Linny

Let me start with the good today: an hour without Jason/Carly/Sonny/Nina really flew by. Not even Peter could spoil the mood (of course, it helps that Victor was there to treat him as the pathetic hanger-on he is; don't stop doing that, Victor). Drew and Valentin had a really nice conversation (always love Drew in dad-mode) AND we got Robert on the case with Anna in search of Drew. Finally. And then Sam had to open her mouth and spew a bunch of nonsense that's frankly super insulting to Drew and I won't stand for it. She doesn't know who he is? The man who tried to shield her and the kids from the business, who made their family his top priority, that man wasn't real?? Absurd. So what if Sam doesn't know the nitty-gritty details of his past and so what if he once believed he was Jason. Sam sure as hell knows the strength of this man's character, regardless of what name he was using at the time. Pretending otherwise is a slap in the face of the Drew/Sam relationship and a pretty transparent method of carving emotional distance between the two of them, and I don't like that at all.

We spent 9 months in Nixon Falls and Sonny made it home in the span of about 15 minutes today. This is the pace we should always be working with, show. I expect Carly and Jason aren't home and today's scenes were misdirection, but man, I want Sonny to catch them with their pants down. Their bliss has been completely unbelievable and deserves to end in messy, humiliating shambles. And it's not just Carly and Jason who are going to be red-faced here; the entire town has preached the gospel of how perfect this union is, and it's going to take some serious acrobatics to reconcile those feelings with Sonny's return. He's been usurped in every aspect of his life and I don't see any easy way to restore the old status quo. I highly doubt that GH is willing to go there, but honestly, this should be a moment of self-reflection for Sonny. Living the better part of a year as Mike should alter his perception of the world and how he fits into it. He was genuinely happy with a simple, normal life, so does he even really want to get right back to business as usual? That the conflict that needs to drive the next arc of this story. It's not enough that everyone else has moved on, how has Sonny himself changed and how will he choose to move forward?

Michael's little talk with Jason today might be the most egregious case of Jarly propping we've seen thus far. "I always wanted you and mom together," get the fuck outta here. Michael grew up worshipping Sonny, there's no way he'd root for Jason to be with Carly over Sonny. He could have just said he was happy for Jason without hammering us yet again with how they're meant to be. Poor Maxie's dress made her look like the mother of the bride. Why do they cloak her in such ugly, matronly attire? I think she and Austin kind of have a nice rapport, though holy hell, anything's nicer than Olivia's instant, unbridled hostility. Tone it down, lady. He's talking to you in a professional capacity and he wants to help. Mike and Nina exchanging "I love yous" instead of hustling for the exit while a freakin' FIRE rages around them was so eyeroll-worthy. Save it until you're safe and have the breath to spare! But whatever, you know they had to have that moment because after that smack to the head, Mike's surely going to die in that fire and Sonny will rise from the ashes. And after the long hard slog that was the Nixon Falls storyline, I'm more than ready.

...They really crafted the perfect off-ramp for the Jason/Carly relationship and chose to blow right past it and keep us on this highway to hell. Are you kidding me?? I mean, I knew this was happening, ever since the dance when Jason leaned in for a kiss. But are we supposed to ignore that he's spent 99% of this engagement looking as if he's passing a kidney stone? Or that he's given tremendous brainpower to Britt and how she's doing and what they might have been together? Jason catching feelings is beyond abrupt and contrary to what we've seen unfold. And you know this is only happening because we're at the precipice of Mike learning his true identity as Sonny, which makes the whole thing even shittier. Who needs authentic storytelling when you can have manufactured drama, right? And it speaks volumes that Carly had to ask if Jason was telling her the truth about his feelings or if he was telling her what she wanted to hear. The fact that she'll never be able to distinguish between those two viewpoints with Jason is exactly why they shouldn't be a couple.

Wait a second, Jason and Carly nearly kissed today and JASON was the one to initiate it?? His Stockholm syndrome finally has full grasp of his faculties, clearly. Hasn't expressed attraction to Carly in decades but two seconds of dancing and he's ready to go! It feels like most everything that's happened with this "relationship" has been filtered through Carly, so Jason suddenly getting demonstrative is just weird. Ugh, this whole situation is agonizing and September 17 can't get here fast enough. Nikolas and Ava's goodbye conversation was absolutely heartbreaking. Maura knocks it out of the park every damn time, I swear. These two better find their way back to each other, show. It's a pipe dream but man, what I wouldn't give to see Liesl live her best life by attending her conference, fucking Scotty, and murdering Peter with plenty of time to spare to hit the beach of St. Lucia. He has got to GO (for real this time, no more playing possum allowed).

It's straight-up killing me to watch everyone take turns wagging their finger in Nikolas' face and yelling at what an awful father he is while Spencer cries crocodile tears and plays the victim. And the thing is, nobody's reaction here is particularly wrong. Laura's correct that Nikolas resorted to cheap theatrics rather than confronting his kid, and Spencer should be pissed at what his dad did to him. But as the audience, it's infuriating that Spencer is using his dad's stupidity to gain sympathy and absolve himself of crimes we know he's guilty of committing. We saw him breaking into the art gallery, and we can assume from the lies he told about the cockroach that he's responsible for it, too. He's certainly not an innocent here yet Nikolas handed him all the ammunition he needs to shift the blame off his shoulders. (Side note: wasn't there some exclusive designer shoe print found in connection to Ava's break-in that would be concrete proof of Spencer's involvement? Has that not been mentioned again?) I fucking loved Drew and I loved Drew with Sam and I'm on board for Cameron Mathison in this role. Letting the memory of his daughter be the driving force for his survival was the exact right way to reintroduce the character. Drew was so warm, respectable and just good and he definitely deserves another shot at life on this show.

"We should probably teach Donna to call me Jason." Holy crap, I am DEAD from this line, y'all. What a sick burn. Jason will do a lot for Carly but embracing fatherhood ain't it. He's not going to be Sonny and pride himself on his children and consider himself father of the year. Spending five minutes feeding Donna cheerios is about as good as it's going to get for Jason (and certainly more interaction than we've seen him have with his actual kids in quite some time). I thought Laura Wright and Steve Burton did good work here; Carly so clearly wants to cut-and-paste Jason into Sonny's role (he even made her precious coffee correctly!) and Jason is pretty much full-body rejecting that concept. He's given his word to Carly to go through with this sham marriage, but man, you know he'd run for the exit if he could.

Y'all, Roger Howarth really got paid today to handle Michael's empty condom wrapper, I caaaan't. I'm so glad Chase knows what's up and it is nice that Austin was there to help him through it, but that whole scene in the bedroom was skeevy. The camera angle putting the viewer watching Austin and Chase examine the sex-rumpled sheets from the window felt very voyeuristic and invasive. Two people just fucked in that room and I'm surprised GH went into the nitty-gritty details of the aftermath. I'm guessing that based on Chase's furious look at the end, we're heading towards him hatching some sort of revenge on Willow and Michael. Which I think would be out of character for him, but I'm expecting it to happen so that he becomes the bad guy here. Can't have the anointed "perfect" couple feel any more guilt for their actions than they already have, and pivoting to Chase as a schemer is a tidy way of cleaning things up. The show will throw him under the bus in a heartbeat to keep Michael happy, let's be real.

For fuck's sake, I am SO TIRED of watching Willow and Michael writhe against each other. Does nobody else on this show have sex?? And to abandon Wiley's birthday party to do it is trash, I'm sorry. Brook Lynn and Valentin shouldn't have to pick up Michael and Willow's parenting slack here. "What are you doing, Nina?" Good damn question, lady, let me know when you figure it out. Her over-exaggerated look of terror at the mere suggestion of a video call was hilarious. The only way I can tolerate any of the Nixon Falls mess is just to accept it as farcical and stop stressing over how unbearably stupid it all is. It clearly bothers Carly something fierce that Jason has regrets over hurting Britt, which delights me to no end. May that flicker of independent thought survive as long as it can despite all of Carly's attempts to smother it into the ground.

...Does anything even happen on this show anymore? I think we're officially in the summer doldrums because all these stories are making me drowsy as fuck. Spencer half-heartedly matchmaking and Portia wringing her hands over Curtis today was not the least bit interesting. Stella tearing Shawn a new one was lively, I'll give her that, but yelling at people is kind of her gig so it didn't make that huge a impact. And congrats to Chase for standing on his own but I'd care more if he knew the truth about Willow and was using his feet to get the hell away from her. The thing is, GH has like seven major secrets on the stove currently and none of them are close to boiling or even slightly simmering. Stuff's unbearably stagnant and it's definitely past time to get some forward momentum going somewhere, 'cause this ain't cutting it.

Excuse me, Jason, but where do you get off asking what Carly did to Britt? Put that aghast look aside, you know EXACTLY what she did. Britt should seriously never speak to either of them again, I swear. And Jason's remarkably coming off worse here than Carly, IMO. It's no surprise that Carly's shellacked herself to Jason's side and invented fanfiction that he's been pining for her this whole time. Jason's "I don't have a choice" routine combined with "I'll be there for you Britt...except not" act deserves a kick in the pants or at the very least a whopping dose of STFU. As for Jason and Monica, I think she did the right thing by smiling and going with the flow. Her words wouldn't change anything anyway, so why get tangled up in that ish? It's times like these when I really, really miss Drew, the son who wanted Monica in his life for real and gave her so much more than these perfunctory gestures of affection we see from Jason.

Cheers to Sam declaring her independence from Jason! I'm so used to hating on Sam but this was a good episode for her. She's earned the right to express pure, unadulterated bitterness that Carly always, ALWAYS usurps everything else in Jason's orbit. Loved that Liz was there encouraging Sam to let it all out, too. It's like the Carly/Jason engagement is finally the moment where the blinders come off and Sam can recognize that all the shit this dude put her through was just. not. worth it. It's incredible how Jason looks so pained giving Carly that gaudy-ass ring and parading around the Metro Court with her and she doesn't seem to pick up on it at all. She's too busy having the time of her life celebrating their union and plotting her total domination of every aspect of his life (leave the bridge alone, lady). She's next-level insufferable right now but I admit I'm into this story and want to see how far they'll push it. Jason holding back his vomit through this charade and getting a face full of what might have been with Britt is schadenfreude at its finest and I'm here for it.

Ugh, fucking Spencer is still the fucking worst even with a new actor. Aging the actor/character up actually makes his motivation here even harder for me to swallow. He's a young adult, good looking and well-spoken, with his eye on girls like Trina, so why's he wasting his time messing with Nikolas and Ava? I don't buy the "protecting Father from Ava" angle; Spencer's been gone for too long to be that invested in his dad's marriage. And he's old enough now that he doesn't HAVE to have a relationship with Nikolas or Ava at all if he doesn't want to. With the scare tactics ramping up in intensity (burglary and vandalism are not insignificant crimes!), Spencer's really coming across terribly in his return. Ava, much as I love her, is bugging me with her reaction to the whole situation, too. I fully understand her need to protect Avery but immediately and irrevocably upending her entire life isn't the way to do it. I get that she's too traumatized from the past events with Ryan/Kiki to respond rationally now, but man, it sucks to watch her push Nikolas away.

I found it really galling today that Carly expressed concerns over the "optics" of this marriage arrangement with Jason, as if she's ever had a whit of care about the obvious parasitic relationship between the two of them. She's never been shy about her claim to Jason so I don't know why the show won't just let her be real and admit that this situation is giving her the keys to the kingdom. Mob power AND Jason's wife, that is undeniably Carly's personal pinnacle of success. She doesn't need time to "think things over" or "worry about what this will do to them as people." These fake moments of humility never land because that's just not who Carly is and we all know it. I'm also pretty pissed that after such a nice foundation was laid for Jason and Britt, he's going to ruin things by choosing the mob over everything else. It's no surprise that he's on board with this plan (much like Carly, Jason is who he is, without doubt) but dammit, Britt better not sit on the sidelines and wait for him. Girlfriend has been so confident about living her life while she can and I don't want to see her waste a minute of it by mourning Jason Morgan.

Dammit, Liz, why did you have to go out of your way to apologize to Carly? Making amends with Jason was absolutely necessary but she doesn't owe Carly anything. Good for her for being the better person I guess but man I'm tired of Carly receiving treatment better than she'd ever give. They're really just gonna chain Chase to that hospital bed in order to drag out this Chase/Willow/Michael hell for the next eternity, huh? BLQ should really just expose the whole charade herself and be done with it. She's the only one who seems to respect Chase enough to be honest with him and the only one with the guts to put the other two chuckleheads out of their misery. Britt and Jason charmingly flirting only to be interrupted by Carly sure feels like a bad omen for their future relationship. Come on, show, prove me wrong. Let Jason stand up for his right to a personal life independent of Carly. It's going to be so pathetic if he indulges her shit at the expense of the good thing he's got going with Britt.

I admire Britt for keeping a smile on her face while talking to Carly's presumptuous ass today, because DAMN. She knows the barest minimum about Britt and Jason's connection and still thinks it's perfectly fine for her to dictate that there will be nothing more between them. It's shit like this that make it so clear that Carly is NOT truly Jason's BFF. His feelings are irrelevant and Carly's not acting in his best interests here; she's looking to maintain her authority by gatekeeping access to him and pushing Britt away. It doesn't matter that Britt obviously and genuinely cares for Jason and could be good for him. All that matters is Carly's need to possess Jason and keep him as hers. And honestly, if the show is going to keep the ball rolling with Jason and Britt, then he better SPEAK UP and tell Carly to back down. It's not enough for him to look pained and be cagey about Britt around Carly. If he really likes and respects Britt he should try to create an environment where she'll be welcome (or since this is Carly, an environment without open and plain hostility). Britt and Jason have the right to a relationship without a third wheel tagging along and derailing their potential.

Nina has been so firmly ensconced in Nixon Falls that it feels downright strange to see her at Maxie's side today offering comfort. It seems like it was ages ago that Nina, Maxie, and Britt pledged to be a family to each other, and I think putting Nina with Maxie today feels like a case of too little, too late. A real sister wouldn't have abandoned Maxie during all this turmoil. I genuinely can't stand Michael for acting as if separating from Willow is a greater hardship than his friend losing his LIFE. The writing for these scenes is so terrible, and I'm over Weeping Willow constantly placating Michael by stressing how much she loves him. There's just zero perspective that this situation for them is of their own making, is temporary, and is in the grand scheme of things immaterial. I'm intrigued by whatever Austin has going on with Michael/the Quartermaines. There has to be a reason he's dodged revealing his full name so far on the show. Also, shut up, Sam, just because. Britt and Jason continue to absolutely work for me. The way he picked up on her attempt to subdue a hand tremor and immediately steered her away from Carly was great. And he was so bashful when she called him Stone Cold because when he's with her he's simply Jason! I never could have believed I'd be so into a romance centered on Jason, yet here we are.

Oh, Jesus, Michael, fucking spare me the outrage over Jax leveraging your secret relationship with Willow to gain Nina access to Wiley. That's about THE lamest blackmail attempt Jax could hit Michael with, and Michael could negate the whole scenario by being honest with Chase. Or alternatively, he could actually act like the "shark" the show's always purported him to be and call Jax's bluff. Let's see if Jax could actually roll up to Chase's bedside, see him looking like absolute dog shit, and tell him his best friends are breaking his heart behind his back. Either option would be preferable to Michael throwing a fit and then immediately crumpling under Jax's pressure. Man up, my god. It was absolutely hilarious that it was Michael's phone call that interrupted Nina and Mike's intimate moment. Finally, Michael's wet blanket status is to my benefit. I don't have much respect left for Nina and if she chooses Mike over Wiley, then she's really lost in my eyes. He's her only connection to her daughter and he should easily take precedence over a romance she knows is unbalanced and doomed to fail.

Sincere appreciation for Kirsten Storms' performance today: Maxie's confrontation of Peter was RIVETING. Literally every beat was spot-on. The phony "Chloe's the bad guy, it could never be YOU, Peter," angle was exactly what she needed to say to make Peter let his guard down. Gain his trust, work him into a frantic tizzy, wait for him to slip up, then seamlessly flip the switch to expose his lies. That was masterful manipulation, and after all the weeks of Maxie enduring Peter's uncomfortable, stalkery attention, it was damn satisfying to see her gain the upper hand. I also think it's really important Maxie rejected everything that Peter holds dear; his love for her, his dream of their family together, and his entire persona as Peter August. He's Henrik and he's beneath her, and that's the most devastating blow of them all.

Roger Howarth trampling through the woods half naked to deliver Maxie's baby is the first thing in WEEKS that has made me give this show my full attention. This was a genuine surprise that wasn't hinted at or given any sort of lead up on the screen, which I appreciate. I kind of hope no one calls out Austin's resemblance to Franco; unless the characters are related, I don't need any *wink-wink* commentary on Austin's looks. We all know the score here. It's amazing how Jason went from being open and intimate with Britt to tense and brusque on the phone with Carly. Especially since he had just admitted he's not proud of his murdering skills, and now Carly's calling him to use those skills to clean up her latest mess. Steve Burton has displayed a lot of range lately and I like this version of Jason who's capable of self-reflection and vulnerability. Congratulations to Sam and Dante for usurping Michael and Willow as the current "square peg in a round hole" forced pairing. It is seriously painful watching them flirt, and I'm also still squicked out by the siblings they share. If your family tree begins to look more like a wreath, you should not consider hooking up. I'm confused how Ava was supposed to be a dupe for Gladys and why Ava would jump in so willingly to play that role. As Nikolas said, Carly ain't a mob boss, she's a widow, and Ava joining forces with her without a second thought to the danger that comes part and parcel to Carly's plans is dumb. I'm with Nikolas here; Ava didn't need support for this move, she needed to be talked out of it.

How many times are we going to have to see the discussion of Jax vs. Carly and the business? Of course Jax made plenty of good points as always but it does not matter. He's never going to change Carly's mind and he knows it. The person whose mind he should be trying to change is Joss; as Carly pointed out, Joss is legally an adult now. She's capable of understanding the risk assessment that comes from her association with the mob. She's the one Jax should be pleading his case to because she's the only one he still has a chance of positively influencing. Nina looked great in that dress but like hell would I kneel on the ground while wearing it. Take her somewhere with a table, Elijah. Since he's picking up on the close vibes between Nina and Mike, I'm waiting for him to dig around and scrounge up a pic of Nina and Sonny from the Nurses' Ball or something. There just has to be a bigger purpose to this awkward, out of place triangle, right? It's been fun to watch Sam get the door closed in her face twice this week, first by Carly and then today by Jason. She has no business chasing after Jason when she chose to remove herself from his life. "He's Danny's dad" is flimsy reasoning for her involvement when she knows full well that Jason can fend for himself. Really, the show should have given Sam a more thorough POV; is she there because she's jealous of Britt and maybe regretful that she split from Jason? Instead it reads to me like she's just sticking her nose where it doesn't belong and getting an attitude when she's told to back off. She made the decision months ago to prioritize her kids over Jason; she needs to honor that commitment and stay out of Jason's way.

So what I'm taking from Carly's impeccable performance with the Five Families today was that this should have been her plan all along, and the nonsense with springing Jason from custody accomplished nothing but a shit-ton of drama for a whole bunch of people, Carly included. Like, good job, lady. You wore a nice dress and convinced everyone at the table your voice had weight. You couldn't have done that instead of setting in motion a series of events that got your best friend seriously injured (second time in a week!), implicating yourself and your buddy Brick as criminal accessories, and ensnaring Cam in the crossfire? I hate her so damn much, for real. At least maybe she won't have any time to savor her victory if she's having to frantically call Diane to get Dante off her back. (Get her, Dante!) Meanwhile, I'd give anything for "Mike" to take a tumble, knock himself senseless, and come to as Sonny. Yeah, that's where I'm at with this: I want Sonny to be Sonny again. Nixon Falls, Phyllis, the Tan-o, they've all broken me and I want Sonny back, making mealy-mouthed threats and throwing barware when he's angry. The amnesia plot has gone absolutely nowhere, there's no chemistry with Nina, and Elijah is a generic one-note smarmy bad guy. Please make it stop.

Britt, girl, PLEASE stop dawdling around in Jason's hospital room and show some concern for Cyrus and your job. Why is she so blasé when she knows he's scrutinizing her? Is flirting with Jason really a higher priority than protecting her Chief of Staff position and covering her own liability in whatever this grand plan is? I will never understand how all these women turn stupid and careless to protect Jason Morgan. Dude barely talks and hardly smiles and Britt's still here, shamelessly trying to squeeze blood from a turnip. Trina deciding to pick up a meal from the Tan-o instead of Burger King or somewhere is par for the course in Nixon Falls, where no reasonable logic exists. I'm sure Nina will run in with a butterfly net and extract Trina before Phyllis draws up adoption papers and before Sonny shows his face. Fucking hell this storyline is the pits. Carly accepting Ava's help without sharing the full scope of the plan with her is so damn typical. I'm fine with Ava and Laura running interference with Cyrus since they are all family but Carly's involvement dooms the whole thing. She'll take all the credit if they're successful and none of the blame if they're not. She'd also never be gracious enough to team up with Ava if it didn't benefit her agenda, so yeah, not loving this partnership and hoping it's short-lived.

Despite how monumentally risky Maxie and Brook Lynn's plan is, I found myself really liking their scenes today. I thought Maxie's speech today was the clearest she's been in terms of her feelings for Peter. She clung to him in place of her grief for Nathan and ignored all the warning signs because she didn't want to admit she was wrong about him, and now she has guilt for bringing a child into Peter's dysfunction. I also believe Brook Lynn does feel bad about Maxie's predicament, takes it seriously, and will protect her baby. Now we wait for one of the 500 different ways this scheme will spectacularly backfire. How does Willow live with herself for straight-up leading Chase on? Miss me with the guise that she's giving him "hope" so he'll have strength to recover (which is such a gross sentiment as Chase certainly has more to live for than Willow's love). She's willingly letting him believe in a relationship and a future that will absolutely never exist, all while sneaking in affectionate moments with Michael. Again, I hope Chase lets her have it when he learns the truth because this is shitty. I'd give anything for the dull Nixon Falls scenes to be replaced with scenes of Scotty and Liesl flirting and fooling around. Seriously, I cannot care about what Nina's doing when there's not a shred of evidence that she has any plan in motion. She's seemingly just rebooting her life with this tabula rasa Sonny because it feels good, and that's boring. I wanted there to be manipulation and intrigue and instead it's just a sad woman insulating herself in a fantasy bubble with an amnesiac to avoid the heartbreak of her real life.

Damn, Finn's out here proving there is indeed a thin line between love and hate. His assessment of Anna was appropriately harsh, and I'm glad he got that off his chest. I think Anna knows it was wrong of her to enable Peter for so long and I think it's clear she regrets her behavior. But I think it's really necessary for her to hear Finn, the man she loves and wanted to spend her life with, tell her in no uncertain terms that she fucked up. All her secrets and her constant prioritization of Peter have directly led to the current situation, where he oozes his way around town getting away with actual murder and hurting those Finn holds dear. There's no way she can make up for that, at least not now, when Chase is in the hospital and Finn's going out of his mind with worry. And speaking of Chase, how shitty for him that two of his closest friends are more concerned with when they'll be able to freely play house again than with the fact that Chase might die. Seriously, Michael and Willow? It's been maybe a day since they decided to get back together but heaven forbid Chase's health crisis force them to keep their relationship status under wraps. It's so selfish and insensitive that this what they're concerned with right now. I didn't expect any better from Michael but it's disappointing coming from Willow, after all she and Chase have shared together.