Criminal Minds Quotes: Is That A Boy's Regular?

[Reghan]

I thought I'd share some of my faves and I'm curious to know yours :)

 

Season 1

[Elle's phone rings]
Morgan: Aww, that must be the boyfriend. [Grinning]
Elle: Yes, it is. [answers phone] Hey, Gideon.[Morgan's grin disappears]

 

JJ: What are you doing?
Garcia: (working frantically on her computer) Looking for Prince William’s phone number. The CIA is bound to have it.

 

Season 2

 

Garcia: Reid, seriously, people that go inside that house never come out. Spooky.
Reid: Garcia, could you at least pretend not to enjoy that rumor so much since I have actually entered the house?

 

Hotchner: Physics magic?
Reid: Yes, sir.
Hotchner: Reid, we talked about this.
Reid: I'm sorry, sir.
Hotchner: [smiling] You're really starting to get some distance on these things.

 

Prentiss: Ladies, this is Brad, a real FBI agent.
Garcia: Really?
Prentiss: Really.
JJ: No way.
Prentiss: [nods] Mm-hmm.
Garcia: That's exciting! What's it like at Quan-ti-co?
Brad: It's uh, quite impressive.
JJ: What department are you in?
Brad: That's classified.
JJ: Oooo. Must be tough keeping all those secrets.
Brad: It’s a skill, like anything else. Carpenters are good at building stuff, measuring. The FBI’s good at keeping secrets and kicking criminal ass.
Prentiss: Wow. Well, somebody's gotta do it. Ooh, do you have to carry your gun and badge with you everywhere you go?
Brad: Affirmative.
Prentiss: Can we see it?
Brad: See what?
Prentiss: Your badge.
Garcia: Please?
Brad: I'm sorry, that's--
Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia: "Classified".
Prentiss: [she holds up her badge] Tell me Brad, does it look anything like this?
JJ: [hold up hers] Or this?
Garcia: [holds up hers] Or maybe, this?
[brad hurries away]

 

 

Season 3

 

[after the elevator jerks to a stop and Morgan starts pressing buttons]
Reid: Don’t.
Morgan: What, it’s broken.
Reid: Don’t do that.
Morgan: Why not?
Reid: Because there are six elevator related deaths per year not to mention 10,000 injuries that require hospitalization. Chill out.
Morgan: Those sound like pretty good odds to me, what, are you scared, Reid?
Reid: I’m not scared.
Morgan: You’re scared, what if I push that?
Reid: I don’t want to be in an elevator with you to be honest.

 

Hotch: It was smart to focus Hardwicke's attention on himself until the guards came back.
Reid: I find I do some of my best work under intense terror.
-----
Kevin: Agent Rossi we need to talk....about Penelope......man-to-man.
Rossi: Man-to-man.
Morgan: What about Penelope?
JJ: (sing-song) Garcia and Kevin sitting in a tree...
(walks away)
Morgan: Get out of here....you serious???
(walks away)
Prentiss: Just when I thought that nothing scandalous was ever going to happen around here.
Reid: What? What does that mean?
Prentiss: Didn't you hear JJ?
Reid: The song meant something? No. No, I missed it.
Prentiss: You know what?... Never mind.

 

Garcia: (on the phone) Yes, I know what a closed adoption means. Do you know what a court order means?
JJ: (whispers) We don't have time for a court order.
Garcia: You know what Ma'am? I am done being nice. If you look to your cursor you'll notice it's moving on its own. That's me hacking your secure network. Now I got her file, now I got her social, and now cause you’re grumpy, I'm gonna send your boss those Jamaican vacation photos. Check you out, no tan lines!

 

Season 4

 

Reid: Ooh, Yale! Do you wanna go to Yale, Henry? That was your godfather's safety school! Don't worry, I can get you into Cal Tech with one phone call.

 

Officer: (referring to Reid) Where’d you find this kid?
Rossi: He was left in a basket on the steps of the FBI.

 

Morgan: I’m gonna see you off to the hospital
Reid: I'm about to get naked so they can scrub me down. Is that something you really wanna see?
Morgan: … I’ll check on you later.

 

Season 5:

 

Garcia: No no no, away you, these are for Hotch.
Reid: I get shot in the leg and I don't get any cookies? You know he's going to hate the attention.
Garcia: It's cookies not cake.

 

[after Prentiss gets hit by a truck]
JJ: How are you?
Prentiss: I feel like I got hit by a truck.

 

Rossi: So, how long is it gonna take you to get in that ditch?
Reid: Get in that ditch? I got shot in the knee, remember? My doctor said I'm not allowed to do any climbing.
Rossi: It's a ditch.
[both pause, Reid takes a good look at Rossi's shoes before going into the ditch]
Reid: New boots huh? Italian leather?
Rossi: Yeah, what could I tell ya?

 

Rossi: Do you have any ideas why?
Reid: [long pause as Reid thinks] No.
Rossi: Well, I guess there is a first time for everything. [walks off]
Reid: Hey Rossi, I'm gonna need a little help getting out of this ditch. Rossi? Rossi? Hey... I got it.

 

Season 6

 

JJ: How many cops are there in LA?
Reid: City or county?
JJ: You actually know the answer.
Reid: I know both answers.

 

Hotchner: (after Garcia distributes new iPads to the team) Garcia, not that I don't appreciate your efforts, but exactly where did the funding for these come from?
Garcia: I did a thing.
Hotchner: A thing?
Garcia: Best not talk about the thing.
Hotchner: We'll talk about the thing later.

 

Prentiss: (On the phone) Reid?
Reid: Emily, you are not going to believe this.
Prentiss: No?
Reid: They're showing Solaris tonight, the original, in the theaters. Do you wanna go?
Prentiss: Did Morgan put you up to this?
Reid: What?
Prentiss: Did Morgan tell you to call me?
Reid: No, Morgan would have no idea what Solaris is.
Prentiss: So, uh... You just called me out of the blue?
Reid: Well, I mean the original one is in Russian, so you and I are the only ones who can really enjoy it.
Prentiss: Isn't Solaris 4 hours long?
Reid: It's 5, the best sci-fi meditation film of all time but, for some reason, they never really show it in the theatres. You wanna go with me?
Prentiss: Sorry, handsome, I'm gonna have to pass. I'm just gonna hang out with Sergio tonight.
Reid: Oh shoot, I didn't realize --
Prentiss: Relax, Reid. Sergio is my new cat. But, um... Thank you.
Reid: For what?
Prentiss: For being you.
Reid: Aw, thanks. I don't really know how to be anyone else...
Prentiss: Yeah. That's what I love about you.

 

season 7

 

JJ: So I get home and of course he's still up past his bed time.
Agent Prentiss: Ugh. It reminds me of why I'm not married.
JJ: Well, neither am I technically.
Prentiss: Ha, oh yeah you're right, that's true. Do you guys ever...
JJ: No, I really don't need a man to tell me what to do.
Prentiss: Yeah.
Malcolm: Excuse me.
JJ: Shh! The adults are talking, when it's your turn to speak I'll give you permission.

 

Dr. Reid: You know statistically, widowed men start dating much faster than females, but Hotch is refuting the data. It's been two years and nineteen days.
Garcia: Venus has aligned with Mars which means love is in the air and maybe we will have weekends off.
Agent Morgan: (clearing throat).
Garcia: What? Is he standing there? He's standing there isn't he?
Hotch: Hello Garcia.

 

Dr. Reid: You'd think the laundry room would be closer to the dorms.
Garcia: It's not in the basement?
Reid: It's on the opposite side of campus, that's so strange.
Garcia: Yeah.
Agent Rossi: Leaves of three, let them be.
Garcia: Oh man, poison ivy, alcohol swab stat.
Agent Prentiss: You know if I've got it, so do you.
Rossi: I'm Italian, it knows better.

 

Agent Hotchner: How did you get by in Paris?
Agent Prentiss: Well, I played a lot of online Scrabble, with some girl named "Cheeto breath."

 

season 8

 

Penelope Garcia: I hope you saved me for dessert!
Jennifer Jareau: Morgan isn't here, Baby Girl
Penelope Garcia: Oh! I knew that. That was for you
Jennifer Jareau: Hmm

 

Penelope Garcia: [badgering Rossi about his unused vacation days] Everyone likes vacation.
David Rossi: Vacations are overrated.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Didn't you take a vacation two years ago?
David Rossi: Luckily, two days in I was called back.
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, and now he's got thirty-one days.
Alex Blake: A month?
Dr. Spencer Reid: You know, sunshine is an essential source of Vitamin D. You should go to Florida and get some sunshine.
David Rossi: That's for old guys.
Derek Morgan: What about a safari in Africa?
David Rossi: Too hot.
Dr. Spencer Reid: How about Italy?
David Rossi: Too many relatives.

 

 

season 9

 

Penelope Garcia: [Rossi walks into the office] Where are you going?
David Rossi: I got your text!
Penelope Garcia: I love you very much, but you need to read more than just the first sentence! The case is like 5 miles away

 

 

 

 

Season 10

 

Penelope Garcia: She has over 200,000 followers
David Rossi: Isn't that a lot for a 16-year old?
Penelope Garcia: Yeah, massive, she was on her way to the iCelebrity status

(I like this one because Rossi actually knows social media stuff haha)

 

 

 

I'm just gonna leave it at that......I could go all day haha

[smoker]

those are more scenes than quotes but it's an interesting idea. I need to find them in English because I used to watch the show dubbed to Spanish, but I remember these:

 

(9x01 or 9x02) Morgan: "sitting is the new smoking"

 

(10x23) Unsub: "You know what's so great about the internet? It's therapy for sick minds. Before you thought you were alone but now....one click and you realize you've got family." 

Edited December 6, 2015 by smoker

[SSAHotchner]

Those are some of my favorites, too. I also like from Broken Mirror, Season 1:

Reid: I'm just saying it's possible. I don't know everything. I mean, despite the fact that you think that I do.
Morgan: I never said that. When have I ever said that?
Reid: Every day since I met you!
Elle: This morning at breakfast...
Hotch: Yesterday when he beat you at cards.

[Danielg342]

Some are already posted, but these are my personal favourites:

01x05 “Broken Mirror”

Dr. Spencer Reid: I'm just saying it's possible. I don't know everything. I mean, despite the fact that you think that I do.

Special Agent Derek Morgan: I never said that. When have I ever said that?

Dr. Spencer Reid: Every day since I met you!

Elle Greenway: This morning at breakfast...

Agent Aaron Hotch: Yesterday when he beat you at cards. Um... we've got one minute.

Special Agent Derek Morgan: Anybody ever heard of sarcasm?

01x07 “Derailed”

Dr. Spencer Reid: Could you guys do me a favor?

Derek Morgan: Anything.

Dr. Spencer Reid: Could at least one of you look like you're going to see me again?

Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner [puts his hand on Reid's shoulder]: See you when you get back.

01x18 “Somebody's Watching”

Dr. Spencer Reid: Hey, Morgan? Has there ever been a girl that you wanted to be with for, you know, more than just one night?

Derek Morgan: Excuse me?

Dr. Spencer Reid: I've never seen you with the same girl twice.

Derek Morgan: What, are you calling me a dog?

Dr. Spencer Reid: No, no, not at all. I'm just trying to figure out if this feeling I have is ever gonna go away.

Derek Morgan: Reid, what we do for a living, it takes up all our time...and a relationship's hard enough even in the same city.

Dr. Spencer Reid: So, I mean, you're saying it's probably wise that I don't call her, right?

Derek Morgan: I can't answer that one for you. Hey, I'll tell you what I do know- you don't need to come up with that answer tonight.

02x22 “Open Season”

Emily Prentiss: [brings beer and Brad from the bar] Ladies, this is Brad! A real FBI agent!

Penelope Garcia: Really?

Emily Prentiss: Really!

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: No way!

Penelope Garcia: That's exciting! What's it like in Quantico?

Brad: It's, eh, quite impressive!

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: What department are you in?

Brad: That's classified

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Oh

[winks to Garcia & Emily]

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: it must be really tough keeping all those secrets

Brad: It's a skill like anything else. Carpenters are good at building stuff, measuring. FBI is good at keeping secrets and kicking criminal ass!

Emily Prentiss: Well, somebody has to do it! Oh, do you have to carry your gun and batch with you everywhere you go?

Brad: Affirmative

Emily Prentiss: Can we see it?

Brad: See what?

Emily Prentiss: Your badge

Penelope Garcia: Please

Brad: I am sorry, that's...

Penelope Garcia/Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau/Emily Prentiss: Classified of course

Emily Prentiss: [takes out her badge] Tell me Brad, does it look anything like this?

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [takes out her badge] Or, uh, this?

Penelope Garcia: [takes out her badge] Or maybe this?

[brad walks away]

I'll post more when I can.

[bettername2come]

Spencer: You're not going to get everything you want just because you're pointing a gun at me under a table. You're not the first killer to point a gun at me. You're not even the first woman.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

I stole this idea from the Law & Order forum, and if it isn't okay, will some kindly mod delete it?

 

Basically, this is a place where we can discuss our favorite (or even not so favorite) lines, conversations, and dialogue in general from the show. So post away, folks, at least if TheWhiteOwl sees this as a worthy thread. :-)

[Old Dog]

One of my absolute favourites is in Season 4's Soul Mates where Reid uses his linguistics knowledge to deduce where the unsubs are from. Morgan says "Kid, are you sure about this?" and Reid just gives him that confident, smirky look. Brilliant!

[normasm]

"Evil twin - Eviler twin."

[ReidFan]

my favourite line of dialogue is from "Blood Relations." And it's not so much the line itself, but the way Matthew Gray Gubler delivers it:

 

"Looking at their case histories, both men filed dozens of harassment and nuisance lawsuits against each other, including unfounded claims of burglary and trespassing. Then, in 2011, Matthias Lee filed a civil complaint against Clark Howard "to kiss his ass." Clark Howard responded with a motion to go....... "< he mouths the letter F but pauses, furrows the brow a bit and continues>:  "You can't actually do that with the male anatomy."

[Danielg342]

Pretty sure we already have a quotes thread... :S

[thewhiteowl]

We do. I will move this when I am not on the iPad.