nachomama

Senior pictures in color, semi-casual. I was on the yearbook staff for the last 2 years of high school. So i took a good many of the photos that went in the yearbook...some of them very bad. My photography teacher was in charge of all "group" photos, ie band, football teams, cheerleading squads. But us photo students could take the action shots of the games and the random pics from around school. I took a hilariously funny photo for the "queen of courts" it's like homecoming queen but for basketball. She was a ho and she's super out of focus. There literally was not one single shot I took of her that was in focus. hahaha To be fair I am blind and we had to take the picture inside the building under flourescent lights and my contact lenses didn't like that. Generally we'd go pose them in the courtyard with nice sunlight but the weather was bad that day. She kept insisting she was a virgin (everybody knew that wasn't true) so we had decided that she was like Superman, with her glasses on, she was a virgin, take the glasses off, boom she's a ho. So my photo of her was without glasses, thus fuzzy, thus ho. Although it doesn't make much sense since I was the blind one...anyway..... We accidently got a shot of some dude climbing the bleachers whilst picking his underwear out of his ass. And someone took a picture of my sister picking her nose. She always insisted she was scratching her nose. Little did I know that for 30 years she was harboring murderous thoughts about my photography teacher. She thought my teacher took the picture or that my teacher vindictively put the photo in the yearbook. It was before I was on the yearbook staff so I can't guarantee some other student didn't put it in there to be mean but I know Mrs. Hall did not. The photo is NOT of my sister. It's a classroom picture and she's in the background. I don't think anyone taking the picture or even putting it in the yearbook even noticed her until later. She's in the background. Last year when we were trying to have her committed they asked 4 question. 1. Do you want to kill yourself 2 Have you made a plan to do so? 3 Do you want to kill others? 4 Have you made a plan to do so? She failed the questions (as in not crazy enough to be put away for safety reasons) 1 yes 2 "not really, I don't want to hurt myself, like I don't want to shoot myself, cut myself etc." 3 yes Mrs. Hall 4. I wanted to take a gun to school and kill her.....in 1987 <-- 30 years ago doesn't count as a murder plot. I was flabbergasted. Oddly we didn't have ads in our yearbooks. I don't know how our rinky dink town managed to publish a yearbook with no ads. Yes we paid about $20 for the yearbooks and they were the smallest possible pages you could get. They sucked mightily as well. Just terrible, terrible execution, content...everything and yes I include my own efforts.

I haven't officially been to disneyworld although we drove to Orlando in college and went to universal studios etc. I went to Las Vegas with some friends and we strolled most of the casinos on the strip but I wanted to get to the mirage I think, they have the aquarium thing you can walk under, the fish are all swimming above you. We didn't make it there. I nearly lost my mind because my friends wasted like 97,000 hours in the M&M museum. THEY'RE M&M'S FOR PITY SAKE. Yes you could buy fancy ones and get them personalized etc. They announced on every floor that you can make all your purchases at once, like hit all the floors and just one checkout but my dipshit friends kept waiting in line on each floor. HOW MUCH M&M CRAP DO YOU NEED???????? We went to the jousty show at Medieval times and on one hand cheesy entertainment but I did learn to like tomato soup. I hated it all my life, would never touch it. But I think I paid $45 for the medieval show (who knows how much it is now) and for me that was big money so you got like a cornish game hen, 2 potato wedges, a brocoli spear or two and tomato soup and like an apple tart. You better believe I was eating all of it. And the tomato soup was creamy something and maybe had cheese in it? it changed my mind on tomato soup.

I know the lagoons etc cater to various ages of the kids and I was like "yeah we won't be wandering childless around the lily pond, we don't wanna look like creepy weirdos". I pretty much wanna sail down the lazy river and drink as well. I can't even imagine if any of our childhood vacations was actually about us kids. My dad and grandma just liked to take road trips. In my childhood we never went to any children's thing...not Disney... nothing. They liked historic stuff like forts and national parks (translation FREE) IF we came to a museum or site we generally just looked at it, didn't pay to go in. But the capitol building of whatever state, that just let you wander in, boom boring as hell but we went. My father wasn't paying a dime to occupy us and I didn't care about Old Faithful, it stunk like rotting eggs. Didn't even "go off" while we were there. I think we went to the Royal Gorge and my sister and I started walking across and got so freaked out that we crawled. I'm sure somebody's home video shows 2 hysterical kids looking like they're on hallucinogenic drugs. We also "locked" ourselves in a campground bathroom, (it wasn't locked it was just too heavy for us to open, so we're banging and screaming like we've been murdered and kidnapped. (Some random dude came and opened the door for us and we're just 2 idiot kids freaking out.)

What happens in the cave, stays in the cave. It's the law of the wolf pack. Also amongst "resort fee" charges are "wolf ears" for the kids...BISH! YOU DON'T GIVE ME WOLF EARS IMA USE MY MORE BETTER TO EAT YOU WITH TEETH I got a whole daggone childhood to make up for here! When we travelled it was road trip only and we slept in the truck. My dad and grandma (mom was wise to bail on these trips) had a bed in the camper but my sister slept in the front seat of the truck, I slept on the fold down "bed" thing in the back seat (no padding/mattress) and we didn't eat out or get treats. Was just a cooler full of lunch meat, kool aid and grapes or whatever fruit. and some stupid chips. We drove from New Mexico to Calgary, Canada. I won't knock the Calgary Stampede as an adult but guess what? 5 year old me did NOT give 2 poops for that stupid rodeo. If I dont' get to touch the horsies and they don't eat a carrot from my hand, what good are the horsies?

I'm going to the Great Wolf Lodge! Am I dork or what? They have a sale on 8/4 where you can get rooms as low as $84 so I went online last night at midnight and booked us a "cabin" room. Cuz I'm 5. You have an "adult" side with a queen bed and I'm sure fairly swanky and then a cabin or a cave the kids can sleep in. Guess what? I'm sleeping in the cave. What a maroon. The room originally goes for $399 (didn't get $84 but 4 people and the cave, ha!) water park included. You have to book it today but you can stay (Mon-Thurs, only) (holidays are blacked out too) until Dec 6 I think. In case any of you are dorks like me.

I had a video chat with my niece in prison. I literally refer to her as my prison niece. So weird. Anywho I'm so stupid, you have to test your wifi/internet and my house fails. I have crappy internet. So I drive to free wifi place and fails. Drive to verizon store where you can log into their wifi because they're gonna show you how awesome their service is...fail. Finally figured out you can't be plugged into the car while trying to do this phone call. So I had been in my car driving around to places for like an hour before the call started. I think I'm getting old, I can't program a vcr. So the main topic became her grandson. (My sister was 15 years old than me so my niece is 4 years younger than me and she had a kid at 14....kinda explains a lot about why she's in prison in the first place) So she's got a 29 year old kid with an 11 year old son. The 11 year old was googling how to emancipate himself. sheesh. He doesn't live with his mother, has lived with guardians almost his entire life. They are good people, love him to death. The pandemic has been very hard on him, mom and grandma both went to prison. Mom (my great niece has been in and out of rehab his whole life) is stable-ish at the moment. All he knows is he hasn't been to school in a year, lives out in the sticks so he has no friends to go play with, can't go to karate or do any of his sports activities and he's tired of people telling him what to do. I laughed but I was also sad for this kid. Prison niece, his grandma, knows a thing or two about anger because he definitely inherited it from her...she just kept repeating "he's an angry kid" and I think there's maybe a year or 2 before this kid is in serious trouble with the law. My niece used to get soooo angry, like super fiery, instantaneous explosions. She fought with my sister once and went outside and punched a fence until her knuckles were all tore up. At 12ish she was fighting neighborhood kids and they were kicking her ass kicked in a big, big way and she came up screaming "that's all you got? I f*ck harder than you hit" it made me laugh because like "bish, you're 12!" but also heart breaking. I have no idea how we have avoided Jerry Springer/ Dr. Phil in my family.

Do I ever not have a weird weekend? Went to an Abba tribute show. Now, I thought it was a traveling show, like possibly kinda good. It was a train wreck but at least it was an entertaining trainwreck. Some local girls probably worship the Abba movies and sing it at Karaoke so they decided to stage a show. They could sing better than me but not the greatest harmonizers and really bad acting and speaking as a person with zero rhythm, even I could physically see them trying to stick to choreography and when your "choreography" is just "wytpeepo" dancing, oh dear lord, bless your hearts. They were having fun with it and it was an entertaining level of bad so I chalk it up as a win. I do already have 1 person I know signing up for season tickets to the hockey. They haven't nailed down a name or even a price but he secured himself the rights to choose, if the tickets are too much for him then he'll pass. The baseball team is $15 and he says if they're $15-20 he'll go for it. I can't imagine as a start-up venture they'd be $50. So I could def see a few games. Hockey won't he hot or have gnats. Plus potential for fighting. He's from New Jersey and knows the hockeys so he's strategized where to sit, how high and in the middle so you don't have to turn your neck too much. I laughed.

Well speaking of Ice hockey we are getting a new minor league hockey team. They’re building a new arena and part of it will be for the hockey’s. Hopefully we’ll get better concerts and shows as well. Not til 2022 though.

Yesterday I googled some of the places we lived when I was a kid. My dad worked for El Paso Natural Gas Co and it was a lot like being in the military, they moved you every couple of years and they provided housing so you moved into an identical house in a different place when you moved. They were always remote, usually about 30 miles to any town. When I was 3 we lived in Montezuma Creek, Utah. I had no idea how small or how remote this actually was. The current population is 335, holy cow! My sister graduated from high school while we lived there and she had to go to Blanding, Utah and it was 37 miles away. Maybe this is why my family is nuts?! I remember it was 90 miles to go to the grocery store from there. We would buy in bulk and shop once a month. We'd have fresh fruits or vegetables for about a week and after that everything was canned or frozen. We would get dry ice from the stores to get home and then my genius parents let us "play with it" when we got home. As in, if you stick a fork onto dry ice it squeals. If you run water on it, it smokes (everyone knows that) but if you suck the smoke with a straw it tastes like root beer, plus you kill a lot of brain cells because it isnt a good idea to INHALE CARBON DIOXIDE. So yeah, that explains a lot about why I'm a whackadoodle.

I've only ever been ice skating once in my life. I have no idea how ice skating/hockey is a big deal in Nashville. Every year here they turn the civic center into a skating rink for the month of December. My friends were visiting and we gave it a shot, we called it Navajos on ice. I only made it around the rink once because my ankles were killing me. There were tiny little kids whizzing by us and we were pretty much hugging the rail, but I did not fall. We laughed the whole time so it was worth it. But I have no idea how anyone learns to skate with that limited amount of time.

I feel like I would like live hockey. There's enough action and even if I have no idea what's happening I can scream about stuff. But once again my enjoyment is based on how much crap I can buy. Like if the company is giving us tickets AND a stipend I pretty much do not care what I'm watching. I want a drink or terrible food. (Not food that's terrible but food that's terrible for you...nachos, hot dogs, just pure garbage) but if I'm paying for it, I'm way too cognizent that it's garbage. If it's free garbage? Pile it on. And I'm talking balloons, hats, stupid stuff it is not fun unless there's swag. I have lived behind the baseball stadium here for 20 friggin years. I have never once been to a game. I could walk home to pee, I sit in my back yard for the free fireworks...have never been to a game. Because it is HOT, H-O-T hawwwwwwwwt. Stifling hot and humid, nope nope nope. We used to be the Sand Gnats and now we are the "Bananas" and people tell me it's very fun now, they have the unlimited food night and apparently the banana guy is just super duper fun. They get grannies out of the audience to do the banana dance and all kinds of participation stuff, it's definitely more popular than it ever was when they were the Sand Gnats but guess what? it's still HOT.

I've never really attempted to watch soccer but great googly moogly baseball always bored me. My father was an umpire, oh dear lord the number of hours I had to sit around and wait for him. People keep telling me that seeing a professional live game is different, there's a rush from the people or whatever, nope. Again, this is not "professional" but we did go see the Albuquerque Dukes when I was a kid, I think they were a farm team for the Dodgers at the time. It's the closest to any professional sporting event I've ever attended. If you don't get to buy the hot dogs or beer then it's not fun. and obvs, my dad wasn't buying us jack. Our little league field was within walking distance of our house so I'd just go home when I got bored. For a hot minute I worked in the concession stand, I got free nachos and coke. the fridgey thing where we stored the cokes was on crack because it basically froze the cokes, I loved it, a coke slushy on a hot day.

I don’t follow it either. Italy…Croatia…same thing. Hahahaha

Oooh Maggie is british. And the Englands just got super close to the World Cup and lost to Croatia, just wondering if he survived the tumult.

We had tornadoes near me, my power went out flickery-like but not too much right where I'm at.

Everybody survive Elsa? Did the British guy survive the world cup?

Yes, I'm not sure of the appeal with Jerry Lewis either but yeah he's big in France. I knew they had an archive of the old threads, I actually met many of those people, we went to St. Louis and Mansfield to go see Laura and Almanzo's house, It was fun and not even one serial killer in the bunch.

When this was TWoP I was a member of the LH club. "Pa Ma and the Mime that raped Sylvia" was the name of the thread. It was good times but yes there was some ridiculousness going on with Mimes and Mlines and baby battering rams etc. When I visited France my aunt said they LOOOOOVE Little house and also The Dukes of Hazard which I find very odd, the french people love our prairie bonnets and our short shorts.

They didn't kill him though! Oh, no, no nononono of course not. Pa climbed a mountain and built an altar and jeebus himself saved/cured young James. Pa grew this beard that looked like a squirrel died on his face, omg it was epic. Laura once ran away because she thought she killed her baby brother Frederick because she wished he wasnt so annoying and getting all the attention, she climbed a mountain and god took the form of Ernest Borgnine and he helped her realize she didn't kill him. And, and and one time Carrie feel asleep and dreamed giant strawberries. Somebody in the writers room was gettin high. If you love LHotP there's a tiktok dude whom I adore @mrstoneauthor he's FANTASTIC. He recreates scenes and his Harriet Oleson is spot on. Caroline comes in to sell her eggs and Mrs. Oleson poo poos something or other, Caroline gives her a piece of her mind and then Harriett shouts "NEEEELLLLLLLLLS" and he nails it. He rates the prairie dresses, well he rates all kind of cinematic couture and does watch-alongs with other retro tv shows. He rates the prairie hunks, etc etc

Most definitely Little house on the prairie started to jump the shark when they kept adopting kids. Jason Bateman, the crying frogface Cassandra, Nancy, Shannon Doherty over in the Wilder's clan....I guess I give Albert a pass because of his addiction to morPHINE.

I don't think I invented Hard Pants, the phrase nor the actual hard pants. Although, if I could cash in on it I would. I wish I was home this weekend, i would have checked out Blazing Saddles, don't think I've ever seen it in it's entirety. Went to Jacksonville, it was ok, they lost our hotel reservation or cancelled it under suspicious circumstances. I think holiday weekend they didnt want the cheap online discount so it mysteriously got lost and expected me to pay the extra "regular" price but the whole town wasn't sold out we just found another hotel and got refunded. The new hotel didn't have great cable or else I could have watched Blazing Saddles because the weather wasn't great. We now had no pool, sigh. but it was ok, saw some stuff, ate some bbq and it wasn't home so it counts. Plus my car kinda drives itself. My car is not that fancy, it's the cheapest/best gas mileage I could do on short notice but it has "adaptive cruise control" which I did not know was a thing. So I set my cc and I'm wondering how come I'm going so slow. Well it keeps up with whoever is in front of you. If it's a winebago going 55 you go 53, if the winebago moves boom you go back up to 70. And I swear it was staying in lanes on its own. It's got the "lane correction" if I fall asleep it beeps at me but sincerely I believe it was steering itself. Doesn't park itself, that was most def above my pay grade.

I see that they're asking New Yorkers to turn off a/c but they aren't shutting down times square to prevent blackouts. Be safe IN CASE OF EMERGENCY REMOVE HARD PANTS

Also loved Mr. Whipple "Please don't squeeze the Charmin" Oooh, OOOh OoOooOooooh so racist "Ancient chinese secret, huh?" for the laundry detergent.

I loved the talking parkay tub. I loved that Mother Nature lady. I was fascinated by such weird things. There was a 3rd grade teacher who I just thought was the MOST beautiful woman and super classy. She wore high heel wedge shoes and you could hear her clickety clackety coming down the hallway. And she wore a teased updo kinda messy bun. I thought she was so fancy and when I reflect back now I think she was middle aged and dressing too young for her age and kinda leftover hippie vibe but at the time I thought she was sooooooo cool. I also loved Charo. Hahaha John Bennett Perry is Matthew Perry’s dad! AND AND AND drumroll please…the sailor dude in the OLD SPICE COMMERCIAL!!!! like sailor man comes home from being at sea and his woman runs and jumps into his arms. I LOVED THAT COMMERCIAL. I was a really weird kid!

Can't help you there. But you know what did keep me up last night? aside from nausea about buying a new car...Real People. anybody remember that? IT was like "That's Incredible" and they'd take a dude and send him to Iowa to look at the world's biggest ball of twine. Sisters that could pogo stick. Real americana, slice of life stupidityeree. Skip Stevenson, Sarah Purcell, Byron Allen and For a hot minute the kid from "you'll shoot your eye out". One of these stories stuck with me, Leslie Lemke, he was blind and autistic. HIs birth mother abandoned him so Mrs. Lemke raised him and had taught him to walk by strapping him to her and his feet lifted with her feet. And turns out he was a savant, she kinda played the piano with him but he got to where he could play anything he heard. Now as a 5,6,7 year old I was not terribly impressed with his piano skills. I wanna say they made a movie about him. but why in high holy heaven did that come to my mind at 2 am? And I remember the butter commercial "It's not nice to fool with mother nature"