Happyfatchick

TERRIFYING!!! That’s one of my closet fears that I don’t speak of often - mass “situations”. I live not far from Atlanta Motor Speedway, and have most of my life. Very close. But have successfully avoided attending a race allllll my life. Except once - which happened to be just after 9/11. I felt like an ant in a busy schoolyard. Everybody’s watching the race except me - and I’m watching for terrorists. I said to my husband “You know. A terrorist worth his salt could figure out how to blow 250,000 rednecks to hell in a big fat hurry”. I got the biggest, fattest side eye in the history of ever. @zoomama, I’m so happy your surgery got moved up!!! I think that’s a big fat YAY!!! Did you tell your kids we all were trying to tell you how to live your life?? Thank you for letting us know BEFORE you went all silent. We’ll be watching for you to come back.

My mother had Alzheimer’s (pre covid) and let me tell you, nobody EVER kicked me out of the hospital. I always thought if I tried to leave her alone, someone would chase me down and force me back in. Granted, Alzheimer’s has that weird night thing (they call it a Sundowners) and she was triple the cray during the night. Plus, hospitals just made her anxiety skyrocket. Of ALLLLLLLLLL the things covid has served up to us, lack of humanity in caregiving is the worst. People like my mother and your husband NEED the caregiver they trust and depend on. I cannot even IMAGINE the she-zilla that would pop outta me Like the hulk if I had to leave my loved one alone (knowing they aren’t capable of handling medications, etc on their own). My mother was a Tyoe I diabetic as well. So yep, big ole watchdog right here. The fact that you aren’t allowed to stay with him (ALL NIGHT IF YOU NEED TO, for your own peace of mind) just makes me stabby. You need to let your KAREN out. Utter horse shit. @lookeyloo. I just can’t even. I don’t even know how you found the strength to type that. This is even bigger horse shit. @GeeGolly, I feel you. I know people who have tried to move mountains to have children, and then there are those people who just willy nilly have 19 kids (and live in a 700SF house with no real means of earning) and get a TV show. Juuuuuust saying. I mean, that’s just one example. I could do this subject for days and days. It drives me to drink. Sorry for swearing. It’s my mothers fault. She had terrible potty mouth, but controlled it until my Daddy died. I said to her once “Mama!!! You have such potty mouth!!” She looked at me dead pan and said “shoot, you should hear what’s in my head hat never gets all the way out”. And yes, horse shit was her favorite. edit: I guess I just said “sorry: not sorry”. But. I think I got it out of my system.

I usually love good news Sunday’s and I just kept dragging my feet today - hoping that LOOKEY would tell us something good. And that didnt happen. bur hen late tonight I was able to have a text conversation. With my cousin who’s been in the hosp long enough to feel like it’s her permanent residence. She had surgery #37 this week, and a birthday. Lots of us had launched a birthday card campaign and she got over 300 cards. She was thrilled. So that’s good and that’s my happy Sunday news . I love you people. I mean that.

So sweet, Doodle. I’m in. @Scarlett45, I saw your post today and answered immediately - but I guess I never hit post as I don’t see it now. I guess I’m a little superstitious too - I feel like if you don’t do “happy birthday” before, or at least early, it doesn’t count. So YOU may not be upset, but I am. Poo!!! i hope you had a great day! what I actually said earlier was that - even though you haven’t kept your age a secret - your wisdom and balance (is that chakra?) make you seem older. Not in a bad way - in a feet-firmly-planted kinda way. But not so wise you would refuse birthday cake I hope!!

Oooooooooh @lookeyloo. What they all said. Big fat squishy pre-Covid hug. I’m squishy and warm and a good hugger. You are loved, being held, held up, worried over, thought about, and covered. We all wish we could do more. So much love. (I’ma need you to share some of that with Sweet Son. I love him too).

@emma675, the weather gods have big issues sorting out and agreeing on a weather pattern in your state. They’re all afraid of whoever paints the big “don’t mess with Texas”signs. So instead of a meeting where they discuss and reach a consensus, there’s a big weather wheel. Straws are drawn, loser spins and there’s your weather for the day. They decided drawing straws made it a somewhat democratic process. Name of the loser who spins every day is guarded more closely than the Mason’s handshake.

@iwantcookies, ❤️❤️❤️BREATHE ❤️❤️❤️ your upset has all of us sitting here with our fingers in our mouths. Maybe you can’t tonight, let it rest, or talk if you need to. But you have to tell us what’s happened. if there’s no shingles, what’s going on with the skin on your stomach? what’s up with your legs? Have you said there’s something wrong with your legs and I missed it? am I understanding you have 3 separate and distinct medical issues? big hugs to you sistah. Maybe tomorrow you’ll feel more like giving us some deets?

I always loved living on busy streets at Halloween. My baby sons (senior?) year, we toook off on a whim and flew up to DC for the weekend. I went to the thrift store and bought khaki pants and shirt and sewed those suckers so tight, made badges and had plastic handcuffs - he was the guy from Reno 911. Dangle? We went as Drew Carey and Mimi - I made our costumes, and they were great, but we couldn’t compete. They stop traffic in DC (or used to) on M street and people just walk up and down. People were hollering and yelling at him - he was the most popular person there! Cops loved him!!! He must have had his pic taken 1000X that night. It was chilly; he was a little bit blue-ish but he had fun. he’s kind of a nut job, my son. Imagine that. So he strolls right up to a police car, leans on the window frame and says (with his tight pants/shorts butt all hiked up in the air) and SO adult like: this is....uhhhhh... embarrassing, as you can imagine. But.... uhhhhhh. I’m gonna have to ask you to move your car...... you’ll notice we have ..... uhhhhh..... regular citizens on the road tonight and at this point you’re impeding traffic... sooooo.... ahhhhhh.... I’m gonna give you 10 minutes and I’ll check back. Don’t make me write yiu a citation. he stands up, hikes his leg up off the curb, does a double tap on the window sill, points at the guy and walks off. People were HOWLING!!! it was one the better moments of his whole childhood. He had that moment where everything just fell in place perfectly. Sooo so funny.

I love good news Sunday!

I need to borrow him! That is AWFULNESS in a box!!!

I remember that!!!

I had mice under my kitchen sink for a few weeks - caught 3 or 4 in a row. I haven’t seen any evidence that there are more. I'm going to say what I “think” I hear. I could be dead wrong - but there is this rabbit that my ex MIL gave my youngest son (who is now 25) when he was a baby. His kids ❤️ this rabbit (who has certainly seen better days). They drag it all over the place and one of them naps with it every day. I truly believe that buried deeeeeeep within this rabbit is a squeaker. I think it’s old and faulty. I think the squeaker gets depressed and what I’m hearing is when it later adjusts itself and fills back up. The rabbit is always near where I hear the noise but doesn’t look OR feel guilty. There’s this orange thing on it’s little hand - it’s not a regular embroidery like a paw print, it’s hard and thick. I’ve tried to squish it but don’t feel it moving. Still. Either that rabbit has a wonky squeaker, or is slowly turning into Chuckie. watch for updates and wish me luck. I am the definition of batshit cray when I have a rodent. one of the WORST (but funniest!) things that ever happened to me: before we lived in this shoebox (that we came back to because my Daddy built it and I apparently am into self torture), we had a wonderful big house with wonderful big windows open onto a wonderful pond behind us and a lake in front of us, wonderful high ceilings and a beautiful man cave... oh wait... not in Kansas anymore, Toto. And a rat. A RAT!!! I KNEW I had a rat because I saw his evidence (big FAT evidence). And I heard him sometimes. Also, he ATE a chunk of the bulb of my ponytail palm. Like a bite out of an apple. One night, I’m in the kitchen, and I HEAR that asswipe under my cabinet. (Praying to God this is a one-off). I HEAR HIM!!! So I pick that moment to call my hubs in from the man cave and give him a lecture on what is good and true and right about marriage. That he KNOWS my unreasonable terror of rodents (even tiny ones!) and he ought to be FIGURING OUT WHAT TO DO!!! He says “I’ve set traps, I don’t know what you WANT from me!!!!” I.WANT.YOU.TO.TAKE.CARE.OF.THIS.RAT!!!!! I was so mad, I kicked the cabinet door for emphasis, and the RAT was so startled, he fell out on the floor and took off into the open part of the house!!!!! I screamed bloody murder for - guh, I don’t even KNOW how long. I swear, 911 was almost involved. I had NO idea where he went! Talk about sleepless nights!! It was HORRIFYING!!! My heart is racing just telling this story now. of course the next morning, I called an exterminator who came out with that snap jack thing the size of a car. He goes under the house and within a couple days catches the rat. This man, who worked for the extermination company, comes out from under the house with this cat-sized rat clamped in the trap and says “yep, it was a chipmunk, just like I thought”. (Because he was eating my plants was why he thought that originally). It was brown, this rat. We live in the country and apparently we typically have gray rats?? I said “dude, that’s no chipmunk”. He looks at his rat. “No?” He asks, agreeably. Nope. He’s 3 times the size of a chipmunk, and his tail is 8 inches long. I’m not all that smart, but that’s no chipmunk. “Huh”, he says. He goes and calls his boss and comes back. Yep, it’s a rat. But a brown city rat. Don’t know what he’s doing here. Me either, and luckily it was a one-off. Never saw another. Gives me the willies, remembering that. Chuckie the rabbit is sitting on a little tiny chair pretty close to me. I have an ear on this guy.

Shuuuuuut uuuuuopppppppppp!!!!!

Weirdest thing ever. (Well, maybe not EVER... but strange). I washed the rugs from my husbands bathroom earlier this week. Didn’t want to put the whole heavy things in drier, so Draped them over the bathroom door in the basement to air dry. Today I cleaned that bathroom and the floor, wanted to put rugs back down. I can’t find those rugs ANYWHERE. I know that I KNOW I’ve done something with those rugs. I know this. I have carefully searched the house, they are nowhere to be seen. also: I am fully aware that I’m going to find them in the freezer or my pajama drawer. I have the most ANNOYING habit of laying things aside to do other things. In Lowe’s, for example, picking up a shelf to judge weight or just to consider... requires laying my phone and keys down on the nearest box. I don’t “mean” to, I don’t “want” to. It’s just that in the limited available space of my brain, the keys and phone (or wallet, glasses, kids, sunglasses - whatever) no longer exist. It’s either A or B. Not simultaneous, and not interchangeable. AAAAAAAaaaand, I have to tel you something insane. There is a toy in my house....somewhere..... that occasionally makes this teeny tiny squeak noise. Randomly. Just... a little squeak. It is CREEPING ME OUTTTTTT-tuh. It happened last night and I stopped and waited (as I always do) to try to determine where it came from. It’s happened again just now in the last few minutes. Just a random tiny “squeak”. Completely bizarre.

I am a life long insomniac. My parents fought with me nightly throughout my childhood. I SUCK at sleep. No idea why. I DOOO know lack of sleep can cause all sorts of long term issues. I can’t just “nap”. If I’m not feeling nappy, I can’t just fall off. OTOH, if I start to droop during the day, don’t mess with me. Luckily (and living on a compound) everybody understands and respects that. We are comfortable entering and leaving each other’s houses, but if it’s quiet when they come in mine, they tiptoe around, get what they need and tiptoe out. Nobody bothers Mama when she has a sleepy moment. And you’re soooo right @GeeGolly, if I go to sleep at 8 (and sometimes I want to SO badly), I’m up for the day at 3am.

I think it’s made us all intolerant of bs. I can remember In The past being told “hey, that’s just how it is”. My DOG is BLEEDING for 3 days post surgery means YOUUUUUUUU (person being the gatekeeper for the vet) need to say “oh dear! We’ll have to work you in!” The answer is not “hey, we’re booked”. GGGGGRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

@iwantcookies, I am so glad you don’t have cancer lurking in your belly. OTOH, you said your belly was tight and the skin was getting hard - which makes me feel like you have a pretty whipper-snapper case of shingles going on. Never been there but I hear it’s miserable. Do whatever the doc says, do it carefully and diligently and get rid of that as fast as you can. I assume you read up on shingles - can it recur? Are there different strains? What is the cure? Does it itch? How big is your “spot? i don’t have all the toddler grands today - I can’t even tell you how wonderful that news was. BUTTTTT... the reason I DON’T have them is because their dad (my youngest) is a high school resource officer and the school has been shut down for Covid. They just opened last week (maybe 2 weeks). Not sure when they’ll be back. Generally if the kids arent there, HE still is - this time they sent everyone home. Either way, it meant I got Friday off after watching those monsters all week. I have a list of things I needed to do this week but couldn’t with them here and completely lacked the enrgy after they left. That’s all. Just a list. No progress. i don’t know: sitting, listening to nothing, not chasing, not fussing, not organizing, not pouring or cleaning, spreading, cutting, switching, kissing booboos, separating, demanding, wheedling, bargaining, distracting, dictating, negotiating, reading, cautioning, watching, anticipating.... just sitting... listening to the dogs bark about the trash pickup on an otherwise quiet day -listening to sounds of preparation for fall... true story: I pulled a tiny American flag and a Barbie from under the cushions and fell asleep typing that. ETA: “switching” doesn’t mean mean I’m chasing them switching their legs with a tiny little branch of a tree. I meant switching items, as in “I want the BLUE one”, or “no, I get the one with the unicorn!!” I am of the generation and the lineage where “go outside and find me a good switch” was a fact. May the god in charge of disciplining babies strike me DEAD if I ever switch the legs of my grand babies. I mean that.

I don’t feel any kind of way about people who need someone with them for appointments. I was primary carer for both my parents - my dad would get in the car after every doctor visit and say “wha’d he say?” And my mom (Alzheimer’s) couldn’t have gone alone. So I don’t mean to be picking a fight at all - I’m just one of those people in the comfort camp. I always go to appointments alone. But medical things can be frightening and I “get” someone needing partnership. this could prompt so MANY stories. He’s almost deaf, she’s not home. Trying to park those 2 butts while I parked and hiked back to them. So so so many stories. @doodlebug, I’m not able to pull up the information you gave. Can you tell me where to go on a regular basis to see what my states code is?

There’s a Sleeping Beauty under all those pillows, and the 2 fives had a BLAST entombing me. It was a hoot and a holler. Every now and then I’d stick out an arm and grab one of them (Carrie!). One time I had the boy of the two move a pillow from my face and acted like I was throwing up on him. Hilarious! i should learn to knit and do jigsaw puzzles I love pillows!!! They brought every pillow in the entire house in there. You know that commercial (some kind of insurance) where the man is giving people pointers how “not” to be their parents... and the one lady is just SICKENED by the way he throws all the pillows off the couch and points out you could actually SIT there now. My husband paused that commercial, had me come in and watch it, and called it an intervention. I got new pillows a couple months ago. I said “did you notice the new pillows?” He screws his face all up and says “we have 497 pillows in this house!!!! How in the HELLLLLLLL am I supposed to notice 2 new ones???” although seriously, I’m pretty sure he’s happy they’re not cats. can Someone tell me why my posted pics all come out sideways? They aren’t sideways before I post also: on shortness. This isn’t an extra long couch, just run of the mill. There’s me, under allllllllllll those pillows and still a dog asleep between my feet and the arm of the couch. A giant in my own mind!8

It was GORGEOUS today. We get about five of these per year, so we used up one tosay. I’m glad Sweet Son felt good; I hope he got to walk outside and breathe in the moment. ❤️

SHEBAMMMMM! You WIN!! I’ve been keeping my sons kids (5and 3) during fall break, plus my DILs nephew, also 5. (they have custody). everything hurts. My back, my feet, my eyeballs, my feelings. I’m pretty sure I’ve developed an allergy to children. I love these babies. I love to see them leave at the end of the day... I fear I am pendunculated in a posterior, perpidicular position. That is a $64,000 word, and if we play scrabble, I want to be your partner. I had a propensity (check that out!!! Did I spell it correctly?) for fibroids. I probably didn’t have a mammo or a Pap smear for 30 years without the call back. First couple of times I was scared - after that, I was always trying to explain to the professionals I don’t NEED that deep tissue follow up, I have fibroids. I’m lumpy. It never worked. @Jeeves a variation: what’s the difference between Baptists and Methodists? Methodists will speak to one another in the liquor store

Maybe they threw the extra e in because maybe they call Jeremy “Jer”. I don’t know why I think that, tho

I called mine Mama and Daddy until they died. In fact, referred to my father as “my Daddy”. Even to him. (I have brothers - I do it just to let them know I’m the favorite. And because they still insist I was adopted). Is that a southern thing? I don’t think I realized that.

Yeah. Not so much. You just said you might be back to say you now only have crumbs and drops. Which means you only share when the brownies are fresh out of the oven and the bourbon is just opened. That’s not really sharing, that’s grudgingly acknowledging you’re having a drink and eating a brownie and feeling obliged to share if I drop by at the exact precise right moment. So, a story. I don’t buy liquor. Not to say I don’t CONSUME liquor, just that I still have Baptist residue (and still have guilt bits) enough to rely on my husband to keep me supplied. He doesn’t complain, he just kind of keeps up with it, and it MUST magically appear, because I don’t buy it and there’s usually a drink to be had if I want one. I thought I might like a drink the other day (he makes this drink that’s lemonade, vodka and sprite. That’s my drank. Very tasty. Allegedly. I can be forced to drink it 😜) I actually CALLED him to ask if there’s any vodka at the house. He doesnt drink vodka. No. You’re out, he says. Welp, I’m near a liquor store with a drive up. I put on my big girl panties (which are now kind of granny panties...) and here’s how the conversation goes: me: I’d like some citronella vodka please girl at window: I’m sorry? me: it’s a citrus vodka, you know which one I mean? girl: is it... Smirnoff?? me: yes! And it’s lemon. Or maybe lime. But I think it’s just citrus. girl: rolls eyes. What size? me: (thinking to myself, DAMN With the questions. It’s not a half gallon I don’t think). Aaahhhhmmmm... it’s about this tall (shows with hands) and about this big around girl at window (doesn’t say this out loud): this woman is a total drunk and trying to make me beieve she’s never bought liquor before

Is this intrauterine? (Please, everyone pause and look at that big hair all of a word I just coughed up!). Isn’t this quite painful??