annewithaneee

I've always wondered if Caitlyn had an off-camera kid...she's got that tragic back tattoo with baby footprints. If this is true, it makes her baby craziness even grosser (and it was already plenty gross), because she was acting like she couldn't wait to become a mother. Sounds like she's already birthed at least one kiddo, although she might not be doing much mothering beyond that. I nearly choked on my water and died when Sarah suddenly accused Meghan of...racism? The chronic code-switcher who was wearing boxer braids and neck rolling? That was fucking rich. Also, you can tell that production must hate her by the headshot they picked for her -- it's tragic.

Party of two on that one. Kate seems to be playing the Laura stuff pretty well, maybe learning from the evicting-Caroline-with-music moment that there are better and quieter ways to tell someone to fuck off, and to sit back on her heels and let Laura look like a moron during these fights she keeps picking. She's not really engaging, which is the best choice on a bunch of different fronts: it's going to piss Laura off even more, Lee can't really take her to task for it, and she has to know that unless the editors get really creative that she's going to "win" on the show too that way. She was reading her phone during that slowest walk of all time, so she had an excuse at the ready should she need it, plus Laura was carrying a half-full case of Core water bottles. Kate made both the sponsors and me positively giddy.

Y'all, I'm out. I've hated this make-the-queens-vote nonsense since the jump, I think it basically ruins everything about the show that I love, and since they're clearly married to it I'm done. It's a stupid choice to make on a talent competition show to begin with, but combined with the fact that it neuters LSFYL and you have a bunch of queens who are transparently very uncomfortable with the idea of Survivor-esque eliminations and incurring the wrath of an increasingly unhinged fandom....it's a real bad look. I dipped at 9 to watch Love After Lockup (because I'm a trashmonster) and checked in here to see what the outcome is...the first hour was so boring and blech to me that I'm not gonna finish it, or the season, out. And yeah, loving Latrice might be part of it -- but it also comes back to why the AS format pisses me off. They keep bringing back queens who were most memorable for their LSFYLs, and weren't good at improv and acting challenges. I'm not here for watching my beloved queens slowly tank on a show that's overall just not entertaining. And again, I didn't finish it so I'm not sure how the Latrice's belovedness thing panned out during the asinine pre-elimination deliberations (again, this show was turned into Survivor by people who clearly didn't understand what makes Survivor good, and how it'd never work here), but as far as the staged Trinity vs Valentina mirror moment -- I think that was Valentina edging as close to the fourth wall as she could. It was similar to AS2 with Katya, basically "I'm not here for voting out a fave and risking endless Twitter death threats and having it possibly affect my bottom line". I'm not sure that Latrice really carries that same risk as a Katya or Trixie or Alaska (she's not white, for starters...), but I think she was one of the queens this season the others were uneasy about eliminating because it would incur fandom wrath. Again, this show would never have jived with this elimination model, but it really, really doesn't as the regular seasons march on and the way the fandom and the economics of appearing on the show works now.

Oof, Sarah’s sudden code-switching. This show is never lacking for cringe, but that blaccent caught me by surprise. Not cute. Clint and Matt share the same drug of choice, right? Honestly I hope Clint’s got a habit — it’d be unfortunate if he looked and acted that way by nature.

All of my sympathy for Ashley evaporated when she smugly pointed out how "much, much larger" than her Jay's Tinder match was. She's cleaned herself up semi-nicely, but we've seen her friend group of dayshift strippers and ex-bridesmaids with DUI scooters, we've seen the giant margarita glass filled with kool aid, she's classless and no catch herself. I think it was all staged for the cameras, but I can't get over grown-ass Colt not knowing how to tie a fucking tie. Never gone to a job interview, wedding, or funeral? Or maybe he follows his cousin's dress code of corporate polos to everything. I've literally never witnessed anyone old enough to grow pubes having to google how to tie a tie. I know how to, and I'm a lady who isn't a very snappy dresser!

Ding ding ding. It's why you really shouldn't mess around with at-home bleaching -- getting it fixed is time-consuming and incredibly expensive vs. just getting it done correctly at the salon in the first place. I really don't think the salon was randomly ripping them off, I think she was getting several services and it was going to take a lot to fix that tragic accidental ombre. Personally, since I normally like darkening my color and my hair holds onto it well, I just do henna at home, mix together a dark auburn. With long, super thick hair, I always need double the amount of dye and it just gets to be too expensive. Probably haven't gotten to three or four bills, but I've been pretty close.

On the salon -- I think that was probably actually a fair price? She needed a cut, a color, then highlights on top of the color, and got her makeup done. I didn't look, but I wouldn't be surprised if she also got a manicure and her eyebrows shaped. A hot oil/deep conditioning treatment would have been a reasonable upsell. It took at least a couple hours of the stylist's time (and getting her makeup done might have involved another stylist, too). And she cleaned up alright, given that Clint bought her a tragic getup and the commissary obviously didn't stock white strips. And she looked cuter than her betrothed even straight out of the clink...Clint's right, she is out of his league even though there's some hard mileage on her, because good lord is Clint deeply unattractive inside and out.

Demographics aside, I'm not here for a Trinity win because I'm just not seeing what the judges were seeing. I thought her Caitlyn was pretty weak, and didn't at all understand the laughs she was getting on set or the praise afterward -- the characterization wasn't really there. Being a fellow plastic surgery enthusiast and barking "Malibu" ad naseum doesn't make for a perfect impersonation. Caitlyn the person certainly sucks, but she's not known for reading anyone, and I thought her cutting into the others was just a slightly less annoying version of Gia's disruptiveness. There needed to be something about Kris and kompany, or some actual cutting remarks re: her highly problematicness. Sharon Needles did it far better on the BoTS tour. I don't think she deserved top two for the talent show, and I think she should have been safe here. Overall, this was yet another not-good Snatch Game. There's probably only been like two good ones ever -- I think a celebrity impersonation challenge is completely necessary for this competition, but they really need to switch up how they're doing it. Maybe a fake interview or talk show appearance or something, as their chosen celebrity illusion? I think having fewer queens improv-ing at the same time could really help, but mostly I think they just need to rest the game show shit for a bit.

Anna, Olga's friend/Kate McKinnon doppleganger, has maybe the best kitchen we've ever seen on this show. Steven needs to take a look at that backsplash and then spin more bullshit about how he can afford a better life for "his" son couch-surfing in the States. That was a great backsplash. Also, I swear to God, somebody needs to slap the starch out of him until he learns the words 'our son'. It always bugs me when people do that, and he and Kalani are both great examples of the kinds of trash people who think that a child is 1.) a possession and not a person and 2.) theirs alone, when they're still with the father/mother of their child. Even with Olga sitting next to him looking all kinds of miserable, Richie is still "my son", over and over and over again.

I'm starting to ship Lizzie's daughter and Scott's son (Adam and Jasmine? Am I making that up?). They both need to back far, far away from their dumpster fire parents, why not do it together?!

I'm sure it's because production includes "how do you think [insert cast member here] is doing at their job?" in every talking head interview, but I'm really sick of hearing Ross and Ashton's criticisms of Kate. Especially when it gets dog-whistle-y, like her and Laura are having conflicts because Kate's "insecure". I still think Adrian's been the best chef we've seen, mostly because he's very low on tantrums and seems to find it easy to get along with the interior, but he's also a complete sex weirdo and it's uncomfortable.

My god this season is dark. We've never had a couple who share a child pre K-1 on this show before (I'm pretty sure, anyway?), and to have two in one season is really rough. In both cases, the scenario is so upsetting for the foreign fiancee, because it feels like their parental rights perpetually hang in the balance. Are Kalani and co. Mormon? I feel like they are, and have mentioned it a handful of times - including at the top of this episode - but I also might be making that up. If so, I can maybe muster some sympathy for her having a hella arrested development, being deeply ashamed of her sexuality, and projecting premarital sex and pregnancy as something the man "did to her"...blech. Whoever (her parents) and whatever (her religious upbringing) contributes to this whole mess, it's just all thoroughly fucked. Reproductive coercion is a very serious abuse, one I don't think Asuelo is actually guilty of (my guess is his big "sin" here is both of them deciding to use the ol' "pull and pray" method since he dislikes condoms, and he either fucked it up or it had its usual success rate at preventing pregnancy). Their whole situation is an excellent illustration of what conservative, sex-negative family values can result in (regardless of which religion it might be based in) -- adult children all still reliant on their parents, unplanned pregnancies, tons of emotional hangups and damage. John and Fernanda's situation is the one I see over and over again in real life - a man in his late 20's and beyond, dating a teenager and getting pissed at said teenager for acting like a teenager - so I guess it's nice (??) to see it gender-swapped with Ashley and Jay. It's just hard to listen to all the talk about maturity issues, because 1.) of course there will be maturity issues with someone who has yet to fully mature and 2.) someone 10+ years older getting with a 18-20 year old doesn't really have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to maturity, either. It's not a good look on John to keep bringing up the drama at the club in Myrtle Beach, because god does that sentence in and of itself make me tired, and I'm younger than him.

After bellowing "pack your shit and go" at her over speakerphone, and last week suggesting that she check into a budget motel, I don't think respect or contact is deserved and maybe isn't even appropriate for Tasha's well-being. And on top of treating her that way period, he purposely did it on camera. I hope whatever her current financial/employment situation is, she can get adequate access to therapy. Just in this show, he's dealt her a lot of damage, can't imagine what other shit he's inflicted on her in the past nineteen years. I guess if several years down the line he shows something resembling genuine remorse and an effort to make it right, tentative check-ins and basic parental respect might be in order...but damn, if I were her I would just be done. Maybe that's the Cancer in me lol

Beyond disgusting? So what does a Hoarders flattened cat carcass found amongst rotting food rate as, if clothes on the floor is so gross that 'disgusting' is a vast understatement? I feel like 'dirty person' and Leida's off-the-cuff accusation of Tasha having to be mentally ill to live like that are both big, cruel leaps, made by someone who doesn't understand what actual filth is. Unless she's causing damage to the place that Eric will have to pay for, or is leaving things out and accessible to Alessandro that would be dangerous to him, it's really not that deep. Common areas, fine, be annoyed about that (though I still think the living areas were "trashed" by both father and daughter), but Leida was barging past a closed bedroom door to find something to be pissed about, and creating entire ranges of mountains out of molehills.

I was super disappointed when we saw Tasha's room. It wasn't remotely gross. It looked like a 19 year old's bedroom. And how extremely shitty must it have been for her to have to pack it up, alone, and shlep it all downstairs and across the parking lot to her truck, alone, while being berated by Leida the entire way. Leida's "put it proper" standards are impossible to pin down. I still don't know how you can load someone's luggage into a trunk incorrectly, and Leida should really have a look at the average dorm room. Yeah, she had clothes spread out all over the place, but I didn't see any weeks-old dishes or nasty ground-in stains on the carpet. And she only had a futon to sleep on...Jesus, Eric is a terrible father. Leida is a temporary irritation; she's going to have to be his daughter for life.

I straight up guffawed when John pulled out of the driveway, after several more bleeps and "bitch"es, and his SUV had a bunch of different Jesus-y bumper stickers. While that entire scene felt contrived, that ending had the kind of irony you can't script. Colt continues to make my blood boil, and he had to go and call Larissa a bitch too, followed by several "calm down"s. He's such a nasty piece of work. God, I feel for Tasha. And while I can't realistically expect her to react any differently, she's pointing her rage in the wrong direction. No, Eric doesn't deserve better than Leida. From what we've observed of Eric's character and choices so far, he seems to completely deserve Leida. She needs to focus on the wicked stepmother less, because it's a red herring -- her dad is just a sack of shit, and the sooner she learns to draw some very clear boundaries and move on with her life, the better off she'll probably be.

Laura was a genius pick. Nothing about the Caroline arc was the delicious, funny, dismissive mean girl-ing I was expecting and hoping to see from Kate and Josiah. It was a girl who was going through it trying to invent a pattern of sinister abuse where there was none (and not in the fun Kelly Bensimon "systematic bullying/satchels of gold" way, even). Now they've got somebody to hate where it'll actually be sporting, and therefore fun to watch (hopefully). Usually when we see a stew who won't shut up about their own past chief stew experience, it's the second stew -- it's going to be interesting to see her as third stew, especially when Kate and Josiah have been seemingly the most efficient duo in BD history...she's not going to have much of a leg to stand on in complaining that they're not working enough, but I look forward to her trying it anyway. ETA: Baby alien chef has NEVER looked better than he did lounging at the resort talking to Laura. He needs to make a screenshot of that his new Tinder profile pic -- the lighting was just right, the sunglasses must have been hiding whatever it is with his face that kinda bothers me, the little flower in his hair...it was a good look.

I noticed that too! I don’t really like much A/C in my car....but I have to turn it on in about 5 minutes. Even if it is not hot outside the car gets pretty warm and stuffy. There is A/C in that car. I'm guessing it's a filming thing, though -- if the windows are down, there'd be way too much road and wind noise. I think we may have seen Larissa crack it just a bit - like a smoker in winter - in previous episodes. I'd guess/assume that production would mandate windows up for anytime they're putting one of those little cameras on the dashboard (which might be basically all the time, they're such a reality show staple and I'm guessing it's because it's a super cheap way to get all kinds of footage). The car looks like a late 90s/early 00s POS, I'm guessing its A/C gave up the ghost a while ago. And Colt is doing this shit on purpose, dangling carrots in front of Larissa only to snag them back. He's a nightmare. She sucks, but he completely gets off on pissing her off (or terrifying her, during that super romantic proposal), then telling her to calm down.

Jackie gives me such Abbi Jacobsen (Broad City) vibes. I'm pretty sure Fernanda has cried more in this season (so far!) than I have in at least a couple decades. I mean, I am dead inside, but damn she's always on the brink of tears.

I can see how theoretically Kate got to that place. She's spent a long-ass time picking up all of Caroline's slack, and going against all her programming to be kind, gentle, and accommodating towards her. They're working long, crazy hours. There's also the weird impulse at the back of everyone's minds at all times to make some sort of memorable TV moment. By staging that dramatic "two-day notice" scene, which both told Kate she was quitting and that she was going to be selling a bullying-victim narrative on the show, I think Kate had a moment of "oh, you think I've been a mean girl? I can be so much pettier", combined with wanting to make some BD history and something endlessly clip-worthy. But the music thing wasn't funny, it was just rude and odd, and it also meant she handed Caroline an opportunity to back up her batshit claims. It seemed to me like a bit that really, really flopped and Kate should have just kept it to demanding that she leave. The only thing that is sorta funny about that stunt is imagining Josiah and Kate having to search for royalty-free generic techno. Another thing about Caroline that is both sad and unnerving -- she is way too affectionate and familiar with people. I noticed that with Master Pearson last week, when she kept raining kisses on the head of a small child despite being almost a stranger to him, then they showed her doing the same shit to Ashton in a flashback. And the "Cappy" stuff. I hope that eventually she sees that she needs to haul her ass into therapy.

I still can't get over the fact that Eric suggested, as a workable compromise, that his daughter check into some Florida Project situation budget motel. Dude's a real peach. That whole crew should skip the tell-all and go straight to Judge Judy -- it would be so much more satisfying than watching Tamron read cue cards.

The treatment of Asuelo, by both Kalani et al and TLC, is starting to make me feel deeply uncomfortable. This man, for all we've been told, is a mentally competent adult. But it feels like everyone else thinks otherwise, and they're amused by it, and it's gross. Why have we never heard him speaking Samoan? His English is alright - he's way more fluent in it than I am in any other language, to be sure - but it's a second language and he's tenuous with it, and yet we've never had him utter a word of his first language (right?). Not even in confessional, and that's what I find especially weird -- I can't think of any other ESL fiance in the history of this show that hasn't dipped into their native language for at least a short time in interview. And I'd think at the very, very least Kalani's father would speak it, and I'd be surprised if the others don't have at least a little bit of it. It feels like we've never really seen or heard him in anything like his element, to a degree that feels more than a little off to me. I don't know. I just don't get a good feeling about his edit, and about the family's overall treatment of them. They all think he's a moron, clearly, and with the very significant language/socioeconomic/cultural gaps that he has to try and overcome, they (meaning both Kalani/family and the show's production) are really punching down.

Lol I felt the same way after this week's episode. He's awful, but I also see him. Hopefully watching himself on camera will help - as much as it can help any TLC reality show participant - and he'll do whatever he needs to do to sort himself out, including treatment if it is a mental health issue. And for his daughter, I just hope she gets some room from him. Not necessarily cut contact or anything, but he made an already problematic situation worse by blaming her entirely for their shared living situation. That was nasty of him, but that aside I think she'd fare better with a decent amount of distance from that profoundly negative/depressed energy of his.

Eric to me looks like someone is profoundly, deeply, several years in but still in denial about it, depressed. Both he and his living environment are in shambles, and that "hello darkness my old friend" ten thousand yard stare....yikes. I hope his daughter doesn't catch a bunch of shit from all the under-the-bus-throwing her own dad did to her, and also separates herself from him. He's got a lot of shit to work out. Larissa's super unlikeable, but Colt is an actual nightmare. And not the kind from eight million Lifetime movies - that's Steven, and also eek - but the super mundane kind that there are far more of. He's the nice guy who can never catch a break, and all his exes were just straight up crazy. Boring and pitiable on the outside, dark and twisty on the inside. Yeeeesh.

For Lee, every season is ass eating season. I cannot wait for him to start handing out those plane tickets. It was quick, but it looks like in the teaser that Caroline's endless downward spiral is going to include panic burping. I'm torn on that, because it's objectively funny, but -- anxiety disorders manifesting in reflux is totally a thing, I get that too (and there's nothing sweeter than being in a public place, sweating, trying to remain upright, and swallowing burps), and The Jinx already made us panicky burpers look stupid. I wonder if the cast is allowed to bring (legit, prescribed) Xanax on board with them. It's a controlled substance, and they're overseas, so maybe not -- but I feel like Caroline could benefit from a decent handful of them.