Bronx Babe

All Austin really wanted to do was write children's books about Nathan the squirrel and those magic acorns, lol.

If anyone else sat through Autumn in the City, can you explain why Piper confused a dinner hostess job ad with a theatrical one calling for actresses to audition for a play with the title of "Hostess"? I mean, how dumb can a person be? Then when she's called on stage starts warbling Give My Regards to Broadway? Hallmark thinks this is funny??? She's hired for another greeter position, this time in an art gallery, whereupon first meeting her the owner gushes "You're a breath of fresh air!" These Hallmark productions keep getting more synthetic and unworldly. Truly untouched by human hands.

Autumn in the City. Where do I start, lol. Lots of the usual wtf moments -- "There are 8 million people in New York City" (the outer space scriptwriters must have been looking in the wrong reference folder)..."let me introduce you to real NY food, THE BEST IN THE CITY" A veggie hot dog.......Piper is a museum greeter but immediately gets offered an administrative position on the basis of visitor compliments......gets immediately hired in two seconds as an assistant to a"famous Broadway actress", no references required...on and on..... Her parents keep calling her when they are in their car. Real "New Yawk" atmosphere. They might as well have been on Venus.

Let us not forget grandpa's proprietary pumpkin spice candles, which "people from everywhere" come to snatch up. Harry Slatkin, if he watches Hallmark, must have been laughing his head off. And there is a retirement community-assisted living facility that has its own senior citizen disc jockey who likes to keep young by saying "dude" It suddenly dawned on me that a lot of these Hallmark "small towns" bear an uncomfortable resemblance to that surreal/science-fiction t.v. show from the 1960's, Patrick McGoohan's The Prisoner. Everyone smiling creepily -- "Be seeing you!"

There's a scarecrow competition too!

Pumpkin Everything, just your average tacky, bizarre, off-kilter, weird, cheesy Hallmark movie. Female lead writes vampire novels and is hailed as the new Stephen King. Returns to her hometown of Autumnborough (good God) to deal with her grouchy Wilfred Brimley-ish grandfather whose passion for the past thirty years has been running a thoroughly nondescript, ramshackle seasonal decorating store called.......Pumpkin Everything, the inside of which looks like a thrift shop. We learn that her vampire protagonist, Dimitri North's "journey", was "inspired by my grandfather's love of autumn" wtf

FLY AWAY WITH ME The parrot was cute.

Thanks, bankerchick, I do believe Ryan's the one I'm thinking of. The nice, non-piggy nosed actor I sort of like is Brennan. He's no sexy male model which I find refreshing. Oh, as a sidenote, I saw parts of Always Amore. (I forgot to add Autumn Reeser to my short list of Hallmark actresses I can actually stand)

Hi, guys! I've noticed there are a number of piggy-nosed actors on Hallmark that oddly also go along with prominent cheekbones. I'm the last person of course sawto know their names. Saw an "autumn" one where one character extolls the town's Fall festival, which is put on every year but apparently viewed as reverently as the Second Coming. This person actually says: "Your festival is so....monumental!" Also: "Your mother loved to name pumpkins. That was a gift she had" So the interfering mother in Marry Go Round is apparently forgiven in a heartbeat. Opens daughter's mail, breaks up daughter's marriage by convincing the newlywed husband that leaving would be in the daughter's best interest since she just got accepted at Princeton, keeps this secret FOR TWENTY YEARS. Jesus!

Marry Go Round. "That was the best crispy cookie caramel ice cream I've ever had!"

Now I have to say that I do like Danica McKellar, Candace Cameron Bure and Lacey Chabert. Lacey's "signature" nervous giggle does get annoying to me at times but at least she never acts like a ditz. Sometimes Candace does but she's not as bad as some of the other actresses who seem "forced" to act that way. Danica is a sweetheart who also manages to make her characters adult. But just because I'm partial to them does not make many of their movies any less insufferable; however, I find I don't have to hold my nose so to speak while watching the silly stories unfold. I'm guessing these three perhaps have more "clout" with Hallmark and are thus perhaps able to discuss creative differences more openly with the directors? As for the male actors, there's one (who did a couple of All Of My Heart Inn Love or a title similiar with Lacey) who looks like a "normal" average guy -- no male model type, has a sense of humor and is generally likeable. Don't know his name but I'm sure you guys will chime in. Then there's the guy with the, how shall I describe him....the "piggy" nose. He's relatively handsome and seems to be in everything!

Thanks, bankerchick! Appreciate your tolerance for my somewhat cynical ramblings. Speaking of which, I saw Snowkissed yesterday. "This is a bison burger. The best in town!" "This is the best merlot I ever had" "This caramel and sea-salt chocolate should win a Nobel Prize!" This "best" thing is just so fascinating to me. And it's in practically every story!

Bankerchick, please also understand that I am not at all familiar with the actors and actresses who have appeared on Hallmark over the years. To my uneducated eyes they are interchangeable. You guys who have watched for a long time can see subtle differences. And I've never been a fan of soap operas, either the day or night-time kind back in the day, Dallas, Dynasty, Knott's Landing, All My Children, that stuff. I was always into old movies or sitcoms like Bewitched. By the way, do you think pineapple upside-down cake is popular in Canada? Somehow I doubt it! Her Pen Pal: "This croissant is the best I have ever had in my entire life!" (they were supposed to be in Paris....)

I don't lay any blame on these male and female performers. They are obviously being told to act in a certain specific way, hamstrung by the creepy Hallmark guidelines.

bankerchick, I wish the characters in these Hallmark movies engaged me emotionally in any way but unfortunately they don't, even given some of the genuine talent of the actors and actresses.

"Wait, what?" "Pitch!" "I will have you know...." "Do you not know?" "You got this" "Sweetheart, you've always been a go-getter" "We're a great team" "You two know each other?" "Aunt Pittypat left us this checklist for the family before she passed so we can learn how to celebrate Life" "So.......how did the date go?" "I can continue being a doctor here in Sunnyvale hanging out my shingle where I grew up. I don't need Boston"

(not to mention house keys along with money and a cell phone) Wedding Bells: "This is the best chicken pot pie I ever had!" "These are Nick's famous chocolate chip cookies"

More sloppy idiocy from DATING THE DELANEYS: we are told that upside down pineapple is the number one cake in the United States. WRONG. It is cheesecake.

DATING THE DELANEYS. Oh dear God. What woman goes on a blind date without a handbag/purse containing money and a cell phone? Lord have mercy at the stupidity. What was worse: that exaggerated-for-"comic" effect of Mr. Blind Date himself. Lead male actor, digging into a chocolate cake with bacon bits: "This is the best thing I've ever had!" What else is new.... "Plot" gets bogged down with that bakery and the food competition show. I believe that the writers LITERALLY knock off these scripts in their sleep. Another stupid, dumb, insufferable Hallmark movie. I know they are capable of better things. At least, I keep hoping!

WoopWoopKitty, your "problem child" is so lucky to have you. I cannot imagine the trauma he (and the other Korean dogs) must have suffered.

I know the feeling, lol

The doggies are always the best performers in these Hallmark movies. I've tried to get through When Calls The Heart but never can.....

Although now that I think about it, some pups might be more motivated by toys.....

As insufferable as the female lead is in Romance to the Rescue, that male lead is the first Hallmark actor to get me all, well....hot and bothered! A real doll! There, I said something positive, lol. On the other hand....his character was supposed to be an "expert" dog trainer. But he says "You can get a dog to do this trick if he's food-motivated" Aren't ALL dogs food-motivated??

I get that the plus-sized female lead in Romance in Style hid her insecurities by projecting an arrogant personality but the script I feel went overboard -- her character came across as completely unlikeable. Had to laugh at the "7th most eligible bachelor in New York" because that actor looked pretty scary to me, -- a cross between serial killer, Jim Carrey and Bruce Dern. That Ella would think this guy was "unattainable" seemed pretty unrealistic to me. He was creepy! Love Strikes Twice: "Remember this restaurant? The best banana cream pie in the world!" Romance to the Rescue: Horrible performance by the female lead, nightmarishly hyper perky. Her character literally never seems to take a breath. Must be seen to be believed.