House of Cards Quotes

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Any suggestions for a thread title?

Claire: Did you drink hurricanes [in college]?

Catherine: We weren't barbarians. We drank scotch.

Remy: I've never seen you this girlie.

Jackie: It's a fucking diamond. I'm allowed to be a little girlie.

[DoubleUTeeEff]

Is "I should have never made you President" too long for a thread title?  I think it's the line of the season.  Maybe it's too spoilery?

[Ms Blue Jay]

The only quote I can remember is, "What are you looking at?" from Frank.

 

But please, remind me of more Jackie and Remy gems!

[Sir RaiderDuck OMS]

My favorite is from the first episode of the series, and it's Frank talking about the difference between money and power:

"Money is the McMansion that starts falling apart in ten years. Power is the old stone building that stands for centuries."

[lion10]

"Don't do no good callin' a man out like that.  It's like... blamin' a snake for having fangs."- Freddy on Frank.  Freddy really does understand Frank but that's not really a compliment.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Jackie: You need a Southerner with a penis.

[ethalfrida]

Frank: "She could put a crack-head to sleep."

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Frank: I would rather have a spineless Donald Blythe as my Vice-President than a woman who's never held elected office.
Claire: You're losing to a woman who's never held elected office.

[DoubleUTeeEff]

Mrs. Conway:  Do you ever regret not having children? 

Claire:  Steely-eyed glare

Mrs. Conway:  I'm sorry, that's too personal.

Claire:  Do you ever regret having them?

 

Freddie:  My bad, my bad.  You a motherfucker, MISTER President.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Jackie: Are you going to hold [my affaitlr with Remy] every time we're at odds?

Claire: You can't fault me for your sloppiness.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Tom: You ever see the President here?

Pizza guy: Yeah, all the time, with the Queen of England after bowling.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Claire: Leanne says you're alienating the other speech writers.

Tom: It's their mediocrity that alienates them.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Frank: I didn't want a second opinion. I wanted a different opinion.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Frank: If he's going to hide from me, he can do it to my face. 

Romero: So this is just a straight up bribe?
Frank: Oh, no. A bribe you can refuse. 

Edited July 11, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Frank: Tom, don't cheat on my wife.

[leighdear]

Francis: "One Nation........Underwood."

I'll bet the writers have been waiting to a long time to use that one!

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Tom H: Mr. Stamper-

Doug: Call me Doug. 

Tom H: I'd rather not. 

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Rick: Lot of threats involving the C-word, ma'am. Lots and lots of the C-word, unfortunately.
Claire: You mean Claire?

Claire: I need to meet with the Shepherds directly.
Mark: Madam President.
Claire: I'll see them before my appearance at the base. 
Mark: You can't. 
Claire: I what?
Mark: I'll let them know.

Seth: For a confessed murderer, you're pretty confident.

Bill: Why in the world do they play the 1812 Overture at a fireworks show? It's Russian, for Chrissakes, in every sense.

Bill: Well, this is a surprise. You know how Midwesterners feel about those.

Claire: Where are you from, private?
Soldier: Kalamazoo, Mr. President. Excuse me, Madam President. 
Claire: That's quite all right. I actually hate "Madam." Makes me sound like I'm running a brothel and not a country.

Claire: Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley, Kennedy. Successful assassinations, total of four. The attempts - nine? Jackson, both Roosevelts, Truman, Ford twice, Reagan, the first Underwood. And I will say, whoever tried to kill me, perversely, it's the first sign of real respect I've gotten in 100 days.

Claire: So who is [the assassin]?
Mark: Well, they did forensics on the route. Compared notes with the aerial detail. Homeland Secretary and the Bureau were brought in. He never left the place he took the shot from.
Claire: Can you answer a single question directly and simply?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Claire's mother: Am I raising a daughter or an animal?
Claire's father: They're the animals, the way they attacked her.
Claire's mother: Oh, of course, take her side. Of course! It's time she learned about the world. Pretty girls have a responsibility to their beauty. I'll bet she dared those boys. Shame on her.

Annette: Started when I was a kid. Whenever the opportunity would present itself, I'd slip my hand into a coat pocket to see what I could find. A stranger's pocket is a window into his soul.
Seth: And what did you find?
Annette: Condoms, mints, keys.
Seth: Did you steal what you found?
Annette: Not the mints. Because that would be cruel.

Claire: I think the last time you dragged me into a bathroom, it was to show off your hickey. I don't think your brother is gonna let up, Annette. Until he gets his ring kissed directly, I think.
Annette: Reminds me of someone you were married to.
Claire: Oh, no. Bill and Francis are very different people.
Annette: Agreed. You know I slept with him once.
Claire: Your brother?
Annette: Your husband.
Claire: I know.

Bill: The secret here is how much lemon juice you put in. Balance out the butter. People and hollandaise. They think it tastes like money.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Abruzzo: I never had sex with a farm animal or abused a girlfriend - unless you count marrying her.

Doug: What do [the Shepherds] have on you?
Brett: It was stupid.
Doug: It's only stupid if you can't make it go away.

Bill: My father's true religion was family and he was deeply troubled by what George had done. He changed his will. Any sibling bringing litigation against any other at the time of his death would automatically lose their share of the inheritance, every damnable penny - he used that word - which is exactly what happened to George. George couldn't believe it. He accused me of tricking dad into doing it when he was too weak to know his own mind. My father always knew his own mind. George, he was just so broken up about it. He didn't even contest the will, which, as far as I see it, means he had no place inheriting that kind of money to begin with.

Claire: How strange it was as a teenager to be taught feminism by a man in French.
Annette: I hated [The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir].
Jane: Long-winded for sure. But you gotta admit - she was right about everything.

Annette: You're the President. You should do what you want.
Claire: That's what I keep thinking. Do you remember how much fun we used to have before we understood the rules?

Annette: You want to save [Claire] or fuck her? Either way, do it on your own time.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Doug: Back when Francis was whip, you were getting us coffee.

Petrov: 1945 Mouton Rothschild, V label. Rothschild commissioned it to celebrate the Allied victory in the Great Patriotic War.
Mark: You mean World War II?

Petrov: We can pull out a map of Syria and you and I, like the imperialists we are, can decide who gets what.

Linda: I'm at a university in Colorado where the water is fresh and the air is clean.
Doug: Sounds dangerous.
Linda: It is - to think that clearly.

Claire: Playing incompetent is so exhausting.

Brett: [Mark] hasn't changed at all.
Jane: A blessing and a curse.

Mark: Where were you?
Claire: Even presidents need to pee, Mark.

Jane: Did you get taller?
Petrov: Yes.
Jane: So strange for someone with a Napoleon complex.
Petrov: If only your personality matched your looks, Jane.

Jane: You are nothing but a communist in a handmade suit.

Jane: Just know you'll be crucified.
Claire: How will I feel the difference?

Claire: That story about your father - is that true?
Doug: Does it matter?
Claire: Well, if it's true, it explains a lot. If it's not, it explains a lot.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Claire: That's quite a snapshot, right? Unique, carefully calibrated - pain, hysteria, and just a small dose of crazy. Claire Underwood like they've never seen her before. It's actually not as easy as it looks. See, in order for me to make that face, I have to imagine the perfect combination of things. Here's the recipe. First I have to think about all the ways in which men have tried to manage me my whole life. Then I think of America's worst fear when it comes to a female in the Oval Office. And finally, my biggest regret - Francis J. Underwood.

Bill: Was it paranoia or is it due diligence?

Bil: The language [of the 25th amendment, section 4] is vague and accommodating.

Jane: And now what? What do you call this show? How to turn 323 million people against you in three short weeks?

Kelsey: A full house. You must be looking for different answers to the same questions we've been going over for the last-
Reporter: 24 days.

Claire: Are you speaking to me as Vice-President?
Mark: I'm speaking to you as a person.

Bill: Such stunning stupidity.
Duncan: Nice alliteration, Uncle Bill.
Bill: This towel is smarter than you. This window is smarter than you. This rug is smarter than you. Hello, Seth.
Seth: Hello, sir.
Bill: Seth is smarter than you!

Claire: Meet my new cabinet.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Claire: The baby was viable. Francis and I as parents were not.

Annette: [Dad] was always so sure about what was right. Mom's doubt actually allowed her to deepen as time went by.
Bill: Depth is overrated.

Jane: President Underwood-
Claire: Actually I'v gone back to Hale.

Bill: You're like the guy who finds $999,000 and says, "Yeah, but it isn't a million."

Jane: You never even wanted this and now you're willing to fight to the death for it?
Mark: Who said anything about "the death"?

Mark: I tried to get you out.
Jane: Out? What a quaint concept. The only way out was never to get in in the first place.

Claire: It's terrible how people live to see others fail.

Claire: They do say second marriages are the best.

Tom: Where is [my dog]?
Doug: He's safe, which is more than I can say for you.
Tom: At times I can't tell if you're making a threat or offering to help.

Annette: Doug Stamper doesn't like to be told what to do.
Seth: It only works if he thinks it's his idea.

Jane: There was a troubled young woman-
Claire: I wonder why so many stories have to begin that way.

Jane: Machiavelli died in exile. Boss Tweed made a deal with the governor but in the end was never released. And Nixon was a prisoner of his past til the day he died. All men who had no idea how to walk away.

Claire: It's important to be organized and ruthless. Three piles, I always say: the stuff you want to keep, the stuff you might need later that you put in storage, and the stuff you have to destroy. I almost forgot. There's always a fourth pile: the stuff you don't know what to do with.

Tom: I take a month off drinking every Labor Day. Kind of an academic calendar ritual to prove to myself i'm not actually not an alcoholic.

Claire: Maybe [Doug] was a better wife to Francis [than I was].

Claire: What did [Doug] tell you?
Tom: What do you think he told me that you don't want me to know?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Mark: Deflect and compliment. That's how I survived the Hill.

Annette: You're going to be famous, Brett.
Brett: Well, there's fame and then there's notoriety.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Claire: I know the chair in this room that you're gunning for is not the one your ass is currently warming. Forgive me. I think pregnancy has brought out the sailor in me.

Brett: No Supreme Court justice has ever been impeached.
Claire: The good Justice Abruzzo wouldn't want to be the first then, would he?

Claire: I don't judge, Justice Abruzzo. I'll correct that. Except for mendacity. That I can't support.

Annette: Anyone that popular is bad for democracy.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Walter: My calling is a practical one. I don't judge. I don't question. I simply work for the highest bidder.

Maria: Madam President, all due respect-
Claire, Maria, I know you're new to this but please don't ever use that expression with me. "All due respect" means precisely the opposite.

Seth: What kind of man says no to ribs?

Claire: I've always been amused by your arrogance. It's like watching some movie, just out of date.

Claire: Francis gave me permission to hunger.
Young Claire: Because he felt it himself.
Claire: All the time. Insatiable.
Young Claire: Everyone thinks I should feel sated.
Claire: Then he said, "No, Claire. Be as hungry as me."

Seth: Look, I'm going to say this to you, not because we're friends, but because of everything we've been through together. You're an asshole.

Mark: I won't be here for this.
Annette: Where would you rather be?
Mark: 1999.