Quotes: "You're the Panty Police?"

[OtterMommy]

3 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

April: When God created the world, he also created metaphors.

Grey's has given us a lot of snarky quotes and catchphrases, but this is the first one I can remember that stuck with me because of its truth.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Bailey: "On your deathbed, no one wishes they'd worked more." That's the trite little phrase people trot out when they want to play hooky or spend too much money on vacation or shame working parents for missing their kid's soccer game for a board meeting. "On your deathbed, no one wishes they'd worked more." Tell that to the people who love their work.

Maggie: Look at this EKG! Elevated STs.
Maxwell: I know what an MI looks like.
Maggie: Clearly, you don't, because she has been sitting here for hours and you completely missed it.

Bailey: When was the last time you called in to work sick?
Richard: I have, on occasion, when necessary.
Bailey: Mmm hmm. Pierce?
Maggie: Never. Perfect-attendance award since fourth grade. I'm not about to blow that now.

Bailey: Y'all. Don't. Listen. Princess Leia knows what I'm talking about. When they went on that planet with the Ewoks. Yeah. And if Han and Luke had listened to Leia, they could've avoided a lot of misery. I'm just saying.
Maxwell: And we're done.
Bailey: Ewok.

Catherine: Wagyu beef brisket sandwiches, garlic mashed potatoes.
Ben: I can't believe you made all this.
Catherine: Child, please. I had my driver pick it up.

Edited February 2, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Arizona: This is not about you, April. Just stop talking.

Jackson: Thanks to my mother, all I can think about is vaginas.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Maggie: I'm trying to figure out how much money to allocate toward my test materials. It's very stressful.
Meredith: Please. You have $100,000. I have a 90-year-old Spanish doctor I have to convince to give me his patent on his cross-polymer so April Kepner doesn't find out that I'm a fraud and a disgrace to medicine.
Maggie: You're not a disgrace. A fraud, yes.

Jo: Who's Kepner to judge? Besides, you know, being the judge.

Meredith: Auntie Amelia is so grumpy when she loses.

Weber: You're gonna take it easy today?
Bailey: Not at all. I've been trapped in my bed. I've binged every reality show ever made, and I can physically feel my IQ lowering. I'm getting back in the OR. Pierce cleared me.
Maggie: I did. She's cleared. I cleared her. She's cleared, and I'm not taking it back no matter how sternly you stare at me.
Weber: I had things to do today. Now I've got to spend my day following her.
Maggie: Or you could just trust my professional assessment. No?

Glasses: Why is your hand inside him?
Herrera: Because he was bleeding a lot. 
Glasses: Take it out of him!
Herrera: You look 12. Can you find a grown-up to tell me that? 
Meredith: Do not move your hand! Don't let go!
Herrera: See that? Grown-ups.
Meredith: Nobody move. Can you feel a pulse?
Herrera: Yeah.
Meredith: What do you think she's got in her hand, Schmitt?
Glasses: His abdominal aorta?
Meredith: Yep.
Glasses: Don't take your hand out!

Hunt: Warren, don't you have fires to put out? Like, literal fires?

Tom: Pity laughter. My favorite.

Jackson: What is the deal with April?
Arizona: Uh, what do you mean?
Jackson: She's super hungover. She's using the word "party" as a verb.
Arizona: She's just having fun. You know she had a rough time. And I think she's just, she's coming out of it.
Jackson: I mean, should I be worried? She's walking the halls with a banana bag. I mean, that's not that's not April.
Arizona: It's not who April was with you. I mean, she may be someone else without you.

Weber: I just thought maybe you'd want to ease back in.
Bailey: What is a vacation for, if not to recuperate so that one can return to work at full strength? 
Ben: You know, some vacations are so strenuous that you need a vacation from your vacation.
Bailey: Ben Warren, as handsome as you look in your uniform and as grateful as I am that you are still alive today, you do not belong in there. Get out. 
Ben: I brought your patient in. I just wanted to see how he was doing. And how you're doing, since it's your first day back from vacation.
Bailey: Okay, my vacation is over. I went on it, and I am back. It was glorious, but like all experiences, it now lives on in the cherished memories that I share with no one but myself. So stop talking about my vacation!
Owen: Hey, where'd you go?
Bailey: None of your business!

Tom: I'm just calling it the way I see it, and the sooner you face the truth-
Kimmie: You're full of crap and you know it!
Tom: Hamilton only made your top three because it's new and shiny.
Kimmie: And you only left it off your list because you're bitter that you couldn't score tickets for the original cast. It goes Cabaret, Hamilton, Rent. 
Tom: So no Sondheim? Stephen Sondheim.
Kimmie: Damn it. Sondheim.
Tom: Yeah, can't count him out. Count of three. Best Sondheim. One, two, three.
Kimmie: Into The Woods.
Tom: Sweeney Todd.  Oh. 
Kimmie: Gross.
Tom: No, he wielded a hell of a scalpel.
Peg: They've been at this for 20 minutes straight. Happiest I've seen her in days.
Tom: Into the Woods - a quarter of the Broadway audience left that show at intermission.
Kimmie: Cause they want an easy, happy ending. But, hello, that's why it's brilliant.
Tom: Doctors. Second opinion. Weigh in.

Owen: Focusing on the field, until the awkward goes away.

Weber: Dr. Bailey, look, all we're-
Bailey: Babysitters get paid $10 an hour. You want to get paid $10 an hour? I can arrange for that.

Glasses: I'm gonna start double gloving. My hands smelled like bedpan when I was eating last night.

Vik: I never would've pegged myself as a guy who's into moms, but moms make you do things till you get 'em right.

Herrera: We don't have to hug now, do we? I'm not really a hugger. 
Meredith: Oh, God, no.

Jackson: I just noticed some of the interns have nicknamed you the Party.
April: Yeah. I'm pretty sure they mean that as a compliment.
Jackson: Well, some of the things they were saying weren't exactly complimentary.
April: Well, you should hear what they say about you.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Amelia: Okay, I really miss sex, and this is not helping. Are you having sex?
Owen: On occasion.
Amelia: Are you thinking about it all the time? I'm thinking about it right now.
April: I'm almost positive this constitutes a hostile work environment.

Maggie: Clive is nice. You know? Like, it's more than sex. I think I really like him. I'm seeing him again tonight.
Meredith: You're already at two nights in a row and you think you like him?
Maggie: Well, my mom was the one who always told me whether a guy was a keeper or-
Amelia: A serial killer.
Maggie: He's not a serial killer. He's too nice.
Meredith: You know who says that? Neighbors of serial killers.

Alex: I know you don't want it, but we need to put in an NG tube. You need the nutrients. 
Kimmie: No, please. I hate that thing. It hurts so bad, and I can't sing.
Alex: I'm sorry, but the anti-nausea meds aren't working. That's the only option. 
Kimmie: I need you to get me some weed. 
Alex: Excuse me? 
Casey: I think she means marijuana.

Sarah: Can it even be reattached? That guy smooshed it.
Jackson: That's fine. Most ears are smooshed anyway.

Lackman: Dr. DeLuca is asking for all of my OB records. She says you're launching some kind of investigation.
Arizona: Oh, no, no, not not an investigation a study. It's a study. 
Carina: That's what I said.
Arizona: Well, I know, but you also called a seat belt a "strap-on," so, you know.

April: I'm getting suspended? Why?
Owen: Well, you cut a girl's ear off, for starters.

Alex: You got a minute?
Bailey: Ha, do I look like I have a minute?
Alex: You never look like you have a minute.
Bailey: Then read my face and I'll come find you when I'm done here. 
Alex: I want to give my 12 year old patient authorization for medical marijuana.
Bailey: Karev, have you met the Grey Sloan legal team?

Maggie: It's nice to date someone outside of the hospital, isn't it? 
Jackson: It is refreshing, actually, yeah.

Chris: Am I gonna die?
Owen: Yes. Probably not today, but, yes.

Amelia: CBD oil is not gonna make Kimmie an addict. Addiction is what makes people addicts.
Alex: Can you talk to her?
Amelia: No, Alex, I don't disclose my personal history to patients. Because people hear the word addict and they they make a lot of assumptions.
Tom: You're an addict? 
Amelia: Like that.

Amelia: You may check on Andrew. And while you're there, you might want to tell him that you are in love with him.
Sam: Uh, we're bad for each other.
Amelia: Pretending you're not in love with each other is what makes you bad for each other. And denying reality to this degree makes you useless to me and, by extension, to this whole project.

Tom: Uh, vomiting. Uh, uh, spewing. Uh, uh, uh, mouth confetti. Uh, uh, uh, ceiling, attic. Uh, Flowers in the Attic! Uh, sky. Star. Puke star. Rain. Singing in the Rain!
April: Yes!

Maggie: I've never slept with a married man before.
Tom: Well, you can't say that anymore.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Tom: Should I whip us up some mean frittatas or do the slut rush home?

Charlie's mom: I miss when you only wore costumes on Halloween.
Henry: Why should the world be dull and lifeless 364 days of the year?

Charlie: This scarred heart of mine fell in love with Henry. What if the new heart doesn't love him?
Alex: That's not how it works. Love has nothing to do with the heart.
Charlie: Tell that to every poet in the history of the world.

Maggie: First love is the worst. Mine had a 5:00 shadow, and he smelled like formaldehyde - Steve. My gross anatomy lab partner with cadaver Leonard. I know you're not supposed to name your cadavers, but-
Jo: Uh, we all did. Mine was Mort, after rigor mortis.
Maggie: Alex, did you name yours?
Alex: I named him Road Kill. It was a major bromance.

Henry: The cosplay and poetry and all that is fun, but I just can't be with someone who doesn't believe in science.

April: Why are you still here?
Tom: Looking for food, but this is just vodka, baby food, and questionable cheese. Do you like paella? There's a great place a few blocks away that, uh, we can-
April: Are you stalling to see if we'll have sex again?
Tom: No, but I I like the way you're thinking. Except paella isn't sex food. Too rich. I'll just have this road yogurt, then I'll go.

April: Please don't do that.
Tom: Do what?
April: Feign an interest in me to get me back into bed. I will probably go back to bed with you regardless cause you're pretty good at sex so conversation is not necessary.
Tom: Well, thank you for the "pretty good." It's an understatement, but I'll take it.

Tom: When I met you, months ago, Amelia Shepherd had given you her power of attorney. She trusted you with her life.
April: You remember that? We barely spoke.
Tom: Oh, I'm incredibly observant. Look at your home here. Fun toddler detritus, lots of light, warmth, books.
April: Your point?
Tom: The woman I met last night? She doesn't live here. And she's not a person you trust with a power of attorney. I'm not sure I should trust you with my penis again. That woman scares me a little. In a "pretty good" way, but, uh -
April: But what?
Tom: How did that woman become this woman?
April: I'm not gonna get into this with you.
Tom: Let me do it. Uh, alcoholism. Drugs. Cancer diagnosis. No? Physical trauma? Uh, dead relative. Dead pet. Uh, dead beloved tv show character. 
April: Omigawd. 
Tom: None of these? Okay, that leaves, um, metal illness, acute clinical depression, crisis of faith. 
April: Stop.
Tom: Crisis of faith.
April: No. 
Tom: Mm-hmm. God is dead.
April: No. 
Tom: Ah, yes. 
April: No, He's not dead. I just hate him so much I wish he was.

Jo: Okay, wait, you stole a dissected cadaver heart?
Maggie: We needed something to bury, and it was very symbolic.
Jo: You stole a human heart so you could see a boy one more time. 
Alex: At a made-up funeral. 
Jo: You were so weird.
Maggie: I was young. 
Jo: You were weird and creepy. You're so nice now. What happened?

Tom: The Bible, the Qur'an, the Baghavad Gita, they're all the same book, aren't they? They all just generally say how not to be a jerk.
April: Well, I don't know those other books, but I know the New Testament. And the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gets up there and he says how to behave and how not to behave. People flagrantly disregard his teachings and receive absolutely no consequences, while other people who spend their lives trying to emulate him and honor him are brutally mistreated. God's off making a bet with the devil while good people eat crap sandwiches, and we're supposed to eat those sandwiches with a smile on our face. We're supposed to rejoice. Look, I mean, if you didn't grow up in the church, you wouldn't understand, so I don't-
Tom: Oh, please. Please, I grew up Catholic. Between the mean nuns, the hard kneelers, the touchy priests, Catholicism told me that I would go to hell for playing with myself after I'd been doing it ceaselessly for two years. I mean, how about a head's up, God?

Tom: The priest said talk to God, but I wanted to find God and choke the life out of him. I didn't want to talk to God. I didn't care what he had to say. I wanted to talk to my son. I was not, um, as delightful then in that period as I am now. I was not fit company. My marriage fell apart. I was alone. So I went to church. Because in church, you can talk out loud all by yourself and not look crazy. So I would go to Mass, and I would talk to my son. I still do. I don't think God left me or I left God. I just think we got in a fight. That's all.

Meredith: They went from tequila nights three times a week to nothing. I mean, I think Cerone was my mother's Christina, and I think my mother sharked her.
Alex: If Yang published work that you two did together only under her name, would you forgive her?
Meredith: No. And I think I might just make it my life's work to get her back.

Maggie: That kind of blew it for me on the dating scene. Everybody thought I was into, you know, cadavers. My med school nickname was Zombie.

Maggie: Yes, I have stolen medical waste for what I believe to be noble reasons. I have also been known to name my surgical instruments because, for a long time, they were my only friends. And for three years as a child, I had an imaginary friend named Ralph. But, to be clear, I was also the first in my class every class, every year, of every degree. I can do sign language, I am ordained to perform marriages, I can change a spare tire, and I can tell you what happens by chapter in every single one of the Harry Potter books. So if I am undone by you, then you should really, really be undone by me, too.
Jackson: Well, my imaginary friend was named Frodo. Not that Frodo. It wasn't a hobbit. I created my own Frodo, who was half-troll, half-gremlin, and feasted on the tears of all my imaginary enemies. 
Maggie: Ooh. 
Jackson: I got quirks, too, Maggie. I got baggage. Just cause I was some prom king -
Maggie: Four times.
Jackson: On four consecutive occasions, I, um, still have real pain, you know.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Bailey: You won the Fundamental Physics Prize twice!
Marjorie: I know. I was there, hon.
Jo: Is that like the Nobel Prize?
Bailey: The Nobel Prize wishes.

Jackson: Anything bothering you?
Catherine: I haven't said a word.
Jackson: You didn't have to. Your face did.
Catherine: My face isn't saying anything. Richard, is my face saying something?
Weber: It's like reading Hemingway, dear.

Michelle: I certainly never dreamed that a mother and son would build my vagina.
Catherine: And father.
Jackson: Step-father. About a year and a half, so no. No offense.
Weber: None taken.
Catherine: Well, family is family is family, like the saying goes.
Jackson: That's not a saying, but okay.
Catherine: Not to you, it's not.
Jackson: No one's ever said it.

Arizona: I'm a little worried you have an incompetent cervix.
Liz: That sounds rude.

Maggie: I feel like I felt when I was fifteen and when I was fifteen I was twelve.

Meredith: You've never had your hopes and dreams crushed by our mother but for me it was an annual occurrence so I'm pissed but I'll get over it.

April: Hellmouth, your patient's pregnant.
Hellmouth: He's a dude with a beard.

Owen: Kepner, they're not going to learn anything if you keep killing their patients.

Arizona: I have a patient whose son laughs all the time.
Alex: Is that bad? Because then I've been doing this all wrong.

Owen: I'm not a cheater.
Amelia: I never said you were.
Owen: You implied it. I have cheated, but that doesn't make me a cheater.
Amelia: To-may-to, to-mah-to, po-tay-to, adulterer.
Owen: You were the one who told me to go to Teddy.
Amelia: And you listened.
Owen: What was I supposed to say?
Amelia: "Hey, Amelia, that sounds crazy." "Hey, Amelia, Teddy and I aren't like that." "Hey, Amelia, I'm going to be a good husband and not cheat on you with this woman I have history with." You had options because you, unlike me, did not have a brain tumor.
Owen: That is not fair.
Amelia: Isn't it?
Owen: Teddy is my...she's Teddy. She knows me and she's always been there for me if I've needed her and tumor or not, you weren't so I didn't feel like I was cheating on you. You told me to go to her and it felt right and I'm sorry if that hurts, but it is the truth.
Amelia: Wow, our marriage didn't stand a chance. Teddy - she's your tumor.

Maggie: [Ellis] kept me a secret. She lied to Richard. She lied to Meredith. If she's capable of doing that to the people she loves the most, you don't think she's capable of screwing over a friend?

Jackson: What is going on, April? Every time I try to talk to you, you slam the door in my face? When did you decide that we're not friends anymore, that you can't talk to me? When did you decide that I'm not here for you?

Edited March 23, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

April: I'm not finding you in the system, Mr. Zigler.
Zigler: Possibly because my last name is Rigler with an R.
April: I'm sorry.
Zigler: It happens to the best of us, Dr. Zepner.

Teddy: So tell me.
Owen: Tell you what?
Teddy: Whatever it is that you wanted to say but you couldn't say in an email or over the phone that you had to show up at my door in the middle of the night. I mean, it must be- is it Amelia's tumor?
Owen: No, it's nothing like that.
Teddy: Is she pregnant? Owen, are you going back to Iraq? Will you just tell me what it is?

Zigler: I'm not making my synagogue trip, am I? Which means someone's going to get pregnant. Or drunk. Probably both.
April: Rabbi-
Zigler: No, please - Eli. You're shellacing half my body in vaseline. I think we can dispense with the formalities.

Mars: Charlotte is a 16 year old who will fail calculus if she misses her midterm and I am way too math dumb to pull her out of that hole.
Meredith: And yet you're a transplant surgeon.
Mars: Oh, yeah. World class.
Meredith: You felt the need to add that?
Mars: When I'm talking to Harper Avery winning Meredith Grey? Yeah, I do.
Meredith: See? You don't even need any visitors. You have so much internet stalking to do.

Mars: I used to think shoe salesman, my plan B.
Meredith: Do you have a thing for feet?
Mars: Is that a deal breaker?
Meredith: Kind of, yeah.

Mars: Third drawer, green cabinet. That's where the deed to the house is and the passcodes for Charlotte's college fund. She's got to to college. I don't care for what but she's got to go. She's kind and strong and beautiful and none of that will matter if she can't string together a decent sentence.

April: What's that saying? If I'm not for myself, who will be for me? Well, I am taking care of myself.
Eli: You realize that phrase is not an invitation for narcissism.

Eli: I'm not up on the sequel, but from what I hear, Jesus got a raw deal.

Eli: If people only believed in God when things are good, I guarantee you after the Holocaust not a single Jew would be a believer.

Eli: Faith wouldn't be real faith if you only believe when things are good.

Eli: I don't have a lot of time here. Do you mind if I just skip the part where I pretend I don't know what to tell you? I'm just going to tell you. You sound like a child.

[BooksRule]

'So you want to go live with the chickens and the happy people.'

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Meredith: Jimi Hendrix is dead.
Jo: NO!
Alex: That happened kind of a while ago.
Jo: Jimi Hendrix is a liverless mouse.
Alex: I thought he was a guitar genius.

April: Koracick.
Tom: April, please. We had sex. Call me Dr. Koracick.

Olive: I need your advice on something. When your physician refuses to honor your request for no medical intervention, what's the protocol? Do I ask to speak to his superior?
Weber: Well, I'm married to the head of the hospital and I mentored the chief so good luck with that.

Andrew: I'm in between places, that's all. I was staying with Dr. Robbins and then she started sleeping with my sister so then I moved in with Dr. Hunt but then he started sleeping with my sister.

Arizona: His Yelp reviews are all five stars.
Owen: Well, that sounds like a good thing.
Arizona: No, it's too good to be true. People go to Yelp to complain. Nobody gets five stars. I don't get five stars. You sure don't.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Maggie: My mom always said men show you who they are from the very beginning, if you're paying attention.
Jackson: I'm pretty sure she stole that from Maya Angelou.

Jo: There are protocols. When you break them, you're Meredith Grey. When I break them, I get a write-up.

Meredith: Helm, I need a favor.
Hellmouth: You didn't call me Hellmouth. What's wrong? Who died? Is it Vik?

Bello: It doesn't work that way for Dreamers. Getting married won't give me legal status.
Meredith: Well, bright side, that was the worst proposal I've ever seen.

Alex: Bello's from El Salvador? 
Meredith: Barely. But if we don't come up with something, they're going to put her in a van, put a bag over her head, and send her back there.
Alex: I don't think that's how it works.
Meredith: Still, I need ideas. Don't you know anyone? 
Alex: What? 
Meredith: Your dad he was a drug dealer, right? Isn't there an underground or something?
Alex: My dad was a drug user. He didn't know crap. You know who you should talk to?
Jo: You're going to need $1,500. 
Sam: I don't have
Meredith: We'll get it.
Jo: You're going to go to New York, and you're going to talk to a guy named Mikey. I'll vouch for you. Mikey will file a false police report and get you a death certificate. It's usually from someone who died in another country. The tricky part is getting the corpse, but Mikey has some sort of side hustle with the city morgue. 
Andrew: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Sam: I don't want to become another person!
Jo: It worked for me.
Meredith: Is that what you did? You faked your death?
Jo: No. That was my Plan B. I just legally changed my name, and I moved states. But I was just hiding from a person, not a whole country.
Sam: I graduated college magna cum laude. I was valedictorian of my high school. I was captain of the dance squad.
Jo: Okay, what does that have to do with-
Andrew: She's saying she's not the fake-your-own-death kind of person.

Jackson: Okay, so what exactly is the problem, then, or what was the problem?
Dr. Froy: I really can't say.
Jackson: I'm just trying to help here. So did you used to work for us? Or is this a noncompete situation?
Dr. Froy: No, I mean I cannot say. I signed a legal agreement that says that I can't talk about the legal agreement that I signed.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

The quote that made me love Koracick last week:

Koracick: Give Kimmie a standard course of chemo and radiation. Shrink the tumor enough to get her to summer. By then, I'll be able to take the three, maybe four weeks of vacation time I'm due, and then I'll just take Kimmie and her grandmother to New York and we'll hit every Broadway show we can.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Meredith: The cookies in this tin were tainted with rat poison. Okay, false alarm. The cookies had marijuana in them.
Everyone: WHAAT?!
Meredith: I didn't want to scare you.
Jackson: So you went with rat poison?

Katherine: Turns out there's no good time to tell your son that his grandfather's a sexual predator.

Maggie: I really want some cheese. It's such a good food So many kinds. Cheddar. tring cheese. Brie. The kind with the holes in it. Swiss! Sometimes I just stand in the cheese section of the grocery store. Mozzarella. Gouda. Muenster. Havarti.

Amelia: You are supposed to stay in the bedroom until after the social worker leaves.
Alex: It smells like Owen in there.

Bailey: I thought marijuana made people peaceful, but I don't think I've ever hated you more.

April: I always wanted a Harper Avery. I had a Jackson Avery, but that's not the same.

Maggie: Time of death, 16:06. Acute liver disappearance.

Edited April 20, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Guest]

Quote

Meredith: The cookies in this tin were tainted with rat poison. Okay, false alarm. The cookies had marijuana in them.
Everyone: WHAAT?!
Meredith: I didn't want to scare you.
Jackson: So you went with rat poison?

This cracked me up.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Zola: Is it hard to learn to play guitar?
[Meredith looks at Deluca playing the guitar on the couch]
Meredith: Apparently, yes.

Zola: How come Maggie's friend never has to take a bath and we do?

Catherine: Look, if it's a scapegoat they want, I'm the one that signed the settlements.
Weber: Catherine. 
Erin: I could live with that. 
Jackson: Absolutely not. There's no way a powerful black woman is going to take the fall for a rich old white guy that couldn't keep his damn hands to himself.

Jo: Are you broke? Do I have to tell Beyoncé that we can't afford her?

Olivia: Is [Karev] still giving nurses syphilis or has he moved on to gonorrhea?

Olivia: Syph Nurse. That's what they called me - Syph Nurse. It was all over the hospital. A lot of laughs. And I got it from Karev, but nobody was calling him Syph Doc.

Alex: Try not to perforate [Milo's] airway. His mom hates me enough as it is.
Jo: Well, you did give her syphilis.

Alex: They used to call me Evil Spawn.
Schmitt: Evil Spawn? Last time I complain about Glasses.

Amelia: How long have you been using?
Betty: I don't know where you got that idea.
Amelia: I guess from the itching and the bruising on your arm, the constricted pupils.
Betty: I have allergies.
Amelia: Ah. Yeah. I had allergies too. For a long time.

Olivia: [Jo]'s too good for you.
Alex: You think I don't know that?

Owen: What did Meredith say?
Amelia: That's the part I haven't figured out. Tell Meredith to blow up the air mattress - a teenage drug addict is moving in with her kids.

Avery: It's not as easy as just giving back an award, you know?
Meredith: You think that was easy? I worked my whole life for that award. I'm pissed! You know, I'm mainly pissed at my mother for selling out Marie Cerone. And then when I think back on it, it was all due to the behavior of one awful man. And then I get mad at myself for blaming the women. Why do we do that? Why is it so easy to blame the women?
Avery: A couple thousand years of patriarchy.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Meredith: If we check patients for mental illness, why not surgeons? Someone should really get on that.

Bailey: Dr. Webber, we have to go. Vik Roy and his lawyer brother are here.
Webber: What do you mean "we"? You're the chief.
Bailey: And you fired him.
Jackson: Did they say how much it would cost to settle?
Bailey: No, and unlike you, we don't have millions of dollars at our disposal. And if we can't settle, we have to make sure we were 100% justified in firing him.
Webber: I do recall his having a disrespectful attitude toward a patient who tried to cut off his own hand. Acted as if it were a joke.
Bailey: Ooh, go on.
Webber: Well, I called Dr. Carina DeLuca to tell the boy that masturbation was perfectly healthy-
Bailey: Stop. I want you to imagine that sentence with "Your Honor" at the end of it. 
Webber: Yeah, never mind. 
Bailey: Avery, do you have anything helpful on Dr. Roy?
Jackson: I think I do. He tried to take advantage of Dr. Kepner during a particularly vulnerable time in her-
Bailey: "When he was an intern and she was an attending, Your Honor."

Owen: [Leo] spits up a lot. I thought it was GERD or A pyloric stenosis, but-
April: No, they just barf. I think it's triggered by the cleanliness of your shirt.
Arizona: Oh. The babies. I love them like this, Enjoy them like this. Sofia got suspended from school.
April: From second grade?
Owen: What, did she color outside the lines?
Arizona: No, she stole the field trip money.
April: What? 
Owen: Oh, that'll do it. 
April: Why? 
Arizona: Why? Uh, cause she's acting out. Cause she's sad. Cause I'm a terrible mother. I don't know, but enjoy those babies.

Hellmouth: Any minute now, she's going to realize I am the love of her life.
Dahila: Meredith Grey is straight.
Hellmouth: Ever heard her talk about Cristina Yang?

Andrew: Hey, someone needs to run this bloodwork up to the lab.
[Hellmouth and Dahlia play rock, paper, scissors]
Andrew: Hey! You know, we're also shorthanded in the clinic today, and there is a nasty hemorrhoid in bed seven that needs to be lanced and drained.
Dahlia: I've got the bloodwork!
Andrew: Have fun with your hemorrhoid.
Hellmouth: I'd rather lance a hemorrhoid than be a hemorrhoid.
Andrew: Great, then you got rectals in the ICU after that. 
[Hellmouth sighs]
Andrew: You want bed sores in geriatrics, too?

Andrew: What's her problem? 
Maggie: Tomophobia. Fear of medical procedures. She equates surgery with death. I've heard of patients who have died because they refuse treatment.
Arizona: Well, it's because of her dad. He had an appendectomy. And they told him it was nothing and then there were complications. He went in for surgery and then she never saw him again. She was 5. What's DeLuca doing here?
Maggie: Oh, I brought him to cheer him up.
Andrew: And so far, it's depressing me more.

Arizona: Okay, people. Warm faces, library voices, and lay terms.

Teresa: Just knock me out. Just sneak up from behind me when I'm leaving and sedate me.
Arizona: I can't because it's against the law.

David: The coffee's terrible. It requires copious amounts of cream and sugar.
Meredith: Well, if it's good coffee you're after, there's a great cart at the hospital across the street.
David: No, I like the light in here. And the smell of stale beer.

Betty: Your life must be really pathetic for you to just have all this time to sit here watching me puke.

Carina: How much money was it?
Arizona: Um, 30 times $40, so not exactly grand theft but enough to make me feel like I've fundamentally failed as a parent.
Carina: No. Every kid steals something at some point. I stole a lipstick from the drug store. Not quite $1,200, but-
Arizona: So, what did your dad do when he found out?
Carina: He never knew. I was an excellent thief.

Webber: It's possible I overcorrected in firing [Roy].
Bailey: You did no such thing! If he had operated under the con-
Webber: But he didn't. But you know who has operated in this hospital knowingly under the influence? Me. You gonna fire me, too?
Bailey: Now, that's just manipulative. This has nothing to do with you.

David: So are you in Seattle much?
Meredith: All the time.
David: I like it. It's so gloomy and, you know, rainy.
Meredith: You like the gloom?
David: Well, I grew up in Los Angeles, so I'm way over my sunshine quota. I like the rain.

Alex: My whole life, all I ever wanted was a mom who wasn't sick. I didn't care about toys or sports or any of that crap. I just wanted a mom who was okay. And she is. She finally is. And she doesn't want me there.
Jo: You may never hear what you want to hear from your mom. You may never get an acknowledgment. You may never get an apology. But you have a shot at having a mom.

April: There's this story in the Bible. 
Jackson: Oh, yeah?
April: Yeah, hear me out. You're gonna like this one. About this rich young ruler who wants to follow Jesus. And Jesus tells him to sell all of his belongings and give the money to the poor. So for what it's worth, you are on a really good path.
Jackson: Your buddy Jesus interested in buying a yacht?

Meredith: There's a lot of uncertainty. There's a lot of fear. And what might be easy for one person for someone else might take inner strength you can't even imagine.

Edited May 4, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Owen: I was up all night worrying about Leo being too cold, so then I made it too hot, then I woke him up. Hey, when did Tuck start sleeping through the night?
Bailey: You're asking parenting advice?
Owen: Yeah, I just can't seem to find the right -
Bailey: You ever heard of the black lace-weaver spider? Well, she lays about 50 to 100 eggs and when her babies reach a certain age, she taps her web and calls them to her. They swarm her, stab into her with their straw-like stingers. The mother's innards liquefy and they suck her up like a milkshake for their nourishment, leaving her a dead husk and then they go on with their lives. That's parenting.

Jo: Can you look at this? Kepner left it in my box. She wants us to pick a base for the color palette. 
Alex: What does that even mean? 
Jo: Just pick one.
Alex: I see yellow, yellow, and yellow.

Jackson: Oh, I got your invitation this morning.
Jo: Me too. April is so good at that stuff. I would've just put up a flier in the residents' lounge and had the reception at Joe's.
Jackson: Well, you know, I don't have a lot of experience in the planning department, but I certainly can endorse eloping.

Herman: They called it vision rehabilitation, but I called it blind school. It was a lot of training exercises and Braille and group therapy with frozen yogurt and some very cheerful people. You would've loved it.

Amelia: If the tumor's back, I have to tell her.
Andrew: Why wouldn't you? 
Amelia: No, I mean about mine. 
Andrew: Oh.
Ameila: That I operated on her brain with a grapefruit-sized tumor of my own, which might be why she's blind and is probably why she's back with a recurrent tumor.
Betty: Wait. You have a brain tumor? 
Andrew: Had. 
Amelia: Yes, had. It's gone.
Andrew: Look, you saved her life when no one else could. And we don't know that your tumor caused anything.
Amelia: We don't know it didn't.
Betty: So you did brain surgery while you needed brain surgery?

Herman: Are you still pouting? I hear pouting.

Herman: After blind school, I hit a rough patch. I mean, the blindness I could cope with but I was put on this Earth to do surgery and suddenly... So I went very, very dark. No pun intended. And then I kept hearing about you and your dozens of exit procedures and the acardiac twin and you saved quads and I thought, "Crap! I did it. I downloaded my entire brain into that girl in mere months and she went out and saved all these babies."
Arizona: Thanks. I needed to hear you say that.
Herman: This isn't about you. This is about me.

Amelia: Okay, all this time I've been saying, "Well, she's blind, but at least I saved her life," and now I can't even say that, because her tumor is back and I can't even find it.
Andrew: Maybe it's not back. This may be hard for you to believe, Dr. Shepherd, but some people don't have tumors. It could be migraines or a buildup of CSF. Let's just do a spinal tap and see.
Amelia: I still have to tell her about my tumor.
Betty: Why? It's not like it's going to make her less blind.

Jo: So all of it went to Harper Avery's victims? All of your inheritance? 
Jackson: I am essentially broke, yeah.
[Jo starts laughing]
Jackson: And that's funny. Nice.
Jo: No, no, it's just that you're "broke," other than your six-figure salary as a plastic surgeon, your penthouse, and your yacht. 
Jackson: Okay.
Jo: I used to wash my underwear with a water bottle, so it's a little -
Jackson: Wow. Okay. Point taken.

April: You prayed for me. And it worked. Ha ha.

Herman: I just got a grant from HHS and I want to start call it the Robbins/Herman Center for Women's Health. I will teach fetal surgery, you will perform it, and together, we will launch your maternal mortality prevention program and make this country safe for women and babies. What do you say? Actually, I wanted to call it the Herman/Robbins Center, but that makes it sound like we're a dude.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

April [to Matthew]: Thank you for being here. I know that weddings are maybe not your favorite place to be with me.

Amelia: Meredith, are you okay?
Meredith: No. I feel less okay than I have in a long time.
Amelia: Omigawd, I knew it!
Meredith: Knew what?
Amelia: You're in love with Alex! It's okay. I am not judging. I have suspected it for years. But it's kind of a bad day for the revelation.
Meredith: Amelia, stop talking.
Amelia: Right, because people could hear and that would be really bad.
Meredith: No, because I'm not harboring any secret feelings. You may be harboring secret feelings for your ex who you're playing house with, but I am not in love with Alex.

Amelia: So is it Jo you're secretly in love with? All those hours together of intense pioneering. It's totally understandable.
Meredith: I'm not in love with anybody! Stop projecting your secret love all over me.

April: There's no bride or groom's side so just sit wherever you feel comfortable.
Andrew: Where do you sit if you used to be in love with the bride but then the groom beat you up and put you in the hospital?

Roy: Is that a problem?
Bailey: Does my face look like that's a problem?
Roy: Respectfully, I do not want to answer that.

Meredith: I didn't do a fellowship here. I'm doing just fine.

Meredith: I just got happy in a world without Cristina and without Derek.

Casey: Okay, what do we drink to this time?
Hellmouth: To Meredith Grey and the way she is rocking that dress!
Schmidt: Dude, that was the last toast.

Matthew: I thought it was bacon and it was dates.

Matthew: I'm trying to build a life with [April] and you're Harriet's father. I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to be a Christian about this but it's hard.
Jackson: You want to hit me?
Matthew: Yeah, I really, really do.
Jackson: But the Christian thing.
Matthew: Mmm hmm.
Jackson: Would it make you feel any better to know that I recently lost a quarter of a billion dollars?
Matthew: Yes, yes, it would actually.

Amelia: You're not Alex.
Owen: Nope.

Betty: So are you guys going to get married?
Owen: Who?
Betty: You and Amelia. Or are you guys just friends? Or what are you? I've been living with you guys for a month and I still can't tell if you're a couple or not.
Owen: We're not.
Betty: Oh. So you just live in the same house and take care of stray kids together. That's weird.

Andrew: Blood has been spilled between us so that makes us family.

Meredith: So what do you want to do now? You want to borrow my post-it notes?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Jackson: Why are we whispering?
Maggie: Because Deluca's asleep.
Jackson; He's not asleep. [Jackson kicks the sofa loudly] He's just staring like an idiot.

Maggie: I don't know how [April] was able to make a decision that big that fast. It takes three weeks of research just to choose a toothbrush.

Meredith: Stop smirking at me.
Koracik: I don't smirk. I smile. If you interpret my smile as a smirk, that's just because you find me mischievous and, dare I say, charming.
Meredith: I don't find you anything.

Koracik: Are [Owen and Amelia] back in the saddle?
Meredith: Unclear.
Koracik: Do you think they can sense our sexual tension?
Meredith: Wouldn't I sense it?

Amelia: I hear you're looking for an interim chief and I'm here to tell you your search is over. I know what you're thinking. I'm chief of neuro and I have my research with Koracik and a teenage addict I'm trying to keep on the straight and narrow and I have Owen. Well, I don't have Owen. Owen has Leo and I have Betty and we most certainly don't have each other, so there are questions and feelings and the two of us together is like one big swirling confusion tornado that could upend four lives so yeah, my life is a bit of a mess at the moment.
Bailey: And this is the reason I should pick you?
Amelia: Everyone knows that people with the most disastrous personal lives are brilliant at work. Also I'm incredibly bossy by nature.

Carina: Wow, sleeping alone really brings out your friendly side.

Carina: Are we taking bets on what this is?
Weber: I'm going with a candle.
Roy: My money's on a shampoo bottle.
Carina: Flashlight.
Weber: That one's strangely popular.

Carina: This is straight man stupidity.

Nisha: I love you. I love all of you. I love all of you the most.

Teddy: You're Dr. Pierce? Head of cardio?
Maggie: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Teddy: What are you, 19?
Maggie: No, I was 19 when I graduated medical school but I was 27 when they made me head of cardio. Are we both sharing our ages or just me?

Teddy: What I'm about to tell you falls under the category of doctor patient confidentiality.
Maggie: Yeah, yeah, I know how the job works.

Jo: Did you read that article on how they're introducing antigens on cancer cells to make the body attack them?
Alex: Umm, no, I was reading Wrestlers' Week.

Koracik: Pathetic. This display is pathetic. This alternate reality where you were some kind of a victim in your marriage. You're a lot of things, Amelia Shepherd, but a victim is not one of them. An ass, yes.
Amelia: Excuse me?
Koracik: You were a giant ass to your husband. You treated him terribly. When I came to cut into your brain, I didn't realize you were even married. That's how little your seemed to care.
Amelia: I had a tumor!
Koracik: You and I had sex the day after you separated. It was dirty, filthy, hot sex. That was excellent. But it wasn't tumor sex. The tumor was gone.
Amelia: It was gratitude sex. It was "thank you for not killing me" sex.
Koracik: It was "thank gawd I'm not married to that ginger anymore" sex an you know it.

Jackson: I prayed and April woke up.
Maggie: Or April woke up because I'm a really excellent doctor.

Edited September 28, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Therapist Meredith: Really, Meredith? This is kind of a lot, don't you think?
Meredith: Stop judging me.
Therapist Meredith: I really can't.

Meredith: What's with all the milk?
Amelia: I almost slept with Owen. 
Meredith: So you bought milk? 
Amelia: No. The baby woke up. It was awkward, so I came over here to get clothes. Why is everyone awake?
Maggie: Uh, Jackson proposed. 
Meredith: With milk? 
Amelia: Wait, what?
Maggie: Or half-proposed. He was not not talking about marriage. 
Meredith: Is he competing with April? 
Amelia: I kind of get that.
Meredith: What did you say?
Maggie: I said that, um, I had to go get some milk.
Amelia: And what did he say?
Maggie: I don't know. I left to get the milk.

Nisha: See? I flirted!
Cece: Excellent work. A little aggressive, but once the drugs wear off, we'll work on the nuance.

Lincoln: It's like a spa, but on the moon. Just put on some smooth jazz and some slippers, light some candles, and, uh-
Bailey: And you'd blow yourself up. See, when these doors are closed, it pressurizes the room up to three atmospheres. It will radically decrease healing time. This is a world-class hyperbaric chamber.
Lincoln: Yeah, I know. But moon spa sounds better.

Lincoln: You choose an interim chief yet?
Bailey: Almost. Just going over a few final considerations.
Lincoln: Yeah, it's a tough decision. I mean, you want somebody good, but not better than you, right? Like a solid substitute player, maybe plays half the game.
Bailey: I'm sorry?
Lincoln: You want a third, maybe fourth round draft pack so your people really miss you when you're gone. I mean, we all know what happens when LeBron's on the bench, right? The crowd goes wild. "MVP, MVP, MVP!" You're LeBron. They want you back on the court as soon as possible. Not into basketball?

Meredith: What happened to your face?
Alex: I forgot sunscreen.

Jo: What do you think?
Meredith: I think Alex married up.
Alex: Right? If she does this, I can retire and buy a bigger boat than Avery. And also save lives.

Bailey: You better be here to wonder and marvel at the future of medicine.

Maggie: I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to have it together. I used to be sane, but then HIPAA and half-marriage proposals and not enough sleep.
Casey: Dr. Avery proposed?
Maggie: Go away. We're not friends.
Casey: Well, you paged me.

Bailey: Are you drunk, Wilson?
Jo: Only mostly.
Bailey: Why are you here?
Alex: It's my honeymoon.

Meredith: You're chief?
Alex: I have no idea why.

Jo: I only report to Bailey, I'm gonna get to work in a fancy lab with cellular technology, and I get dark-blue scrubs, which makes me better than you. And you.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Maggie: You should totally go there with DeLuca. Yeah, you should totally hit that.
Meredith: But that phrase is kind of gross.
Maggie: I agree, and I apologize.

Alex: I heard you wanted this job, so-
Weber: Yeah, well, I offered experience, wisdom, countless hours in the OR, and not to mention that less tangible quality, which is that I know what the hell I'm doing. But, clearly, Bailey was looking for -
Alex: For what?
Weber: Something else.

Cece: Your mother was quite successful. That must've been intimidating. 
Meredith: Is that a question, Cece? 
Cece: You tell me.
Meredith: It was intimidating.
Cece: Feel free to elaborate.
Meredith: It was very intimidating.

Nico: You've got 22 bones in your face and skull, and you managed not to break a single one. You're lucky, dude.

Nurse Frankie: The schedule's a mess, I know, but don't take it out on me. It's our new chief's first day. He needs time to learn - how to read. 
Bailey: Uh, Frankie, I certainly hope you never spoke about me this way. 
Nurse Frankie: I never needed to.

Maggie: I feel really I'm really, um, "humiliated" I think is the word I'm looking for?
Meredith: I'm an award-winning surgeon, and I pay someone whose job it is to find me a sex life. That's humiliating. I think the word you're looking for is "enraged."

Amelia: If you want a change of pace, I've got an epidural abscess you can take off my plate.
Koracik: Shepherd, I don't work for you. I'm your research partner and your sometimes lover.
Amelia: One time. It was one time, Tom.
Koracik: Yeah, but who knows what the future holds?
Amelia: Did my sister put you up to this?
Koracik: No, but I like the way you think. Can we invite her?

Karev: Did we mock our attendings?
Meredith: Never to their face.

Karev: Why doesn't anyone tell you that if you take this job, you piss everybody off and never get to practice medicine?
Meredith: Everyone who ever takes that job tells you that.
Karev: I'm a bad listener.

Karev: Jo told me you hired a matchmaker, but I thought she was kidding.
Meredith: I wish. It's just there's so many questions. It's exhausting. I mean, why can't it just be a fancy restaurant I go in, give them money, they ask me if I have any allergies, and they give you a steak?
Karev: That's a different service.
Meredith: She wants me to spew emotional vomit every time I walk into a room, and I'm not just not - I'm not Amelia.
Karev: Where does this woman get the idea that you're closed off?
Meredith: I mean, I know I am. But so that's it? I just die alone?

Koracik: Hey, can you track down Chief Karev? I need him to sign a requisition before he gets fired.

[walnutqueen]

Do you need a sedative?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Meredith: When I was little, I once said my mother, "How do you tell people such bad news?" "You tell them the truth," she said. "But you tell them the best version of the truth you can come up with." My mother also never told me I had a little sister, so grain of salt.

Maggie: Are Owen and Amelia falling in love, or are they just falling back into bed?

Amelia: I would think that I would get a little backup from you. 
Owen: I backed you up. 
Amelia: You said, "Hey."

Amelia: Pics, please.
Meredith: No, no, that's not how Mrs. Santa Claus works. No pictures.
Alex: What's she hiding? Neck beard? Man bun? Ear hair?

Meredith: What if I hate him on sight? What's the minimum amount of time this goes?
Alex: Well, assuming your waiter doesn't suck, a tight 30 minutes if you don't want to hurt his feelings.
Meredith: Okay. Five bucks says I can get out in 20 and spare his feelings.
Alex: All right, but no pretending you get paged. That's cheating. It's $1 for every minute you go over 20.
Meredith: I'll text you in 20 minutes. Thank you for making it fun.

Meredith: So you're in software? 
John: Mmm hmm.
Meredith: Where's the t-shirt and hoodie?
John: I know. I tried. It just feels like wearing your pajamas to work, you know? 
Meredith: I do know. I actually wear my pajamas to work, sort of. I'm a surgeon. 
John: You are? What kind?
Meredith: I'm Chief of General at Grey-Sloan.
John: Wow. So, you're a big deal.
Meredith: Oh, yeah. What kind of software?
John: I'm not supposed to tell you. It's privacy stuff.
Meredith: Oh. I get it.
John: No, I mean, it's actually privacy software. I'm telling you. I don't care. I'm terrible at keeping secrets. I just think we should be able to decide what we want to tell the world about ourselves and who should get to see it. My software lets you do that.
Meredith: Oh. So, you're not mining people's data.
John: The opposite, actually, protecting it.
Meredith: Here's to the good guys.
John: I mean, I'm not cutting people's cancer out in my pajamas or anything, but -
Meredith: But you do what you can.

Jo: You need to apologize to me, dummy. I don't have sex with you because I want stuff from the chief. I have sex with you cause I want one thing from you - orgasms! And maybe you should tell me when Webber's standing behind me so I don't say things like that.

Richard: You call his mother, you break HIPAA. You break HIPAA, we get sued. 
Alex: So what do I do?
Richard: You know, Karev, the only thing less fun than watching you do this job is doing it for you.
Alex: Look, this isn't a chief thing.
Richard: It is. I mean, being chief is nothing but being backed into corners. The trick is finding creative ways to get out.
Alex: Well, then I've found one. I'm telling Bailey I quit. You can have this stupid job. 
Richard: No.
Alex: No, you have been pissy about this since the day I started.
Richard: I mean you are not allowed to quit, okay? You may only quit after you've done it to the best of your ability and decided to, okay? Otherwise, it's not quitting. It's failing. My mother told me that, and it's true.
Alex: So what were you quitting, med school?
Richard: I didn't want to play tetherball. I was 10.
Alex: This isn't tetherball.
Richard: Oh, it's all tetherball, Karev. Look, kick its ass and then decide you don't want it. Don't let it decide it doesn't want you.

Richard: You stabbed a patient?
Alex: Look, you said find a creative solution, right?
Richard: I didn't say commit assault or insurance fraud.

Evelyn: Let me ask you this. Are you and Owen back together? I can't tell, and he won't say.
Amelia: Uh, I don't know. I think we're just kind of-
Evelyn: Raising some kids together or whatever? Lord.

Max: Are we even allowed to be up here?
Deluca: Uh, not really, but that's part of what makes it cool, right?

Alex: I'm sorry.
Jo: For calling me a hooker?
Alex: I never called you a-
Jo: You suggested I'd trade sex for a multimillion-dollar MRI machine, which makes me a pretty high-class hooker.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Amelia: Don't do drugs!
Owen: And have a nice day at school.

Jo: It was an accident.
Lincoln: You're the restaurant's best server, and you accidentally spill coffee on the most annoying customer of all time?
Jo: She totally deserved it. 
Lincoln: I knew it!

Lincoln: Morning, Richie.
Webber: Lincoln. 
Alex: Did he just call you Richie? 
Webber: Yeah. He says if I insist on extending his name, he's going to shorten mine.

Teddy: Pierce told you. Well, there goes her license.
Meredith: We all know you're not gonna sue Pierce.

Jackson: Wasn't sure if you were reading any of my texts.
Maggie: Yeah. You met a boy with scapular osteochondroma, so you pressed pause on your trip to fly him and his family here to operate. Did you get my reply?
Jackson: You mean the letter K? Yeah.
Maggie: I thought you were a fan of brevity.

Bailey: Your husband's a grouch. 
Jo: You made him chief. 
Bailey: You married him.

Alex: I thought you were still on vacation. 
Jackson: Not a vacation. It was a personal leave while I figured some stuff out.
Alex: You're not at work, it's a vacation. Searching for the meaning of life just means it's a boring vacation.

Owen: Bailey told me there was this app you can put in your kid's phone to track them. 
Amelia: Yeah. Already done. Oh. I'm not proud of it. And this app tracks her texts.
Owen: Oh. That's a little-
Amelia: Invasive? Extreme?

Meredith: It's not what you think.
Teddy: Oh. He's not living with his ex-wife and two kids?
Meredith: Okay, well, that part is true.

Teddy: I already ate breakfast, if that's what's happening.
Meredith: Oh, no. I have to make cookies for Zola's bake sale. And they have to be homemade because apparently that's how you show you care. And Zola wants chocolate. Not chocolate chip. Chocolate. And did you know there's a difference between cocoa powder and hot-chocolate mix? 
Teddy: Not a baker? 
Meredith: I just learned that you had to pre-heat the oven.

Maggie: I get having big questions. So go. Go seek your truth, follow your heart. Just don't freeze me out.
Cece: What are your big questions?
Maggie: When is he coming back? Does he even want to be in a relationship? Why does he keep texting me pictures of trees?

Jackson: You guys knew each other, then?
Lincoln: School. And we worked together.
Jackson: Oh. What hospital?
Lincoln: Jimmy's Crab Shack.

Jackson: I'm going to head down to Santa Barbara. Then I haven't decided between Yosemite and Zion. 
Lincoln: Ooh, Zion. Hands down. 
Jackson: Really?
Lincoln: Angels Landing, it's up like 6,000 feet, and you're on this teeny little trail with a chain as a handrail.
Jackson: Yeah. I want to try that.
Lincoln: What about you, chief? You hike? 
Alex: I'm from Iowa.

Bailey: I want to run a technetium scan to rule out Meckel's diverticulum. 
Nina: It's not that. 
Bailey: You've been tested?
Nina: No, but I read about it online.
Bailey: Okay, the internet does not provide accurate diagnoses.
Nina: Yeah, well, far as I can tell, neither do you.

Meredith: You're [Owen's] best friend.
Tedddy: Well, I was. Not anymore. I can't be.
Meredith: Why? 
Teddy: Because I hate him!

Meredith: I grew up without my dad because my mother hated him too much to let him love me. One day, your kid will go looking for their dad. They're not going to find a deadbeat or a drunk. They're going to find a good man who's devastated. Do you hate him enough to do that to either of them?

Helm: There should be an hour every day where this whole city has to chill. Seattle nap time - no one gets hurt and we all get to go to the bathroom.

Schmitt: It's not a date. I owe him a drink. 
Helm: Are you saying this so it's more surprising when he kisses you?

Owen: So is [a cootie catcher] like a Magic 8-Ball?
Amelia: Sort of. Except it's a lot easier to hide in study hall. How have you never seen one?
Owen: Study hall was for homework.
Amelia: We would not have been friends.

Amelia: How was your day?
Betty: Fine.
Amelia: That's all we're gonna get?
Betty: Fine, and I didn't do drugs.
Amelia: That'll do.
Betty: Does Owen wear dad jeans? [uses cootie catcher] Yes, definitely!

Edited October 26, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Tuck: It's called Day of the Dead. Tyler said it's like a Mexican Halloween, but he's wrong.

Jo: Oh, you know who's single? Meredith. 
Lincoln: Grey? Yeah, no, she's not into me.
Jo: Listen, I know that you look like that, so you're not used to having to, like, put in the work.
Lincoln: Yeah, women usually just feed me the grapes.

Roberta: None of this comedy roast sing a funny song crap. I want a proper funeral where everybody's crying. Write that down.

Meredith: You have a deadbeat dad, don't you?
Jackson: That's a weird segue, but, essentially, yeah.
Meredith: How would you feel if you found out he was dying?
Jackson: What's he dying of? 
Meredith: No. 
Maggie: No, no. No, no.
Jackson: Oh, well, I mean, I'd be conflicted about it, sure.
Meredith: Would you want to say goodbye?
Jackson: That I don't know.
Meredith: That's not helpful.
Jackson: Hmm?
Maggie: Her deadbeat dad actually is dying.

Lincoln: When are you gonna let me take you to dinner? Jo seems to think there's something here.
Meredith: You know, I have a matchmaker, and she has a list.
Lincoln: Well, how do I get on that list?
Meredith: You're not the kind of guy on the list.
Lincoln: And what kind of guy am I?
Meredith: You know, you're like the "in an emergency" kind of guy or "I just got some really bad news and I can't be alone" kind of guy.

Meredith: What's the story with you and Jo? Does Alex have anything to be worried about?
Lincoln: What's the story with you and Alex? Does Jo have anything to worry about?

Roberta: When my father died, I wanted to throw myself on his casket and weep. But instead, I wrote jokes for his eulogy to make his friends feel better and then spent 10 years crying at dog-food commercials because all of that grief was still in me, and it needed a place to go. You deserve to throw yourself on my casket and weep if you want to.

Deluca: [Flor] doesn't want me to see inside her belly.
Meredith: Well, you can't blame the girl. That's sweet.
Deluca: Still, I'm a little bummed. It's a Roux-en-Y hepaticojejunostomy.
Meredith: There'll be lots of chances for lots of cool surgeries with little girls who aren't in love with you. Unless - do they all fall in love with you?

Meredith: We're almost 75% finished with this anastomosis.
Alex: Looks good, even without lover boy's help.
Meredith: He was just doing what the patient asked him to do.
Alex: If I backed out of every case where some kid fell in love with me-
Meredith: Don't finish that sentence, evil spawn.

Alex: Take some time if you need it. Go see [Thatcher], say goodbye, as much time as you need. You're friends with the chief now.
Meredith: Well, I don't know that I want to see him.
Alex: Okay, so he wasn't father of the year to you, but still.
Meredith: Didn't your dad disappear on you?
Alex: Yeah, but I got to say goodbye to him before he died.
Meredith: And did that make the birthday no shows and the crying mom on the holidays go away? Did having five minutes with him after a lifetime of nothing make you feel better?

Meredith: The only time we ever spent together was when Lexie forced us to be together. And then when she died, he completely disappeared. So I don't really need to grieve him because he's been a ghost for years.

Jo: It's such crap. Just cause [Alex]'s chief, he can tell me what I can and can't do at work?
Lincoln: Sort of what a chief does, yeah.

Lincoln: I asked Grey out.
Jo: Yes! When's the date?
Lincoln: Yeah, she rejected me, pretty brutally again.
Jo: She did that to me, too, for like the first two years. She's going to come around.

Meredith: Why is it that the people who created us get all the credit?  Just because they accomplished the most basic of human biological functions, they get a holiday named after them? And then we're tortured with guilt if we don't want to have a relationship with them. If he wasn't a father to me, why do I owe him? And why is it the child who always has to forgive? "Because she's your mother. Because he's your father." You know what? I am so done feeling bad about not feeling bad. I mean, it's sad when somebody dies, and I wish him peace, but I will not put myself or my children through another death just to make him feel better.

Flor: What's your favorite food?
Deluca: Barbecue.
Flor: What's your favorite color?
Deluca: Blue, definitely.
Flor: Who's your favorite band?
Deluca: That's a hard one. Radiohead? No, the Beatles.
Flor: My dad likes the Beatles. Do you have a girlfriend?

Nico: Okay, look, you're cute and nerdy and weird, and that's usually my type, but I've done my coming out already. I can't go through it again. I can't teach you how to do this. I'm sorry. 
Schmitt: I thought this was a teaching hospital!

Nurse Frankie: That is not a private space! We can all see you!

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Flight attendant: Something to drink, Dr. Koracik?
Koracik: Double espresso, dash of cinnamon, lots of sugar. I'm sure if you asked nicely, that flight attendant could scrounge up a kick ass sedative to knock you right out.
Meredith: If you knew my history on planes, you would not be making jokes.

Nurse Frankie: Chief! Good, you're here.
Webber: I haven't been chief in years, Frankie.
NF: You'll always be my chief. Room 3 needs you. Your intern doesn't know a wound vac from his ass.
Webber: And here I thought motherhood would soften your edges.
NF: Who needs soft edges when you're always right?

Meredith: We're always hoping for the [mystery celebrity] patient to be Bono, but at some point the patient has to actually be Bono.
Koracik: I met him once. Even his brain is cool. It's annoying.
Catherine: What took you two so long? Patient is a 65 year old female-
Koracik: Susan Sarandon, Helen Mirren. Make my dreams come true.

Koracik: I think a spinal tumor is a pretty good reason to postpone a ribbon cutting.

Koracik: I'm not one to kiss and tell.
Meredith: That's literally all you do.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Ben: Even though I'm not sleeping in this house, I still want the people who live here to stay safe. Wind storm's on the way. It's supposed to get pretty ugly. I was gonna board up the windows before my shift if that's okay with you.
Bailey: Yes, of course. Just try not to wake up Tuck.
Ben: I will hammer the nails into the boards as quietly as possible.

Teddy: Their kid's been missing for three days. I couldn't dump any more on them.
Maggie: That's very thoughtful.

Bailey: I'm here which says a lot more than Karev who seems to think "interim" means "sloppy" and "whenever he feels like it."

Bailey: Wind storms are my favorite. Yeah, you're gonna love this.
Schmitt: We're supposed to love this?
Helm: Impalement-palooza.

Jo: We've hardly seen each other since we got married, and we're stuck here, so what if we make this our second honeymoon?
Alex: With no food?
Jo: We have jelly and bread and beer and expired mac-and-cheese.

Maggie: Well, if you're home, maybe I won't drink a whole bottle of wine and eat a whole carton of ice cream by myself.

Louie: So I'm standing in front of the Hoffmans' house when their stupid Christmas decorations caught the wind, and, ta-da! I should be in Santa's workshop.
Teddy: It isn't even Thanksgiving.
Veronica: It's enraging. I wrote a letter to the neighborhood association. I write one every year.

Jo: I can't find Bubby.
Alex: Is Bubby a security blanket or a pet rat?
Jo: There you are! This is Bubby. She gave me hot meals when I was living in my car. I didn't have grandparents.
Alex: I can't believe the real answer is sadder than a pet rat.

Maggie: [Jackson] said I don't talk about my feelings enough, that I don't share enough.
Meredith: He should do more surgeries with you.

Meredith: This woman had 50 pieces of glass in her. It could have killed her. You and Jackson, it sucks, but no one's gonna die.

Nico: This is exactly what I didn't want. I don't need the drama, the the hurt feelings, the freshly coming out. I don't need the shame spiral. Look, you're really sweet, but I can't guide you out of the closet like some kind of gay sherpa, all right?

Meredith: You broke HIPAA to me with Teddy, so we're even.

Jo: Someone who knows us thought we'd want this?
Alex: Kepner registered for us.
Jo: Wait, what is the point of the tiny bowls?
Alex: Oh, those are ramekins. They're, like, uh, good for crème brûlée and stuff.
Jo: Um, who are you?
Alex: Izzie- she baked a lot. You know what I'm thinking?
Jo: We shouldn't talk about our exes on our honeymoon?
Alex: No. We return all this crap, make a fortune, buy a bigger TV.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Deluca: You're a brilliant surgeon, Meredith, but this procedure only requires a surgeon.
Meredith: Thanks, I think.

Deluca: It's like the TARDIS from Doctor Who. 
Meredith: It that some nerd thing? Because I'm not fluent.

Jackson: Hey! The elevators I need you to open them up. 
Jett: I can't. The elevators are down. 
Jackson: I know that.
Jett: They're computerized, okay? So they need a while to reset. They'll be back up eventually.
Jackson: We don't have till eventually. I'm asking you how they get opened.
Jett: Well, I'd call the elevator guy, but he's not coming. You know, there's a hell of a storm out there.
Jackson: Yes, is there anything by chance that you know that I don't?
Jet: Oh, okay, doctor. No, I don't know. Can you tell me how many ground fault circuit interrupters it takes to keep you from getting fried every time you reach for a defibrillator? No, you can't. You just pick it up and say, "Clear!" and somehow you're a hero cause doctors are so cool.

Amelia: I love brain surgery Sometimes there's only like a teaspoon of blood.

Owen: Amelia, I'm so sorry.
Amelia: Please. I'm the one who said, "Go to Germany. Go see Teddy." I should've said, "Take condoms."

Alex: What happened today cannot happen. 
HAOG: I understand. 
Glasses: I'm so sorry.
Alex: On-call rooms, storage closets, that weird little radiology room on 4 - those rooms have locks. Understand?

Meredith: Deluca, when did you get so cocky?
Deluca: When I realized that you like this just as much as I do. I think the problem is we need to get out of these clothes.
Meredith: Whoa, you just skipped a whole lot of steps.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Meredith: Voltaire said that the art of medicine is amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. So according to one of the greatest French philosophers of all time, surgeons aren't really helpers. We're more like circus clowns.

Bailey: Do you live here now, or do you fly back from Germany on a weekly basis, and if so, why?
Teddy: Oh. Well, um, I mean, as it turns out, I am pregnant. With Owen's baby. And Owen and Amelia Shepherd are back together again, and Amelia's sisters have issues with me. Rightfully s it's not undramatic. It's not undramatic to the point of it being comical. And still, Dr. Bailey, I need a job. I really need a job. I need to be occupied with work, and I need it badly.
Bailey: Oh, I'm so sorry. You're gonna have to say all of that again to Alex Karev.

Meredith: Catherine! You're back. How are you feeling?
Catherine: How am I feeling? Why don't you tell me? Since you seem to be so good at telling everybody everything. 
Meredith: Catherine, I -
Catherine: Save it. You're fired from my team, Dr. Grey. And if you value your job at this hospital, I suggest you stay out of my sight until my fury passes.

Owen: You're in scrubs?
Teddy: Yeah. I have to audition for Pierce, which is only slightly enraging. Did you know that Alex Karev is interim chief? I mean, time is so weird.
Owen: So you're gonna work here? And I find out after the fact. That's par for the course.

Amelia: I've had some excellent nicknames, but Crap Situation might be my new favorite.

Meredith: What made you think that Linc and I would be a good match?
Jo: Okay, listen, before I met Alex, Linc was the very best person that I knew, and Alex would say the same thing about you. Come on. Linc's a great guy.
Meredith: And labradors are great dogs. They're always happy to see you, they're super cute, and they're full of energy.
Jo: Okay, listen. He is not a labrador.

Linc: We've got to save this lady. She's getting married.
Meredith: We have to save them all, even the sad and lonely ones.

Claire: My mother used to say, "I hope you have children someday, and they're as awful to you as you were to me." And I'd say, "Joke's on you, lady. I'm never having kids." And then Cynthia died, and now I have her two human tornadoes. They're loud and they're smelly and they think fart jokes are hilarious and they never stop eating. I love them but they are disgusting.
Schmitt: I think I owe my mom an apology.
Owen: Yeah, me too.

Meredith: How did you even become a doctor with this sort of "everything'll work itself out" attitude?
Linc: I became a doctor the way everyone does, Grey. I worked my ass off, I went to med school.

Koracik: Where is the Amelia Shepherd that looked at Nicole Herman's inoperable brain tumor and said, "Yes, I can, and I should"?
Amelia: That was Brain Tumor Amelia. Non-Brain Tumor Amelia is a reasonable surgeon who asks reasonable questions. And she is currently speaking in the third person.

Jo: You guys were talking really loud, so I'm not going to apologize for eavesdropping despite your angry faces.

Koracik: Who is she?
Amelia: She's a surgical fellow studying future medicine.
Koracik: That's not a thing. Uh, am I dreaming? Cause she just walked in with a miracle and she looks like a mermaid.

Bailey: [Catherine]'s incredible.
Maggie: If by "incredible," you mean she possesses an absurd level of stubbornness, then, yeah, she is incredible.

Little Bailey: Are you Thor?
Linc: I am.
Little Bailey: So cool!
Linc: Now which one of you kids stole my hammer?

Jackson: This is what you always do. It's exactly what you always do now, you try to control everyone and everything that you're around.
Catherine: And look what happens when I don't. I'm gone for two days, and my husband has an arrest record. I'm married to a felon.

Richard: We deserve the truth.
Catherine: You two both know if I had told you any sooner you would've driven me crazy, ordering every test under the sun. At least Thomas-
Richard: Don't say that man's name again.
Catherine: Richard, honestly, your jealousy is your least attractive quality.
Richard: And lying doesn't look very good on you either, Catherine.
Catherine: No, you don't get to say that to me. You don't get to talk to me like that! Not now, not with all that I'm going through!
Jackson: Mom, you're seriously gonna play-
Catherine: Play the cancer card? You're damn skippy. And I'll be irrational and I'll make bad decisions and I can play the cancer card all I want because I'm the one with the damn cancer!

Koracik: You're about, what, 16 weeks, right?
Teddy: Do you work for a carnival?
Koracik: Every other week.

Hellmouth: What's [Schmitt] doing?
Casey: Trying to touch his eyeball.

Edited January 25, 2019 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Meredith: Battle, fight, win, lose. These are the words we use when someone is diagnosed with an illness or a disease. We use militarized language that implies it's a fair fight. But when it comes to life and death, what does winning really look like? Is a person a loser for dying when the outcome isn't really in their control?

Koracik: We will go in posteriorly with our stealth system and our newly pilfered ORBEYE scope. The plan is to go in and remove it en bloc.
Jackson: And you really think that posteriorly is the way to go?
Koracik: Oh, it is fun to have so many surgeons in one family. Remind me, Avery, when did you become double board certified in neuro?
Jackson: That's really how you talk to your patient's family?
Koracik: It is, actually.

Koracik: We are incredible.
Amelia: Someone should really do a study on us.

Koracik: Damn it. Even my arrogance is off. What if we try your thing? You know, the word vomit and the feelings? That seems to work for you. Amelia: Okay.
Koracik: You you first.
Amelia: This is the largest tumor I've ever seen on the biggest legend I've ever known and if I screw this up, I'm going to have to live out the rest of my ill-fated surgical career fixing idiot teenagers who get hurt cow-tipping in Lawrence, Kansas, cause I can't look Richard in the eye knowing I gorked his legend wife.
Koracik: That is specific. How do you get hurt cow-tipping? It's a thing.

Catherine: Would you tell my husband he does not have to sit up in that gallery all day? "For better, for worse" does not include seeing your wife's insides.

Koracik: Time to suck and pluck. 
Amelia: I'm sorry, what? 
Koracik: The tumor's like a grape. You suck out the inside, then you pluck out the skin. Suck and pluck. 
Amelia: Could you call it something else?
Koracik: Like what?
Amelia: Literally anything else.
Jackson: I hate this dude.

Meredith: And that twitch over her right eye when you switched the ice maker from cubed to crushed.
Thatcher: "What kind of a monster crushes ice? It's uncivilized!"

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Meredith: Do you two want to come over tomorrow morning for presents?
Amelia: Owen and I are trying to establish our own traditions with Leo, just give him a little bit of normalcy while we still can.
Meredith: Right, before his mother/sister comes home from rehab.
Amelia: And his half-sibling arrives.

Meredith: We've never had a chief give us cured meat before.
Alex: I do something nice and you're mocking me for it.

Katherine: Thank you so much for taking care of Christmas dinner. I've just been no help at all.
Jackson: We have Christmas dinner catered every year, mom. There's no reason to change that.

Garrett: She's been awake for eleven days and she's been asking about tacos for ten of them.

Teddy: This is better than sex.
Koracik: Every pregnant woman I bring here says the same thing.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Jo: How is it we spend every day saving lives but we can't keep a stupid houseplant alive?
Alex: We just need a plant that doesn't need sunlight or water.

Jackson: There's going to come a time when Leo becomes so attached to something he can't sleep without it. Buy two of those things. Maybe ten.

Lucille: This is all nonsense.
Marvin: Nonsense is what you say when I'm right and you want me to shut up.

Koracik: Usually I earn the laughter but this seems a little, what's the word I'm looking for?
Lucille: It's called being wrong.

Andrew: For the record, my sister has never once asked me if she can date my exes. She just dives right in.
Meredith: And how's that make you feel?
Andrew: Good point.

Jo: So your defense is that you were hateful to everyone?

Bailey: What's wrong with this picture?
Webber: Karev's smile is unnatural.
Bailey: No, why is it in this order with him on the end? And why does he even have a picture at all? He's an interim. Mark Sloan was an interim and I don't see his picture up here anywhere.
Webber: Mark Sloan's name is all over the hospital.

Koracik: You can't imagine a world with septuagenarian threesways?
Helm: You could do a whole lot worse than having too many people love you.
Koracik: Remember when interns were afraid to speak to their attendings? I miss that.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Qadri: How long do you think it'll take before I'm ready to do a 24-hour surgery?
Lincoln: I'm not sure that's a healthy life goal, Qadri.

Maggie: Why are you holding toilet paper?
Jackson: It's the most important camping supply.
Maggie: Oh, God.
Jackson: Why's your face like that?
Maggie: Our weekend away is camping?
Jackson: Yeah. Babe, what did you think Glen Rock was?
Maggie: "Sounds fancy, but I deserve it"?
Jackson: I mean, of all the campsites I went to, yeah, I guess it's the fanciest. It did have running water.
Maggie: But no toilet paper, so no-
Jackson: Toilets.
Maggie: Okay, so, right. Where do we go?
Jackson: I packed a small shovel. And there are these really nice rocks. They're great. You just kind of move over them, kind of, as you... Look, it's camping, babe. We're going camping.
Maggie: Are wethough?
Jackson: You're gonna love it!

Maggie: I'll be out of town this weekend, but I'll have Parker check for her electrolytes and cardiac markers, and you just, you know, call me if you see anything unusual. 
Bailey: All right. 
Maggie: If calls can even go through. I might be completely off the grid.
Bailey: You going to the moon?
Maggie: I'm going camping.
Bailey: Why?
Maggie: Cause Jackson loves camping and I love Jackson.
Bailey: I love Ben, but I don't love fantasy basketball. Therefore, I don't participate.
Maggie: I'm going camping, Bailey, and I am going to like it.
Bailey: Are you, though?

HAOG: Can you imagine wanting something so badly that you'd be willing to break both your arms to get it?
Schmitt: Well, she didn't mean to break her arms.
HAOG: Yeah, I know. 
Schmitt: I broke both my arms once.
HAOG: You did?
Schmitt: Couldn't wipe my own butt all summer. It was the worst. But the new X-Men comic was coming out, and I had to have it. Like, had to be first in line because, in my world, that was the only thing worth bragging about.
HAOG: Fell off your bike?
Schmitt: Flipped over the handlebars one block from the store. I got two months in casts, three months of PT. And Robbie freaking Krimefelt got bragging rights. So yeah. I get wanting something so bad you'd be willing to.

Bailey: This world is so scary. No matter how well you raise your kids, no matter how much give them, it's a scary, scary world.
Ben: Yeah. It is. But it's beautiful, too. And if you descend into the fear and miss the beauty, that's when you start to go to a bad place and need to escape.

Alex: Jo, it's too late for coffee.
Jo: It's hot chocolate.
Alex: I am not a kid anymore.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Meredith: Andrew Deluca and I are dating.
Alex: Are you telling me this as the chief or as your friend?
Meredith: I don't know. Both. Why?
Alex: Because I want to know if I need to explain hospital rules or just laugh at you.

Maggie: It's like she healed herself with the magical power of her own narcissism.

Koracik: We can go if you want. I will feign diarrhea.

Jackson: I don't have a panic room!
Webber: Not smart to announce that.

Maggie: Who needs science when there's pluckiness and spunk?

Maggie: Am I just drunk or is this burger amazing?
Katherine: Everything tastes better in the back of a limousine.
Webber: And you may also be drunk.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Nico: Did you just shush me? 
Schmitt: No. I mean, yes, I did, but not in a shame spiral-y way.

Richard: Why do they call it that? Podcast. I mean, there's peapods. There are certain pods in aviation. Whales swim in pods. But that word has nothing to do with audio recording.

Podcaster: We hear you were a bit of a prodigy. You finished med school at 19. You made chief of cardio at Tufts at 27. Impressive.

Jo: We're in the baby hat place? Are you pregnant and you didn't tell me?

Alex: You paged me to the lab? 
Meredith: I did.
Alex: What? You couldn't come to my office? 
Meredith: I couldn't.
Alex: Why not?
Meredith: Because that would be a concession to your superior job title and that's about to end.
Alex: But it hasn't ended.
Meredith: No, but when it does, I just don't want the fall to hurt too badly.

Meredith: Did you call [Vincenzo's] hospital in Italy?
Alex: Yeah. They love him.
Meredith: You should dig a little deeper. Kick the tires on that one.
Alex: Why? What do you know? What?
Meredith: Read my face.
Alex: Constipated?
Meredith: My face is saying something that I cannot say.

Alex: You ever hear an idea that's so good that it makes you angry you didn't think of it?
Helen: Yes. But it usually means my meds aren't working. I spent several years in an outright rage that I didn't invent the cordless phone.

Maggie: You're mad.
Richard: No, I'm not mad. It's your story, and you have a right to tell it.
Maggie: Okay. Right words, wrong tone.

Edited March 7, 2019 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Qadri: Why can't we practice on cadavers? Formaldehyde smells nicer [than dead fish].

Bailey: I'm hearing things about this Dr. Deluca having a history of mental illness.
Alex: We should discriminate against people for that?
Bailey: Of course not. But we should ask questions when they start putting babies in bags.

Teddy: Where have you been? I paged you like 15 minutes ago.
Owen: I think you meant to say, "Thank you for covering me when me and my boyfriend went away for four days." 
Teddy: I meant to say, "You're late."

Jo: Maggie, you're adopted.
Maggie: Yeah, I'd heard that. And good morning.
Jo: I know. Sorry, um, I was just wondering, did you ever get your DNA tested?
Maggie: Have you met me? I battered myself with tests. I wanted to know everything.

Weber: Lambs in a bag, fish skin on people. I mean, what's next here?
Qadri: Next is the machines come to life and take over the world.

Jackson: Grey, you're being creepy.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Koracik: I have to go change into my supportive boyfriend clothes.

Maggie: The last time I saw you, there was a fair amount of crying and exactly zero chair spinning.

Jackson: So mom just decided not to start back to work this week. You don't know if she's in pain or is she tired?
Richard: She didn't give me a reason. She waved her hand and said "cancer card." That's her new shorthand for -
Jackson: "Stop questioning me."
Richard: Exactly.

Amelia: I thought we agreed we weren't going to tell people about what happened.
Lincoln: We did.
Amelia: Why did you tell Maggie you were in San Diego?
Lincoln: Cause I was. At a conference.
Amelia: Well, I told her I had sex at a conference.
Lincoln: Wait, so you told her about the sex but I'm in trouble for mentioning a location?

Jackson: Nothing's going on, right? With my mom? Nothing I should be worried about? It's not, like, something and you're just not telling me?
Richard: Now, why would you say that?
Jackson: Oh, I don't know, because I blithely assumed my mother did not have cancer when, in fact, she did, and none of you told me.
Richard: Well, I found out after you, if you'll recall.

Qadri: I grew up in Utah. I was the only non-Mormon in my school. They put a garter snake in my backpack.
Alex: I was fat.
Schmit: I was me.
Qadri: That would be hard.

Amelia: Adrenaline's the only high I let myself have anymore.

Owen: You don't know anything about my history with Teddy. 
Koracik: Your history with Teddy is you chose Amelia - more than once. My history is I love Teddy. I'm in love with her and only her. And she deserves to be with someone for whom she is the first and the only choice.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Vicki: If you're selling magazines or religion, we're good on both.

Vicki: It is so easy to look at me now and think of all the ways that I could've been kinder, better, or smarter, but I was not the person I am today. 

Bailey: Tuck says they're talking. What is that? Talking? 
Ben: I think they're dating. 
Bailey: Why do they do that? Why do they insist on coming up with new words when the old words were just fine? 
[Ben laughs]
Bailey: It's not funny. 
Ben: Well, you you do sound a little, you know, "Get off my lawn!" 

Bailey: We're going to have to sit his butt down and teach him about respect, empathy, consent. And condoms. Oh, dear lord, I have to talk to my son about condoms. 

Ben: Any game we watch on TV right? They run, toss, wrestle, chase, until someone gets hurt or until someone calls time out. Then the game stops. And no matter how much fun they're having, everything stops. That's consent. 
Tuck: I thought we were just having burgers. 
Ben: Yeah, well, I thought talking was just talking, but you and I both know that's not the same thing anymore.

Meredith: Too often, trauma gets dismissed as "just in our head." But the pain is real. We feel it in our muscles, our cells, our hearts, our heads. 

Edited March 28, 2019 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Jackson: Well, we have something for you.
Meredith: A gift.
Catherine: I don't see anything.
Jackson: It is a patient that we brought in from LA for an abdominal wall transplant.
Catherine: A gift implies jewelry.

Owen: Megan? Just making sure you're okay.
Teddy: She's okay. She's She's processing. Right? You're processing? I mean, it's a lot to process.
Megan: Yeah. It's a lot. It's just so much stupidity that my brain is struggling to take it all in.
Owen: Okay, Megan, come on-
Megan: I mean so much stupidity. You went to Germany for one night, knocked her up, and then screwed it up so badly that you gave her your job instead of a ring? You dum dum!
Owen: Oh, are you calling me dum dum? Are we six?
Megan: No, Owen, we are stone cold adults. But what you did here is so stupid that the word idiot felt too sophisticated, so, yes, I'm sticking with dum-dum!
Teddy: I kind of want to defend you, but it never goes well when I get in between you and Megan.
Megan: Oh, she's lying. That's a lie. She doesn't want to defend you, Owen. She wants to call you something way worse than dum-dum. 
Owen: For the record, this is exactly why I didn't tell you.
Megan: No. It was your own deep-seated shame.

Jackson: Where are you going?
Meredith: I have to go spend some time in my lab. You know, work on my next groundbreaking thing. I'm taking my name off. We're even.
Jackson: You just don't want to do an extremely long surgery you already won an award for.
Meredith: You don't need to go to the moon twice.

[AriAu]

"Better than Yoda....you were"

Bwaaahhhhh...funniest line of the season, by far

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Amelia: I'm still questioning pizza as a breakfast food.

Linc: Admit it.
Amelia: Fourteen blocks is not that far.
Linc: And when you walk, you see things you never would have from a cab.
Amelia: You're right. We totally would have missed that group of mimes yelling at each other.

Nancy: Welcome to the family. We have some pretty deep-seated dysfunction.

Amelia: What is Owen's favorite pastime?
Linc: Blues guitar.
Amelia: No! Watching World War II movies on PBS.
Linc: Blues guitar is mine and Nancy's never met Owen so can't I just answer as myself?

Amelia: Crap, we don't have rings!
Linc: Half the surgeons I know don't have rings.
Amelia: Right. We're smart. No rings.
Linc: All of that is actually true.

Amelia: Kathleen is like Martha Stewart if Martha Stewart also had a license to diagnose you with a personality disorder.

Amelia: We never had a honeymoon, Owen and I. He wanted Mexico. I wanted Paris. So we did neither.
Linc: Instead of doing both. Got it. No compromise, even on the honeymoon.

Linc: We're going to go back out there for a few minutes. We're going to say we got paged to the hospital because we are not in high school. We are grown ass surgeons with medical emergencies.

Kathleen: I always thought [Amelia] was more addicted to drama than the drugs.

Nancy: I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.
Amelia: Too late.

Amelia: What's the temperature like in Baghdad in July?
Owen: Once it got past 130 degrees and I cooked eggplant in the sun.

Amelia: You bet on my marriage after you didn't come to my wedding?
Nancy: You didn't come to mine. You were in jail.

Amelia: This is why I didn't even bother to call you when I found out I had a brain tumor! This is why!
Mrs. Shepherd: Amelia Frances Shepherd, you have a brain tumor and you didn't tell your mother?
Linc: You have a brain tumor?
Kathleen: Are we supposed to feel better that your fake husband doesn't know either?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Meredith: My kids know you as the sad guy from the couch.

Meredith: Are you asking my opinion about all of this?
Bailey: I would way rather give my opinion about your life.

Alex: She's back. Jo's back. She's here.
Bailey: And here I thought she might be dead or-
Alex: Don't do that. Don't give a speech about how you thought she was dead or lost a limb or left me or whatever. She's not okay and I don't know why. Just don't be Bailey about it.
Bailey: Dr. Karev, welcome back.
Jo: I'll be in the lab.
Meredith: That was way worse than if you had been Bailey about it.

Tom: Try to contain your wagging tail.

Schmidt: Are you nervous? I throw up before every job interview.
Nico: I just ace them.
Schmidt: So arrogant. I love it.

Jo: This is a lab where boring things go to get more boring.

Tom: You miss your boyfriend, Ortho Barbie. Shepherd, I can't believe you have a thing with a jock. Is it weird having sex with a cartoon character? Does he drip ink on you when he sweats?

Amelia: Thank you for finding the study.
Linc: Thank you for inspiring me to find the study.
Tom: I'll thank you both to stop before I vomit into an open spine.

Jackson: Look, the way I see it is we can keep working in awkward silence until it's time for you to go home-
Jo: I vote that.

Jackson: You have a great job right here. You're doing it right now.
Jo: I'm spraying water on a paper towel.

Linc: How do you feel about sushi burritos?
Amelia: That sounds like a culinary abomination and I need one immediately.

Zola: Can [Deluca] leave his guitar at home?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Amelia: You look happy.
Meredith: Do I? That's weird.
Amelia: I know, right?

Jo: Quadruple espresso, please.
Linc: Quadruple? I'm not judging. I'm impressed.

Koracik: What about Kegels? You keeping those up?
Teddy: Stop now.
Koracik: What? No, I started doing them, too. Apparently, if I strengthen my pelvic floor muscles, I can improve my sexual performance. But, I mean, is that even conceivable?
Teddy: Don't even make me laugh. I'll pee.
Koracik: What? No, that's why we do the Kegels.

Koracik: Hey, birth buddy!
Owen: Hey, I, um, thought you were headed back to Baltimore. 
Koracik: No, decided to stay for the big show. I already started a playlist. Hope you like Enya.

Amelia: Did he hit his head fighting a fire?
Owen: No, apparently, he was buying secret flowers. Speaking of secrets, uh, you and Link - is that a serious thing, or?
Amelia: Don't.
Owen: What? I'm just asking.
Amelia: You don't get to do that. You and I are not a thing anymore.
Owen: I think you're overreacting.
Amelia: But, see, you don't get to say that. You do not get to have an opinion on this or Link or me or whatever.

Koracik: Did you get a chance to check out 247 Lawndale, the big house, the one by the lake? 
Teddy: Yeah, I did. It's gorgeous, but it's way too much house for me.
Koracik: Uh, okay, so you loathe, uh, sunlight, open space, and greenery. Good to know.
Teddy: What I loathe is that I left behind the most perfect apartment in Germany. It had high ceilings, giant windows, and an open floor plan. Now I'm looking at three-bedroom houses by lakes. I mean, how do you even keep a three-bedroom house clean?
Koracik: You hire help, and, by help, I mean interns, and, by hire, I mean assign. Okay, so something more Germanic.

Maggie: My boyfriend asked me to move in with him, and I did the same thing that you are doing. I did not say yes right away, but it wasn't no.
Lucas: Is he a troll?
Maggie: No.
Lucas: Well, then what? He lives in a dump?
Maggie: Uh, no, he lives in a terraced penthouse. And I live in my sister's childhood home with my nieces and nephew.
Lucas: Explain yourself.

Teddy: I don't know what you expect from me. We have notified hospitals all over the world.
Jo: Pull strings. Break rules. Doesn't the military have some sort of secret stash of blood somewhere?

Lucas: Milk. He proposed, and you said "We need more milk." You actually said that.
Maggie: It was the best thing I could come up with in the moment.
Lucas: Wow. See, I get to say, "Whoops. Fire. Got to go." Always works. You didn't just want to yell "Yes"?
Maggie: Neither did you.
Lucas: I was stupid, and I know that now. And if you'd let me leave here, I could-
Maggie: You could tell her yes next week. You could text her yes. You could tell her yes in a voice mail.
Lucas: You're an incredible romantic, you know that?
Maggie: If you leave here, your heart could stop.
Lucas: If I stay here, my heart could -
Maggie: What were you about to say? Were you about to say "break"? Oh, my God, that is so cheesy.
Lucas: I stopped myself, okay? And you're no one to judge. "Milk" when he proposes, and "I need to talk to my sister" when he asks you to move in?

Koracik: You described your dream place, and I went and found it. Ta-da.
Teddy: You bought me an apartment?
Koracik: What? No. That would be weird. I rented you an apartment because I had some free time today and because your baby's due any minute. She deserves not to live in a hotel. She deserves, you know, high ceilings and big windows and an open floor plan and a happy mother.
Teddy: It's perfect.
Koracik: These aren't the real keys. I didn't have time to pick them up. I had to use a prop.
Teddy: You're unbelievable.
Koracik: Yeah, I've been told that - lovingly and hatefully.
Teddy: So those are the keys to?
Koracik: My file cabinet.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Meredith: I have to get out of here. I can't let him go tank his whole career.
Alex: I can't decompress the chamber. We get the bends if we decompress too fast, and Gus could die. I'm not doing it. 
Meredith: Is there a phone in here?
Alex: Yeah, it calls those tech guys out there. You want to tell them how your boyfriend's going to jail for you and you still haven't said "I love you"?
Meredith: Is that what you're going to do? You're going to judge me? Now?
Alex: No.

Bailey: If I wasn't so mad about all the other things, I'd dance for joy.

Frances: He maketh me down to lie in pastures green. He leadeth me to something waters by.
Owen: You a churchgoer back home, Frances?
Frances: I might be if I left my flat.
Owen: Yeah, of course.
Frances: Probably will be after this.

Nico: You want me to babysit a quadriplegic? 
Linc: I was going to say witness a potential miracle.

Jackson: Just follow the trail. 
Maggie: What trail? This is just a mudslide waiting to happen.

Teddy: I really think, in another life, that you and I could be friends.
Amelia: Well, then why don't we just decide to be friends in this one? I mean, I'm in Leo's life. I'm not going to let that change. And we've basically been through a police chase together. I mean, think how we could laugh about that if we were friends. Seriously, you would just have to overcome most of your disdain for me. But I really think that you could do that if you tried.
Teddy: I don't disdain you, Amelia. Um, okay, I did. Last year. But there was a whole brain tumor that explained the things that I didn't like.
Amelia: Thank you. Because, you know, I really think people don't give that tumor the credit it deserved.

Frances: Hooray, more needles!

Jackson: I didn't ask you to change. I'm asking you to expand. 
Maggie: That's just a fancy word for change. I am a grown woman. I know what I like and what I don't like.

Jackson: You were buried in books basically from birth. You don't think it's possible you missed out on some aspects of life that you could come to love with some encouragement?
Maggie: Do you hear yourself? Do you hear how patronizing that sounds?

Frances: This has been the single most terrifying day of my life.
Jo: I heard that you don't like to travel.
Glasses: Also there was a pileup. It was legitimately terrifying.

Bailey: I give them supervision. I offer guidance. I praise them. I steer them on the right path when they stumble, like they were my own children. And what do I get in return? A big fat felony covered in bureaucratic mess.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Lincoln: I think Amelia dumped me.
Alex: You think?
Lincoln: Little hard to tell.

Bailey: Hunt, Shepherd, I have incoming trauma. 
Owen: Well, I just had a baby. 
Amelia: He just had a baby.
Bailey: I'm aware. She's very cute. Congratulations. I still need you to come. Altman, you're excused.

Bailey: Due to criminal activity, Meredith Grey, Alex Karev, and Richard Webber no longer work here.
Owen: What?
Bailey: And Andrew DeLuca's in jail.

Teddy: Tom, please don't don't don't blame Owen. This is me. It's my fault. You know, you are such a wonderful man.
Koracik: Oh, I know I am. I'm funny and I'm smart and I'm kind when I want to be, generous with my money and with my tongue in bed.

Jai: He wanted to cut off my leg.
Lincoln: I didn't want to. I suggested that it was the safest course of action.
Jai: But then you were wrong.
Lincoln: But then I was a miracle worker. After he begged you and cried.

Jo: I hate that I did this to you.
Alex: Did what?
Jo: Became another name on your list of crazy women.
Alex: Listen, for the record, you are way saner than any woman I've ever dropped off at a treatment center.

Amelia: Clearly we have had a misunderstanding. Can we talk after surgery?
Lincoln: I'm happy to talk now.
Nico: I'm not listening. 
Jackson: And I don't care.

Bailey: You said you would have my back.
Catherine: I did have your back. I sat here silently while you fired my husband and two of your most effective department heads.
Bailey: Because they had broken the law!
Catherine: When I was 15, I stole a lipstick just to see if I could get away with it. Do you think that means I shouldn't get to practice medicine?
Bailey: What? That's a false equivalency and you know it!

Maggie: I think I deserve better than someone who regularly abandons me for, you know, trees.

Owen: I offered to milk her.
Amelia: What?
Owen: She had a clogged duct and she was in pain, and her the heat pads weren't working. 
Amelia: So you offered to milk her?
Owen: Yeah. 
Amelia: In those exact words?
Owen: Yeah. 

Amelia: If I eat any more, I'm gonna have to unbutton my pants.
Lincoln: Hot.

Amelia: Name three things that you have never done, but you really want to do.
Lincoln: Ooh, good one. Um, okay. Surf a 20-foot wave , ride a camel through the Sahara, and cure Parkinson's. Now you. Same question.
Amelia: Okay. Go to a psychic medium and talk to my dead father, get licensed in scuba diving, and have sex with more than one person.
Lincoln: You've never done that?
Amelia: You have?
Lincoln: I lived in Venice Beach for a year.
Amelia: So did I.
Lincoln: And you never had a three way? They're offered up like mints in Venice Beach.
Amelia: I had a medical practice there.
Lincoln: I worked in a bike shop.

Meredith: You know, Suzie, when working moms don't volunteer at school, it's usually because we're working in the daytime and parenting at night, so we generally don't have time to participate.

Teddy: Owen called me a cow the other day.
Bailey: He did what now?
Teddy: He offered to milk me.
Bailey: Yeah, I don't even know what to do with that.

Bailey: or what it's worth, I hated maternity leave, too. And I am an excellent mother.

Webber: I applied for a job last week with Pacific Northwest General. Did they call you? I put you down as one of my references.
Alex: I don't know.
Webber: You don't know?
Alex: I don't answer the phone if I don't recognize the number.
Webber: You don't check your messages? You know, I hate your generation.

Meredith: It's quite meditative, actually. You sort of just pick up the trash, one piece at a time, and I'm helping the city, I'm helping the planet. I still feel a sense of accomplishment.
Andrew: So it's kind of like a roadside vacation then.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Meredith: Schmitt, you're driving.
Schmitt: On my bike?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Bailey: Without Grey, Karev, and Webber, the pressure is on to improve the caliber of the surgical department.
Koracik: Sounds like a lot of work. I prefer not firing people. Also I don't trust bottom feeders to touch patients. That's why I don't teach.

Maggie: This guy can't die. I could be charged with manslaughter or vehicular homicide. I can't go to jail right now. Mer's already on the verge and if I'm in jail and she's in jail, then Amelia has the kids and she cannot handle that right now.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Lincoln: How are you feeling?
Amelia: Sleepy and pukey.
Lincoln: My two favorite dwarves.

Maggie: Honesty and privacy are not mutually exclusive.
Amelia: Ooh, I like that.

Owen: You're not failing. I think you're just doing it wrong.
Teddy: That's called failing.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Vic: You know, walking and texting is one of the leading causes of head injuries.

Nurse: The patient who escaped psych last night, we found him.
Alex: Someone escape psych?
Nurse: Yeah, he's fine. Security got him before he changed into scrubs.
Webber: It's amazing what passes for good news around here.

Helm: Our patient fell from a plane?
Teddy: No, a person fell from a plane and hit another person.

Jackon: [Koracik] bribed a family with a pro bono surgery.
Jo: Eww. Gross.
Jackson: And yet totally on brand.

Jo: Meredith's kind of lucky when you think about it.
Jackson: Losing her job and possibly losing her license?

Jackson: I am the foundation and I own more shares than anyone on the board so if you want to get technical, I am your boss. Not to mention the people that come to me for cosmetic procedures make up a huge percentage of hospital profit so maybe you want to stay the hell out of my way.
Koracik: Wow, you just threw away millions in fast free publicity and took arrogance to a level even I have never reached.

Cristina's text to Meredith: Move to Switzerland before Bailey murders you in your sleep.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Jo: If you're going to eat in front of me, could you at least share
Carly: No.
Jo: Because?
Carly: Because boundaries. I don't share food.

Amelia: Koracik just started the shunt revision, so tell me what we're doing. Am I walking you through the surgery step by step in real time? Are we ignoring it altogether and watching bad tv?
Meredith: We're sitting in silence thinking the worst about Zola and about court.
Amelia: Yeah, I didn't give you that option.

Amelia: So let me get this straight - [Deluca] was wrong to assume that you would go to court but also wrong to support you while you wait for Zola.

Gemma: I'm serious! He's a CPA that counts on his fingers! He's an idiot, but it pays the bills. And for that I have to thank you.
Webber: I just told him the truth.
Gemma: That I'm a pain in the ass but great with deadlines?

Webber: How's the sponsor search going?
Gemma: It's slim pickings out there. Everyone at AA meetings is either angry old people or millennials who wear spikes of driftwood as earrings.