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  1. Oh, JULIAN. Listen, though, him marrying Nelle is arguably one of the least contentious moves he's made in service of covering his own ass, especially since Nelle did thoroughly put the screws to him (as thoroughly as one can in GH's la-la land of justice, anyway). Plus I'd like to think he was partly motivated on Wiley's behalf, since he's always cared about his well-being. I also prefer the dynamic between Julian and Nelle over the dynamic he has with Brook Lynn, so this union has that going for it, too. And there's no denying that it is DELICIOUS seeing Carly and Sonny clutch their pearls that a marriage was leveraged as judicial capital, how outrageous. As if Julian cares that their opinion of him has been docked another negative 5 million points due to this marriage, please. Adjust your scorecard accordingly and move it along, Sonny.
  2. It is so damn satisfying that just when Carly/Michael/Willow/Diane thought they had served up a game-winning ace to close out this tennis match with Nelle, she lobbies the ball right back at them with absolutely no fear. I've never enjoyed Nelle more, honestly. She is the cockroach that refuses to be squashed under the heel of the almighty Corinthos, and despite her general unhinged tendencies, the show has actually managed to make a case for her POV and her right to be in Wiley's life. And I'm willing to look past some of her awfulness just because her shenanigans are WAY more fun to watch than the endless angst train that everyone else in this story is riding. And not only was today's wedding reveal spectacular (can't wait to find out the groom's identity), but it can't even be used against her without the acknowledgment that Michael is guilty of the exact same stunt. Loving. It.
  3. "Jason would die for you, but his first priority is my dad and Carly." Welp, it's about time someone had the guts to tell it like it is, and finally Kristina's hot-headed Corinthos tendencies paid off in my favor. Between this stellar line and her dig about Sam only preferring a safe life when she was with Drew, I'd gladly pick up her tab at Charlie's for the next month. After the harsh way Sam has treated Alexis, her parole officer, Brando, and now Kristina, she deserves to get real comfy with the ugly reality that she and her children will never, ever, be Jason's true family. He'd drop her like a hot potato to go count to ten with Carly and deep down Sam knows it. But she's settled for her spot on the fringe of Jason's orbit and she'll defend it endlessly, regardless of the fact that it comes at her own expense and especially at the expense of her kids. No wonder she's so miserable all the time; her life is so far from ideal and it's all because of her dependency on a relationship that's never been fully functional.
  4. Nikolas and Ava's marriage has been such a six pack of nothing that I no longer care what happens between them, and using Spencer as an impetus for divorce is awfully weak sauce. There's been no scandal, no sex, no oomph at all for the past five months, and this letter from Spencer all the way in France is the icing on the meh cake. (Though I did love the detail of him referring to Ava as a "turncoat." That is 100% vocabulary Spencer would use.) Franco emphasizing it was 10 years since his serial killer craze made me realize this is my 10 year anniversary of regular GH viewing, and I can't believe I've put up with this guy's whining for so long. No, Franco, helping to put away all the Ryan Chamberlains in the world won't erase all the truly heinous stuff you did. That stuff still MATTERS, despite where you are in your life now and what you've done since then. Holy shit, Sam, pulling the "everyone is responsible for my actions except me" attitude against your own sister, the cult survivor. It's like every day she finds a new creative way to outdo herself at being the absolute worst of the worst, and really, she can stop now, I've had enough.
  5. I only managed to see the last 20 minutes of today's episode but I feel confident it's justified to say: shut UP, Sam. Go mind your children or mope about Jason or hatch a new plan to extort your parole officer and leave Molly and Brando the hell alone. Molly can decide for herself how she wants to manage things and Brando has done literally nothing wrong here, which makes Sam throwing her weight around with him beyond tedious. And she'd eviscerate anyone who dared meddle in her and Jason's relationship in such a way, so again: zip it, lady. (Is it an UO to say Sam might bug me worse than Carly right now? She's dull and lame and the writing for her is simply dreadful, with no real redeeming qualities at all, IMO.)
  6. This was SO good, and really epitomized what I love about Brooklyn Nine-Nine. They nail the humor of a chaotic, outlandish situation (Hitchcock and Scully racing to save the refrigerated goods from spoiling during a blackout is genius, and Charles' continued disdain for the police horse kills me), but that absurdity is always, always grounded by the genuine affection between the characters. Each of them contributing in their own unique way (that DANCE) to ease Amy's birthing experience was so lovely. These guys are a family, and it's so fitting that they greeted their newest member smack in the middle of their office. Welcome to the Nine-Nine, Mac, in all its crazy and heartfelt glory.
  7. I haaaate Sasha and Chase's "sacrificing ourselves for the sake of the greater good" charade. Hate. It. There's absolutely no sensible reason for this to be happening. The issues they're pretending drove their relationships apart could have so easily been legit. Willow's preoccupation with Wiley, Sasha feeling pressured to take on a maternal role--those should have been REAL splinters for these couples. Seeing each of them having to balance their love for Wiley with their own self-interest and expectations for their future would have been so much more compelling to me than this forced martyrdom. Sasha and Chase falling on the sword to MAYBE help Wiley's cause is needless cruelty dressed up as kindness, and it sucks for all parties involved.
  8. A lecture on fatherhood from the man who shot one son in the chest, murdered the biological father of his other son, and had sex and impregnated the woman his youngest son was in love with. Yes, Sonny, you're definitely qualified to teach Nikolas the ramifications of betraying the father-son connection. (Also, Spencer and Sonny talk or text EVERY night? Get a life, both of you.) It was cute how pleased Ava was to be at a party hosted by Anna. I liked the set up of the party with characters flowing in and out of the scenes; it felt natural and it prevented any conversation (or Robert's didgeridoo playing) from lasting too long. Charlotte putting a snake in the piñata is fucking ridiculous (how did Lulu, who transported Charlotte to the party, not question what was in that sack she was clutching? Where would Charlotte even GET the snake to begin with??) but I'm willing to overlook it if the snake bites someone worthy. (None of the kids, obviously, but Peter could stand to feel some pain and Willow certainly could use a legitimate reason to be overly upset, just sayin'.)
  9. I hate that this "Willow has to marry Michael to save Wiley from Nelle!" stuff is making me take back all the shit I talked about the baby swap. 'Cause like, I'd gladly watch Brad pop antacids and have guilty furtive conversations with Julian instead of seeing Sasha, Michael, Willow and Chase twist themselves into knots to see who can be the most noble and self-sacrificing in the name of Wiley. It's dumb, it's not at all realistic, and in Willow's case, it's not healthy for her to be so emotionally invested in another woman's kid. Everyone's trying too hard to be pious in comparison to Nelle, and while she's awful in lots of ways, that doesn't negate her rights as Wiley's mom. And the surgery machinations by Team Michael only strengthened Nelle's case while hurting his, so really, they can pipe down about how monstrous she is when they aren't much better.
  10. I absolutely loathe that Peter has successfully pinned his crimes on Liesl to the point that everyone who should have some degree of loyalty to her has essentially said "tough luck that you can't spell Liesl without 'lies,' the Hague is waiting for you." And obviously Liesl's reputation doesn't work in her favor here, but it KILLS me that those closest to her have so easily turned their backs on her and embraced Peter. Especially since in Maxie's case she directly witnessed Peter acting shady and carrying around large sums of cash, and those moments should be clicking for her now, if only the show would allow her to actually THINK instead of pout and cry. There's no good reason for Dustin, a seemingly solid dude with his life in order, to repeatedly witness Lulu and Brook Lynn's vicious messiness and not wash his hands of them both. High school kids have more maturity and aplomb than these two smug twits. Only on a soap could you have a character like Nina dramatically opine about her twisted past, including the crime of ripping a child from the womb, before cheesily dancing up a storm with Jax. I would like this pairing more if less time was devoted to Jax building up Nina with praise (Stop Making Jax a Prop for Complicated Women 2020).
  11. There's no victory so sweet I would willingly handle items that passed through the butts of Cheddar AND Scully. Reason #964 why I'll never be as badass as Rosa Diaz. Honestly, though, while I loved everyone's rabid (and rabbit!) fervor to win, there were some odd moments that didn't land for me at all (Amy hired a fake therapist to spy on Jake?). Still, the heist is a tradition I'm so glad the show has found a way to maintain. And I know the show intended Bill's appearance here to just be a funny gag, but him progressing from normal in October to 100% haggard, life in pieces come April is so prescient it hurts.
  12. Okay, was today's episode 75% padded with flashbacks in an attempt by the show to stretch out their remaining filmed original content? That's the only reason I can see for such an odd, nonlinear compilation of old clips involving Nelle. Whatever the thought process behind today's show, it was excruciating. It's also the first day in weeks GH has aired in its entirety during its live broadcast in my area, and I feel cheated that the episode was so bloated with boring shit I've already seen. They could have at least thrown in the scene of Carly freaking out at Nelle's baby shower to make things a little bit fun (Morgan LOVED penguins! Never forget).
  13. I'm in awe of this episode for providing such snappy dialogue ("How do I look today?" "Bloated." "Thank you." / "Nobody likes a know-it-all." "You're married to one." / "Son of a bitch stole my bullhorn."), and for giving us some wonderful Jake/Charles friendship material (ultimately so supportive of each other!), all while Scully stood in the background with his face perfectly covered in red glitter. AMAZING. Talk about commitment to a gag, damn. And after all that, Jake is still no closer to being Holt's best detective (Leslie Hunt-Minkoff, WHO???).
  14. Without seeing all of today's episode (due to the local news providing their daily briefing that Everything is Still Fucking Awful, Yo), all I can say is: what in the name of hell was Sam wearing? Is a sheer top, titties out what passes as appropriate wear for early morning P.I. business? The dressier clothes and more artful hairstyles she's been sporting lately have been a big miss for me, and are the newest in the list of petty grievances I hold against the character. Put on a sweater and stop giving Curtis an eyefull, please. In total contrast, little Violet's unicorn top with the hair braided down the sleeve was adorable. She's easily the best part of this whole awkward Anna/Peter/Finn mess. Give this girl her mom back, show.
  15. I can't state strongly enough how much I needed, at this precise moment in time, to watch Jake and Doug Judy put on colorful clothes (inspired by Cam Newton, hee!), hop a private plane to Miami, and sing karaoke. This duo is radiance personified, despite often coming down on opposite sides of the law. I really liked how Jake carried out the reverse heist and used it to his advantage to report the robbery, as there's no way it would be believable for Jake to let slide. And the fact that Doug KNEW that and anticipated it, and actually designed the whole situation for the exact purpose of weeding out his criminal friends and asking Jake to be his best man is just brilliant. Doug Judy and Jake Peralta forever, please and thank you. And Trudy Judy is not only out of jail, but got her requisite fourteen butts. What a life she's living, man. She has to show back up for Doug's wedding. (Assuming we get to see the wedding, that is. It would honestly be cruel to deprive us of that experience, because as awesome as this episode was, now I'm gonna need to hear Jake's best man speech in full, show. Make it happen!)
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