Milk-Eyed Mender

This is fair. I think it was a cheap shot on Dr. Will's part, most likely directed at Dan, his chief competition for Best BB Player Ever. But I have to admit Dan and Parvati played terribly here, like they were uncharacteristically awful and I'm still trying to understand why, when they were frequently brilliant on BB and Survivor. Different games, for sure, but I figured they'd bring something useful to the table and they just...didn’t.

As a BB/Survivor watcher, when the cast was revealed I knew I'd be happy with any outcome as long as Dan, Parvati and Janelle outlasted Sandra. Well, fuck me. I did not expect John would be the one to cut Parv's throat. Ouch! All else being equal, Kate for the win. The season deserves it. Or, barring that, Trishelle. The last time I saw her in anything she was a hard-core alcoholic mess (The Real and Surreal Worlds), so it's nice to see her sober and fighting for her game life. Waxen Dr. Will has some thoughts: https://ew.com/the-traitors-will-kirby-explains-big-brother-futility-on-the-show-8584001 "I don’t think it’s any secret that the four Big Brother contestants [Cody Califiore, Rachel Reilly, Janelle Pierzina, Dan Gheesling] on the first two seasons of The Traitors have done poorly, and I hope the fans don’t chastise me making that factual statement. See, I think some Big Brother players went on The Traitors to show that they “still got it” — only to realize that they actually “never had it.” It takes an extremely unique skill set to do well on these types of shows, and anyone can get lucky once, but it’s really hard to repeat that success, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t openly wonder if the Big Brother contestants who appeared have really hurt their reality television legacies because of their poor gameplay in this series. Kind of strange to consider, but it is possible that we never see any of them on our televisions ever again. The reunion show might end up serving as their wakes."

Dan looks and sounds so guilty! I really thought he had a chance to run the table here, but it seems that being set upon by a band of savage Housewives requires a very different skill set than corraling the likes of Renny, Keesha, Frank, and Britney. Sandra is part of the woodwork at this point, probably by design, but I too wonder why she isn't receiving the same scrutiny as Dan for the same offense. Parvati as Anne Boleyn strolling from room to room with the poisoned chalice gives me life. Aww, Deontay, of all people, with the tears! I just want to hug him.

Giving this season a chance after bailing last year one episode in. Apologies for the cliche, but I'd watch Parvati, Janelle, and Dan read a damned phone book. Sandra didn't score much screen time, but it was nice seeing her in the water, giving it her all, rather than on a bench watching everyone else give it their all. I loved Janelle just straight up declaring she didn't give a crap about anyone else and going for safety right out of the gate. Phaedra and Dan are polar opposites and yet somehow a perfect pairing. I'm hooked!

And on the flip side, if you're a man, non-stop name calling can propel you to the highest office in the land.

With respect to Suri's parentage, she is the spitting image of both Katie and Tom which doesn't resolve anything since Katie and Tom look like they could be related themselves, height and noses notwithstanding. (TomKat conspiracy theorists overcome the sterility rumors easily enough by chalking up Suri's Cruisish features to a turkey baster and a generous deposit from Cousin Bill Mapother). Who the hell knows, really? All I know for sure is that the Greatest Movie Star Evah is Suri's father in every way that matters and he is a coldhearted POS for choosing David Fucking Miscavige over his own daughter. Suri is better off without him. As for Katie's supposed intellect, it was nowhere to be found in the infamous 2005 W Magazine interview where she spoke and behaved like a love-struck blithering idiot: Do you worry that this might be a rebound romance for either of you? “I've never met anyone like Tom,” Holmes replies, her beautiful green eyes focused on nothing in particular. Do you ever wonder whether this is just a honeymoon phase? “Tom and I will always be in our honeymoon phase.” Did you learn anything in your previous relationship (five years with actor Chris Klein, which came to an end when they called off their engagement this past winter) that has been a benefit to this one? “Chris and I care about each other and we're still friends. Tom is the most incredible man in the world.” http://www.wmagazine.com/story/katie-holmes Embarrassing.

Speaking of Evangelical Trump, a post appeared in my FB newsfeed today comparing the Orange Menace to Saul of Tarsus/St. Paul, declaring him a messenger of God. There is not enough alcohol in the world some days.

In the continuing cascade of jaw-droppingly vile things said and done at the GOP convention, Christie's "lock her up" theater was the most chilling and odious of all. I have never seen anything like it and I am old enough to have voted for Jimmy Carter. I admit I'm guilty of over-Godwinizing stuff, but damn, that display was positively Hitleresque.

Yikes! I had no idea it was Cinnamon Hitler who popularized that quote. I feel queasy. His stance on refugees is deplorable (that goes double for the GOP as a whole). Of course, as Huckabee, Dobson and Hannity have assured us, Donald is still in the "Baby Christian" stage. He'll warm to the Beatitudes and the call to serve "the least of these" soon enough, no doubt.

Watching Paul Ryan trying to navigate Trump's ascent like a snail walking along the edge of a serrated knife blade has been absolutely fascinating. I must give mad respect to the Bush family, Jeff Flake, John Kasich and others who recognized the GOP nominee's toxicity early on and could not or would not lower themselves to endorse him. To Ted Cruz, John McCain and other Republicans riding the on-again/off-again Trump train, these words I first saw on Twitter fit you all like a glove: "Shut up, silly woman" said the reptile with a grin, "You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in."

The only way I'm not voting for Hillary would be for her to unzip her skin suit and reveal that she's actually Donald Trump.

Stupid thieves. If they'd planted her in front of a mirror they'd have had hours.

Candace's Christian faith informs her vote? Awesome! That's one less vote for Trump then because there is simply no way anyone taking Christ's words to heart could ever, in good conscience, cast a vote for the Mangled Apricot Hellbeast.

Ugh. This season has the Redemption Island stink all over it, with Frank in the role of Rob Mariano. Barf.

Unfortunately, the entire world has a horse in this race, whether it wants to or not. When the US sneezes, our allies and enemies all risk catching pneumonia. With Trump as commander-in-chief, make that double pneumonia, acute renal failure, catastrophic brain bleed and third-degree burns over 98 percent of the body. I wish I were joking. The man is uninformed, dangerously unpredictable and frankly unhinged; that he has cheerleaders on The View is not to the show's credit. IMHO, of course.