NinjaPenguins

Rey is a terrible brother. And a terrible boyfriend. Not a great cop either, come to think of it. If show wants me to root for Sharon to get together with this dink, then show better start him on a path to redemption. And no, just sticking him with Sharon is not redemption. Yes, I think the path to being a better man goes through Lola’s testicle smashing boot.

The ads I’m talking about are definitely for Reeses. In the most recent, an obnoxious voiceover talks about how they put the candy everywhere, including chiropractors offices. They all end with the narrator sneering “Sorry, not sorry.” I do hate the Milky Way commercials too, and I don’t regert that.

Spider is Max Headroom? Interesting, yet not quite relevant twist. Billy should be at Dickbags Anonymous. Nick can put on a shirt and drive him there.

I don’t think I could have sex in a bed featuring a MyPillow. The other day, I made myself some Kraft Mac & Cheese, but didn’t preface it with a tantrum. My mom didn’t come over and beam at me while weird music played and sunlight came streaming through my kitchen window. Kind of a letdown, tbh. The whole Reese’s “Sorry, not sorry” crapola can go away now. My nieces used to say that all the time but thankfully moved on to the next hip thing. It’s hard to quantify the hatred I feel for that obnoxious voice snarkily slinging “Sorry not sorry.” Eat shit, dude.

Excuse me, but I would buy a cardboard Victor to add to my Halloween tableau. Who’s got the scariest house on the block now? This lady.

I’m back, bitches!

Oh, Tobin, I too loathed Paul and Emily on ATWT with near the same intensity I hate Philly. Flames on the side of my face hatred. I hope Y&R doesn’t try to force Summer and Kyle in the same way. There’s already an Abbott/Newman endgame couple in Villy, and their last names are the least of what make them interesting. Also... they thought they were siblings. Dear god in heaven, Jack went from being Summer’s father to her father-in-law. It’s just gross.

Rey is total ass. Like a buttbiscuit without the bread.

Serenity now... insanity later. i just saw a commercial for something I think is called Alpha Knight Immortal? This is a parody product, right? Right? Oh god, it’s real. I hate it.

But a detective agency might be... interesting. Can this show still do interesting? Stay tuned.

To me, the easiest way to watch soaps is to forget about dates and ages and SORAS. It will never make sense. Some characters are obviously older than others. A kid born five years ago might be an adult today or a couple who should be too old is having a baby. Whatever. It’s my understanding that Victor was part of the Lewis & Clark expedition and he’s still kickin’. Now if the writers pull some nonsense like making Jack Dina’s father or recasting Adam with a toddler, then I’ll get shirty about it.

Look, Paisley, you give us Billy Miller, and we’ll give you a shiny Jason Thompson right off the showroom floor. You’d have to be crazy to walk away from a bargain like that. If you act now, we’ll throw in a Noemi Gonzalez for no extra charge; you only pay shipping and handling. Hurry! This deal is only available for a limited time.

Thanks, guys. Boy, I wish Lola had more self-esteem. Kyle never had to sleep with Summer; she never made it a condition of giving up her liver. I am feeling increasingly unkind towards Husband Kyle. There had better not be a baby switch. It’s bad enough watching the nonsense unfold on B&B. And I actually give a shit about Hope. Hey, look! Phyllis is still a despicable arsehole! Who knew?

Why the fuck is Mia actually pregnant? God it would have been awesome television had she been exposed as a fraud during the ultrasound. Can Sharon get a romantic partner who isn’t a sperminating toolbag? I know she had Dylan, but there’s no way a tree can mate with a human. Assuming Baby Stubble is Arturo’s, since that retcon of furnace night needs justification. Query. Does Lola know Husband Kyle banged Wife Summer? Maybe Cane and Billy are really siblings after all. Neither one of them understands that when a woman tells you to get lost, you get lost.

I’m currently hating on the “We switched to Chevy” ads. I just love the one lady who says “Why did we switch to Chevy? Just look at it.” Well, I’m looking, and your new vehicle doesn’t appear to be remarkably superior to other vehicles on the road. Oh well, at least Potsch isn’t in it.

Jewel, you are not alone! I am also a big Kevin fan.

Ashley must have learned all she knows about decency from her lengthy sabbatical in Victor’s colon. She could absolutely bury Jabot and she still won’t be happy, John will still be dead and unable to kiss her My Beauty ass for being such a winner, and she’ll have alienated the family she does have. Has Mia been trolling the hospital again, this time for ultrasound pics? Can’t wait for the inevitable blueberry scene, as she follows the Phyllis path to its caterwauling conclusion. Get a life, lady. I do enjoy both Cane and Phyllis getting the boot. That’s just quality television.

Excuse me? It’s romcomcom or nothing at all! Yougotthat? But yeah, I straight up hated MS Phyllis. From her nasty ass affair with Nick that produced the odious Summer to springing her son’s rapist out of prison for her own gain, the character offers me not one fond memory. I can hardly wait for her to inflict more misery on Jack.

Yeah, I don’t need the Philly hour replaced with the Phick Sexay Times Follies and Word Games. I also haven’t forgotten how MS tanked some of her last scenes with Jack.

Oh, I can’t watch MS Phyllis and BM Billy on screen together. There is no way that version of Billy would have tapped that version of Phyllis even at his lowest.

Thank you for an excuse not to clean the bathroom today. I’d hate to spray Billy all over the tub and toilet. I’d have to move. I also think Phyllis will end up back with Jack, with possibly a detour to the jungle for some hot banana action before that. Or maybe she’ll surprise us and hit up Arturo for some lovin’. He’s got those broad nose holes that make the ladies swoon...

It’s funny that the Lola actor was thinking about peanut butter while doing the coma thing. I was also thinking about peanut butter. And Summer. Together. Victoria is getting a new love interest? Sharon and Rey are hitting the sheets? Nostrils and Neck Jut are no longer the only couple allowed to sexay their bony butts all over town? It’s a new era indeed. Whhhheeeee!

I wouldn’t mind a scene of Phyllis driving up one of Billy’s nostrils. She’d be gone for weeks.

Wouldn’t bringing Adam back as a vampire be overkill with Cane already on the show? Of course, Cane is proving to be more of an energy vampire, sucking the very life out of every scene and slowly eroding the audience’s will to live.