HissyFit

If, indeed, all our electronic devices are programmed to scan our utterances for terrorist code words and transmit them to the FBI or Homeland Security, I imagine this recent report: "On March 18 we observed a huge, synchronized spike in domestic chatter using the same phrase. The language is not yet determined, but the phrase sounds like 'A-unh Buhh.'"

Wild critters kept eating the fish in my neighbor's koi pond, so she bought some fake ones. They're dekois.

In the Crossword Clues "R" category, the answer was "What's all this noise? (6 letters)." The correct word was "racket." Would they have accepted "ruckus"?

I'm tired of people who complain about everything. $2.00 for a cup of coffee. $3.00 for a coat check. $4.00 an hour for parking. I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.

Or 30.

(giggling) Instead of "Elf on a Shelf," it's "Keith on a Wreath."

My peeve today: All of the click-bait ads on social media with come-ons like, "He was a teen heart-throb in the '70s, but he's unrecognizable now!" as if it's shocking news. Having attended my 50-year class reunion, I can say that would apply to most of us.

I hope the guy who invented AutoCorrect burns in hello.

I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle. I bought a bottle of scotch and put it in my bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, it occurred to me that if I fell off the bike, the bottle of scotch would break and be wasted. So I drank the whole bottle before I cycled home. It turned out to be a wise decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times before I made it home.

I, too, had a favorite piece of furniture that housed an old box TV. I carefully measured the width of the hole, then took my tape measure to the store, which had dozens of sizes on display. Ignore the screen sizes on the box. Just find the widest unit that will fit in the hole. Modern TVs have a much slimmer frame. Because HD TVs are so much clearer, I can see my newer TV much better, from the same distance and location. Since the newer TV is not as tall as the space, I built and stained a "shelf" for the TV to sit on. It lifts the screen to the top of the niche and makes the whole thing look custom. I use the space below as horizontal storage for a few oversized art books.

There were so many different birds to create that God grew weary during the process. When he got to "duck," he said, "Oh, heck, just make a chicken waterproof and give it a kazoo."

I'm afraid of elevators, so I take steps to avoid them.

What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?

FJ was an instaget. Despite corporate claims that the formula was the same, no Coca-Cola ever tasted as good as an icy 6-ounce Coke in that thick, curvy, green glass bottle.

@Bastet, is there room for me on your bandwagon? I accepted the hoopla about kids waiting for the school buses in the dark for years. Then I learned that, because of our aging population and smaller families, the percentage of U.S. households with school-age children is about 20 percent. So why must 100 percent of the people, including those school children, disrupt their body clocks every six months? Change the school hours and keep Daylight Saving Time year-round.

Adding a peeve because it happened just now, as I was reading this: doorbells on TV shows and commercials. I put down my Kindle, remove my glasses, get up, walk through living room and kitchen to get to the door and ... nothing. Again. I know I need the exercise. I'm just peeved by the interruption.

I think this question was meant for a different topic (Pet Peeves, perhaps?), but I don't know how to move stuff. Phosphates once helped detergents clean better by separating and removing soap and mineral residues. But phosphates cause problems in the environment, so they were banned in the mid-'90s. I understand the reasoning, but I miss the old, better-performing detergents.

How did Ken mistakenly accept "Chief Joseph" when the answer was "Crazy Horse"?

1. It's tempting to buy shredded cheese, but please don't. ALL shredded cheese has a super-fine dusting of flour or cornstarch or something to keep the cheese from clumping together too badly. The change in taste is miniscule, but it's there. Freshly grated cheese is far better. 2. Start with less mayo and add slowly, tasting until YOU like it. 3. Draining the pimento is optional. Some people like the flavor the liquid imparts. 4. Garlic is also optional. You decide. 5. The "lighter color" PC someone mentioned probably had a different cheese mixed with the cheddar. Some are quite tasty! 6. After 70+ years of eating and making PC, a friend recently threw a twist on me. She added chopped green olives, already stuffed with pimientos, into her mix, along with a little of the briny olive juice. I loved it. 7. My only peeve: People who insist there is only one "right" way to make it. Just enjoy! There ain't no Pimento Cheese Police!

I just hung up on another caller offering to send me a "free" back or knee brace, paid for by Medicare. The call wasn't based on any medical records; the caller didn't even know my name! No, madam, the device is NOT free and your company does NOT care about my pain. Your company collects millions of dollars from Medicare for overpriced equipment and is one reason our taxes, health insurance and medical costs are so high. Get off my phone!

I just hung up on another caller offering to send me a "free" back or knee brace, paid for by Medicare. The call wasn't based on my medical records; the caller didn't even know my name! No, madam, the device is NOT free and your company does NOT care about my presumed pain. Your company collects millions of dollars from Medicare for this overpriced equipment and is one reason our taxes, health insurance and medical costs are so high. Get off my phone!

Quite a few designers do this for video or photo shoots, not just for a more neutral background but to provide privacy for the clients. (I've used a magnifying glass to read book titles in homes featured in magazines.) However, they don't expect the clients to live like this after the cameras depart.

Haha, yes, you're right. What I consider inappropriate would fit right in, and I find that sad and also confusing. I agree with a TV fashion maven who decried "the slobbification of America."

A huge peeve (actually, I'm not peeved, I'm furious): Jerks or criminals whose behavior makes life difficult for the rest us. In recent months, the outdoor mail drop boxes have been removed from the two post offices nearest to me. Why? Because they were irreparably damaged by thieves breaking them open to steal the mail! Yes, I can park and walk into the P.O. and deposit my mail, but that is a major inconvenience for someone whose fashion sense is best described as "I didn't plan to get out of the car."

Petty peeve: Those online lists of "Out-of-date trends that are making your home look old" or "Ditch these things around your house now!" Unless I'm selling my house, my home decor doesn't have to please anyone but ME. I surround myself with things that make me happy and function well for me. If my Tiffany-style lamps and mahogany furniture don't suit the IKEA stylists, my 113-year-old house and I don't care. We're not trying to impress anyone.