Linny

Jesus Christ, GH. "Merry Christmas from a town full of people who are sad and broken" is the message you want to leave us with on December 23? I need some levity, man. Martin/Laura/Kevin fit the bill well enough today and Sasha and Brando were surprisingly cute, but everything else was just depressing. Alexis can't hold it together for more than five seconds, poor TJ is about to have his holiday (and his relationship) ruined by Molly, Julian is dead and nobody much cares (where is Ava??) and Carly is on the verge of collapse over Sonny and only Jax notices. Not that I have concern for Carly or Sonny, but it's so dumb that Michael is RIGHT THERE and can't see something is wrong. He knows enough about the business that it should have immediately registered to him that Sonny's absence was sus. Now that I've got all the complaining out of my system, I want to wish everyone here a merry Christmas and a nice long holiday weekend. Y'all are awesome even (and especially) when the show is not, and I hope you're all taking care of yourselves and finding joy where you can this season.

I would like to thank GH for providing me with the family reunion and ensuing drama that 2020 has deprived me of. I was Laura, watching with wide eyes today at the back-and-forth between Martin and Cyrus. There was a whole lot of exposition happening but the actors made it work, and it did help to know Cyrus Renault was in part born of his family's abandonment of him. Nice job all around for these scenes. I tuned out Joss' breathless praise of Carly (yes, she's SO awesome for normalizing their dangerous, scary lifestyle) in favor of identifying the Christmas stockings hanging behind them. I think it was Carly, Sonny, Josslyn, Avery, Donna, and Wiley; why Wiley is included when he has a home with Michael at the Quartermaines, I don't know. I guess Rocco, the other grandchild, is just shit out of luck and not included whatsoever. Praise be to Diane for successfully working her attorney mind tricks so Jason could make it in time to slow-mo run across the bridge to watch Sonny fall to his death fall and be cushioned by his enormous ego and walk away unscathed. That's speculation on my part, but like...come on. This man has seen more overwrought near-death experiences than I can count and never once has he had the decency to actually bite it, even if only for a little while, and I don't expect that to change now.

The Trina/Taggert confrontation today would have been so much more meaningful with Real Andrews in the role. I know the show didn't have a choice but to plow ahead with a temporary recast despite the unfortunate timing, but it did fall flat for me. Taggert has a presence and a swagger that fills the room he's in and the recast couldn't possibly measure up and give today's scenes the weight they deserved. Laura wandered into Florence's room looking for information and will be walking out with two new half-siblings, yikes. Martin is tolerable but I'm tired of Cyrus having his finger in every pie. I'm actually most interested in seeing Valentin's reaction when he learns who Charlotte's two new great-uncles are, hee. Shoot-out at the bus station with absolutely no danger for Sonny or Jason, and a nameless dead body left behind for which they'll surely face no repercussions: YAWN. This side trip through NYC has been so dull, can we fast-forward this shit already? These gutless gun wars are tedious. Michael sucker-punching Chase today was both a major asshole move and the most interesting thing he's done in ages. He almost always lets Carly fight his battles for him or name-drops Sonny as a threat to people he dislikes, so to see him get pissed and actually ACT on it was surprising. I don't need Michael picking physical fights but I do approve of him showing some gumption in his life. This felt like the closest Michael's gotten to the "baby-faced shark" the show has always purported him to be. He still sucks but at least he's DOING something, you know?

Wow, the show just has no fucks to give when it comes to Jason's terrible priorities. "I love my son, I'd die for him in a second, but I can't leave the business because if something happened to Carly or Sonny I couldn't live with that." Are they for real with this mess? Like, we been knew, of course, but hearing it spoken in plain language makes it infinitely worse. Sam's crying over this "incredible man" while he's readily admitting to choosing Sonny/Carly over her and Danny. My god, he's awful. Oh, Tracy. *heavy sigh* Helping to cover Ned's mistake by dumping on a drunken woman at one of the lowest points of her life is unacceptable. Ned's a grown man who needs to own his shit and Tracy can skip right back out of town if this is what she's here for. Of course Kim had a baby and named it Andrew. When it comes to Drew, she's still nuttier than a box of peanut brittle, I take it. That baby should really be Franco's; timeline wise, she slept with him much more recently than she did Julian, and also, the last fucking thing Julian needs is another kid running around. I thought today's episode was overall very entertaining; special shout-out to Nikolas and Ava for sealing their love by immediately plotting a murder. They're so twisted (I thought for a second Ava was going to pull Nik away into a closet, she appreciated the gesture so much) and it's a lot of fun to watch.

Sam said all the right stuff in her break up with Jason today (stuff we've been screaming at her for years here), but what does it even matter? This 180° flip in attitude has come out of nowhere and I have full faith she'll just as easily flip back and be pro-Jason in due time. Her newfound concern for the safety of her kids doesn't feel genuine (showing Sam as a mother has never been the show's priority), and neither does her desire for a "normal" life (something she expressly rejected with Drew). This break up is a contrived obstacle because JaSam can't function as a settled couple; the only time there's any semblance of spark between them is when they're fighting and pining for each other. And I think as long as Jason and Sam exist on the show together, neither will be allowed to move on to someone else, making the break up even more moot. Sam will eventually eat her words and they'll get back together, and until then we'll have to watch her weep about the unfairness of a situation that Jason could change right now, if he cared to.

I need Sasha to stop hanging on every drip of generic kindness Michael shows her so I can stop cringing my way through their scenes. The attention Michael is giving her does not at all give the vibe that he's harboring romantic feelings for her like she is for him, a choice I'm assuming is intentional and not due to Michael only having about three facial expressions. It's embarrassing that she bases her value on his opinion of her; is it too much to expect her to realize she matters regardless of whether she matters to Michael? We got such a nice, honest conversation between Chase and Willow and then the episode ends with her walking away with Michael to tend to Wiley, ugh. A child is not a solid enough foundation to support an entire relationship and Willow and Michael's weak attraction isn't holding any weight here either. Of course Valentin clocked that something's wrong with Dante in the span of a three minute conversation. He's legit the most intelligent and observant character on the show at this point, ain't nobody keeping nothin' from Valentin. Luckily the actor can pull it off. It fits for Valentin to get involved here since he's connected to Peter and to Lulu, and so I actually liked that he's the one getting to raise the alarm that all is not well with Dante. Dante's been back long enough that I'm ready to get the ball rolling on this story now.

I felt sorry today for Sasha getting all hopeful that Michael wants to be with her. Firstly, because I think the show has invested too much time in Michael and Willow (and Wiley) to revert back to Michael and Sasha, and secondly, can you imagine pinning your hopes and dreams for the future on Michael? The lukewarm baked potato in desperate need of a haircut? She'd be better off pursuing the connection she made with Brando the other day than going back to Michael and having the guilt of her bad decisions looming over them at all times. I still think Carly is completely wrong for keeping the Nelle info from Nina, and the only thing I liked about her stuff today was how utterly disdainful Sonny acted upon learning Jax is in on this secret, too. Absolutely every time Carly says Jax's name, Sonny is all [pained sigh] and it never fails to amuse me. Stay pressed, dude. Nik and Ava's gothic love story just keeps sucking me in, and I'm impressed that Ava actually told Nik the whole truth and he believed her 100%. All of Ava's past relationships have been mired in deception and seeing the transparency between them makes me happy. I will go down with this ship, I guess.

Sam, sweetie, forget the "normal" life you had with Patrick Drake. You had that life much more recently with DREW, and you REJECTED it in large part because you deemed it stifling. Ugh, I hate that they're suddenly making Sam have a crisis of conscience when absolutely all the decisions she's made have been in deference to Jason and his lifestyle. The show does remember the whole thing with her parole officer keeping her from Jason and how Sam acted like that was a fate worse than death? This about-face is dumb. She knows who he is and what his life requires. Yo, what the fuck was Sonny doing tapping on that dude's head while Jason was roughing him up? Was that supposed to be intimidating? He should really just take a backseat during scenes like this, he always looks ridiculous. Y'all, they got me with Tracy. Except "first we sing, then we eat" packs less of a punch when we don't get to hear them sing. I could have used a little more of an uplifting moment for a holiday episode, but still, Tracy's appearance is always welcomed by me.

So are we not doing a Thanksgiving episode this year, or at least not this week? Just chaos and death? Very on brand for 2020, I can roll with it. Poor Cam breaking down over Dev was rough. Everyone else's reactions felt muted, which is weird, given the screen time he got. Liz truly needs to book an appointment for Cam with Kevin after the calamity this kid's endured. Glad we got to see Grandma Laura pay him a visit today. Sam questioning if Carly was okay with her perilous, pack up and run lifestyle made me raise an eyebrow. There is no way Miss Ride-or-Die is doubting her choices, and that line felt it was just a chance for Carly to affirm that all the baggage that's associated with Sonny and Jason is worth it. If something's repeated enough times that makes it true, right? I think Emme Rylan has done some good work these last couple weeks and it kind of sucks that she showed up as an interesting actress right before Lulu went into a coma. Too little, too late, I guess.

Man oh man, the show did not even TRY to make Dev's death meaningful today. A whole-ass teenager living in Sonny and Carly's house for TWO YEARS, a daily presence in their lives and the lives of their young children, and these two chucklefucks barely bat an eye at his death and send freakin' DIANE to the hospital to make arrangements for Dev's remains. What in the world, y'all. Callous to the core as always. Dustin and Dev dying from the same explosion does make me worry that Joss will be crying over this for the next six months, though. Once upon a time she looked up to Dustin as her teacher, even if lately he's just been seen as Lulu's BF. God knows the show will not miss an opportunity to let Joss' emotions take center stage in the aftermath of this mess. Valentin's letter to Alexis was definitely the best part of today's show. It remains baffling to me that the show waited until after the characters knew they weren't related to forge a sibling-like relationship between them, but dammit it works and I'm here for them.

In today's installment of Shut up, Sam: she copped an attitude with Valentin awful damn quickly and for really no reason at all. If he cares enough about Alexis to come to Sam's shoddily planned intervention (did she have any plan beyond luring Alexis into the room?), she should be gracious enough to put aside her personal distaste for him and accept his support. It's not like her strategy of pouting and issuing ultimatums could possibly do any worse with Valentin in the room. Welp, at least the kids got to have some fun playing together before the room exploded. The visual of Dev and Cam sitting at the bar with their glasses of water or whatever was amusing to me; I don't think we've ever seen the teens hang out there before, and they looked out of place. I'm bummed that Laura was there and didn't speak to Cam before running out to find Sonny. Laura has more family than Lulu, show, c'mon. Oh, Dustin. He's lucky that bomb went off before Lulu had the chance to reject that insecure, last-ditch proposal. Clinging to a relationship by giving a girl a ring (while seated at a table at the local dive, oof), talk about YIKES.

My first thought upon seeing the random dude playing Lucas today was that it gives new flavor to the "who??" jokes made around here. Not even a voiceover to indicate the change in actor, what's up, GH? Show some respect for Lucas Jones. Sam really stood in one wing of the hospital defending Jason as the world's most noble man while he was busy on the other side of the hospital putting muscle to Sonny's threat to make his problems "disappear." I so wish Julian would stop trying to talk to this spoiled delusional twit and realize he doesn't need a relationship with her after all. Even when he's fired-up angry at Cyrus, Michael is still unbearably lame. "You're a coke-pushing dirt bag!" That'll leave him quaking, Michael. I know he can't say "fuck off" on daytime television, but if "dirt bag" is the best insult he's got against an older, well-seasoned criminal like Cyrus then clearly he's waaaay out of his depth here. Carly cried bloody murder at Nelle keeping Wiley from Michael but sees no problem not telling Nina that Nelle was her daughter, funny how that works. Doesn't matter that Nelle did horrific things, if she's Nina's kid, Nina absolutely deserves that closure to her story. If Jax keeps this from Nina, it would make him really no different than Valentin, with his constant deceptions under the guise of protecting Nina and keeping her happy. Do better and be better, Jax.

Is Brook Lynn really going to leave town without patching things up with Ned or following up with her connection to Valentin? If so, that sucks, and it makes her cheerleading of Chase and Willow today seem especially frivolous. Chase can make the decision to fight for Willow or let them become history without his friend's interference. And the staging of conversations in the hospital's halls is getting increasingly more ridiculous. At one point Chase was standing around the corner talking to Brook Lynn and they were each facing opposite directions. Make it stop, show. I do hope the show realizes the best they're going to achieve with Michael and Willow is a participation ribbon and a "you tried" sticker. Willow flashing her bra and her midriff while dripping paint on Michael like bird shit is not exactly inspiring stuff. Neither is her getting all breathless leaning over Michael's shoulder to read the famously provocative material of legal documents. I'm torn between embarrassment and admiration that the show is trying so damn hard to make these two people at all interesting.

Today's episode was subtle as a hammer upside the head, but I'll give it this much: Alexis as a 1920 Temperance leader was fucking inspired, and I guffawed at that reveal. Otherwise, waaaay too much Joss, as always, and the show clinging to the archetype of Britt and Ava as villains even in 1920 was tiresome. Carly (or Carly's great-grandmother or whatever) ain't always got to be perfect and saintly and awesome, show.

Damn, the show went way hard with Ryan's verbal attack on Ava, and it was a great touch for a Halloween episode. A true monster in all his deranged glory. Disappointed that Ava didn't anticipate Ryan faking her out (she should be better at this by now), but really like how Nikolas has been looped into the scheme. Ava, Nik, and Julian are a good trio. Congrats to those who correctly guessed that Anna's two witch costumes would come into play with Alex. Since I don't care about Peter, I'm not super interested in Alex showing up; as far as I'm concerned, Anna should wash her hands of both of them and not look back. Still, though, the good witch/bad witch twin switch (try saying that five times fast) was fun for Halloween. I love that the show remembered Kate's house is still empty next to Sonny's, as that's the house Jax threatened to buy when he came back to town. Yay for Taggert sticking around a little longer and good luck to him surviving as a neighbor of casa Corinthos. Stopped enjoying the Helena cameo the moment I saw Sam was behind it. Helena should rise from the ashes right now in indignation of this dour pipsqueak's imitation of her. Sam spoils everything fun, man.

I don't know, y'all, I enjoyed today's episode immensely and may even watch parts of it again, something I rarely do. Ava and Nikolas were FIRE with the power plays and the weapon play leading to another bout of sex. I'm now firmly back on board with those two, and it helps that Ava's always reminding Nikolas that he's a jackass. Willow and Michael fantasizing about each other in the shower made me cackle, because of course those two have basic, unfulfilling sexy thoughts. They are the very definition of vanilla, but I think the weak sexual tension is a step up from endless Wiley talk. And then Franco speaking nonsense and falling to the floor out of nowhere (brain tumor? stroke? aneurysm?) was pretty surprising and fun, too. Him and Liz staring down yet another medical challenge is better than them flirting with infidelity, IMO. The only thing I didn't care for was Epiphany crying over the breakup with Milo, because was there anyone invested in them to start with? ("Don't make a big fuss about it," she says--DONE). Oh, and I wish I looked a fraction as "awful" as everyone finds Sasha to be right now. Her behavior is certainly frazzled but her appearance isn't nearly as bad as it's being made out to be. Give the girl a hairbrush and she'll be fine.

Two wildly irritating things today: 1) Jax seeing Alexis drinking and walking away, basically chalking her up to a lost cause not worth his time. What. The. Fuck. They've got too many years of history between them for him to turn his back on her without offering any support. But he can run from the Metro Court to deal with Carly's freak out, of course. 2) Trina kisses Cam again and suddenly all those emotionally charged scenes they shared no longer mean anything, they're just BFFs. Sure, let's have Trina cheerfully remove herself from the love triangle and relinquish any chance of a romance for herself, paving the way for Joss to eventually get with Cam. What even, GH. Trina has SO much more personality than Joss and shouldn't be stuck on the sidelines of her friend's storylines. I've had enough of snotty Sam and basket case Carly, too. Thank god Nina was allowed to stand her ground against Carly and advocate for basic human decency towards Nelle, as that was literally the only thing worthwhile today.

Nikolas' entire conversation with Ava today was the equivalent of a sixth grader passing a note saying "Do you like me? Check [yes] [no] [maybe]" and yet I was still into it. This is the dynamic the show should have aimed for from the beginning, with Nikolas being drawn to Ava's hidden vulnerabilities and her prickly facade with equal measure. The show wasted so much time having Nikolas be cruel to Ava and unnecessarily involving Franco and Liz into their relationship, but it feels like finally the ship may be righted. Ava holding herself back, afraid to trust Nikolas, torn between her feelings and her agenda, THAT is the hate-to-love romance the show's been missing.

I swear, it's like GH goes out of its way to make Carly and Sonny as petty and unlikable as possible. Watching them get tore out of frame over Nelle's burial plot like they own the world was painful. Nina's absolutely right that someday it will matter to Wiley that his mother had a proper burial, but heaven forbid Carly and Sonny acknowledge that anyone other than a Corinthos matters or deserves decency. Much like Sam, after all this time I had forgotten about Aurora and Sam's stake in it. Unlike Sam, I have no interest in seeing Michael and his charisma-free business acumen take over the company. I miss Drew. Brook Lynn and Valentin feel weird to me, and it's not because of the age difference. I think it's because the entirety of Valentin's run he's been single-mindedly obsessed with Nina (and Anna, though the circumstances with her are different) that it's strange to see him engage in drunken comfort sex with Brook Lynn. He does desperately need to expand his horizons beyond Nina and I guess Brook Lynn is as good an option as any. It'd actually be great if he hired her at ELQ in a capacity she could excell at and let her prove to Ned she doesn't need him riding her ass to get something done.

I really dislike how Dev is now this creep who's fabricating diary entries and tearing apart friendships all to get closer to precious Joss. It's not that I care enough about Dev to be disappointed by his behavior here, it's just that this development is so sudden and desperate and off-putting. Plus, I think there's enough real, complicated feelings in the teen group that we don't need Dev's mechanications muddying the waters, too. Alexis drinking "Definite Vodka" made me laugh. At least the prop department is having some fun with this story. What was the point of having Nikolas show up out of the blue to speak to Alexis if he wasn't going to notice something was off with her? He could have just as easily been talking to Lulu and it would have made no difference. +10 points to the show for remembering Alexis and Nikolas are related, -50 points for them having such an inconsequential meeting. Since Ava saw Nik's name on the tattered check, I guess the whole dumb Scotty blackmailing plot was just a long-winded way of providing her with justification to divorce Nikolas, take his money, and appease Ryan/save Julian in one fell swoop. I'm kinda hoping she'll prioritize covering Julian's ass and push for the divorce, newfound feelings between her and Nikolas be divorce. Julian has earned her loyalty; Nikolas has not. I'm not interested in watching Ava twist herself into knots over a man who's given her the barest minimum of affection and respect.

I love that even in the middle of a rather boring, by-the-book funeral, the show gave me an opportunity to snark on Sam by making her say she admired how Mike was always non-judgmental. That's quite the remark coming from someone who's the judgiest person this side of a courtroom. Maybe she should try emulating that quality the next time she gets the urge to look down her nose at Alexis, Brando, or anyone else who doesn't live up to her standards. Thank fuck Joss didn't sing "You're Not Alone" today. That little bit from Amy earlier this week was plenty. Ava's remarks were kind, and color me surprised that both Carly and Sonny accepted her there with grace. Good on the show for finally dragging Kristina out of the broom closet, too. Liz's hair was a mess, and I think it's past time for Brook Lynn to graduate to a scarf or something instead of that huge bandage. I would have preferred to have Olivia there at the end to see Dante show up, but hey, at least Dante and Sonny are coming face-to-face without a gun in between them this time, right? (Though with Liesl orchestrating Dante's programming, maybe a girl can hope Dante will get a chance to even the score. Sonny's got to have another personal crisis now that Mike's dead, after all.)

Man, the show is going hard with restructuring Nikolas and Ava's dynamic, aren't they? It's nice he showed contrition today for how he used Kiki's death to manipulate Ava, but to characterize their relationship as simple petty, back-and-forth bickering is just not wholly accurate. He's been dismissive and demeaning towards her for the entirety of their marriage, and the sudden attraction and feelings he has for her now seems like the show trying to course correct. And I don't disapprove of that, but like...just because Nikolas didn't murder anyone like Ryan doesn't make his treatment of Ava okay. Still a lot of repair work to go, there. Portia and Liz at the dance gossiping by themselves, far removed from any kids, is a loose interpretation of the word "chaperoning," hee. Obviously I get why it was framed that way, but it's still amusing. Cam's girl dilemma doesn't seem too complicated to me; Joss is his long-time dream girl who he feels drawn to due to their history, and Trina is the girl who unexpectedly snuck into his heart out of a genuine emotional connection. He's hyped Joss up as the perfect fantasy and that's confusing him from recognizing how good he and Trina are for each other. I paid little to no attention to Sonny and Jason and whatever plan they have brewing with Brando, so I'll just assume it was something dumb and for Sonny's benefit and move along with my day accordingly.

Big fat UGH to Ned's behavior with Alexis today. Being drunk and insecure about his standing with Olivia is no excuse for him hitting on Alexis so heavily. And I guess we're supposed to think he was too drunk to notice Alexis was also drinking. Those scenes were sloppy and uncomfortable all around. Sonny said "thank you" to Jax. In 2020, this is another harbinger of the apocalypse, right? Dante is going after Peter and Liesl is the one pulling the strings, PLUS Ryan Chamberlain is in sole possession of Nelle's bombshell revelation--GH, why you been holding out on all the good stuff for so long??? This is the soapy fun we needed instead of 5 zillion hours of Wiley drama and waiting for Mike to die!!

Did it really take Nurse Liz to explain to Scotty the freakin' LAWYER that what he's doing to Nikolas and Ava is extortion? See, Scotty, this is why you're always the last lawyer in town called. Even if Liz and Franco don't take the money, it's still massively irresponsible for Scotty to participate in this scheme. Plus, the ping-ponging dynamic between Liz and Franco where they're fine one minute and unsteady the next, often in the same episode, is really obnoxious and hard to follow. Maybe they should be talking to each other to fix what's bothering them instead of hiring photographers and framing their "friends" for infidelity. Oh no, Cam still has a spark for Joss. At least the back-and-forth nature between Joss/Cam/Trina is entirely age-appropriate and understandable, though I really, really hope Cam and Trina is our final destination. Alright, show, you've dumped a deluge of shit on Alexis from every conceivable angle, can we ease up now? No other character on this show is so disproportionately burdened in the way Alexis is currently. She needs a hug and a better support system (Valentin, kind as he was to Alexis, should obviously not have taken her someplace where alcohol is served). The constant misery treadmill she's running on is just draining, and if the show's going to insist on depleting her like this, it would be nice to see other characters step up to help her find her way (Finn, Jax, and hell, even Nikolas, I'm looking at y'all).

Welp, you'd think a chlamydia diagnosis would cause a person to wake the fuck up and take responsibility for her poor choices, but that's not the case for Briana and her head cheerleader Roxanne! Briana sitting there sulking while Roxanne railed against Luis as "reckless" seriously made me want to smack both of them. It is Briana and Briana ONLY who is accountable for her sexual health, and choosing TWICE to have unprotected sex with Luis is all on her. Yes, Luis was careless to not use a condom with Briana and any other women before her, but Briana isn't really holding much moral high ground here. She decided to forgo protection during sex with a man who she knew could have any number of partners, and as Brittany said, she's damn lucky she didn't catch anything more serious than chlamydia. The only point in Briana's favor is that she did go get tested and found out about the STI in time to treat it before passing it on to anyone else, though I honestly have my doubts she would have gotten tested if it weren't for MTV filming her. Instead of getting pissed at Luis, this should be an eye-opener that unprotected sex is something that should only be done within the trust of a committed relationship. And my god, Briana and Luis talking about sex while sitting on bleachers in a gymnasium watching a kids' gymnastics competition is one of those mind-boggling scenes that makes me think I'm living in a different reality. Y'all really just run around hooking up and spreading chlamydia and talking about your sex life half a foot away from children, for real??