HootyMcBoob

Well Leah didn't reveal it, but I will: my husband's aunt sees Kevin James at church (on Long Island, as recently as Christmas), so he is Catholic as hell.

This was funny AND informative, and I for-reals might cut the turkey that way when I make mine this year. Thanks, Monica!

Maya Rudolph or no one, thank you.

Hello, I live on Long Island. Did they happen to give the name of the pizza place where Finger-Comby McScalpflake is employed? Because I'd like to never set foot inside of it ever, thanks very much. I'd bet their Parmesan is 60% skin at this point. (Also I'm really wondering if that's an LI thing or just an insecure girl thing. Whenever I see a gaggle of teen girls out in public they are CONSTANTLY touching their hair.)

I feel qualified to speak on this subject based on my username: the worst modesty sheet in history also really highlights the......static nature of Val's boobs.

In defense of using closed captioning, some of us have a particular hearing impairment known as, "loud-ass-little-kids-who-never-stop-making-noise."

I am to assume the dessert menu is cheesecake, exclusively.

The lady at Brandon's student senate meeting who announces, "You are being a pain," was my MVP of the episode. Truer words, unreasonable hippie. Truer words.