THIS!!! I could not agree more with you about this. In Outlander, it is from Claire's POV and of course she says she's beaten to an inch of her life, but she wasn't. She was pissed that she was spanked. Was it right? In 18th Century standards, I'd agree. With my 21st century sensibilities, I'd say no.
In the context of the time, he did not beat her.
ETA another thought...
I have to say I was more surprised when I was reading the series that Claire wasn't been smacked around given her attitude. Not that I want her to be, but that would not be out of the realm of possibility of the time.