Ouisch

Alan Alda has long lived in Leonia, New Jersey, which is a little less than 30 miles from Greenwich. When he was working on M*A*S*H he never relocated to California; instead he flew home to NJ every weekend.

Caress, Cherish....I knew it was some type of cozy made-up name. :) I forget exactly what the Plaintiff's beef was, but JJ mentioned something along the way about him being upset with a ruling by the Homeowner's Association, and that that might not be a reason to fly a distress flag. Even in freeze-framing the Plaintiff's complaint, a large portion of the left margin was cut off, but it did mention something about his dissatisfaction with the HOA. (Which is part of what led me to believe that it had to do with his partner Charles....perhaps Caress.....)

I thought for sure the big reveal in the hallterview with the flagpole-cutting case would be that plaintiff's witness Cherish was really this Charles that kept being mentioned. (Cherish had that sort of "I used to be a man" look.)

Was I the only viewer dying of curiosity when young Kale Trimble refused to say what his arrest was for (he finally reluctantly admitted "Criminal Mischief")? I figured it was something embarrassing, so I postulated out loud "I bet he peed on something in public!" Mr. Ouisch, overhearing from the other room as always, inquired sweetly, "What the heck is wrong with you?" I explained my theory - that the crime had to be something somewhat humiliating. "And that's the first thing you think of? Peeing?!" "Well, anyone can make it sound stupid," I feebly protested. But for $11,000 plus in restitution, I'm guessing it was more than public urination. (A Google search only shows that he was charged with interfering with a police investigation and criminal mischief.) And his dad/stepdad (I didn't understand that whole family dynamic) was quite the drama king, with his impassioned indictment of the entire child custody court system and exaggerated "Glaaadly!" when JJ asked him to sit down.

Sir Patrick Evans was the defendant in my local JJ rerun yesterday. I'm presuming "Sir" is his given first name. Maybe some moms christen their children thusly so that they will be the recipients of respect/admiration/deference throughout their lives? Didn't seem to help Sir Patrick too much...since his JJ appearance, he's been arrested for selling body armor to an undercover cop (as a convicted felon, Sir Pat's prohibited by law to possess armor) and drug possession/sales. The good news is he's still with his JJ co-defendant, Christina.

Yeah, I didn't quite get this case, either. She was leasing the horse for her daughter, who thought she might like to learn to ride? Maybe they'd buy a horse in the future if her daughter kept up with it? Then the horse's owners took him back for whatever reason and the plaintiff sued them? Didn't make a ton of sense. I wasn't a fan of either side - if you truly love this horse you own (as the defendants claimed), then why lease him out to strangers? If you can't afford a horse without renting him to generate income, don't own one. Likewise, the plaintiff claimed that she and her daughter had fallen in soo in love with Scout they were compelled to sue his owners for terminating the lease. Did they make an offer to purchase him before that time? Did they only love him because leasing him was cheaper than owning? (I didn't read all the terms of the lease - were the plaintiffs responsible for veterinary care, or was it like leasing a car, when the company pays for everything except gas, oil and tires?)

Rachel the Bratz Doll's Facebook page is intriguing just to look at her ever-changing lips over the past few years. They go from regular size to inflated larger than the rear tires on my van then back down a bit, then huge..... On JJ today Rachel's butt looked....odd. Besides it being rather bulbous compared to the rest of her physique, it also (from the side view, anyway) seemed to be way too low. It was positioned below her hips or something. Weird. Interestingly enough, I found a video of her online from two years ago where she discusses her new "booty improvement" regime, which involved supplements (Omega 3 oil, Vitamin E, Saw Palmetto) and "lots" of Saran Wrap. (???) David Bagner was no prize either, but I think he was the one who dodged a bullet in that break-up.

I can't remember the names of the parties now (except that the Plaintuff's last name was "Robbins"), but it was aired Friday here and involved a woman who'd rented a room in a large house (with full house privileges) for $500/month from Craig's List. She'd signed a lease that stipulated she was locked in for three months, then she'd be on a month-to-month basis. She was suing her landlord to get her security deposit back since she bailed after just two months. What bugged me about this case was the Plaintiff's adamant pleas to JJ to listen to all of her evidence about the horrific living conditions, but every time she was given a chance to elaborate, all she kept saying was "There were issues." "There were issues....she was an alcoholic.... and there was this other tenant named Nate, and there were issues with him.... And there were issues with domestic violence...." I was dying to hear about the specific "issues". Her only concrete complaints were dog poop in the back yard, a dryer with a broken timer, and a TV set with a line down the middle of the screen. The entire plot thickened during the hallterview, when the Plaintiff admitted that she'd been arrested for impersonating a police officer, but she assured us that the case would never come to trial and she'd never be convicted. Again.....I want details!!

Some fun Brady Bunch facts, courtesy of Mental Floss.

As if Mayer Landy hadn't embarrassed himself enough during his testimony, did you catch his comment in the hallterview? "I'd ask her, 'Can I touch you?' and she'd say, "Yeah, for $60.'" (Maybe it's just me, but it seems extra-icky to me if an old lech actually asks permission to grope you, rather than just "accidentally" copping a feel. I've worked in offices since I was 16 years old and have many a lech pat my behind [just once, then they were sternly warned to never do so again!] or "unintentionally" brush against my breast while reaching for something; I think I would've run screaming if they'd asked in advance for the privilege.)

Looks like Brandon Milby, the co-signer for Expresso-Head Shannon Jones, is no stranger to controversy. Perhaps he had ulterior motives for buying a car on her behalf.

She asked for JJ's autograph for her mother, because mom really loves JJ.

I, too, had to do a few double-takes at her hair (she had decorative thingies hanging on the large tufts/curls?), but it really suited her and was very becoming. I've had really fine, straight hair all my life, sort of like Marcia Brady. It is naturally blonde and has remained so even as I enter menopause (at a recent haircut the stylist commented in surprise, "You don't have any gray!"), which is the only quality I've ever liked about my hair. So I've always admired anyone with a head full of thick hair that they could arrange into all sorts of amazing styles. The style that bothers me, though, on JJ litigants is when they have very tight cornrows so that you can see shiny scalp in between the rows....my brain keeps silently yelling "Traction alopecia! Stop tight braiding!" simply because I have more scalp showing these days as my hair thins and I hate it. Maybe it's because I'm OCD, but sometimes I can't help but focus on things like injurious hair styles or litigants that continually cock their head to one side during their testimony and won't "even it up" by leaning toward the other side even once.....

I forget which case it was recently, but the defendant was going to pay the plaintiff when she got her tax refund, and she showed JJ a copy of her refund check....it was for a little over eight thousand dollars! Isn't a person having too much tax withheld if they get an $8.000+ refund?

I got the impression that Helan had something to hide, which is why she didn't call the police nor file an accident report when the defendant "tapped" her bumper. I mean, of all the things that would run through my mind if my car had been hit while parked, calculating the possible cost of repair would not be first, much less insisting upon payment on the spot. Perhaps I'm too hellbent on vengeance, but I would prefer to get the police involved and have the perp be properly ticketed for no license/no insurance and whatever other charges, so that one day when she does get insurance her rates will be as high as mine will be after this little kerfuffle.

Speaking of creditors, Mel Farr Ford in Metro Detroit was using a similar device back in 1999 when his dealership advertised "bad credit or no credit", you could lease a car from Mel Farr Ford.

As one who has previously always rolled her eyes over the many dog cases on JJ, I now have a new found empathy for them. I was out walking my dog, Zelda, a 10-year-old Australian shepherd rescue whom Mr. Ouisch and I had sort of foisted upon us about two months ago by a friend of a friend. Zelda's owners were moving to an assisted care facility that didn't accept dogs, and since Zelda was not used to being home alone all day, and Mr. Ouisch and I both work from home....well, here we are. Today I was walking her in our neighborhood, in our city that is so prissy that police will actually pull over and ticket you if you are not carrying a waste disposal bag while walking your dog, when this big golden retriever bounded off of a porch and ran over to Zelda and me on the next door neighbor's city strip (the public patch of grass between the sidewalk and the curb) where I was just bending over to scoop up Zelda's, um, Number Two. Golden Retriever's owner was on her porch with two very young children and half-heartedly called her dog's name while simultaneously chastising her kids to stop hitting or stop this or that. This unleashed dog was off of her property ("out of her control" as JJ would say) and vigorously sniffing Zelda's nether regions. I was nervous because Zelda is still new to me and I don't know how she reacts with other dogs, especially large unleashed ones. Zelda circled around excitedly, returning sniffs with the retriever and wrapping her leash around my legs in the process. I was off-balance anyway, since I'd been semi-squatting to scoop her poop, and I got knocked over. I called out to the owner "Can you help me out here?" and she didn't budge from her porch, she simply called her dog's name once again and returned her attention to her similarly unruly kids. Luckily, I wasn't hurt (other than the bruises I'll see later), and the two dogs didn't fight or anything, but I can now better appreciate the frustration of the plaintiffs over the apathy of some dog owners and will glance with a skeptical eye at those who state "he was never out of my control...."

I paused the Reverse Side Swiping guy's letter from the insurance company; sure enough, he'd renewed his lapsed policy 30 minutes after he'd hit six cars. Comedy gold. Shady Shadi, oh my goodness! Also paused his text messages, but the camera didn't show the entire lengthy one JJ held up to show him. But the parts that did show were scary enough: "OK, give me back my gifts, you would rather be with your friends than with me. Why did you sign up for match.com if you weren't looking for a serious relationship? You obviously have someone sitting next to you telling you what to do, so I don't trust you anymore." etc etc. What a nutcase! But semi-accented Business Barbie wasn't much better, accepting a $3,000 purse and expensive lingerie from a man she's known for two days?? (My Mom used to think it was in appropriate for a lady to accept jewelry from a man that wasn't her fiance or husband; I wonder what her thoughts are on accepting underwear from an admirer?) According to the caption, Barbie works as a medical equipment sales representative - all I could think of was Penny from The Big Bang Theory....a pretty blonde who got her sales job strictly because she was a pretty blonde.

I'm a bit confused by the Imprisoned Strangulator case....the defendant uttered "Thank God" after stating that his sentence was six years. Did she mean "Thank God he'll be off the streets for a while" or "Thank God it won't be that long before I can have him back"? In the hallterview, the plaintiff was the one actually defending Strangulator - said something along the lines of the defendant lying and painting him in a bad light. ???

Circa 1990 I worked for an 80-year-old man who had an enormous sense of entitlement and probably should not have been driving by virtue of his several surgeries for glaucoma (he eventually gave up driving at night while I still worked for him). Anyway, one evening he had to visit his attorney's office, which was located in a huge complex. It was after 6PM, most of the parking lot was empty, and he parked in one of 15 available (and all empty at the time) (no, he did not have a handicapped placard, nor did he consider himself disabled in any way). When he emerged from the building he was outraged to find a $200 ticket on his windshield. He fought the ticket (I typed the letters, so I know) by arguing that the proposed purpose of handicapped parking spaces was to allow access for the differently-abled, not to raise revenue for the city. Since he was not preventing any potential handicapped drivers from parking near the building, he should not have been ticketed. Believe it or not, the city reduced his fine to $75.

She said he "chucked" us or "was chucking us" the finger. I was angry that JJ didn't take Mrs. Dupont to task for falsely crying rape. That was just more rancid icing on a disgusting Dupont cake.

The best name I've ever read on TV belongs to one Toppie Smellie, who used to feature on a commercial for Oven Fry chicken coating. I just caught up on some weekend reruns that I'd recorded a few weeks ago... one was the case a mom suing her adult son for the bail money and attorney fees she forked out after his third arrest for burglary or grand theft. Thirty-something son had four kids (three of his biologically, or however it's politely phrased) and was facing a lengthy sentence had mom not intervened with her financial support. But son didn't want to repay the money for some reason....mainly because "his mom didn't raise him, his grandma did! And his mom borrowed the money from his grandma to pay his bail!" His (recent) ex-wife was in the witness chair chiming in "She's never been a mother to him!" ??? So that means that despite any issues in their past, his mother saved his sorry posterior from doing 10-to-20 in The Joint, he shouldn't have to pay her back because he had a lousy childhood? The entitlement of some folks.....it baffles!

Romance Cooke: Class Personified, you can tell just by the luxurious wig she couldn't stop playing with in court. If you Google her, you'll see that she's not only advertising (via nothing more than a butt photo) on a dating site, she was also arrested for something or other in December 2013. Oh, and she was registered on Babys R Us for a bundle of joy due in February 2014. I hope her memory improved from its "Yeah, I paid those tickets. Well, no not really, I guess" state when it comes to feeding and caring for her baby.

Is it just me, or does Kaley Cuoco seem to talk with a pronounced lisp in recent episodes? I've always been annoyed at the constant pursing of her lips, but now it seems like she's adapting this other speech affectation, trying to sound cutesy or something. I can see Leonard's upset at learning that Penny out-earns him by so much, particularly since she more or less lucked into the pharma job. And the only reason she was hired was, like most things she's achieved in her life so far, because she is pretty. If she had a sterling personality with charisma rays that illuminated any room she entered but she weighed 185 lbs. and wore glasses to correct a lazy eye she probably would not have been hired by Bernadette's company. Leonard, on the other hand. went to grad school, racked up student debt and got an advanced degree in a scientific field. From his point of view, he's earning his money by using his brain, not via genetic gifts that he inherited.

I always save a few weekend JJ episodes on my DVR fo viewing on those days when no station in my area airs an episode. Last night I watched one that had recorded about three weeks ago; it was a rerun from 2009 that I had never seen before. The plaintiff was one Miss Susan Ericsson who, for some reason, had taken 17-yera-old Sierra Fickbohm under her wing. Sierra's mom kicked her out or couldn't support her or some such, and Susan not only let her live with her, she also bought her a used car and paid $950 for her senior pictures. Sierra had the usual defense - "She didn't ask me to pay her back!" She never asked for rent!" but also insisted that she cleaned Susan's house for her, which was payment enough, because Susan paid her regular cleaning lady "$100 an hour." Anyone remember this case? It left me wondering why the heck the plaintiff took in Sierra in the first place and paid for all that stuff. Goodness of her heart? Getting something in return? Any guesses?