Bronx Babe

The counting continues. 70 mentions so far of the word "Christmas" in The Christmas Club and there's 14 minutes left. There's the signpost up ahead....

A Quarantine Christmas. "Winner of the Snowball Toss gets a year's supply of Lysol!" The ultimate Hallmark fantasy.

Road to Christmas. 167 mentions of the word "Christmas". 67 more than Christmas With The Darlings. Okay, this is some seriously scary, heavy-duty Pavlovian sh*t.

Yes she had the academic credentials -- it's just the way Hallmark routinely defines these characters (male and female) and their ultimate choices that really bug me, ol.

A Timeless Christmas just didn't do it for me and I'm a major time travel fan. (Journey Back To Christmas with CCB was the best I've seen from them in this genre) I thought the ending to ATC was stupid and unsatisfying. Charles Whitley is a unique character who unfortunately is turned into the typical Hallmark leading man, complete with deceased parents and an inability to enjoy the holiday season.....what else is new? The writers also slip in another favorite trope as Charles is asked by one of his servants how things were in the city. His reply? "Well, the city is the city" You know: City=Bad. And our leading lady, at the finale, decides that continuing in her family's generational career path involving education, is just not for her. Hallmark's seeming distain for intellectualism really comes to the forefront.

It bothered me too -- I mean, Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree? Doesn't exactly evoke a continental atmosphere. I totally forgot the strudel. Should have known. (Hallmark loves this pastry -- Christmas in Vail's plot basically revolved around Lacey Chabert's Uncle Grady's famous strudel recipe) The baking cookies trope was so transparent and silly -- the violinist could easily have gone into any famous shop there to purchase local delicacies for the kids. I appreciate Brennan Elliot as one of their stock company leads -- he is definitely not the typical blandly handsome, wooden, model-type guy they usually use, but in this story I was sort of hoping the diplomat would be blonde, good-looking, and with a European air. Brennan is, well, kind of schlumpy. He's real, yes, but in this kind of story not anyone's romantic ideal, at least for me. The child actors weren't obnoxious and squeaky voiced as they usually are in these things. That was a plus, plus some actual authentic location filming in Vienna. The lead actress -- I forget her name -- was also rather pleasant.

LOL

Christmas in Vienna: the heroine will almost certainly be introduced to "kaffee mit schlag" by either a girlfriend or the male romantic lead. But, this being Hallmark, it just might be hot chocolate with the schlag (whipped cream). Heroine will proclaim Vienna as "magical and historical. I could stay here forever!" The last-act kiss will occur during a waltz. Heroine will meet Harry Lime. Scratch that last one.

I had to Google it -- some sort of fried appetizer. At first I thought this particular lollipop would have fit in perfectly with @Ashforth's Christmas with Lolita.

Christmas With The Darlings could have been really charming. The title, for me, has a rather quaint Victorian ring to it, since it harkens back to the Darling family in Peter Pan. But Hallmark has to muck it all up with their usual bizarrely restrictive formula. I mean, 100 mentions of the word "Christmas" (I also included "Christmas-y") is just not normal, to put it mildly. What is it about subtlety that Hallmark doesn't understand or accept?

Don't ask me to remember which movie as all the Christmas titles are starting to run together in my mind, but this line of dialogue will stay with me in nightmares: "You must try my shrimp lollipops while they're still warm from the oven"

LOL Interestingly, if you've ever seen Lolita director Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut, his intentionally ironic over-the-top Christmas decor in that film (millions of pastel-colored, tacky-looking tree lights everywhere) bear a remarkable resemblance to the Hallmark ones!

They hit 100!!!!

Christmas With The Darlings -- 40, count 'em, 40 mentions of the word "Christmas" in the first thirty minutes. Now they're up to 46. I'm sure they'll hit 100 before this movie is over. Bizarre and creepy doesn't even begin to explain this Hallmark phenomenon. Unsettling beyond belief.

"My father passed away when I was seven years old, so it was just Mom and me. She rented rooms to a nice professor who taught poetry. Eventually they married but not long afterward she died in a car accident, so the professor and I moved to Boston into a lovely big house. I went to high school and had a lot of extracurricular activities, but can't mention those. We never really celebrated Christmas in a traditional way. The professor loved to paint my toenails"

Is anyone else creeped out by Lacey Chabert's signature "heh-heh-heh"? Can you imagine hearing that in the middle of the night, in the dark? I'd be terrified, wondering if it was some sort of evil spirit.

Luckylyn, that's hilarious!

Honestly I don't know which is more excruciating -- watching grown men and women endlessly wax poetic about gingerbread houses or waiting for the final results of this crazy election.

Hallmark obsessions: pitches, multiple hometown festivals, mermaid hair, Jane Austen, royal/commoner romances, over-decorating. IT HAS GOT TO STOP!!

A Wish For Christmas. Should have been named A Pitch For Christmas. "I'm counting on you to give a good pitch" "Good luck with your pitch" "You can do this pitch" "But the pitch isn't until tomorrow" "We've got to ace this pitch" In addition to the end of the mermaid hair, which I complained about in a previous post, will we ever see the end of the pitches?? Will it come down to Santa masquerading as a marketing executive? Will we see the elves sweating to come up with a good pitch?

Saw four Hallmark movies this week where in every one there was a character named Jackson. What's up with that?

Thanks, @MerBearHou. I'm always astounded at the sheer genius of Kathy Bates' acting prowess. (she's extra fabulous in Dolores Claiborne) I also go to L&O at this time, but only if it's with Lenny Briscoe. As a horror film buff, there are some great ones right now -- I'm excited to see From Hell It Came followed by Death Curse of Tartu on TCM this evening, lol. I keep hoping Hallmark will "improve", whatever that means, but they are truly stuck in that bizarre robotic/cheesy universe. It fascinates me which is frankly the reason I watch....

Miss Christmas. "My father always said that love was like a Christmas tree. It needs roots and wings" Back to Stephen King's Misery.

I wonder if the roasting chestnuts husband and pumpkin carving deceased mom (from another movie) met in Heaven and are now happily enjoying their respective holiday traditions together.

"My late husband loved Christmas. His greatest joy was roasting chestnuts"