Good Wife Quotes

[ElectricBoogaloo]

David: Typical Ivy League morons.

Howard: All young associates are sneaks.

Jason: How's is going?

Lucca: Skeptical jury, skeevy client.

Jason: What can I do to help?

Alicia: Check out the dark fetish website. Find out if anyone on there has ever committed an actual crime.

Lucca: Congratulations - there's a lot of weird porn in your future.

Jason: I may have to raise my rate.

Alicia: I didn't realize you were such a prude.

 

Alicia: Have you ever spent any time in northern California?

Jason: Enough. Too much fleece. Too many ironic beards.

 

Matan: Are you a registered sex offender, Mr. Hoffstatter?

Manny: You could say that.

 

Eli: Peter thinks she should have a prenup.

Alicia: Who?

Eli: Jackie. And Howard.

Alicia: Eli, I don't give a single damn.

 

Lucca: I know you're a therapist.

Mrs. Portnow: I'm a clinical psychiatrist.

Lucca: Right.

Eli: You're nice to me.

Alicia: No, just listening.

Edited December 14, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Ruth: I've run five campaigns in Iowa and this is the first time we have the full Grassley in sight.

Josh: The full Grassley doesn't mean anything. Yeah, when we were all driving Studebakers.

Ruth: I've already decided. I don't need to hear from you.

Josh: There's this thing called the internet now. It's this marvelous device. You should take a look at it.

Ruth: We stop for 15 minutes, Peter eats some local delicacy like a loose meat sandwich.

Zach: What's a loose meat sandwich?

Josh: A sandwich with loose meat.

David: Remember the $2.8 million settlement? I hid the money in a shell corporation so Alicia wouldn't get her hands on it when she was trying to screw us over her exit package.

Diane and Cary: .......

David: What?

Diane: Seriously? "What?"

Cary: You committed fraud!

David: No, I committed selective depositing.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Monica: I was speaking highly of you, how diverse you are here.

David: We should bring the cripple to the next meeting.

Diane: Oh my gawd.

David: What? The lawyer in the wheelchair.

Diane: I know what you're saying.

[Monica rolls her eyes]

 

Ruth: Watch out for friends. And on that sinister note - goodbye, Eli.

 

Rowby: Who are you?

Luca: Luca Quinn. I work with Alicia.

Rowby: Doing what?

Luca: Lawyering. Are you Rowby?
Rowby: Yeah. I have to tell you something. I think I love you.

 

Alicia: We respectfully reject your cease and desist.

 

Marissa: I need a job. I need to finance my art.

Eli: What art?

Marisssa: The art of living.

 

Cary: And you have a doctorate in musicology from Juilliard?

Kermit: Well, yeah, but who goes around advertising that?

 

Rowby: Your honor, you are awesome!

 

Eli: Alicia and I are having some issues.

Marissa: Are you sleeping with her?

Eli: No! Omigawd, NO!

 

Rowby: I would really like to buy you a drink.

Luca: Why?

Rowby: Because you are awesome!

 

Luca: Observing the world is not the same as composing.

 

Rowby: I'm singing my heart out! How can you answer a text?

 

Rowby: The law gives people so many ways to be mean.

 

Grace: Mom, you can't fire me and hug me at the same time.

 

Alicia: So you screwed us.

Cary: You mean did we try to poach the clients you poached from us?

Edited January 19, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Marissa: One selfie - mango, carrot, ginger, kale, mint, apple, bee pollen. That's going to be disgusting, just so you know.

 

Eli: What does he look like?

Marissa; I convinced him to take a selfie.

Eli: I trained you well.

 

Eli: Now I get why people have children - so they can admire themselves in someone else.

 

Schakowsky: Are you wearing a wire?

Eli: No. Are you?

Schakowsky: Why would I be?

 

Nola: The known offenders list - why was Mr. Howell on it?

Agent Dunst: Well, he's something of a low level hacker.

Howell: Low level? I'm not low level.

 

Alicia: First the tragedy and then the farce.

 

Dudewicz: Neil Gross is a fascist and fascists must not be allowed to terrorize. Hello, laywer. Other lawyer.

Eli: I'm not a lawyer!

 

Eli: To what do I owe this honor?

Ruth: Oh, not so much an honor as a bad feeling.

 

Ruth: Where did you get that painting?

Eli: Courtney Page.

Ruth: It makes me nervous. All those people staring like they want something.

Eli: I think it's about revolution.

Ruth: Are you sure? They seem to be singing. And those trees.

Eli: Well, you know. Art.

 

Eli: We may be mercenaries but even mercenaries have a code.

 

Eli: I need you to do something for me.

Marissa: Now? The store's packed.

Eli: Well tell them to buy juice at 7/11 like normal people.

 

Eli: You know what it's like. The longer you're in office, the more things there are that are papered over, put away, massaged.

Ruth: Yes, but in my experience, if you think back through all of the issues and figure out which one you never kept a file on, never took a note about, never admitted to anyone, that's the one.

 

Nola: Mr. Howell is not a journalist. He's a "look at me" with a smartphone.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Elsbeth: So you need a lawyer to figure out why you need a lawyer?
Eli: Yes.

 

Cary: What are you doing for lunch today?

Lucca: Eating.

 

Nora: [The FBI] wanted to know who calls Eli here and who Eli calls.

Eli: What did you tell him?

Nora: I said a million calls go through this office very day and I don't write down names. I didn't say you tell me not to write down names.

 

Lucca: That's a question for Alicia.

Cary: Alicia's MIA today and you're Alicia's friend so I'm asking you.

Lucca: I'll tell her you want to talk.

 

Lucca: This is a weird firm.

 

Terrence Hicks: Let's talk about imminent. All of these are past atrocities. Even if I concede that he is somehow responsible, they've already happened. An imminent threat is necessarily a future one.

Alicia: Imminent means seconds, minutes, hours.

Martin Barnstone: No, this administration defines imminent as anything under sixty days.

Alicia: Seriously?

Oren Cleary: Technically since the enemy is so good at hiding their attacks, any future attack is now considered imminent.

George Kirby: According to whom?

Oren Cleary: The Department of Justice.

Terrence Hicks: That's nothing more than legal wordplay.

Martin Barnstone: No, that's trying to account for the realities of war.

George Kirby: Having spent my career in the army, I understand the realities very clearly. The country I served doesn't try to weasel out of what it always stood for just because it happens to be convenient. Imminent should mean imminent.

 

Jason: People really don't trust each other around here, do they?

 

Jason: You don't need [vodka].

Alicia: Yes, but I want it.

 

Marissa: I talked about my purse business.

Elsbeth: You sell purses?

Marissa: No, I make them. I didn't end up really selling any.

 

Marissa: So you don't want to hire me for anything but that's your lawyer?

 

Alicia: I would like to know why Captain Hicks isn't here and I don't think I'm the only one.

Martin Barnstone: Actually, I think you are.

George Kirby: No, I want to know too.

Oren Cleary: Everyone here is subject to confidentiality rules and the captain is currently being questioned about certain leaks.

Alicia: You're saying he leaked?

Oren Cleary: No, it's not my position to say he leaked. I'm merely saying he's being questioned about certain leaks.

 

Clerk: We don't allow dogs in this office.

Michael Tascioni: Would you mind taking him outside?

Eli: Tom is a service animal. He is an emotional support chihuahua.

 

Michael: Are you a cat person?

Eli: No, I'm a person person.

 

Jason: I deal in evidence. I don't deal in states of mind.

Cary: You think we're being paranoid?

Jason: I haven't been here long enough to answer that conclusively.

 

Marissa: If the op is blown, why do you two look so smug?

Michael: A - one should always look smug.

Edited February 22, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Alicia: I can read the non-verbal Jason signs now. One eyebrow up: "Do you really mean that?" One eyebrow up with a smile: "That sounds a little ridiculous, doesn't it?"

 

Connor: Lawyering by loitering?

 

Alicia: Why is Owen there?

Owen: Because I'm supposedly good at math.

 

David: What are you doing? Your office.
Cary: No, your office.

David: Diane will see us in my office.

Cary: Yes, and that's what we want.

 

Jason: This guy seems to be telling the truth. He's an idiot, but not necessarily a con man.

Alicia: So you're asking if my mother is dumb enough to give a hundred thousand dollars to an idiot?

Jason: Not dumb enough, just whether-

Alicia: Yes, well, she is.

 

Alicia: Sex is a good replacement for tequila.

 

[Michael and Alicia watch Eli try to enter the handicapped bathroom]

Michael: I think there's something here I don't want to know about.

Alicia: I think you might be right.

Michael: Is it illegal or unethical?

Alicia: I don't know anymore.

 

David: You investigated in a riverboat casino?

Edited March 7, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

[billboard: Gloria's murdered my daughter. Is your child next?]

Judge Abernathy: Forgive me. Is there a noun missing?

 

Luca: I need an office.

Jason: Take that one.

Luca: I can't just take an office.

Jason: Sure you can.

Luca: You're going to get me fired.

Alicia: Hey, what's going on?

Jason: We want to steal an office.

 

Alicia: I didn't want to marry [Jason].

Luca: And you're married.

 

Jason: That is the saddest piece of pizza I've ever seen.

Alicia: Yes, like Charlie Brown's Christmas tree.

 

Alicia: Jason, I'm going to stop you right there. I am an adult. I know it may not look like it from this pizza.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Alicia: I'm more judgmental about my daughter's Christianity than yours. Why is that?

Jason: I don't know. You're a bad person.

 

Jason: You're in my way.

Peter: You're screwing my wife and I'm in your way?

Jason: At the moment, yes.

 

Marissa: One goji-gasm with a virility boost. Good luck with that.

 

Marissa: I know who you are,

Connor: And I know who you are.

Marissa: So we can skip the part where you pretend you want to date me.

 

Marissa: Here's the thing. I am nobody. My last five jobs I needed to wear nametags. I live with three roommates and one is a squatter. This has nothing to do with me.

 

Howard: I like this office. It's close to the bathroom.

 

Marissa: [Connor]'s like an evil boy scout.

 

Cary: [Moving Howard] was the lesser of two evils.

David: What's the other evil?

Cary: Having a pantsless octogenarian scare away clients.

 

Alicia: I want a divorce.

Peter: What's wrong?

Alicia: Nothing's wrong. I want a divorce.

Peter: Yeah, well, I'm in the middle of something.

Alicia: Okay, you take care of that. I'll have my lawyer call you.

Peter: This about your investigator, isn't it?

Alicia: My investigator? Yes, I would never think of divorcing you unless I had some other man to call my own.

Peter: I saw him yesterday walking around in his boxer shorts acting like he owned the place.

Alicia: Yes, because I own the place and I told him he was welcome to walk around naked if he wants.

Peter: And Grace? Oh, you don't give a damn about your daughter?

Alicia: Yes, I'm an unfit mother. In the divorce, you can get full custody for the three weeks before she goes to college.

Peter: This must be true love - again.

Alicia: Is that what would upset you most? If I was in love?

Peter: What upsets me the most is that you're shoving it in my face.

Alicia: I'm not shoving anything. This is me not caring. Not caring what people think, what Eli thinks, you think.

Peter: Or what the FBI thinks? You know I'm about to be indicted, don't you?

Alicia: Peter, you're always being indicted. If it weren't today, it would be tomorrow.

 

FAA guy: As far as the FAA is concerned, if a drone is flying at 83 feet or below, Dr. Nachman would be within his rights to take it down. And above 500 feet, it would be illegal.

Judge Dunaway: And at 200 feet?

FAA guy: Well, it's not clearly his property at that point but it's not clearly not.

Judge Dunaway: As a representative of the FAA's legal department, would you like to clear that up?

FAA guy: No.

 

David: At the end of the day, all I want to do is milk this place for all it's worth while it's still standing.

Edited March 28, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Lucca: I don't like Canada. It's too clean. I always want to litter here.

 

Jeff: There seems to be some question about where my feet stood.

 

Jeff: Jeff Dellinger, a C-list Edward Snowden.

 

Alicia: We're representing Mr. Dellinger's interests.

Gallo: There are no interests. This is purely a jurisdictional issue.

Lucca: Then you have no interest in Mr. Dellinger? Purely an interest in your jurisdiction?

 

Diane: You bastard! You had me so worried. I thought you wanted a divorce.

Kurt: I don't.

Diane: Well, did you tell your face? You can't use the same expression for everything!

 

Eli: Alicia, good, good, come in.

Alicia: To my house?

 

Valentine: As I am a justice of the peace and not a judge, you should refer to me as "your worship," not "your honor."

 

[Diane watches Peter being arrested on tv]

David: Is this good publicity or bad?

 

Jason: Nice suit.

Cary: You were expecting sweatpants?

 

Jason: Does Peter Florrick have any reason to be concerned about you?

Cary: Me?

Jason: Your testimony?

Cary: Only if he has reason to be concerned about the truth.

 

Mike: So Cary thinks the lab is responsible?

Jason: He does. Inept, incompetent, and sloppy were the words he used.

Mike: What's the difference between inept and incompetent?

Jason: About six letters.

Mike: That is both correct and accurate.

 

Mike: I have free rein to hire who I want.

Eli: No one has free rein.

 

Valentine: Mr. Dellinger, politeness, please!

 

Gallo: Your worship, may I recall Tyler Hopkins?

Valentine: He's sitting right over there. Just ask him a question.

 

Diane: I have faults. I'm easily mesmerized by people who used multi-syllabled words and men who can discuss Tolstoy.

Kurt: You never told me that.

Diane: Yes, because I don't like my failings.

 

Diane: Kurt, this is my plan. I am going to sell your company at its appropriate value and then I'm going to put $500,000 in a fund for you to use to hire Republican strippers to your heart's content.

 

Diane: You make me happy, Kurt.

Kurt: I know.

 

Jason: Why are you getting divorced?

Alicia: You may have heard my husband slept with prostitutes.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Alicia: It's a deed to land on Mars.

Grace: Why do you have a deed to land on Mars?

Alicia: I have no idea. It was a gift.

Grace: What? From a 13 year old?

 

Alicia: Jackie invited you? Why? You guys hate each other.

Veronica: Oh, Alicia, sometimes you're so innocent about women. She invited me so she can lord it over me about her new husband. I mean, this is how sick in the head your mother in law is. She actually thought I'd be jealous of Howard.

 

Alicia: Zach brought a girlfriend here. Hannah.

Peter: Really?

Alicia: She's 23 years old. She graduates this year. Should we be worried?

Peter: Oh, I don't know. It's a college romance. They don't last long.

Alicia: We were a college romance.

Peter: And look at us!

 

Alicia: Zach, please. This is the stupidest thing I've heard you say in a while.

Zach: Thanks, mom.

Alicia: And there have been some pretty stupid things.

 

Alicia: I think you to have to handle this. I've been drinking.

 

Cary: I don't work there anymore.

Canning: I'm sorry about that.

Cary: I'm not.

 

Jackie: Hi. Oh, there you are, Veronica. How are you?

Veronica: I'm good.

Jackie: Drinking, I see.

Veronica: Yes. It's the one way I have of dealing with the jealousy over you having a husband while I have none.

 

Eli: So why law school?

Marissa: I thought you'd be happy.

Eli: It feels like a trick.

 

Hannah: Marriage should be fun. It shouldn't be this weight, this death knell.

Alicia: If it isn't permanent, then why get married at all?

Hannah: Taxes.

 

Jackie: I won't be seeing you again.

Alicia: Why not?

Jackie: You're divorcing my son.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Mr. Schue: Your husband did it, Mrs. Florrick.
Alicia: Then prove it. Seriously. I've defended enough people to know how shallow those words are. I don't care what you believe. I care what you can prove. So prove it.

Alicia: We should expand because we decide to expand, not because someone accidentally destroyed our conference room.

Diane: Showing up at a crime scene, making sure evidence is collected properly - couldn't that be the action of a re-elected state's attorney wanting to ensure the highest standards?
Matan: I could be, but it wasn't here.

David: What the freaking hell?
Alicia: Workmen accidentally destroyed the conference room. Now we're thinking about leasing the twenty ninth floor and building a staircase to it.
Architect: Not a staircase. A stair presentation.
David: Who's he?
Architect: I designed your offices. Now I want to bring them into the twenty first century.
David: This IS the twenty first century.
Architect: No, you're deluding yourself. Pale wood, glass? This is an Apple store circa 2009.
David: That is the twenty first century.

Canning: [Geneva Pine] was a spurned lover. These are affidavits from coworkers saying that Peter Florrick broke off an affair with her.
Alicia: Got it. Good. Thanks.
Canning: Did you hear what I just said?
Alicia: Yes. Were you wanting me to cry, Mr. Canning? Boo hoo, I thought my husband no longer cheated.
Canning: Wow. God, I love you.

Kurt: Opinions are nothing without science behind it.

Diane: David, what is your problem?
David: My problem is I'm an equity partner and you're spending my money.
Diane: No, I'm spending OUR money. There was a vote.
David: A vote in a dictatorship is not a vote.
Diane: It was a fair vote.
David: With women outnumbering men.
Diane: Omigawd, I'm so sorry, David. The women outnumber the men? That must be so hard for you.
David: It's not only hard. It's discriminatory.

Lucca: You look grumpy.
Jason: Nope, this is my happy face.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Mr. Schue: Your honor? Seriously?
Judge Cuesta: Is that an objection?

Mr. Schue: No rebuttal. I'm not sure what I would rebut anyway.

Alicia: Really? I don't make you laugh now? The wife of someone you're prosecuting for corruption doesn't amuse you?

Diane: We have an office space crisis.
(ha, Lumbergh!)

Alicia: I don't know if I care anymore.
Diane: He's your client. That's why you care.

Peter: My career will be over.
Alicia: I think it's over anyway, isn't it?

Alicia: Jason's not you.
Will: Very few people are me.

Will: You have so little self awareness.

[Saintz]

Not Mr. Schue, lmao. I never took Matthew Morrison's character seriously because of that.

For the finale the only one that stuck to me was.

Alicia: I will always love you.

Will: I'm OK with that.

*sigh*

[QueerGirrl]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who caught the Office Space shout out! 

Edited May 10, 2016 by QueerGirrl

[Sandman]

One of the most Alicia-like lines ever was her blistering denunciation of Wendy Scott-Carr: "You are out of control." Of course, the Alicia of Season 2 would probably loathe the Alicia of Season 7. ("Out of control" is, after all, a relative state.)

Still, I miss the days when Alicia was less the iron-hearted saint and political fixer, and more a recognizable human being.

[pennben]

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