another sex tourist. Sherlon isn't necessarily full of it when he talks about working all the time. Staff at hotels work LONG hours and some of the larger resorts even have staff accommodations. Some work multiple jobs. And Americans don't realize how low the pay is, even by Jamaican standards.

Justin needs to get in the car and go get his dog back. Moral of the story: If your partner tells you to choose between your pet and him/her? Choose your pet. Alexis is a professional shit-stirrer. There was something almost "Dangerous Liaisons" about how she manipulated both Morgan AND Binh -- and she does it all by herself, just for fun. You know, ANYONE can fail to find the right person. Krysten strikes me as a great gal who for whatever reason makes bad choices...and is probably too clingy, too "I'll change for you," too unable to just be herself and see where things go. She has a roaring biological clock and NO man finds that attractive. But for a lot of these people there's a reason they haven't found the right person. Lindy is insecure and needs constant reassurance. Miguel can't handle conflict and uses anything as an excuse to back off. Nate has abandonment issues. Stacia is so invested in being "strong and independent" that she can't let anyone else in and change anything. Justin is like an abused puppy who never stops cringing. That they set him up with Alexis is a crime.

It's hard to believe that Mitch wants "a natural girl" or "hippie chick" when he just about had an orgasm at one glimpse of Krysten's over-surgeried, over-made-up, tastelessly bimbo-ed, trying-to-steal-the-thinder-at-her-own-daughter's-wedding mom.

Bingo. Some men who are insecure will interpret any expression of unhappiness not as "let's work this out" but "I'm unhappy; I'm leaving." Then THEY leave so they can get the last word.

Mitch is a poser, all about ostentatious virtue signaling. I live in a crunchy granola enclave and I know at least a dozen of these people. Whether it's veganism, climate change, women's rights, whatever the cause is, they're all about performative activism. Does Mitch think those surfboards grow on trees? And what about that trip to Mexico on a jetfuel-burning plane that he was only too happy to take? The cold, hard truth is that living up to every climate-virtue goal is next to impossible and function in our society. I think the experts looked at Krysten doing yoga on a beach and Mitch surfing and decided they were a match. I agree with Mitch about the house-flipping; I live in a rapidly (crapidly, more like it) growing city where many long-time residents are being forced out by flippers and developers whose improvements are pricing them out of their neighborhoods. I would have trouble benefitting from that. The problem is that he was quick to shut her down. However, they clearly look at money differently and probably to a fatal degree. Stacia and Nick are both very wounded people. Stacia's nagging for love is probably from a fear or sense that this will end as previous relationships have (because she can't look past her own wants) and Nick wants to take his time because he senses that the minute he utters the "L" word, she will need constant reassurance of that. I don't hate Lindy the way some of you folks do. She's high-strong and insecure, but there's something gaslightish about how Miguel runs hot and cold. And when he goes cold, there's something in his eyes that's downright chilling. I didn't like Binh at first, but he's growing on me. His Korean dinner was sweet, and the way he opened up to Morgan showed a desire to get past his issues. I have no idea why she's in this at all.

She could get an ACA policy, and if she makes little enough she can get a subsidy for the premium. California probably has a state exchange which would be better than where I live, which has none. Before I was eligible for Medicare, I was paying over $700/month in premiums with a $7000 deductible.

Full disclosure: I am a chatterbox by nature, but much of my chatter is just ambient talking when I'm alone. Some people journal, I talk. Yes, I have talked about this with my therapist and she feels that it is my outlet. HOWEVER...one thing I decided when I moved and had to build a social life from scratch was to talk less and listen more....and ask others about themselves. I was a fairly new widow and didn't want to go into my long aria of bereavement torment so listening made that easier. I have a friend who is a walking mess of free-floating anxiety, despite her denial of same. When she is talking it is always about her Woe du Jour, and it goes on endlessly. And if someone else manages to get a word in edgewise, she is all "uh huh....uh huh...." just waiting to be able to continue her litany. It is exhausting. If Lindy and Miguel don't work out, it will be that anxious people like Lindy, who don't seem able to control it, just suck the life force right out of you. They are draining.

I'm a chatterbox and my late husband would ignore me when he didn't want to hear it. It was infuriating to me because of how dismissive it was. It would have been better for him to just say "You know, I love to converse with you, but I'd like some quiet for a while." Instead he'd tune me out completely. Relentless chattering is an anxiety thing that becomes unconscious after a while.

1) Mitch hasn't got a clue what he wants. He talks a good game about natural this and natural that, but the minute he saw Krysten's plasticized mom (who was dressed VERY inappropriately at the wedding; you don't upstage the bride, especially when you are her mother) he looked like he wanted to bone her right there. Krysten has the temporary misfortune to be one of those women who looks older than she is when she is only in her 30s. The upside to being that is that you tend to look young-ish longer than the fresh-faced young things do. Lindy is already oozing desperation and Miguel is just not having it. She is a walking mess of free-floating anxiety, and people like that are exhausting. All that said, there's something about the way Miguel is capable of going all cold-eyed at the drop of a hat that is extremely disconcerting. He's dealing with an escapee from extreme religion and doesn't get that she's still finding her way. (And her family doesn't help. That brother -- I mean, yeah, he's gorgeous, but he's creepy af.)