Bill C.

Other than Sonny suddenly remembering Joss's mystery kidney and Keeks and Dillon's second meet-cute-blerg, you didn't miss that much. Dr. O being the voice of reason for Franco (who drives me nuts--I can kind of get behind Gentle Farmer Franco, since he's fairly self-effacing and at least has what remains of his heart in a good place, so of course they literally have him lampshade his entire story arc and decide "Screw it, it's not working, I'm just gonna be a jerk full-time again") and Nina was just a bonus.

The idea, I suppose, is that Deacon's still hung up on Quinn and wants to save her from Bill and from herself. The problem is that the show's typical schizophrenia about Quinn's story is mucking that allllll up because that specific aspect isn't being communicated all that well. Definitely not in yesterday's episode, anyway, and that did Deacon no favors. I do wonder if it's a weird sort of redemptory move, though, his trying to save Quinn from herself a la Nick. I won't lie, though: I spent all of yesterday waiting for Quinn to rub her tummy. Just one rub would have done it. As for Liam trying to convince Steffy that they belong together: in the name of dramatic effect I get her not revealing that she had indeed gotten her wedding tattoo until the end of the episode, but seriously--she was just so damn passive in her scenes with him in this episode that it would have been more interesting if he'd just connected his laptop to a USB port in her belly button and hacked her. Why couldn't she have gone full Brooke and whined about how she couldn't be there, or tried to leave once or twice, and then busted out the tat?

Franco was just a few hairs too smug with Jason today, which seems to fly in the face of his ongoing redemption-by-mandate. For that alone, Monica getting to drag him was nice. (As said elsewhere: however Leslie Charleson managed to wrangle herself so much recent airtime, thank you.) Unfortunately, New Jake isn't as cute with the puppy. Similarly, Molly was just a little too bitchy with Alexis--even though her point of view was probably audience-analogue level--and then NLG turned around and stole the entire episode with only a knife. Nina confiding in Julian wasn't necessarily bad (albeit once again it happened: if not for MS inhaling large chunks of the sets...) if a bit random. Ditto Ric urging Sonny to clue him in on his plans for the increasingly skittish Carlos. Tia Inocencia indeed not being so inocente about Sabrina's whereabouts was a nice swerve, however.

Yeah, I couldn't decide which was loonier--Katie's hellbent-by-agenda need to "understand" Ridge's situation with Dr. Whatsit, or Thomas's decided-by-agenda turn towards being a nice guy by turning down both Charlotte the Intern and whomever that model was that wanted him to "help" her. Katie probably should win this, but since that goes right back to the utter lack of anything resembling boundaries...and counts as vaguely hypocritical due to her going hard on Brooke and Katie about the same damn thing (or does that help it in this case?)... OTOH, we got Bill on board the "respect the marriage" train, which means everybody's on it except Liam. Not sure if this is a swerve or not. But of course it was counterbalanced by Wyatt wanting to quench his thirst by urging Steffy to get her wedding ring tattoo, which strikes me as such a dumb idea even outside of TV...but folks do it, so hey. This is still irritatingly fast-tracked, though. And then Deacon showed up out of the blue. As much as we probably needed this to happen, I really need Bill to just give us one damn line about how he contacted Deacon. Give me that much explanation, show, and I'll be happy.

Sasha's still rather hamstrung by her Big Secret, so she's stuck in the Avant bubble. That said she really does need a friend of her own (which to be fair can apply to every damn person on the show except Bill, who has Justin, and maybe Gandalf) to lean on once it finally comes out. I guess it by default is now Zende, but why couldn't she have a friend she's not banging (yet?) like Thomas, or even Ivy? Dammit, Cupid, why'd you have to insult Hostess Fruit Pies like that? Hostess Fruit Pies are the key to world peace, and Liam's the key to hot pieces of ass. Ridge is still under the impression that he couldn't possibly be Douglas's bio-dad, which does make sense at this point. He has no reason to believe otherwise, and the show hasn't even alluded to one. Which is why I still believe it will be his kid, age gap be damned (but to be fair: if it's going to be Thomas's child, that's pretty much the biggest reason why).

Liam at least broke up with Steffy in person, versus everything else that happened afterward...albeit the fact that nobody has actually asked him "Why exactly did you break up with Steffy?" has been conveniently stuck in a drawer. And so I have to wonder: does all this mean the show's giving Steffy and Wyatt a pass on sleeping together (but not sleeping together), which was basically the event that started this entire trainwreck? Because it probably serves their current narrative if they do...speaking of which... Very good point--this was a fairly mundane (so to speak) accident, but since somebody died it'd almost certainly either make the papers or the local news.

Apart from game recognizing game? (Or waffle recognizing waffle.) Ridge at least has been consistent in saying that Steffy's still hung up on Liam, if not all the way to "he's still her first choice"--which Steffy has not confirmed or denied--so he's basically the love-conquers-all angel on Steffy's shoulder and directly opposite to Bill's "Well, he'll just have to suck it up" devil. It'd still be nice if we got some sort of overt nod to his own history about this, though, for some actual perspective.

Dr. Xerox apparently remembered a gunshot at some point after leaving Maxie's surprise engagement party. Still debating how that affects the he-is-Claudette theory. Dare I say that, if not for MS going to 11 and almost literally consuming the entire living room set she was on, Nina freaking out over Franco's well-meaning compensatory puppy (which was Dr. O's direct idea, and I need to see him needle her about that) would have been the second best scene of the entire episode. (First by a mile: Scott bringing some much-needed grumpy levity to Anna and Paul's whatever-the-hell-kind-of-dance-it-is.) And I'm not a pet guy, but Daisy the puppy just cheerfully licking RoHo's face during nearly all his scenes with her was kind of adorable. And as for Michael and Felix trying to track down Sabrizzzzzzz... *snort* Where was I? Right, Sabrina...I guess it wasn't bad in and of itself, but I'm just kind of over it. Just let her show up, let us know whether she had a boy or a girl, and get on with whatever's coming next.

Well, there's Sasha...no, she's involved with Soulverine. Caroline--nooooo, no, too much drama there. Maya's married. Charlotte the Intern's single now, right? If not for his Jan Brady thing manifesting halfway through the episode, Wyatt would have been perfectly sane in his responses to Liam today. He was still mostly sane--particularly when Liam finally went full poncho and said he needed to "do the right thing and step aside" and he didn't punch his lights out--but that faint hint of his everlasting thirst tainted it. TBH, though, that entire conversation was tainted because we've seen it before with the original Triangle of Doom (in both iterations, no doubt, but definitely the Ridge/Brooke/Nick version) and because, as usual, the woman in the middle doesn't get a say at the time. In this case, she was outside glumly chomping down a lemon bar. Which was randomly funny and a little sad at the same time. Steffy at least is taking the Brooke route of (seemingly) trying to honor her vows, but the very real question is how long that will last. If it's measurable in weeks...hell no. As for Katie connecting all the dots regarding little Douglas: since this was punctuated by Brooke and Bill once again meeting in private for no good damn reason and by P.O.D. not even doing its job (seriously, it has one job!) I couldn't completely enjoy it. But it does seem to be setting up Katie possibly spilling the beans and nobody believing her, except possibly Rick--or possibly his connecting the dots on his own, since Katie gave him just enough information to do it. (That said...seriously...why would a urologist's death be in a newspaper outside of an obit?)

I vaguely remember the whole "cougar" campaign, but yeah--I didn't remember an actual cougar showing up either. I'm more disappointed I don't remember Lesley-Anne Down rocking that outfit.

Yeah, today Anna was a bit further into "The bitches must pay! All the bitches must pay!" territory than usual, which does her no favors. And it was with Andre, too, which irritated me because I'm still pushing for #teaandsympathy and this appears to continue derailing that. Even FH's awesomeness has limits, and we're probably right at them now. Then again, going off the promo for tomorrow's episode, that may be by design. JE and WK definitely were the best part of today's episode that wasn't "...and cut to Bob the Badger" and LLC in that blue dress. (Liv, as much as I love her, is wallpaper at this point. But she's pretty, pretty wallpaper.) Tracy and Ned were, simply, love. And I rather liked the nonverbal bits in Carly and Dr. O's chat, though (Monica subtly nudging Hamtaro to just stay the hell out of the way, and Joss's bemused "Wait, what?" look when Liesl referred to her as offspring), though the chat itself indirectly seemed to count as another tick on the deathwatch for Dr. O.

Liam declaring to Wyatt that he would "take back what's mine" was, for me, the equivalent of Ridge's utterly douchebag "Her portrait's still up...you don't live here" quip to Rick. I really, really would have preferred--at the very frigging least--a longer gestation period between "Wait, you got married?" and "She belongs with me, bitch!" from you, show. As in weeks. But this is how this show rolls, so...damn. By loose extension, Rick's Jan Brady game is within reach of overtaking Katie's--due now to Katie herself, ironically. Hah. So all we need now is for her to get sloshed on champagne and blab entirely about Dr. Whatsit.

That is unequivocably the worst fake hairpiece I've ever seen in my life. That actually makes Rick's Confederate Army haircut look better just by virtue of its existence. And after rewatching yesterday's episode I have to wonder: was the show's semi-rational addressing of Steffy's "We were on a break!" mindset really meant to look Liam look worse--or at least more Ridge-like than even he's been to date? Because it utterly succeeded, even if by accident. Zende isn't nearly as marinated in the batter of stupid as Liam (and of course he's still way behind Ridge), but I agree that his position of relative sanity has been weakened by--of course--the usual lack of boundaries.

Julian actually asked Alexis to represent Carlos for him, and like the busty dum-dum she occasionally is she agreed to it in order to keep Julian out of prison (via Carlos rejecting the deal Paul offered him to flip on Julian). Your eyeroll here.

Look at it like this: Jared Breeze has a very bright future ahead of him as the heavy in a thousand action movies.

Thinking about it, it really might have been better if Lante hadn't gone ahead and christened the new bed (once again: get off the forums, TPTB!) in favor of just sitting on it, or cuddling on it. Less is more, etc. That said FH and JVP still managed to coax some actual acting out of Dr. Xerox and we unintentionally got the mental image of the White Queen listening to frigging Elvis, so all the other wackiness gets a pass today. (Or nearly all. I'm still undecided on where the show's going with Kevin and Laura, since it sounds like they're both pretty damn single right now...)

Felisha Cooper doesn't have the boobage for that, though in her case that's not a knock. Not that Sasha couldn't have tied her robe just a little tighter, though. And I think I get the whole metrosexual thing with Zende, but for me it begins and ends with his perpetually vertical hair. Thus, "Soulverine." That aside today's episode was outright strange in that for once it almost rationally tried to address the two flaming runaway LSD-addicted elephants in the room: Zende bouncing from Nicole to Sasha and, more importantly, Steffy's insta-rebound marriage to Wyatt (this also being complicated by how they can't really mention a specific timeframe, but they tried). More so the latter, since Liam got to...I don't want to say he had the moral high ground here, but he was in his way saner than he's probably been in a while in sortakinda addressing how Steffy was able to accept his breaking up with her by text. (I suspect one of the writers thought back to "Taylor's letter," and decided they couldn't quite go there again.) Unfortunately, this was complicated by his going full Ridge and declaring that she needed to break up with Wyatt RFN and get back with him. I mean, damn, even if we want to be invested in anybody in the Triangle of Doom this is one lousy way of reassuring us about that. And then there was this exchange: Sasha: "So you want me to back off of Zende." Vivienne: "Just until Nicole has Maya's baby." The mind reels.

Chrishell is 35 (if a young-looking 35, going off her run on Days), which should put her out of the young-adult crowd. There isn't really a middle ground between that and Nick's circle, though, so that can go either way. She might end up being a friend of Abby's or something.

I think I'll have to give up on my dream of Hamtaro/Liesl hatesex; this was the second episode where she's said "over my dead body." Subtle, this show is usually not. Nina getting sloshed on Martinizilla indirectly led to that second Kiki/Dillon meeting, and...I don't know, y'all. I know he's a saner choice than Morgan, and Nina's not as much of a stone mess as Carly is, but right now I just can't get behind this potential Triangle of Doom. Flip side, there was Anna and her continuing to be out of fucks over Paul and then Paul declared he was in love with her and what the fuck was that? The funny thing is that, even taking everything he's done into consideration, it's entirely possible that he was telling the truth. And Richard Burgi sold it, too. He looked like he was having some actual fun today, if in a quietly silly way; that nicely counterbalanced everything with Mayor McCheese (and while I don't think they needed to recast Janice Lomax, I'm coming to see that Shari Belafonte actually has a nice melodramatic bent in the role that kind of suits the bitch that Lomax is) and Jordan. That kind of saved the episode, especially since they brought in Joss and then only teased a blood test and a mention of her mystery kidney...

My real interest in Liam's part of this episode began and ended with his finally having gone to a neurologist. But I did find it amusing that Steffy basically just got to stand there and pout and not actively confirm anything to him. It's so damn typical, but still. OTOH, Vivienne straight up channeled Brooke when talking to Sasha about backing off Soulverine for the sake of her "little girl"--and Anna Maria Horsford and Felisha Cooper were actually the best part of the episode that wasn't Rick's Confederate Army haircut. Dare I say that Felisha even got to use her shrieky voice for good today.

Weirdly, Anna, this is one of the few points of borderline hardcore consistency/continuity about B&B that I've seen over the past eleven years: the utter lack of boundaries. Even by soap standards. Folks need time to work on their problems? Sure, just after you come by one more time to check on them...

Yeah, Francie, the fact that Anna basically wrote Liesl off on the vengeance list still kinda burns. If anything, especially after today's episode where she was completely and utterly out of fucks to give, Liesl Obrecht should still be the target of her hellbent the-bitch-must-pay agenda. Even over Paul. (That said, FH and RB brought it plenty today.) The annoying part? Anna falling on every sword within five miles still made exponentially more sense than Alexis agreeing to defend Carlos for her hubby (but perhaps less than Sam advising Kristina to go ahead and get out and explore her feelings). I mean...what? And are we going to eventually get everybody on the show out in The Park? Even Pip and Felix?

Wyatt as Timmy...damn, that's cold. As for today's actual episode: DD and HT running the tables with it and Caroline at least briefly entertaining the thought that Ridge killed Dr. Whatsit was trumped by the fact that, AFAICT, for the first time in several years someone actually locked a fucking door.

As pretty as LG is, even I was kind of astonished she was rocking shorts that short on live TV. Meanwhile...as part of CBS's new Not Safe For Daytime online thing, Pierson Fode eats a hamburger.

Nicole as a robot created because of some issue with Vivienne's pregnancy...I kind of want to see this now, if just to see what kind of error noises she makes. That said, if we're following Passions rules here, you all realize what that makes Liam: Ethan. And Steffy--in lieu of Hope--is Theresa, and Ivy would be Gwen (though this should be reversed...or thrown completely out, since Quinn is pretty much Rebecca Hotchkiss set on wackier...wellllll...) OTOH, considering some of the loony things that show did with its Triangle of Doom...it might be worth it if we got a Bollywood dance number or telenovela parody out of it. Just saying.