Riverdale Quotes: No Thought Bubbles Here

[Just Here]

From the pilot - "Chapter One: The River's Edge"

Veronica:  What is a chock'lit shop?  And, why does it sell burgers?

 

Betty: Then, why, Kevin, hasn't he said or done anything?
Kevin: Because Archie's swell.  But, like most millenial straight guys, he needs to be told what he wants.  So, tell him, finally.

 

Kevin:  Gamechanger.  Archie got hot.  He's got abs, now.  Six more reasons for you to grab that ginger bull by the horn, tonight.

Veronica:  I'm filled with dread.
Archie:  Why's that?
Veronica:  Are you familiar with the works of Truman Capote?  I'm Breakfast at Tiffany's, but this place is strictly In Cold Blood.

Veronica:  Honestly, I feel like I'm wandering through the lost epilogue of Our Town.

 

Veronica:  Wonderful.  Ten minutes in and I'm already the Blue Jasmine of Riverdale High.
(spots Archie)
Veronica:  Oh!  There's the hottie we were with last night.  The red-headed Ansel Elgort.  Is he your boyfriend?
(simultaneous)
>>Kevin:  No, he's straight.
>>Betty:  No, we're just friends.
Veronica:  In that case, mind putting in a word?  I'd tried every flavor of boy but orange.
Kevin:  Actually, to clarify, Betty and Archie aren't dating, but they are endgame.

 

[Flashback: Archie is walking home from work]
Ms. Grundy:  What are you doing walking in this heat?
Archie:  Uh, building character?

 

[Archie, Betty, and Kevin are eating lunch at school.  Veronica joins them.]
Archie:  So, how's your first day going?  Good?
Veronica:  Not to be a complete narcissist, but I thought people would be more...--
Kevin:  --Obssessed with you?  Any other year, you'd be trending number one, for sure.  This year, though, it's all about Cheryl trying to win the Best Supporting Psycho Oscar for her role as Riverdale High's bereaved Red Widow.

 

[Cheryl Blossom shows up at the lunch table]
Cheryl:  Veronica Lodge.  I'd heard whisperings.  I'm Cheryl Blossom.  May I sit?
(Cheryl does not wait for a response...)
Cheryl:  Betty, would you mind?
(Cheryl sits)
Cheryl:  So, what are you three hens gossiping about?  Archie's Efron-esque emergence from the chrysallis of puberty?
(Betty shakes head at Veronica, prompting...)
Veronica:  Extracurriculars.  Weatherbee wants me to sign up for a few.
Cheryl:  Cheerleading.  You must.  I'm Senior Captain of the River Vixens.
(Cheryl adjusts her hair)
Kevin:  Is cheerleading still a thing?
Cheryl:  Is being the Gay Best Friend still a thing?
Cheryl:  Some people say it's retro, I'd say its eternal and iconic.
Veronica:  At Spence, I sat at the top of the Elite's pyramid.  I'm in. Betty, you're trying out, too.
Cheryl:  Of course.  Anyone is welcome to try out.  But, Betty's--
(looks at Betty's tray disapprovingly)
Cheryl: --already got so much on her plate, right now.  And, being a Vixen is kind of a full-time thing.  But, open to all.
(Cheryl stands up, looks at Veronica)
Cheryl:  Follow me on Twitter, and I'll do the same.  My handle is @cherylbombshell.

 

[At cheerleading try-outs]
Cheryl:  Hmm.  Ladies, where's the heat?  Where's the sizzle?
Veronica:  Well, you haven't seen our big finish, yet?
(whispers to Betty)
Veronica:  Don't freak out.  Just trust me.
(Veronica grabs Betty, and leads her in a long kiss.)
Cheryl:  Check your sell-by date, ladies, faux lesbian kissing hasn't been taboo since 1994.

Cheryl:  Veronica, welcome to the River Vixens.  Betty, better luck next time.
Veronica:  Wait, what?  Why?  Because you couldn't bully Betty into being a bitch?
Cheryl:  I need girls with fire on my squad.
Veronica:  I know what you need, Cheryl, because I know who you are.  You would rather people fear than like you, so you traffic in terror and intimidation.  You're rich, so you've never been held accountable.  But, I'm living proof.  That certainty, that entitlement, you wear on your head like a crown?  It won't last.  Eventually, there will be a reckoning.  Or, maybe, that reckoning is now.  And, maybe, that reckoning is me.  Betty and I come as a matching set.  You want one, you take us both.  You wanted fire?  Sorry, Cherylbombshell,* my specialty's ice.
-----
*The online (CWTV.com) closed captioning had "cherrybombshell," but Veronica clearly says "cheryl-bombshell."

 

[in the cheerleaders' locker room]
Veronica:  Perfect.  Very Betty Draper, Season One.
Betty:  Why did you defend me?  I know the crowd you ran with in New York.  Why are you being so... nice?
(cut to Veronica and Betty walking together on running track)
Veronica:  When my father got arrested, It was the worst thing, ever.  All these trolls started writing horrible things about us.  We'd get letters and emails saying that Dad was a thief.  My Mom was a clueless a socialite.  And, I was a spoiled rich bitch ice princess.  And, what hurt the most about it was...  The things the trolls were writing were true.  I was like Cheryl.  I was worst than Cheryl.  So, when my mom said we were moving to Riverdale, I made a pact with myself:  To use this as an opportunity to become. maybe, hopefully, a better version of myself.
Betty:  That's a lot of pressure.

 

Veronica:  You're so doing this.  Slaying your dragons, Betty Cooper, one by one.
(to Archie)
Veronica: Hi, Teen Outlander.
Archie:  Hey, nice outfit.
Veronica:  Betty, here, has something to ask you about the back-to-school dance. Go on, Betty, ask.
Betty:  I was wondering if you wanted to come with... both of us.
Archie:  Huh?
Veronica:  What?
Betty:  It's you're first dance at Riverdale, you should have someone to go with, even if it's just a friend.
Veronica:  I mean, I'd love to.
Archie:  I'm not really in the headspace for a dance.
Betty:  Oh, That's okay.
Veronica:  Totally unacceptable, Archiekins.  We need an escort.  Take a break from being a tortured musical genius and come spend a blissful evening with not one, but two newly minted River Vixens. 

 

[at the dance]
Veronica:  Can't we just liberate ourselves from the tired dichotomy of jock/artist?  Can't we in this post- James Franco world be all thing at once?

Kevin:  Betty, you will not believe who just propositioned me in the bathroom.  Give you a hint:  His name may be Moose, but I'd describe a certain appendage of his as horse-like.

 

Betty:  Now, that I'm a River Vixen, and you're gonna be on varsity football, I have this fantasy of us as a power couple, and maybe even just as a couple.
Archie:  Betty?
Betty:  Is that so impossible to imagine?

 

[After party: Veronica and Archie are alone in the closet]
Veronica:  I know her brother died and everything, but Cheryl Blossom truly is the antichrist.

Veronica:  You're a little more dangerous than you look, aren't you, all boy-next-doorish?
Archie: You have no idea.  {Groan.}

 

Veronica:  Where's Betty?
Cheryl:  She spiraled and fled.  Between us, she's a lot more high-strung than she looks.
Veronica:  You shady bitch.

Edited January 28, 2017 by Just Here
fixed a few typo's

[1TrackMind]

Sheriff Keller: 'Isn't there some nice gay boy at your school?'

Kevin: 'Yeah. ME.'

[paulvdb]

Cheryl: "My claustrophobia acts up in small houses."

[smorbie]

Jughead commenting on the weirdness in Riverdale, "I wear this hat ALL the time.  Isn't that weird?"

[Last Time Lord]

Alice: If that’s Snake Pliskin, block him. 

Betty: It’s Archie, Mom. 

Alice: Block him, too. 

 

Side note: My phone’s autocorrect turned “Alice” into Malice. It knows this show so well

[bettername2come]

Archie: What are you doing here, Reggie?

Reggie: Delivering your uppers, which was clearly a bad idea.

[bettername2come]

Betty: I want you to know I never stopped loving you. Also, don't ride the clutch and don't let it slip between the gearshifts. 

Jughead: You're an enigma, Cooper.

[opus]

Veronica (angrily): I beg your misogynistic pardon 

(hope I got that right)

Edited November 16, 2017 by opus

[jay741982]

1 minute ago, opus said:

Veronica: I beg your misogynistic pardon 

(hope I got that right)

You did! And I loved that quote

[paulvdb]

Black Hood: "You're playing a risky game."
Betty: "Yeah. But it's my game now."
Black Hood: "Which is what, Betty?"
Betty: "A game that ends with me catching you. I found out who killed Jason Blossom. I found out who the Sugarman was. You're next, Black Hood. I'm breathing down your neck. Can you feel it? Can you feel me?"