Emmierose

Ryan is NOT clean. Dr. Drew sucks on a lot of levels, but you can tell by his face when Ryan speaks that he can also see that Ryan isn’t clean.

Just when I thought this show couldn’t get any worse, tonight’s storyline is that we get to watch these 4 awkwardly sit around together in a rental and drink? They sure don’t look like they’re having fun. God they’re boring.

You hope Ryan STILL likes you when he gets out of jail Mack? That’s a good one! He didn’t like you BEFORE he went to jail. Idiot. Nova’s trauma isn’t funny. All of the adults are all, “whatever” while they smile and chuckle as Nova is inconsolable. They all suck. And why is Tyler’s skin so bad? Isn’t he like, 30? Valera is TINY.

OMG, I’ve already fallen asleep twice. I’m never gonna make it...

Chicken John seems over Brianna when they’re in the car on the way to breakfast. Brianna is all flirty and smiles and Chicken John is checked OUT.

Chelsea needs to stop the “Cole should adopt Aubree” drumbeat. Aubree has a father whether Chelsea likes him or not. You can tell by Aubree’s answers in the car and the look on her face that she’s getting fed up with Chelsea’s questions and feels protective of her dad and grandmother. Ya know, HER FAMILY. My sister tried this bullshit and grilled her daughter whenever she spent time with her father and his family. People she loved. My sister also talked endlessly about getting sole custody (they had 50/50) in front of my niece and never let up. Ever. When my niece turned 12, she informed the judge she wanted to go and live with her dad full time and the judge granted it (there were other circumstances that contributed as well). My niece is now 16 and has no relationship with her mother and to this day my sister refuses to see what she did that facilitated my niece’s choice to live with her father. Children are not pawns and as much as Chelsea would love to erase Adam, she can’t and Aubree loves him and Grandma Donna. All of the yammering about what would happen if Chelsea died is stupid. Chances are Chelsea isn’t going to die anytime soon and if she does then the issue will be addressed. Just live your fucking life Chelsea and let Aubree love her family. Aubree will eventually see Adam’s faults and can decide for herself what type of a relationship she wants with him.

Doing my taxes with Teen Mom 2 playing in the background. I'm re-watching Season 1 and although I think Jo has grown up so much and is absolutely a good father and a friend to Kailyn now, he was quite the controlling asshole when he and Kailyn were young and together. The scene where he tells her he keeps track of the mileage she puts on his car is abusive and controlling. I get that it's his car and he's letting her use it, but keeping track of the mileage? He said, "I check the mileage every day..." Um, okay. Either let her use the car or don't but keeping track of the mileage is fucked up (this was before she was with Jordan). I don't know, they've both grown a lot since then but he definitely wasn't very nice to Kail when Isaac was a baby.

Why was Leah’s sister rocking back and forth while they were talking in the carpet store? Did she have to pee? What the hell was up with that? Leah was doing it too but less noticeably. Seemed so weird.

MTV is replaying the episode of Mack and Ryan’s church wedding and all I can say is that it’s very clear that Ryan doesn’t give 2 shits about Mackenzie. Oh and MacKenzie is ORANGE.

Oh my God this show is deathly boring. I watched it On Demand and kept checking how many minutes I had left to watch. It also wouldn’t let me fast forward. Jenelle’s face when the producer was reading David’s text was very sad. I don’t like Jenelle but there’s some serious domestic violence in her life. No one deserves that. I hope she eventually gets herself and the kids away from David before something tragic happens. And I’m also not loving Barb’s bad judgement bullshit this season. My bet is that she’ll run back to Doris’ corner when Jenelle cuts her out again. Chelsea’s segment was a nice breath of fresh air in this shit show. I enjoy watching her interact with Cole. He seems very sweet. Kailyn needs therapy. For many reasons. Her mom. Chris. How she treats people. Everything. And settle down with Lux’s birthday party. A cake tasting? Seriously? Cheap ass towels as favors? So dumb. Leah’s new boyfriend seems mature. The advocate is a great idea. I hope Leah keeps moving in this more stable direction. Brianna’s kids are absolutely adorable! Not sure I get the strip mall school next to a Mattress Firm but okay I guess. Nova is so entrenched in The Coven that she seems traumatized when separating from them and seeing her silently cry was heartbreaking. I hope she spends more time with Devoin as she gets older and that he doesn’t disappear from her life when the cameras stop rolling. As far as Roxanne calling Nova “Mama” yes, it’s cultural. My mother grew up in a mostly Puerto Rican neighborhood in Brooklyn where it’s common for women to call each other Mama, Mami, or Mommy as a term of endearment. My mother used to call me Mommy all the time when I was little, “What’s the matter Mommy? Are you tired? Sad? Do you need a hug?” It’s not meant to imply “mother” in the maternal with children sense. Not criticizing, just clarifying.

Briana: Her friend Shirley looks about 40 years old and I’m guessing she’s not. Girlfriend looks ROUGH. And what’s with the whole renting a house to have a birthday party? What? Do people actually do this? It’s like admitting you’re such trash you that you want to have a house party but don’t have a house. How about Chuck E Cheese or some kid place ya know, for a KID’S birthday? Also gonna question the tanks with titles on them for your child’s first birthday, just no. And did Briana even shower before she put on her fancy tank top? Doesn’t look like it, she looks like she smells like McDonald’s. Wow Luis thanks for playing. Why even bother showing up? That baby has NO idea who he is. And I’m over Brittany mugging for the camera, it was funny ONCE. Chelsea: Love me some level headed Randy grandpa shit. Aubree is very lucky to have such a great family. Adumb sucks. Leah: Why does Corey’s southern accent seem way more pronounced in this episode? Just me? Okay. Janelle: Didn’t watch, don’t care. Kailyn: Please leave your face alone, you’re starting to look like a Muppet. All of her boys are as cute as can be though.

That’s unfortunate. Why did Kail lie about it? Jo has been her ONLY consistent family for almost 10 years, is a good father and is clearly contributing to his son’s financial suport, why do this? I hope Kailyn gets herself a good therapist someday. I have a Kailyn in my family and it’s been my experience that people like this only get more unhinged as they get older. Maybe some decent therapy will rein her in before she does more damage to herself and the people around her. And kudos to Jo for shooting her down with concrete proof. Too bad he had to do that.

Kail, Please leave your face alone. It’s not cute. You really used to be adorable. Now? Not so much. Please stop. Emmie (Lopez)

Why is Amber YELLING?

Catelynn is a sad sack and a life suck, but I’d pay money to watch her finally tell Tyler to fuck off already.