Mindthinkr August 3, 2017 Share August 3, 2017 @SirOsisOfLiver That was too funny and I needed a laugh. Thank you! Link to comment
Petunia13 August 5, 2017 Author Share August 5, 2017 On 8/3/2017 at 7:30 AM, Qoass said: Me too! Me three ? Link to comment
SirOsisOfLiver August 7, 2017 Share August 7, 2017 Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NHL 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. — Desperate Dear Desperate, Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files. DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.1 and Lingerie 5.3. — Tech Support 9 Link to comment
SirOsisOfLiver August 9, 2017 Share August 9, 2017 HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her Cuddle her Kiss her Caress her Love her Stroke her Tease her Comfort her Protect her Hug her Hold her Spend money on her Dine her Buy things for her Listen to her Care for her Stand by her Support her Go to the ends of the earth for her HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Show up naked Bring beer 1 Link to comment
ennui August 9, 2017 Share August 9, 2017 4 hours ago, SirOsisOfLiver said: HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN And if you're really motivated, make a sandwich for him. 1 Link to comment
ennui August 10, 2017 Share August 10, 2017 I was reading this article the other day, and it said, "The perfect way to spice up your love life is to make love in a car wash." Let me tell you guys from experience -- no, it is not. But it is the perfect way to ruin a church fundraiser. 5 Link to comment
Mindthinkr August 10, 2017 Share August 10, 2017 (edited) 2 hours ago, SirOsisOfLiver said: This is so right! Yes, I know it's ok to think that but never to act on it. Edited August 10, 2017 by Mindthinkr Added a comment. Link to comment
ennui August 10, 2017 Share August 10, 2017 I actually saw a sign in a business that said "No Pissy Attitudes." Link to comment
SirOsisOfLiver August 11, 2017 Share August 11, 2017 Signs That You're Aging Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he's using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you're not amused, you stab him. You have to write Post-It notes with your kids' names on them. You change your underwear after every sneeze. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales. Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fibre today. "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot. An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee. 2 Link to comment
ennui August 12, 2017 Share August 12, 2017 After 10 years, the wife starts to think their child looks kind of strange. So she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents. Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you." Husband: "What’s up?" Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this is not our child." Husband: "Well you don’t remember, do you?? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here." 5 Link to comment
riley702 August 14, 2017 Share August 14, 2017 What the hell IS that thing? CREE-PY!!! 2 Link to comment
Mindthinkr August 15, 2017 Share August 15, 2017 Oh I just loved that! Many hearts for that one SirOsis! 5 Link to comment
ennui August 16, 2017 Share August 16, 2017 I never realized how funny I was until I started talking to myself. 3 Link to comment
Quof August 17, 2017 Share August 17, 2017 Why do women watch porn all the way to the end??? Spoiler To see if they get married. 4 Link to comment
ennui August 18, 2017 Share August 18, 2017 Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the hell is the ceiling?!" 5 Link to comment
SirOsisOfLiver August 20, 2017 Share August 20, 2017 The Rules For Women • Don't make him hold your purse in the mall. • Shopping is not fascinating. • If you really want to meet a good man, stop dating good-looking jerks. • The man is always in charge of poking the campfire with a stick. • Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble, should be met with the same degree of praise as an infant who walks for the first time. • Those male models with the perfect bodies? They're all gay. • Yes, he heard you the first time. • You can ask men out. Let's spread the rejection around a little bit. • Of course! he wants another beer. • "Fine" is not an acceptable way to end an argument. • He was NOT looking at that other girl. • Well, okay, maybe a little. • Okay, so what? He looked at her. Big deal! Like you've never looked at another man? • When he asks for a threesome with you and your best girlfriend, he's only joking. • Unless the answer is "yes". • In which case, can he videotape it? 2 Link to comment
ennui August 21, 2017 Share August 21, 2017 1. How does the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it. 2. What do you call it when you fall in love on Aug. 21, 2017? A total eclipse of the heart. 3. What do you call the moon's online content? E-clips. 4. What does a blogger from 2010 call a full link roundup about solar events? Total e-clips. 5. What day is the eclipse happening? Not sure. Either Sunday or Moonday. 6. Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock? It’s a little meteor. 7. Why is Aug. 21 the best day to freak out a time traveler from the Middle Ages? Well, there's a coast-to-coast total solar eclipse but also, like, a car would scare them, so whatever. 8. Why didn't the sun go to college? Because it already had a million degrees. 9. What do you call road-tripping to the eclipse? Going where the sun don't shine. 10. Why did the Earth break up with the moon and make a solo album on Aug. 21? It couldn't stand being in its shadow. 11. What do a solar eclipse over the US and an adult anime fan who lives with his mom have in common? They both waited 38 years to go all the way. 12. What did the moon bring to the beach on Aug. 21? Sunblock. 4 Link to comment
ennui August 24, 2017 Share August 24, 2017 An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What's the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that’s red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that’s the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?" 9 Link to comment
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