Sherlock Quotes

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Sherlock: Poetry or truth?
Lestrade: Many would say they're the same thing.
Sherlock: Yes, idiots.

Sherlock:  Suicide as street theater, murder by corpse - Lestrade, you're spoiling us.

Watson: Tweeds in a morgue?

Mary: I'm part of a campaign, you know.
Lestrade: Campaign?
Mary: Votes for women.
Lestrade: Are you for or against?
Mary: Get out.

Lestrade: I thought you understood everything.
Sherlock: Of course not, That would be an appalling waste of brain space.

Watson: You are dangerously close to impertinence. I shall have a word with my wife to have a word with you.

Sherlock's telegram to Watson: Come at once if convenient. If inconvenient, come all the same.

Watson's sign language to Wilder: I am glad you liked my potato.

Watson: You look well, sir.
Mycroft: Really? I rather thought I looked enormous.

Sherlock: Eustace is to die tonight and we should probably avoid that.
Watson: Definitely.
Sherlock: Definitely avoid that.

Sherlock: Since when have you had any kind of imagination?
Watson: Perhaps since I convinced the reading public that an unprincipled drug addict was some kind of gentleman hero.
Sherlock: Yes, now that you mention it, that was quite impressive.

Sherlock: Dear lord, I have never been so impatient to be attacked by a murderous ghost.

Lestrade: He said it was so simple, I could solve it.
Mrs. Hudson: I'm sure he was exaggerating.

Mycroft: No one deceives like an addict.
Sherlock: I'm not an addict. I'm a user. I alleviate boredom and occasionally heighten my thought processes.
Watson: For god's sake, this could kill you! You could die!
Sherlock: Controlled usage is not usually fatal and abstinence is immortality.

Mycroft: What do you think of MI5 security?
Mary: I think it would be a good idea.

Mycroft: Sherlock, listen to me.
Sherlock: No, it only encourages you.

Watson: Is this the cocaine talking?

Watson: You're Sherlock Holmes. Wear the damn hat.

Watson: What the devil are you doing here?
Mary: I've been making enquiries. Mr. Holmes asked me.
Watson: Holmes? How could you?
Mary: No, not him. The clever one.
Sherlock: Bravo, Mary. The clever one?
Watson: I thought I was losing you. I thought perhaps we were neglecting each other.
Sherlock: Well you're the one who moved out.
Watson: I was talking to Mary. You're working for Mycroft?
Mary: He likes to keep an eye on his mad sibling.
Sherlock: Has it never occurred to you that your wife is excessively skilled for a nurse?
Mary: Of course it hasn't because he knows what a nurse is capable of. When did it occur to you?
Sherlock: Only now, I'm afraid.
Mary: Must be difficult, being the slow little brother.

Moriarty: Come on, be serious. Costumes, the gong. Speaking as a criminal mastermind, we don't really have gongs or special outfits.

Watson: When you're ready to go to work, give me a call. I'm taking Mary home.
Mary: You're what?
Watson: Mary's taking me home.
Mary: Better.

Mycroft: He's right, you know.
Sherlock: So what if he's right? He's always right. It's boring.

Sherlock: I'm Moriarty, the Napoleon of crime.

Watson: Professor, if you wouldn't mind stepping away from my friend, I do believe he finds your attention a shade annoying.
Moriarty: That's not fair. There's two of you.
Watson: There's always two of us. Don't you read Le Strand?

Watson: So what's he like? The other me in the other place?
Sherlock: Smarter than he looks.
Watson: Pretty damn smart then.
Moriarty: Ugh, why don't you two just elope, for god's sake?
Watson: Impertinent.
Sherlock: Offensive.

Sherlock: Miss me?
Watson: Sherlock, you all right?
Sherlock: Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?
Mary: You probably just ODed.

Sherlock: What are you still doing here? Shouldn't you be off getting me a pardon or something like a proper big brother?

Edited January 2, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade

[vavera4ka]

Holmes: Mrs. Hudson there is a woman in my sitting room. Is that intentional?

Mrs. Hudson: She is a client, since you were out - insisted on waiting.

Watson: Would you... care to sit down?

Holmes: Didn't you ask her what she wanted?

Mrs. Hudson: YOU ask her.

Holmes: Why didn't YOU ask her?

Mrs. Hudson: How could i? What, with me not talking and everything...

Holmes: For God's sake, give her some lines! She is perfectly capable of starving us.

Lestrade: I just came up. Mrs. Hudson didn't seem to be talking.

Holmes: I fear she has branched into literary criticism by means of satire. It is a distressing trend in a modern landlady.

Watson: Now tell me: morpine or cocaine?

Sherlock: Cocaine. A 7% solution. Do you care to try it?

Watson: No. But I would quite like to find every ounce of this stuff in your posession and pour it out of the window.

Sherlock: I should be inclined to stop you.

Watson: Than you would be reminded quite forcibly which of us is a soldier and which of us is a drug addict.

Sherlock: You are not a soldier, you are a doctor.

Watson: I am an army doctor which means I can break every bone i your body while naming them.

[ohjoy]

Sherlock: Dear lord, I have never been so impatient to be attacked by a murderous ghost.

I'm going to remember this quote for every time some well-meaning friend tries to pry into my love life. It'll be that much more fun to me out of context. :-)

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Sherlock: I'm not a hero. I'm a high functioning sociopath.

Watson: We'd like you to be godfather.
Sherlock: God is a ludicrous fiction dreamt up by inadequates who abdicate all responsibility to an invisible magic friend.
Watson: Yeah, but there'll be cake when you do it.

Priest: What name have you given your daughter?
Mary: Rosamund Mary.
Sherlock: Rosamund?
Molly: It means "rose of the world." Rosie for short. Didn't you get John's text?
Sherlock: No, I delete his texts. I delete any text that begins "hi."

Sherlock: As ever, Watson, you see but do not observe. To you, the world remains an impenetrable mystery whereas to me, it is an open book. Hard logic versus romantic whimsy. That is your choice. You fail to connect actions to their consequences. Now for the last time, if you want to keep the rattle, do not throw the rattle.

Watson: It's obvious though, what happened.
Sherlock: John, you amaze me. You know what happened?
Watson: Not a clue. It's just you normally say that at this point.

Lestrade: How's it going then, fatherhood?
Watson: Oh, good. Great. Amazing.
Lestrade: Getting any sleep?
Watson: Christ, no.
Lestrade: You're at the beck and call of a screaming, demanding baby, woken up at all hours to obey his every whim. That should feel very different.
Sherlock: I'm sorry, what?
Watson: Yes, well, you know how it is. All you do is clean up their mess, pat them on the head.
Sherlock: You two having a little joke?
Watson: Never a word of thanks. Can't even tell people's faces apart.
Sherlock: This is a joke, isn't it? Is it about me? I don't get it.

Watson: Give the people what they want.
Sherlock: No, never do that. People are stupid.

Mrs. Wellsborough: Is your friend quite mad?
Watson: No, he's an asshole, but it's an easy mistake.

Sherlock: I lack the arrogance to ignore details. I'm not the police.

Sherlock: There's a loose thread in the world.
Watson: That doesn't mean you have to pull on it.
Sherlock: What kind of a life would that be?

Mycroft: Why am I looking that this?
Sherlock: That's her, John and Mary's baby.
Mycroft: Oh, I see. Yes. Looks very...fully functioning.
Sherlock: Is that really the best you can do?
Mycroft: Sorry, I've never been very good with them.
Sherlock: Babies?
Mycroft: Humans.

Mary: It was like The Exorcist.
Watson: Was little Rosie's head spinning round?
Mary: No, just the projectile vomiting.
Watson: Nice.
Mary: You'd think we would have noticed when she was born.
Watson: What?
Mary: The little 666 on her forehead.
Watson: That's The Omen.
Mary: So?
Watson: Well, you said it was like The Exorcist. They're two different things. She can't be the devil and the anti-christ.

Lestrade: It's murder this time.
Sherlock: Mmm, that perks things up a bit.

Sherlock: What are you? Wikipedia?
Mycroft: Yes.
Sherlock: Agra's an acronym.
Mycroft: Oh, good. I love a good acronym. All the best secret societies have them.

Mary: How did you find me?
Sherlock: I'm Sherlock Holmes.

Mary: I'm sorry for shooting you that time. I think we're even now.

Edited January 2, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Faith: You can't tell things like that just from a piece of paper.
Sherlock: I think I just did.

Sherlock: You're suicidal. You're allowed chips.

Faith: Big brother is watching you.
Sherlock: Literally.

Sherlock: I'm not sweet. I'm just high.

Watson: It's very touching how you can hijack the machinery of the state to look after your own family.

Sherlock: Taking your life - interesting expression. Taking it from whom? Once it's over, it's not you who'll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everybody else. Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it.

Police officer: Do you have any idea what speed you were driving?
Mrs. Hudson: Of course not. I was on the phone.

Mrs. Hudson: You're not my first smack head, Mr. Holmes.

Mrs. Hudson: [Sherlock]'s not so difficult when you've got a gun on him.

Sherlock: Why would I be faking?
Watson: Because you're a liar! You lie all the time.
Sherlock: I have been many things, John, but when have I ever been a malingerer?
Watson: You pretended to be dead for two years!

Smith: Are you really a doctor?
Watson: Of course I am.
Smith: A medical doctor, you know. Not just feet or media studies.

Mary: The posh boy loves the dominatrix! He's never knowingly under-cliched, is he?

Watson: You blood moron! She's out there, she likes you, and she's alive. Do you have the first idea how lucky you are? Yes, she's a lunatic, she's a criminal, she's insanely dangerous - trust you to fall for a sociopath.
Mary: Oh, married an assassin.

[bettername2come]

Sherlock: I'm Sherlock Holmes, I wear the damn hat.

[bettername2come]

Sherlock: Sherlock Holmes.

Boat guy: The detective?

Sherlock: The pirate.

 

Mycroft in disguise: This is a mistake! I'm the victim here! This man stole my boat! He's a pirate!

John: Yeah, I really am.

[pootlus]

Sherlock: He stays.

Mycroft: This is family only.

Sherlock: That's why he's staying.

[AimingforYoko]

Mycroft: I assume you keep the tapes to the interview with Eurus in my office?

Governor: Your office?!?

Mycroft: Cast your mind back.

Governor: To when?

Mycroft: To when it was your office.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

 Mycroft: You're just leaving?
Sherlock: Well, we're not staying here. Eurus is coming and somebody's disabled all your security. Sleep well!

Mycroft: Doctor Watson, why would [Sherlock] do that to me? That was insane.
Watson: Yes, well, someone convinced him you wouldn't tell the truth unless you were actually wetting yourself.
Mycroft: Someone?
Watson: Probably me.

Mrs. Hudson: You have to sit in the chair. They won't talk to you unless you sit in the chair. It's the rules.
Mycroft: I'm not a client.
Sherlock: Then get out.
[Mycroft sits down in the chair]
Mycroft: She's not going to stay there [in the doorway], is she?
Mrs. Hudson: Would you like a cup of tea?
Mycroft: Thank you.
Mrs. Hudson: The kettle's over there.

Sherlock: You're going to tell me the truth, Mycroft, pure and simple.
Mycroft: Who was it that said, "Truth is rarely pure and never simple"?

Moriarty: Red alert, red alert! Big red bouncy balls! Also cowboys and black hats! Darth Vader!

Eurus: Does it really make a difference killing the innocent instead of the guilty? Let's see. No, that felt pretty much the same.

Mycroft: So who loves you? I'm assuming it's not a long list.

Sherlock: This isn't torture. This is vivisection.

Mycroft: Not in the face though, please. I've promised my brain to the Royal Society.

Sherlock: Try as hard as possible not to drown.

Sherlock: [Mycroft] did his best.
Mrs. Holmes: Then he's very limited.

Edited January 16, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo

[bettername2come]

John: How'd you get him in the boot?

Mrs. Hudson: The boys from the cafe.

Sherlock: They dropped me. Twice.

Mrs. Hudson:  And d’you know why they dropped you, dear? Because they know you.