Joffrey Baratheon: In Memoriam

[WhiteStumbler]

Joffrey’s Best Worst Moments (In Memoriam)

Here are some of my favorite moments of “King” Joffrey’s reign. They are not his most despicable actions, or the most humiliating (to him), but they are moments that helped define the character for me. Add yours!

10) Mind Your Elders.
Joffrey got started early. Told to pay his respects to the Stark’s after Bran’s fall, Joffrey resists. “The boy means nothing to me, and I can't stand the wailing of women.” Tyrion gets busy with the first of several epic Impslaps! Lessons: Haughty, entitled, momma’s boy.

9) Target Practice.
Poor Ros. This would have been higher on the list, but I can blame at least part of this on Littlefinger. Lesson: Sadistic monster (you’ll be seeing a theme here…).

8) Brothers and Sisters!
Ordering the City Watch to hunt down and murder Robert’s bastard children. I am not 100% sure it was him, but I am nearly certain after Cersei’s reaction. Lesson: Insecure and jealous.

7) Displaced Anger.
Having Sansa beaten in the Throne Room after another victory by Rob. “Leave her face. I like her pretty.” Lesson: Bully and a sadist.

6) The Visibly Shrinking Boy King.
Joffrey: But how do we know that these dragons are just curiosities and not the beasts that brought the whole world to heel?
Tywin: Because we have been told as much by the many experts who serve the realm by counseling the King on matters about which he knows nothing.
Joffrey: But I haven't been counseled.
Tywin: You are being counseled at this very moment.
Joffrey: I should be consulted about such things.
Tywin: From now on I will see to it that you are appropriately consulted on important matters. Whenever necessary. (starts to walk off; half turns for a half bow) Your Grace.
Lesson: Tywin >>>>> Joffrey

5) Cat Got Your Tongue?
Having a minstrel’s tongue ripped out by Illyn Payne. “Tell me, which do you favor; your fingers or your tongue? If you got to keep one which would it be? I could just cut your throat.” His slow-clap and toothy grin after hearing the song was epic. Oh, and add another song to “Rains” and “Bear and the Maiden Fair”. Westeros has three songs. Lesson: Sadistic monster.

4) Lost Dog.
Being typically brave defending his city in Blackwater. “Dog, I command you to go back out there and fight!” “Fuck the Kingsguard. Fuck the city. Fuck the king.“ Without this, Arya would never have gotten her murder pony. Right after this came “what did the Queen say? Did she have urgent business?” (pleasepleaseplease) Lesson: Coward.

3) Have You Met My Sword?
To Sansa: “My new blade. Heart-Eater I've named it. Kiss it. You'll kiss it again when I return and taste my Uncle's blood.” “They say Stannis never smiles. I will give him a red smile; from ear to ear.” OK, so that combines two different episodes of Joff being Joff, but they fit so well together. Tyrion’s deadpan snark “Imagine Stannis’ terror” was brilliant as well. Lesson: Egotistic shithead who thinks he is great at all he tries (because; king!) when he actually sucks at everything.

2) (Tie) Show and Tell.
Making Sansa look at Ned’s head (and her septa’s) on a spike. “I'm going to give you a present. After I raise my armies, and kill your traitor brother, I'll give you his head as well.“ This was the first time Sansa was saved by The Hound. Might have been better for all concerned if he had let Sansa grab Joffrey and plunge them both to their deaths. Lesson: Sadistic monster.

2) (Tie) A Wedding Present.
The lovely gift he discussed giving to Sansa on her wedding night. “I suppose it doesn't matter which Lannister puts the baby in you. Maybe I'll pay you a visit tonight after my uncle passes out.” Nothing says “welcome to the family” like the threat of rape. Lesson: Deeply disturbed and psychotic.

1) Let’s Get This Party Started!
“My mother wishes me to let Lord Eddard join the Night's Watch. Stripped of all titles and powers, he would serve the realm in permanent exile. And my Lady Sansa has begged mercy for her father, but they have the soft hearts of women. So long as I am your King, treason shall never go unpunished. Ser Ilyn, bring me his head!!”
The worlds that touched off the shytestorm that has engulfed Westeros. The sadistic glee on his face as he strutted there onstage at the Sept of Baelor was horrifying. Tyrion was right - “That bit of theater will haunt our family for a generation”. Lesson: Joffrey = The Worst.

[Pallas]

You had me at the title alone, White Stumbler.  I elect you to head up the Seven Kingdom's King Joffrey commemorations and funeral rites. (Since Tyrion is away from his desk.) 

Yes, on the platform at Baelor, Jack Gleeson was frighteningly manic and epitomized what it is to be at once power-mad, power-laden, and a very young 15.  With Robert gone and Tywin not yet at hand, Joffrey had already tripped completely over the line drawn by discretion, never really to return.  He was already no more the still-murderous viper who could pull off this,

11) Get the Guest: Reluctantly accepting Cersei's counsel, Joffrey makes amends with Sansa, presenting her with a necklace and a meticulously crafted, beautifully delivered speech.  Every person who ever loved an abuser, shuddered with recognition.  Yet every person who ever loved when young, or foolish, ached a little.  For the first and last time, Joffrey was princely. 

[90PercentGravity]

I've been thinking that I would love to see a montage video set to that Sarah McLaughlin "Remember You" song, or maybe "Too Much Love Will Kill You" by Queen.

[stillshimpy]

That minstrel was terrible. He could barely carry a tune, if that; there was little melody; and the lyrics were ordinary and obvious.

True, but it's hard to be all The show must go on! There's no business like show business, like no business I know!" [/Ethel Merman and countless other impersonators] when performing under the threat of grave physical harm and mortal peril.  

I'm surprised the guy didn't projectile vomit while submissively peeing, not "Dude, from the diaphragm! PROJECT! Let your song swell to the rafters." 

Edited April 18, 2014 by stillshimpy

[WhiteStumbler]

Constantinople:

Amazing! My only regret is that I have but one "like" to give to your post. Thank you.

[abelard]

Constantinople and White Stumbler, thank you for making my life better today.  

[Snowblack]

One of my favorite Joffrey moments was his giddyness at the announcement of Robb Stark's death.  He was like a kid on Christmas morning.  And I'm gonna miss that kid.  He was flawlessly dispicable.  It will not be easy to fill his place on the list of characters who need to die. 

[stillshimpy]

Joffrey was despicable indeed.  I can't think of a better "tribute to how psychotic and fucked up he was, apparently from birth" than what went on with his parents as he laid in state.  

"Our baby boy is dead! Wah! Let's make out.  No, let's stop."  "I hate you, yet love you, why god, why?"  *rape* 

Yeah, can't imagine why he wasn't better balanced.  He was created by such well-balanced people.  Jebus. 

[abelard]

Right? (to shimpy's post)  Omg, twin incest rape next to the twincest son's dead body really takes the weird-gross-wrong cake.  

[RadiantAerynSun]

Scares me to think, what if Cersei gets pregnant... New Joffrey? GAHHHHHHH

[90PercentGravity]

Then she would HAVE to marry Loras. He'd probably be happy to have been able to produce an heir to High Garden without having to do the... uh... dirty work.

[CorgiNarnia]

I rewatched Season 1 this past weekend and good old Joffrey did give me a few laughs. Way back when the Baratheons visited Winterfell and all the young girls including Sansa had a big crush on Joffrey and they would giggle about how cute he was and he would smile at them. I don't think we knew his true nature until the Arya/Butcher's boy/Lady debacle. There was that time when Ned was trying to get the girls out of King's Landing but Sansa wanted to stay, because she wanted so badly to marry Joffrey and be his queen and produce babies with golden blond hair. Ned wanted to find her another guy worthy of her, who is "brave and gentle and strong." Sansa, "I don't want someone brave and gentle and strong. I want him."

[DirewolfPup]

Sansa, "I don't want someone brave and gentle and strong. I want him."

 

For the character, that was her lowest point.