NinjaPenguins

Jack told him that Nikki saved his life, and Victor casually replied “I wouldn’t have.” As if his undead ass has the right to say boo to Jack after the Marco debacle. Nick and Victoria had the only relatable scene, and I kept waiting him to ask his sister to pull his finger.

Today’s show had everything - everything, I tell you. Birth mom. Ten toes. Syrupy Liam & Steffy domesticity. Everything a show needs to send me screaming from the room to seriously consider a hiatus from the cow flop parade on my TV. Please, make Kelly Bill’s kid. I’d love to see smug idiots Liam and Steffy get their faces cracked. Steffy could then tell Ivy that Liam was her daughter’s sibling. Thank you! Such comically inept dialogue. Speaking of which, yes, Finn, your mother is alive. Her name is Li and she’s the one who didn’t put a bullet in you and your wife.

This has to be one of the worst addiction stories ever. If Jack did indeed pop real pills, wtf? If the whole thing was an elaborately staged scene to shock Nikki into sobriety, that is terrible writing. It’s such a dumb, convoluted, unrealistic thing to do that it boggles the mind. I’m so tired of Nikki apologizing to Victor. Apologize to Jack for sucking his life force dry. Apologize to yourself. Tell Victor to take his imperious, controlling shtick and enjoy a long walk off a short pier. While he’s right that Jack should not be Nikki’s sponsor, the prick isn’t doing her any favors stashing her supervillain nemesis on the property. This episode felt like the Newman Hour with cameos by a couple of Abbotts.

Is this show being broadcast from the Twilight Zone? WTF was that? I find it difficult to muster any tears for Sheila when she’s facing the consequences of her own actions. And did she say she loved Steffy? Really? Bullshit. Speaking of her Ladyship, what an embarrassing display. Just embarrassing. Ivy mooning over Liam is pretty sad, but I feel like Steffy’s behavior possibly set back feminism about 50 years. My grandma would sometimes call people “twerps” and I didn’t quite get what that meant… until I saw Liam lapping up all that attention, Liam is definitely king of the twerps.

This isn’t real life? Are you telling me that B&B isn’t an accurate depiction of the L.A. fashion or social scene? Is this why everyone looks at me funny when I describe Los Angeles as a small, dystopian aristocracy where beautiful, heterosexual people are forced to find mates within their own families? The recreational drug of choice is MINTZ and detectives get paid in hot dogs. If that’s not true, I don’t know what to do.

I don’t have a problem with Claire as an individual character, but I’m pretty burned out on the Newman clan. I’d enjoy the story more if it focused on the emotional and psychological side of things, instead of using Claire to put over a cartoony supervillain. He had to have been following the script. Only JG could pen such incompetent dialogue. I will admit, EB did seem to come alive (as much as one can playing an undead character) when Victor taunted Jordan in the Newman Family Wine Cellar and Penitentiary. He seemed to be having fun, which is more than can be said about this audience member.

That was terrible. He was clearly making it up as he went along. Caveman Nick grunting and growling about how Jordan was lucky to be dead so she wouldn’t have to face his manly wrath was a choice.

Oh man, what a Friday! It was a buy one, get one free sale on insufferable asshats at FC; sit through Steffy’s smug, judgmental smack talk about Deacon and you can enjoy her smug prick of a father putting in his wooden nickel’s worth of wisdom. The only thing better would be scenes of Ridge and Thomas in Paris, shit talking Hope, you know, the gal to whom Ridge was such a good father. Hey, someone actually focused on Luna’s feelings today! Brooke was right to point out how problematic the latest misunderstanding night was; too bad the show won’t own it. It never does, and it’s gross how often the writers go back to that well. Sherlock and Watson in the alley behind the convenience store getting intel from the down on his luck Santa Claus was quite the comedic scene. I dislike Sheila intensely, but, man, I hope Steffy has to eat some crow, even if it’s but a tiny morsel.

I generally like Tucker and Audra as individuals, but I really dislike them as a couple. They seem isolated from the rest of the cast, and all they do is have sex. Audra clearly doesn’t want to get married, and Tucker would drop her like a hot rock if Ashley was well and wanted him back. Speaking of Ashley, what in the blue dilly fuck am I watching unfold here? It’s like she and Traci were on two different shows. Traci was acting like a real person while Ashley was performing in a campy comedy sketch. The scenes with Ashley’s alters bickering against the backdrop of a Philadelphia cream cheese commercial are painful, and there’s something off putting about the homicidal maniac handcuffed to the bed. I think it might be the homicidal mania. Lily and Buttbiscuit were certainly more tolerable than Nick and Phyllis were yesterday. Woof. This show has lowered my standards to rock bottom.

Steffy is a real piece of work. Not too long after telling Hope that she’s hot trash and a slut like her mother, here she is, telling Hope to bring her father to heel over the Sheila thing. Someone needs to get the message to Steffy, gently or not, that she’s not, in fact, Queen of the Universe. She doesn’t have conversations; she just harangues people. Ugh.

Dear Readers; The Dear Buttbiscuit column, read by tens of Genoa City denizens, is permanently canceled. That’s right. I, Billy Abbott, have shitcanned my greatest artistic achievement, my masterpiece of meddling, my symphony of solicitude, my magnum opus of wisdom. (Alliteration is not my jam, ingrates) Why? Not that you people deserve an explanation, but I love the sight of my own words, so I’ll tell you. There are a number of reasons, but, first of all, I am embarking on another corporate mission of immense importance. My mother’s company, thousands of employees, and another tantalizing opportunity to shit where I eat all hang in the balance. (Lily, call me!) If I can pry my idiot nephew off his snowflake addiction, I’ll have a solid ally in my path to the top. Jabot runs like Microsoft compared to this place, so my amoral conniving should cut through the competition like a knife through hot butter. You should eavesdrop on one of our “board meetings” sometime. Let’s get down to the heart of the problem. I’m a beacon of raw human truth and y’all won’t take off your damn horse blinders. I get it. The dude from the Vatican said to never make prolonged eye contact with the Phyllis entity, That’s no excuse to ignore my sage advice or ask me increasingly bizarre questions. No, Victor, I don’t have any recipes for rat tartare. WTF is wrong with you? Nikki, you smell like you survived a moonshine still explosion, but maybe it’s just my oversized olfactory glands that make me the only person to notice. Summer, it’s great that you love your stepson and I’ve got mad respect that you don’t let biology dictate how much you care. Here’s the problem: you’re an asshole, so nobody gives an aerodynamic fuck on a rolling donut. 90% of the letters I get are from Newmans. It is unbearable. They are horrible, self-absorbed, broken people. Hey, Nick, you couldn’t pick Christian or Harrison out of a lineup, so how fucking dare you walk into my brother’s house with the woman you did gross naked stuff with behind his back all those years ago? I mean, I’m related, so I get a pass. How did Harrison suddenly become more Newman than Abbott? Hey, maybe Nikki could fuck off into the sun so my brother could focus on his sister performing the Scarlet O’Hara Follies all over town? Maybe her AA group is assisting Jordan because they can’t take Nikki’s narcissistic monologuing anymore. I can’t take you Newmans anymore. I won’t. Signing off, Buttbiscuit

RJ needs to seek out Finn’s trainer. Or Cesar Milan. I also enjoyed Lauren and Deacon, probably because they were having an actual conversation instead of the usual “entitled Forrester jerk berates peasant” scene Deacon gets stuck with.

There was once a bear in the woods who supposedly sampled Sheila’s goods He ate all but a toe But wouldn’t you know The situation was entirely misunderstood P.S. Ten. Toes.

I am not entertained by the tired trope of one character trying to confess something while the other character interrupts them with such frequency that the truth doesn’t come out or takes forever to emerge. Stop padding the script and get the show on the road. Damn. If show could stop flashing back to bare feet (with TEN TOES!!!) disappearing into the crematorium fire, that would be swell. Although having Carl randomly show up to exclaim “THAT’S REALLY HOT!” might be amusing. I noticed Lauren was in the previews. She flew to California and made the rounds, flew back to Wisconsin to celebrate the Newman anniversary with a cringeworthy description of their “glorious love” and then flew back to California to confront Deacon?

Where did this magnificent turn of phrase come from? Characters keep telling me that Steffy is torn up about killing Sheila, but she’s not putting out that vibe. It kind of galls me to see Steffy being so buddy buddy with RJ after she’s put in so much work unloading vitriol on his other sister and mother. I wish he’d catch her spewing her misogynistic filth. Hopefully he’d have more of a spine than his ogre of a dad.

Ridge is so unlikeable. He’s so juvenile, heading over to Deacon’s place of business to talk shit to a grieving man. Was Sheila horrible and loathsome in every way? Yes indeed. Is it cool to talk about putting her down like a sick animal? I personally don’t think so. Ridge has all that money but still won’t spring for a modicum of class or human decency. He and Steffy are insufferable together. Nice of Zende to put on a cowboy shirt for all the horseshit shoveling he did today. He definitely sees himself as the “picking up the pieces” guy. Show really does go overboard exonerating Zende for Mint Night. Thomas is still the King of Schmucks, but Zende’s just starting out.

I feel like “Sheila back from the dead” is one of those go-to moves with diminishing returns. We just had the suspenseless Did a Bear Eat Sheila? non-mystery and now we have the morbid sight of ten toes disappearing into the crematory fires. (Honestly, I’d rather not spend a whole episode of a soap opera at a crematorium to begin with. WTF?) Everyone saw this coming. It would have been more shocking to see nine toes. Ultimately we’re in for months of Deacon and Finn having mind numbing, repetitive conversations on a topic that has been beaten to death a thousand times before: “is Sheila really alive?” I expect ‘I saw ten toes’ to become the new ‘birth mother.’ Lol@Lauren expressing concern that poor Steffy had to kill someone. This ain’t Steffy’s first rodeo, lady.

I’ll need the whole weekend to recover from the shock.

Most definitely. Unfortunately, the number of people who try to disabuse her of this notion is far outstripped by those blowing sunshine up her nose. Everything Steffy does is the bestest - just ask her. This is the woman congratulating herself to Liam for considering Finn’s feelings, which, you know, ought to be something you automatically do for your husband. Or any human being really. Steffy acts like she’s making a huge sacrifice and is deserving of the Nobel Peace Prize for her novel act of empathy. Then Liam tells her how strong and fair and kind she is, Steffy inexplicably flashes some leg at him and the beat goes on. I hope we find out the casket at the memorial is empty, or, barring that, someone jumps out of it. Doesn’t have to be Sheila. Let’s lean in to the ridiculousness.

I like how Steffy clearly thought she was being magnanimous by allowing Finn to make his own decision about attending Sheila’s memorial. Her generosity knows no bounds. Of course Liam understands her side of things; if Steffy said the Earth was flat, he’d try to throw himself off the edge of it. Hope was making some excellent faces during the memorial.

I know, right? Like what kind of relationship do Steffy and Thomas have exactly? I could understand if Steffy meant that Thomas spent so much time with Hope that he none left for his family or if Hope and Thomas moved to Antarctica at Hope’s insistence. Steffy and Thomas live in the same neighborhood and work in the same damn building. Also gross is Steffy clinging to the childish, outdated notion that brothers and husbands can be “stolen.” She acts like Brooke broke into their happy home, stuffed Ridge in a burlap sack and absconded with him back to her supervillain lair. A grown ass woman needs to acknowledge that her father has agency. I kind of wish RJ could hear his darling sister slagging his mom and other sister, but knowing this show, he’d just bow down to Queen Steffy.

The writing for this show is absolutely deranged. Clearly the show takes place in an alternate universe where women who don’t accept marriage proposals on the man’s timeline are exiled to Bitchville after a period of shaming. The people in charge of this clown show should put a disclaimer at the beginning of every episode: Misogynistic Dystopia Ahead. Oh, and the gaslighting. The endless gaslighting that must be deployed in order to keep the fucked up Forester branch squeaky clean. Steffy is completely fabricating a version of Thomas & Hope that never existed and punishing Hope for it. Ridge and Steffy both acting brand new, as if Hope hadn’t repeatedly and clearly told Thomas she wasn’t ready for marriage, was the cherry on the shit sundae. When Ridge shrugged his shoulders at Brooke after she pointed out the cruelty of taking Douglas to Paris, like “herp derp what are you gonna do, he kept proposing and she said no“, I wanted Brooke to give him a second vasectomy. Or how about the casual way he brushed off the baby Beth thing? No wonder his kids with Taylor are broken toys. Hey, was Steffy talking to a mirror at the end there? I could have sworn she was describing herself when I heard the word “trash”. I could have done without Hope describing the relationship as beautiful or healthy, but I hope she stays motivated to make Steffy regret her vulgar behavior. Zende, please stop. I feel like he could easily get a date and not have to moon after his cousin’s girlfriend. Hey, how come RJ hasn’t proposed to Luna yet? They’ve known each other for at least a week and had sex.

The reason it strikes me as manipulative is that Thomas is getting everything he wants, with Hope telling him repeatedly she’s not ready for marriage. She’s giving him sex, intimacy, co-parenting, working with him… and she sets one very reasonable boundary that he can’t be arsed to respect. When he fails to break down that one wall, he takes his ball and goes off to Paris like a big baby. Not only that, he takes off with Douglas to add insult to injury. Hope has been crystal clear about the marriage thing, Thomas is probably hoping breaking up with her will cause Hope to chase after him and withholding their son will pressure her into making a “real family.” I can definitely see an argument where he’s not being manipulative, only heartbroken, but he is being punitive. He’s putting his hurt feelings over what’s best for Douglas. I really hope Thomas coached Douglas to say all those awful things to Hope. I’d hate to think Douglas was naturally blossoming into a horrible Taytot. Not that Thomas needs more strikes against him, but it’s better than Douglas coming up with it on his own.

That was awful. Steffy is so vile, smug and hateful that I can’t even stand to see her on screen. I don’t want Thomas and Hope to ever reunite, so if Steffy’s hideous behavior is some weird attempt to prop them as a couple, it’s a fucking failure with me. If it’s an effort to make the audience want Steffy launched into Jupiter’s orbit via giant trebuchet - well, that’s a resounding success. She’s not a bad ass or strong woman; she’s just an overbearing, arrogant asshole. Douglas’ little speech - woof. That was some high level manipulative garbage that didn’t really ring true with the smart, honest kid we’d seen before. That whole scene was appalling. I guess the message is that if a woman doesn’t want to get married after less than a year of dating, she deserves to be punished, scorned, painted as a libidinous manipulator and be separated from her children? What alternate dimension do these characters inhabit? Thomas, fuck off with your manipulative trip out of town. Ridge, fuck off with your weasel like, trying to take everyone’s side bullshit. Scrounge up the courage to tell your daughter what’s what. Brooke, run from a man who stands there like a dope while his wretched ogre of a child attacks your daughter. Hope, consider yourself lucky.

If Finn once did the deed with Poppy, you’d think things would be more awkward between them. He never had a weird reaction to her name being mentioned by Li or Luna. Plus, ew. What is the big hairy deal about Brooke and Ridge approving of Hope and Thomas? These people spend way too much time mulling over the sex lives of their family members. And did Hope say Thomas was great with the kids, like kids plural? Meaning Beth? That’s a non-starter for me. I don’t care how much work that suffocating asshole claims he’s done. I notice too that Mr. “No Pressure” is proposing again. He’s got no chill at all.