erikdepressant

Curse you, ivygirl; you got a song stuck in my head with "J'adore Myself":

I had a joy-of-pet-ownership moment during lunch today; I had to stop eating to go clean poop off my cat's behind (he's still sulking in the corner). It gave me an idea, however. If anyone has any extra money they'd like to invest, I plan to be on Shark Tank next season with a My Shiney Feliney Hiney product line.

"Sittin' downtown in a railway station, one yolk over the line..." [if you get that song stuck in your head]

For an example of how to keep the romance in a marriage alive, check out this couple's conversation in a Senokot ad that needs to be aired twice in a commercial break. She loves her natural vegetable laxative so much that she chooses her clothing and accessorizes her kitchen with a Senokot color palette. That look on his face at the end... The carefully-placed box of Senokot on her purse was the last piece of the puzzle. He finally realized the meaning of his wife's display of what she cryptically called her "Hiney Lilies:" one orifice would be off limits that night. Now, whenever she puts yellow flowers in a vase, he will know which activity not to suggest in the bedroom. If only he had decoded it sooner! But, if she was that clever, why didn't she connect the empty bottle of Viagra on his purse with her remark after breakfast that he had "barely touched his sausage?"

Carl's Jr commercials disgust me. I have to change the channel when they come on. A sloppy, messy burger is appalling to me, but it seems some people enjoy sandwiches like that. The couple times that I ate there, the food tasted awful, too.

Your post reminded me of Green Eggs and Ham, for some reason. I was gonna continue with "I'd like to drown you in a moat; I'd like to punch you in the throat..." and so on, but I don't think Dr. Seuss would have approved. PaneraSam-I-Am offers everyone Clean Eggs and Ham.

I do not like you in a house. I do not like you with a mouse. I do not like you here or there. I do not like you anywhere. I do not like where you began. I do not like you, Smug Sprint Man.

A) The snack company that originally bagged her potato chips has mastered the technology of creating pocket dimensions; more chips were in that bag than could actually fit inside the bag. Her incorrectly opening the bag must have ruffled spacetime. B) That scene should have been in black and white.

That's a good point.* *I had to quote you and type "good point," because if I had hit the "like" button, it would be forever documented on the internet that I like that first-cousin marriage is legal in several states.

It's amazing how many explanations of policies begin with, "That is indeed how a rational person would think; however, our customers..."

New or not, the iPhone is just a phone. Now, try to find five and a half minutes to watch Don Hertzfeldt's Billy's Balloon with the sound on:

100 likes for that. Their food could stand on its own, without needing my emotional attachment to the brand. And if I could afford to eat there more often, I would. Maybe they're just trying to get new customers. They're going to lose me as a customer.

Yeah, I've had my digestive problems a long time. I've tried every probiotic I can find, and they don't seem to do much good for me.

You could trademark your creations as AvocaToes or Holey-Sockamolies (I get 10% of the profits now). I don't know if it's nationwide or not, but Panera is offering delivery in our area. I was trying to find that commercial to post. It's as stupid as their other ones; I think it involves not getting too excited about clean food showing up at your door or something. When I went to Panera's YouTube channel to look for the delivery commercial, their video that auto-played began with, "Clean food. Words you don't often hear." Really? I hear those words every 20 minutes, thanks to Panera saturation. I've posted before that I like their food, but I just don't want to go near them anymore.