Original Quotes: This Family Makes Me Want to Murder People

[ElectricBoogaloo]

[Cami watches a girl cut her hand and drain the blood into a cup]
Cami: Do they, like, pay you?
Klaus: Handsomely. And with a Christmas bonus. Isn't that right?
Cami: So you just compel her to nod and agree with whatever you say?
Klaus: I compel her to feed me and to hang the occasional Christmas ornament.

Klaus: It's not a good idea for he and I to spend hours together in confined spaces.

Marcel: Taking over my bar? You don't really strike me as a jazz fan.

Marcel: The last regent was shunned and the one before that murdered. No one's really eager to step up.

Vincent: You're jumpy.
Cami: Maybe that's from being jumped so many times.

Rebekah: I'm not hungry. I'm angry. Staked by your ex, drowned by Nik's.

Elijah: This prophecy does state one of us will fall by family.
Rebekah: Well, I would never harm you. You killed half the navy rescuing me. Freya hates traitors.
Elijah: Let's not forget our allegiance to Finn. I do want to trust her.
Rebekah: So that leaves Nik. Do you think he's finally learned his lesson about backstabbing his family?
Elijah: I think he learns that lesson all the time. He's just a terrible student.

Elijah: I'm afraid we have a far more urgent problem.
Rebekah: Well to be fair, I am the prettiest urgent problem you have ever seen.

Klaus: While I cannot take away the feelings of worthlessness that haunt you now, I can tell you that you will learn to live with them. I certainly have. I have also come to find that the very thing you believe is worth the least matters most of all. There is beauty in the courage of the fragile fighter - those who persevere despite all that they've been through, those who still believe there is good in the world. Us dark things often find we need that light the most. What you do not see in yourself, others see in you. You do matter.

Rebekah: I wouldn't want to have to kick your ass before I got to hug you.

Rebekah: Every woman that you and Elijah bring into our lives turns to poison.

Rebekah: Well, that was annoying.

Hayley: You never get used to the feeling of a fist around your heart.

Jackson: My in laws really suck.

Klaus: Thank you for helping Freya. Unfortunately we're all out of mason jar moonshine.
Rebekah: Wow, Nik. You are positively merry tonight. All that therapy must be paying off.

Rebekah: I know it's not exactly a bonfire, but I improvised. Come on, it's tradition.
Cami: Tradition?
Klaus: We write our wishes and then burn them for good luck. Strangely, I don't recall wishing for an influx of enemies and yet year after year-
Elijah: How odd. Forever on Santa's naughty list.

Edited June 24, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Hayley: I let you take your bow and arrow. I'm not exactly sure what you're going to hunt in the French Quarter though.
Jackson: Hipsters.

Vincent: This is for your ancestors. May they judge you harshly.

Klaus: [Aurora] lives. You can thank Elijah for that. I wanted to flay her and hang her skin as a flag. Anyway, enough chitchat.

Elijah: Before you rush headlong into almost certain death, as your sire I would like to invite you all to employ just a little bit of common sense.

Klaus: Where are you going? Are you so eager to die?
Cami: I'm already dead.

Vincent: I got your text. It's a funny place to have a chat.
Cami: Hilarious. A dead girl leaving soon to be dead flowers at her dead brother's grave. It's just another pointless ritual in a pointless life.

Klaus: How can Aurora be gone?
Freya: Oh, apologies I left your lunatic ex unattended seeing as I was busy casting the spell that saved the day.

Edited June 24, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Josh: Davina, I called like a billion times. It's enough to make a guy feel, I don't know, shunned or something. Sorry, too soon?
Davina: Josh, I'm sorry I haven't called you back. It's just things have been really-
Josh: Really, yeah, awful. No kidding. The thing is, this is kind of the whole reason you have friends - so you don't have to do the terrible parts alone.
[limousine pulls up next to them]
Josh: Whoa, should I be worried or like really excited right now?

Dude bro: Hey, four tequila shots, stat. And don't be afraid to move that sweet ass.
Cami: Real nice. She works hard, you know.
Dude bro: Oh yeah? How about you, gorgeous? You work hard too?
Cami: Sure. As a matter of fact, right now it's hard work resisting the urge to rip your throat out with my teeth. You're going to find an ATM and you're going to max out your daily limit and leave that nice underpaid bartender the biggest tip she's ever seen. Then you're going to meet me in the alley out back so we can have some real fun. And turn your hat around. You're an adult.

Klaus: You would have torn [Dude bro] apart, whether you meant to or not. Probably doing the world a favor in the process, but-
Cami: I'm a vampire now, Klaus. Isn't that what we do? We hunt, we feed, we kill.
Klaus: We might want to keep our voices down just a little bit.
Cami: Why? Can't we just compel anyone to do anything we want? Isn't that what you do all the time?
Klaus: What I do and what you do are not the same thing.

Davina: It's really just a simple suspension spell. The poison stops my heart and the spell keeps me from dying for good.
Josh: Cool. Yeah, I'm totally on board. Just except for the part about the poison, your heart, and whatever you said at the end about dying.
Davina: Josh, the witches won't even look at me, let alone help me. If I'm going to find out if that spell really works, I need to go to the only witch I trust and that would be Kol.
Josh: Hmm, your dead boyfriend who currently resides in spooky witch purgatory along with the other dead spirits who shunned you.

Cami: I'm sorry, are you, of all people, offering me a lesson in restraint?

Elijah: I thought the pale horse might be something biblical or tied to one of the equestrian constellations. There's pegasus. Perhaps equuleus.
Niklaus: Neither of those sounds like a weapon unless they plan to bore us to death. You know, it would be nice if just once the witches bloody well said what they mean.

Edited June 24, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Cami: Seriously? I have an ancient mystical weapon of doom and instead of agreeing to my very fair trade, you're making threats.
Klaus: There she is. Traitor to my family, thief of that which is mine.
Cami: Don't be dramatic. Like I said, I just wanted your attention and seeing as you're here I'd say I got it.
Klaus: Yes, a rather effective tactic, one I usually reserve for enemies and here I thought we were intimates.
Cami: We are. But relationships are built on trust and equality, and we don't have either if you're confiscating my stuff.
Klaus: And so your response is to steal what's mine and attempt to bend my will to your own.
Cami: I just want back what you took.
[Klaus sets down a briefcase]
Cami: What? That's like a third of them? So would you like a third of the white oak?
Klaus: Are you really going to do this?
Vincent: Okay, I'm going to leave you two lovebirds alone.

Klaus: You all people know what I am capable of and yet you seem determined to incur my wrath. I'm going to ask you one last time.
Cami: "Give me the white oak." Am I right? My answer is happily, as soon as you stop screwing around and give me back what's mine.
Klaus: If I give your trinkets back, I in all manner of foolishness. You will grow arrogant under the false belief you have power and ultimately you will end up dead.
Cami: Klaus, you're afraid something will happen to me? Guess what? Something already did. Your ex hates me so much, she murdered me.

Elijah: I'll keep Aya distracted.
Hayley: Why don't you just kill her?
Elijah: She and I have history.

Elijah: In time beneath his corrupted guidance, [Aya and Tristan] made the Strix what they are today - a hive of depraved and ignorant savages.

Elijah: Shh, shh, Marcel, grownups are talking.

Elijah: You would choose strength over cunning?

Aya: I would rather die than accept you as leader.
Elijah: If that's your ultimatum, then I accept.

Marcel: I thought you two were gonna talk each other to death.

Strix witch: You have a high tolerance for pain! Let's see how high.

Elijah: Well, this little escapade has been very cute indeed. Marcel, why don't you come outside and give me the charter?
Marcel: Mmmm, no. No, I'm fine right where I am. I got about three minutes before I'm the new grand poobah.

Elijah: If you think I'm above burning this place to the ground, you are greatly mistaken.
Marcel: Well that's not very civilized, is it?

Marcel: You want a leader with more brains than brawn. Reason I beat you all is because I know every nook and cranny in the quarter - underground tunnels, secret passageways between properties, and since I'm so charming, I get invited everywhere.

Marcel: I'm not the strongest one here, but I won the game. I've been watching the Mikaelsons my whole life, studied them since I was a kid. That's how I drove them out of New Orleans in the first place.

Klaus: What were you thinking? Did it occur to you the immense danger you put yourself in? You were almost killed.
Cami: I would have been. Thank God I had my dark objects. The amount of vulnerability you're feeling right now, Klaus, that's what I deal with all the time. Why do you think I was so desperate to protect myself? If you had just given me what I asked for-
Klaus: Do not blame me!
Cami: I took a calculated risk, yes. Did it blow up in my face? Yes. And I am sorry. I am. But if you had just listened to me, we wouldn't be here right now. It's the same story with you, Klaus. For a thousand years, you control, you manipulate, you do whatever you need to do to get your way and I'm not going to be a part of it anymore.

Marcel: You had to punch your hand through my chest.
Elijah: Oh, for the love of - Marcel, I was in character. The moment took me.

Klaus: I have killed many, many people for far less than what you've done.
Cami: What do you want me to say, Klaus? "Thank you for not killing me"?

Klaus: I trust Freya had no luck finding that witch.
Elijah: Not in the seven minutes since your last inquiry, Niklaus, no.

Elijah: I do wonder which one of us [Aurora]'ll try to kill first. You broke her heart. I broke her mind. I suppose both of us share the sin of Tristan's unceremonious burial at sea.
Klaus: It's normally we who pose the threat to our intimates. It's an odd feeling, the roles reversed. I always did loathe irony.

Edited June 24, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Klaus: Go on. On your way.
Freya: Do you talk to our other sister this way? Didn't think so.

Klaus: I've heard that time heals all wounds but that has not been my own experience.

Elijah: [Aurora] has to punish us with the most unfortunate limerick.

Aurora: [My new gun]'s pretty, no?
Elijah: Pretty vulgar. Theatrical and tasteless as ever.

Hayley: There is a fight coming, Cami. That's what the prophecy says. And you're not going to be much good to the home team if you're just standing around waving a bunch of antiques.

Cami: I'm not used to being on the receiving end of solid advice.

Kol: Definitely our worst date ever.

Hayley: I thought I smelled arrogance.
Aya: I think you meant confidence. But I can understand how the uneducated are apt to confuse the two.
Hayley: You want to tell me what your dead eyed drones want with my heart?

Klaus: Some children cuddle with a blanket. Mine loves her chess piece.

Elijah: You know, I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I wholeheartedly agree with Niklaus.

Edited June 24, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Aya: Give me what's in your hand and I'll give you what you want.
Aurora: But you see, Aya, what I want I have - a weapon that can kill the unkillable and make the Mikaelsons suffer nearly as much pain as they've made me suffer.

Aurora: You know, Aya, when all this is over, we should be better friends.

Freya; The prophecy says you three will be felled by friend, family, and foe. Rebekah was fallen by family. That leaves friend and foe. You and Klaus have a lot of foes.
Elijah: Just one or two.
Freya: Thankfully not many friends.
Klaus: Freya, this is Stefan Salvatore, an old friend. One of my trickle down sire links, long story. Stefan, this is Freya, my brand new older sister. Also a long story.
Freya: You're an old friend, are you?
Stefan: Well, that kind of depends on your definition.

Marcel: Crazy spells, substitute hearts, creepy witches helping you out.

Stefan: So full disclosure - I dated your sister once.
Freya: Well, that seems like a great story.

Stefan: Not that I was expecting a parade or anything but why is everyone so eager for me to go?
Freya: What's troubling the Mikaelsons? Oh, let's see. Well, there's Elijah's super secret society of ancient vampires. One of their more zealous members, an old flame of Elijah's, is trying to undo my mother's most powerful spell.

Stefan: Aurora dies first.
Klaus: You once told me you wanted to use her head as a foot stool. Why wait?

Klaus: I am getting so tired of having that vile weapon pointed at me.

Elijah: Creator destroyed by his own creation. I suppose there's a certain poetry do that, wouldn't you Niklaus?

Aurora: Between a subpar piece of art and a broken relic, I suppose you'd have to choose the swords, wouldn't you? If only out of denial.

Elijah: Would you mind terribly if you spared me the deadbeat dad lecture?

Lucien: You can hardly fault a man for following his heart. The moment she started raving about firing white oak into Klaus, well, words were said, hearts broken, veins drained.

Aurora: I do like seeing how hard you work to save the few who still care about you - Elijah, Cami. Hmm, it's a pretty short list.

Stefan: We could use one of these access tunnels to slip into a back room.
Lucien: Mmmm.
Stefan: What? Worried about getting a little dirt on your thousand dollar shoes?

Lucien: Is this really the best help we can get?

Marcel: We're not getting their bodies back. Strix from all over the world are flying in to make sure that this spell goes off. They're guarding every entrance and exit.
Lucien: Well you're their leader. Call a meeting. Schedule a retreat.

Lucien: Wait, so you want me here holding hands with the leftover sister while you take the two toddlers and tackle the Strix? You must be joking!
[Freya magically snaps his neck]

Hayley: Who's on your home page?
[Stefan hands over his phone]
Hayley: Oh, Caroline. Klaus had a thing for her. And I'm pretty sure that I snapped her neck once.

Aurora: How could a woman really love either of you? Even if she could stomach your treachery, she's left to face your brother.
Klaus: And here we go again with the same tune you've been singing ever since you came to town - "How Elijah Ruined Our Love."

Davina: Klaus saved you, like you saved me. You think you owe him but you don't. He's taken far more than he's given - from you, from me, from Kol.

Davina: We've always protected each other. When you had me shunned, I was furious. But now I get it. You'll always protect me, no matter what, even if I hate you for it. You deserve to be free of Klaus. We all do.

Lucien: Did you have to tie me up?
Freya: This will hurt. I need you not to move.
Lucien: You're a dark one! Freya Mikaelson - vervain ropes, penetrating spells. Throw in a pinot and cheap motel and you've got the beginnings of a romance.

Freya: It's going to take most of my power and probably all of yours.
Lucien: Oh, love, my stamina's never been an issue. Go on, have at it. I'll be bound to the edge of my seat until your return.

Aya: If your life were chained to a man who left you despite your devotion, what choice would you have but to break free?

Stefan: I saved you and you saved me. Am I too optimistic in thinking we'll never see each other again?

Edited June 24, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Freya: It's only been a few days since the [sire] link was broken. Must you jump into crippling paranoia already?
Elijah: That's a default setting.

Vincent: Aurora? I thought Klaus took care of her.
Cami: According to Hayley, he said he condemned her to a fate worse than death. Translation: not dead. Which means sooner or later, I'm screwed.

Vincent: So are you scared that [Aurora]'s going to come for you or that there's a reason that Klaus didn't kill her?
Cami: ...
Vincent: Or we could not talk and keep hitting things.

Kol: At the risk of sounding too forward, I need you to put a ring on this finger.

Marcel: O negative and tequila.

Josh: It's not every night you get celebrate having your supernatural link to a murderous psycho broken by a blood spell.

Klaus: It was Gaspar Cortes, the youngest son of a particularly vile family of warlords I dealt with in the seventeenth century.
Elijah: Didn't they burn that philistine pigsty to the ground?
Klaus: Pigsty? That was my favorite artists' retreat. Someone had to pay for that so I murdered Gaspar's brute of a father.
Freya: And?
Klaus: And one or two-
Elijah: Five.
Klaus: Five of his bloodthirsty brothers.
Elijah: Don't forget about the mistress.
Klaus: That was an accident!

Klaus: [Gaspar] is a cunning deviant known to compel hordes of the helpless to aid him with his tasks.

Elijah: Well, isn't this the welcome home? Already at the mercy of Niklaus and just in time to help the rest of us clean up his mess. Do you miss being dead yet?

Klaus: [Gaspar's] family decimated Bellaga.
Kol: Ugh, Bellaga? That place was hideous.
Elijah: Thank you, Kol.
Klaus: No taste! Either of you.

Vincent: You must be the psycho who compelled somebody to die in my arms. See, that kind of thing ain't going to fly in my city. I'm really going to enjoy killing you.

Josh: FYI there's a girl still asleep on your bathroom floor.

Josh: I know you had your reasons for joining [the Strix] but, no offense, starting to think you're not undercover anymore. Kinda feels like you're just in it.

Josh: I know Marcel's been a total absentee dad lately, but he always comes through in the end. I hope.

Davina: Well, the good news is I found Marcel's friends. The bad news is they're dead.

Freya: Behold your greatest hits, Klaus. All over the world, but only one is here. Which means the legion of enemies you were worried about is an army of one.

Elijah: I went to the wrong dumpster. Of course, I had nothing better to do.

Klaus: So you expect me to let you live knowing you seek the white oak? It's a shame how some vampires grow so dim with age. Killing you will be a mercy.

Elijah: So this might only be a fraction of your potential enemies.
Kol: In hindsight, you could have been nicer to people. Or at least left fewer survivors.

Elijah: I have an army devoted to keeping me alive. The only people that care to protect [Klaus] are standing in this very room.

Klaus: I don't run, sister. I disappear.

Davina: Everything okay with your family?
Kol: Of course not.
Davina: Don't they need you?
Kol: Desperately.

Elijah: You know, for all his mischief, Kol surely is a master of his craft.
Klaus: Yes, well, drawing trouble is his forte.

Edited June 24, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade

[RachelKM]

 

 

Klaus: [Gaspar's] family decimated Bellaga.

Kol: Ugh, Bellaga? That place was hideous.

Elijah: Thank you, Kol.

Klaus: No taste! Either of you.

This was my favorite exchange of the episode. 

[ElectricBoogaloo]

I was totally cracking up that in the middle of all this panic about Gaspar coming to New Orleans to kill Klaus, the Mikaelson siblings still have time to be judgemental about each other's taste.

[RachelKM]

Yes, even when the show sometimes meanders or otherwise annoys, the Mikaelsibs dynamics are delightful.  

[ElectricBoogaloo]

[Hayley comes out of a gas station holding a hat that says "MOTHER TRUCKER"]
Klaus: Absolutely not.
Hayley: You need to blend. You could start by losing the thousand dollar jacket.
Klaus: Tell me again why we're on a scenic tour of methamphetamine country and not compelling a jet to some far off, preferably tropical, destination.

Klaus: On a scale from one to ten, how much am I going to despise this little plan of yours?
Hayley: I'd say a solid 85.
Klaus: Oh, good.

Lucien: Ahh, Freya. Would you mind telling your security that I'm a dear and beloved friend of the family?
Freya: That might be overstating it. For now, let's go with necessary acquaintance.

Kol: Pardon me, love, but Finn has tried to kill the rest of us more than once. He's an enemy of the family.
Freya: He is our family. Finn's return is an opportunity to mend old wounds and fix what's broken.
Kol: He didn't just drop a bloody vase! He murdered me!

Hollis: A city boy, huh? Wouldn't have guessed that.
Klaus: Never underestimate the allure of indoor plumbing.

Marcel: Looks like we got a good news/bad news situation on our hands.
Elijah: Marcel, I simply don't have time for this.
Marcel: I got a bead on the bullet. Whoever found it is offering it to the highest bidder, of which there are more than a few.
Elijah: This is your idea of good news?

Lucien: Perhaps we should let [Finn and Kol] fight. After all, they can't actually kill each other.

Elijah: Behave yourselves, particularly considering we'll be confined here together for the foreseeable future.
Kol: What does that mean?
Elijah: I believe the term "staycation."

Klaus: I'm quite sure this glass hasn't been washed in the past decade which makes it the cleanest thing in this establishment.
Hayley: And you have hit your complaint quota for the day. Congratulations - you're officially the worst.

Klaus: Couldn't bear to spend another day giving Elijah the mournful doe eyes?
Hayley: That is none of your business.
Klaus: Right. It's only my brother and the mother of my daughter in my house in, oh yes, my city.
Hayley: Weird, it's almost like you're making this all about you again.

Klaus: Perhaps you'll get Cletus and your other foul smelling friends to help.
Hayley: Those friends of mine are helping us, Klaus, no questions asked, despite the fact that they have problems of their own and all you have done is insult them. You don't get it, do you? This is the exact reason why we're here. Maybe if you hadn't been a dick to, I don't know, EVERYBODY then we wouldn't even be on the run.
Klaus: I have always done what I needed to do to protect our family from numerous enemies. I make no apologies for my methods.
Hayley: Do you even hear yourself, Klaus? You're incapable of even pretending to be a good person. And you can justify it all you want with strategy and us versus them, but at the end of the day the enemies that you have are the ones that you made.

Sophia: I don't get paid enough to die.

Finn: Forever is a burden that nobody should have to bear.

Josh: Man, I really thought asking nicely would do the trick.

Elijah: Did it not seem too easy?
Marcel: Hey, maybe I'm just that good.

Edited June 24, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Vincent: You want to become an Original.
Lucien: Do I look like the sort who would settle for the shoddy original model? I intend to be an upgrade.

Kol: So the two people responsible for not destroying the white oak when they had the chance, thus putting us in this bloody mess, are now off to try and fix it. That's just marvelous. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Kol: They've been driving northeast for an hour, love. We need to get a tad more specific before they hit the Atlantic Ocean.

Elijah: Nine hundred years in a box and zero patience.

Cami: I know it's here somewhere.
Kol: Hard to keep track of all your stolen goods?
Cami: My family did not steal these. They just kept the very deadly toys you left strewn about the city from falling into even deadlier hands.

Elijah: Matthew Donovan. How adorably inconvenient. Unfortunately we don't have time to play right now. I'll pass your regards along to Rebekah.
Matt: Finn, isn't it? I'm sorry I suck at names but I never forget a face, especially when it's someone I've already killed. That was right over there, right? Did you come back for some more?
Finn: Do you expect to scare me with that crude little toy?
Matt: Why are you here?
Elijah: My sister Freya has been taken.
[Matt gives Elijah a WTF face]
Elijah: Yes, we have another. Option 1 - you can go about your business like a good little boy. Option 2 - violent disembowelment.

Kol: Which self am I supposed to be? I've been a witch, a vampire, a ghost, a witch in somebody else's body, and now I am a bloody vampire again.

Klaus: You know how much I love burning things to the ground.

Klaus: Sibling squabbling. How familiar. Although the teams seem to have changed.

Freya: How do you feel?
Finn: I feel strangely euphoric.
Klaus: I've been known to have that effect.

Finn: Today I saw a glimpse of your coveted always and forever.

Elijah: You fought against what time and circumstance made you. You're free now, Finn.
Kol: I loathed you for centuries. Even now, it remains unabated. But I know torment, brother. So I hope you somehow find peace in the abyss.
Freya: When you were born, you gave me a gift - you were my first friend. Today you gifted me my life and my brothers united, even if for a moment. I love you. Always and forever, brother. Til forever ends.
Klaus: Just know that you will be avenged.

Edited June 24, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Lucient: Perhaps centuries from now, you and I will look back on this bucolic scene as the beginning of our chapter.
Aurora: And what does that chapter entail?
Lucien: Power, domination, vengeance.
Aurora: Men are such good talkers but how rarely they produce more than words. And they call me delusional.

Freya: You're hovering.
Klaus: I'm supervising.

Hayley: Are you seriously going out there?
Elijah: I'm seriously going out there.

Klaus: To spend an eternity without me, it would be a curse your frail heart could not endure.

Lucien: You Mikaelsons. Your arrogance truly knows no bounds.

Aurora: Ooh, you're brandishing your antiques at me.

Elijah: Come now, my darling sister. The Strix are the show. Well, the first act. Act two - Lucien's buried beneath a thousand tons of cement. Act three - spoiler alert, you're a parking lot.
Lucien: Even after a thousand years, you've never managed to curb your hubris. You still wander through a smog of your own self importance.

Edited June 24, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Klaus: My bite is cured by my blood.
Hayley: Do you think [Lucien's] blood can save [Cami]?
Elijah: It makes sense. Lucien would want that power.
Klaus: Allowing him to lord himself over his victims.

Klaus: You should be lying down.
Cami: You should be getting me soup.
Lucien: I suppose I should just 'fess up and tell you all my deepest, darkest secrets. I'm a Scorpio. I prefer wine to whiskey. Got a bit of a sweet tooth.
Cami: I should have published your memoir. I would have made a fortune.

Klaus: It's lovely, save for the incessant parade of inebriated buffoons. I should have omitted them when I conjured this.
Cami: You don't get to delete the details that annoy you. If you love something, you have to accept the good with the bad.
Klaus: I prefer to shape reality to my will. It's a far better practice than simply accepting what's been offered.
Cami: Even you don't get to micromanage the world. Besides, it's an unhealthy impulse.
Klaus: It is for those who defy me.
Cami: Healthy, happy people get by just fine when they don't get their way. This whole revenge thing, this obsession with power, it's all rooted in fear.

Cami: Do you remember when we first met? You were so damaged, manipulative. People were just things to use to get what you wanted.

Elijah: We cannot deny [Cami] the dignity of choice.

Klaus: You stayed my hand, quelled my rage. You inspired goodness in me.

Edited June 24, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Lucien: What do you think, Van? Surely you can see that vampirism has its perks. No lines at the DMV, no hangovers, I've got the abs of the laborer I once was and the cuticles of a Real Housewife. And I can quite literally hear your eyes roll from across the room. Am I boring you?
Van: No, just wondering why you had your friends bring me here if you were just going to pick out man jewelry.

Hayley: Look, Klaus, we both know how this is going to go down. You're going to tell me that I can't come and then I'm going to tell you that I love Rebekah too. Then you're going to say that I'm going to slow you down and I'm going to remind you that you're the one who cursed me to be a werewoof for six months and therefore I know every inch of the bayou. Now unless you want to be delayed by an angry werewoof grandma with a shotgun, you should just admit that you need me.

Klaus: I don't need advice on healthy mourning from the girl who kept her husband's rotting heart in a box, thank you.

Van: You've been shunned, Vincent. Your magic doesn't compare to mine anymore.
Vincent: Careful now cause my magic is still plenty strong, especially when coupled with head trauma.

Lucien: Do you really want to measure your pride against my mercy?

Vincent: You destroyed somebody good today in order to save people who've had more than their share of lifetimes.

Marcel: I'm not in the mood for company.
Vincent: Neither am I.

Vincent: I don't like vampires. And I don't like you. But I do respect you.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Hayley: We can't run out of whiskey at an Irish wake. That's like the one rule, okay? Whiskey is important.

Josh: I missed out on the whole binge drinking thing in college but I guess I'm making up for it with the drowning my sorrows thing, so cheers.

Josh: Is that?
Marcel: Lucien's serum.
Josh: Oh, cool! So you're going to die soon too! Well, that's good to know. I'll make sure I get this suit cleaned stat.

Marcel: What am I to you, Klaus? Am I your friend? Your sidekick? I mean, at first I was a charity case. We all know that. How about now? Am I your ally? Because you sure as hell don't treat me like one.
Klaus: You and I are bonded by blood. And yes, we quarrel but that is what family does.
Marcel: Oh, okay. So I'm family? No, I don't see it. Once upon a time, you were my mentor, my savior, my sire. But you've never been my brother. And now you're nothing to me.

Kinney: Nice little fixer upper.
Vincent: I can't sell it and I can't rent it because everybody thinks it's haunted. That's what happens when your crazy ex-wife used to perform ritual sacrifice in your parlor room.

Klaus: You may hate me, but your hatred only marks you as my kin.

Kinney: Psycho slumber party's over! We got reports of health code violations, animal cruelty, felony creepiness.

Marcel: Same Mikaelson drama. One of you is trying to make peace. The other one is eyeing me like I'm a rabid dog.

Marcel: Loyalty never got me anywhere and the only thing you respond to is a show of force.
Klaus: Marcellus, end this foolishness right now.
Marcel: Or else what? I mean, I'm family, right? Why would this little serum have to change anything other than the simple fact that I would be your equal? Oh yeah, I figured you could never live with that.
Klaus: You hand it over right now and I will forgive this act of defiance as a moment of weakness brought on by your grief.
Marcel: Oh, that's funny. I thought you came asking for my forgiveness but you like it better this way, don't you? Me owing you and all that pretty fairy tale about me being part of the family? That only works if you're in control. Klaus Mikaelson, smiling down like a benevolent king, showing mercy to all his subjects. But you still have to be the king, don't you?

Josh: Well, there ain't no party like a cemetery party.

Kol: Really? Hemlock?
Josh: Old school. Respect.

Elijah: Give it to me. I won't ask you again, Marcellus.
Marcel: My name is Marcel. And I'm not giving you a damn thing.
Klaus: I can't allow you the means to destroy my family.
Marcel: YOUR family. Right. Thank you.

Marcel: I asked, begged, for your help and you left Davina to rot. You put down Lucien because he was coming for you, for your family, but the thing is you made Lucien. You turned him, taught him, and then abandoned him. And then you blamed Lucien because it's always somebody else's fault. But maybe you were the villains in his story. After all, that is the Mikaelson way, right? Kill, maim, torture, all in the name of family. Always and forever. I used to admire that vow. It gave me back the thing that had been beaten out of me: faith in those you love. I was a fool. Always and forever is just an excuse to do whatever the hell you want. Maybe it's time someone put an end to that.

Elijah: I had no choice.
Klaus: Do you really believe that?

Hayley: Klaus, after everything that you have done, all the people that you've threatened, tortured, killed, all the pain that you have put [Elijah] through, he has always forgiven you.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Kol: I'm going to die!
Klaus: You're not going to die!
Kol: That sounds familiar. Isn't that what you said to Finn? And to Cami?

Marcel: Do you remember him? 1694 - his wife accused Rebekah of witchcraft so you turned him and then compelled him to drain his wife dry. Or this man. He was a simple farmer. In 1745, he made the mistake of owning land that you wanted. You could have easily taken it. Instead you turned him and then made him burn his entire village to the ground. Or this woman. 1891 - her mother had pneumonia, coughed all through the night. You got annoyed so you turned them both and then made her watch as you burned her mother alive.

Marcel: You made us all in your image - angry, paranoid, merciless. Why even bother siring us? Were you afraid to be alone? Was that it? Did you want to make something so vile and disgusting like you? You made us, you abandoned us, and anyone who dared stand up for themselves, you took away everything that we loved because that is what you do.

Marcel: That's your argument? All's fair in defense of the family? Thing is, Rebekah, I seem to recall he punished you, his sister, for no other reason than fear that you might love someone more than him.
Rebekah: We had been together for a millenium. We were bound to have a few tiffs.
Marcel: Was it a tiff when he daggered you for loving me? Was that justice? Or when he exiled you from the Quarter? From your family? From me? You hate him. You hate him as much as anyone here, maybe even more given how long he has made you suffer.

Rebekah: Yes, Nik, I would like to speak. Although when I speak out of turn, I often end up with a dagger in my chest. You see, my brother - he cannot handle the brutal truth, that he destroys everything he touches. You murdered our mother and both of your fathers. You dagger your siblings and leave us in coffins for decades. You break our hearts. You forbid us from finding love all because you can't find any love of your own. I am envious of all of you. You have broken free from him. But I have had no such relief. Chained to him not because of a sire link but because of a foolish pact that we made to each other when we were nothing more than children. What if he could suffer the way I have? The way that we all have?

Marcel: For Davina, Diego, Thierry, Gia, Cami, and the boy I used to be, who you once called your son.

Vincent: You don't do what's necessary. You do what you want to do, consequences be damned.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Klaus: Have you come to taunt me, Marcellus?
Marcel: No, I came to have a nice civilized conversation. I think we're overdue. Not much to say? And here I thought you'd enjoy the company.
Klaus: What I would most enjoy is for you to rot in hell.
Marcel: Look, there's two ways this can go - the nice, easy way or the other way.
[Marcel holds up Papa Tunde's mystical knife of ludicrous torment]
Marcel: You know, once I figured you suffered enough, I pulled this out. And on that day, I heard you say a word I've never heard you say - mercy.
Klaus: Why not just kill me?
Marcel: Because I'm not like you.

[Adam runs into Josh]
Josh: What's up, little witch dude?
Adam: Whoa, you're a vampire!
Josh: I know. I got the teeth and everything.

Vincent: Just trying to make sure everybody's stocked up so they'll stay in their homes and out of the Quarter, at least for the next week.
Josh: Yeah, just until the eurotrash vampires are done eurotrashing the city.

Klaus: Alistair and his ilk loathe me because of my strength.

Kelly: I don't know what kind of pervy stuff you're into, but I'm not that kind of girl.

Marcel: All I need from you is a boundary spell. Anyone can enter. No one can leave. And it's got to be strong.
Vincent: How strong?
Marcel: Original strength.

Josh: These guys are sketchy. Stay close.
Vincent: What are you going to do? Are you going to protect me?
Josh: No, I'm going to use you as a shield.

Alistair's henchman: It took a long time, but we finally caught you.
Hayley: Or maybe I just stopped running.

Kelly: You just waved your hand and his brain melted?
Freya: That's what happens when people annoy me.

Vincent: Beware the sleeping giant for when he wakes, the earth will shake. Here's to holding off earthquakes.
Klaus: Vincent, I never figured you for Marcel's lackey.
Vincent: I'm nobody's lackey, Klaus. As far as I'm concerned, this is justice.
Klaus: And what might be justice when I escape and come for you both?
Vincent: Look, Klaus. We could have handed you over [to Alistair]. Instead Marcel fed you blood, I took the spell off them chains. We gave you a fighting chance.
Klaus: And what chance will you have? While I remain here, my enemies will flock to New Orleans, causing all manner of mischief. One day, mostly likely as a result of some fool's effort to reach me, I will escape and I will seek my own justice.
Vincent: Yeah. I had a friend once - Cami. She, uh, she believed with all her heart that you had some good left in you. And I don't understand why it is you are so hellbent on proving her wrong.
Klaus:

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Rebekah: Good lord, that one has some lungs on him. He should have been an opera singer. Might have ended better for him actually.

Freya: Death rattles are distracting and I'm trying to break a cloaking spell.
Elijah: Kol, would you please?
[inmate screams one more time and then Kol breaks his neck]
Elijah: Thank you!

Hayley: Whatever we're going to do, we need to do it fast.
Freya: I wasn't planning on a pub crawl.

Kol: Wait, we're not doing this today.
Rebekah: Hasn't Nik suffered enough?
Kol: Yes, and I've died - twice. I'm not about to give Marcel a shot at third.

Josh: Why do you guys even need me? I know I'm adorable but I'm extremely small potatoes.

Freya: You know this tunnel runs the length of the city. Marcel must have carved out a section to serve as his personal dungeon.
Elijah: Ingenious AND sadistic. Well done, Marcel.
Kol: Save the compliments for when he comes to kill us. Your flattery might give him pause.
Josh: You're all set here so good luck, break a leg, and I'll just be on my way.
Kol: What? So you can rat us out to Marcel? Not bloody likely.
Freya; If we snap his neck, we'll be done by the time he wakes.
Elijah: And if he wakes before that?
Kol: Then kill him.
Josh: I'm right here, guys.

Cami: If you want to be free, just pull out that blade, Mikael could do it.
Klaus: Do not invoke his name.

Klaus: I will kill anyone that harms [Hope].
Cami: Ugh, lovely. Then instead of hating your darkness, she'll learn by example and become a monster herself.

Marcel: You want to talk about right and wrong? Your brother killed me in cold blood and you defended him

Rebekah: You had every chance to do the right thing.
Marcel: The right thing? The right thing according to whom? You? Or your family?

Sofya: Sorry to interrupt. Though in fairness, [Rebekah] does talk a lot. Should I drop her in the Gulf?
Marcel: Nobody lays a finger on her. Keep her here. I'll be back soon. I just have to go kill her brother.

Josh: Here's to nobody dying today.

Marcel: Immortality got boring?

Hayley: Hope needs her father, Marcel.
Marcel: Yeah? I had Klaus as a father. It didn't turn out so well, did it? Your daughter's better off without him.

Hayley: We can't beat you. I'm begging you. Let us go.
Marcel: Why? Because you think that would be justice for your family? They were my family too. And Elijah tore my heart out and threw me off a bridge. And his brother just stood by and watched.

Kol: Marcel could be shredding our family to pieces as we speak.
Rebekah: Or perhaps they simply don't have cell phone service in a drainage pipe.

Marcel: You shouldn't have come back, none of you.
Hayley: That's what family does. We fight for each other
Marcel: Yeah, so I've heard. Though it didn't really work out for me, did it?

Klaus: Thank you for not abandoning me.
Rebekah: Well, we did consider it. The vote was rather close.

Edited March 25, 2017 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Rebekah: What will you do with you immortality now that you're not burdened with saving Nik's soul?

Rebekah: True love continues to elude me but certainly there's an app for that now.

Hope: Mom said you like to paint too.
[Me: HAHAHAHAHHA!!!!]

Rebekah: There you are - wherever there are booze and boobs.

Rebekah: I have some thinking to do and I would like to do it near the expensive wine.
Kol: After five years of being trapped in a house together, here we are trapped in a house together. It's not normal, living in each other's pockets for a thousand years. Paranoia, betrayal, violence, repeat.

Rebekah: Did you expect to break into a family cured of dysfunction?

Freya: This isn't a punishment. It's a necessary evil.
Most people who do evil convince themselves it's necessary.

Klaus: I painted on animal skins mostly, bark, cave walls.
Hope: You lived in a cave?
Klaus: I lived in a hovel, all of us crowded into two rooms. It was actually nicer than it sounds. Though your uncle Kol snored - loudly, I might add.

Klaus: My daughter is an art prodigy.
Rebekah: Well she's far better than you ever were. Granted the bar was very low.
Klaus: True art is lost on the feeble minded.

Rebekah: [Kol] died twice and pent five years trapped in Freya's beige dreamland. I think you can forgive him a bit of wanderlust.

Rebekah: Wouldn't it be nice if we could part on happy terms for once? No daggers, no exile, just "so long for now, see you again soon"?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Freya; All magic is just opening locks and finding loopholes.

Vincent: There's a difference between what we project and what we try to hide inside of our hearts.

Keelin: Is this an apology or a thank you?
Freya: I don't know. I'm not particularly good at either one.

Hayley: We have got to stop making it a habit of putting our family's lives ahead of others.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Freya: Tell me again what happened at this ritual.
Klaus: I fought evil and I saved children. I should be given a medal. Instead I've been infected by some depraved ghost.

Freya: Mad I kept a secret from you? Well, chastise me once you've made it through the day.

Hayley: I do miss it out here.
Elijah: It looks like you're not alone. You know, we could be happy out here.
Hayley: I think you might stand out in that suit.
Elijah: Well, I was thinking jean shorts and flip flops.
 

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Freya: I have hobbies. For instance, I collect the ashes of my enemies.

Freya: Keelin, thank you.
Keelin: Is that gratitude from the Viking witch who spends her days channeling the spirits to save her vampire brothers? Yeah, you've got a concussion.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Elijah: Can we at least pretend to be civil?
Vincent: Are we supposed to be civil? Does Marcel know that? I'd ask him but I can't find him anywhere.
Elijah: It is outrageous. Where is that young man's sense of courtesy?

Hayley: We're throwing a party, I see.
Klaus: One that will be attended by New Orleans' most influential creatures.
Hayley: You do realize that everyone hates you.

Hayley: So you're throwing a fake party to celebrate a fake truce and your guest of honor is in the dungeon.

Josh: Are you here to kill me?
Sofya: Now why would you think that?
Josh: That's what you tried to do the first time we met and it's not like our friendship has evolved.

Klaus: I'm so glad the lack of invitation didn't deter you from attending.

Vincent: Elijah's up there. He's probably cutting a deal or killing somebody. Either way, we got nothing to talk about.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Freya: Have all your battles been free of casualties? Because if so, congratulations. Must be nice. In my experience, I've learned that survival comes with a price, just like love and family and basically anything else. But at the end of the day, we only answer to ourselves.
Vincent: You probably tell yourself that because you haven't got anybody else.

Klaus: It's a good thing one isn't judged by the competence of one's enemies. I'd be rather insulted.

Vincent: I hate vampires. I hate Klaus Mikaelson more than any of them. And I'm willing to stand beside him against that thing that you all your master. Now that right there should show you how bad your master actually is.
Klaus: I'm going to take that as a compliment.

Klaus: Gentlemen, I hope to flay the skin from your bones.

Elijah: I must say it is a compelling offer - murder in exchange for clemency. If only I could believe that you would uphold your end of the bargain.
Dominic: You're even more perceptive than your reputation suggests.
Elijah: I grew up on a Viking farm. I'm familiar with the scent of fertilizer.

Klaus: Do you hate me on general principle or was it something I said?

Elijah: I don't bargain and I'm done with reason.

Josh: Of course you'd enter in the creepiest way possible - again.

Elijah: Did you retrieve all of the weapons?
Klaus: I don't know. Let's confirm with Dominic, shall we? Oh, wait, we can't. His corpse is currently burning in a dumpster.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Elijah: Ugh, O positive. You heathen.
Klaus: New rules - no bloodshed in the house where my daughter sleeps and plays.

Klaus: If you hadn't been so hasty to kill [Dominic], we'd be dealing with the devil we know.
Elijah: Spoken by the devil I know best of all.

Klaus: [Hope]'s restless.
Hayley: She's not restless. She's bored. Most kids her age would be at school. They'd have fiends to play with.
Klaus: Once Freya teaches her to hone her magic, she'll be powerful beyond measure. She won't need friends. She'll be worshipped.
Hayley: She doesn't want to be worshipped. She just wants someone to hold the other end of the jumprope.
Klaus: She'll be above such things.

Freya: I need a vampire to do a spell. You just volunteered.
Josh: Riiiiighhht. So let's see. You threw my best friend into a supernatural hell world, but sure, let me bend over backwards to do you a favor.

Sofya: For a dead guy, you look awfully healthy.
Dominic: Only a fool would attend a Mikaelson party without a protection spell.

Marcel: I will tell you anything you want to know if you get me some blood from your dad's stash.
Hope: I'm seven, not stupid.

Freya: Josh, are you alright? Say something.
Josh as Marcel: I'm just super overwhelmed by the sheer number of jokes I could make about being in this body. It is an embarrassment of really inappropriate riches.
Freya: When you're done entertaining yourself, I'd love to get back to the life or death situation we're dealing with.
Josh: Right.
Freya: Lay down in the circle. The second Dominic sets foot in the circle, you get the hell out. Use every bit of vamp speed you've got. He can't do magic in the circle, but he does have a weapon strong enough to kill an Original.
Josh as Marcel: Awesome. Hey, Freya, I was just thinking. Let's never hang out again. Like ever.

Dominic: You imbecile, you have no idea what you're dealing with.
Freya: A bit of bluster wrapped in a protection spell. I'm not impressed.

Freya: It's done. I've broken through the last of [Dominis's] protection spells. You should leave.
Josh: Uh, I live here. Why don't you just kill the guy and then help me clean up the two bodies that are stashed in my bathroom?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Alaric: I went through the remains of the Lockwood estate and I found you one creepy ass ancient finger bone.
Klaus: Your efforts are appreciated. Now if you would only pick up the pace.
Alaric: Easy, Klaus.The only reason I'm heading your way is because I don't want you anywhere near Mystic Falls. Things tend to get murdery when you're around.

Hayley: It's quiet.
Klaus: Of course it's quiet. It's a trap.
Hayley: You don't know that.
Klaus: In New Orleans, witches have hated my family for three centuries. Of course it's a trap.

Marcel: Why should I trust you? For that matter, why would you trust me?
Elijah: I don't. But why should we let little grievances hinder our common goal?

[Marcel and Elijah arrive at the parking lot of Jack's BBQ Shack]
Elijah: Good thing we brought the German sports car.
Marcel: Says the man in the $5000 suit.
Elijah: Nine, if we're counting. I'm not a barbarian.

Elijah: That's so very hurtful, Marcellus. Here I thought we were having a marvelous galactic adventure together.

Marcel: I know how you handle threats. You made that clear when you tore my heart out five years ago. And just so we're clear now, there's no way I will ever forgive you for that.
Elijah: I don't expect you to. I'll certainly never forgive myself.

Sofya: Give me the bone.
Alaric: Yeah, sorry, some other guy already called dibs and he's a real jerk.

Sofya: Why are you laughing?
Alaric: Because I know something you don't.
Sofya: And what's that?
Inigo Montoya: I am not left handed!

Klaus: Please inform the ancestors that they're a colossal waste of time. I've been alive a thousand years. I've never met anything I couldn't kill.

Davina: Over time she grew and craved more power. Her hunger was insatiable. She loved the fear she inspired in others. Her people knew her as ruthless, unfeeling, empty - until that became her defining quality.

Hayley: She killed them all.
Davina: Not because they hurt her or were unkind to her. She did it for fun.

Marcel: We've got to find a way to save [Sofya].
Elijah: Or put her out of her misery.
Marcel: I'm sorry, what? Did I hear that right? Oh, that's righ. That is the Mikaelson way, isn't it? Why try to save someone when you can just kill them?
Alaric: Hey, I love a good grudge just as much as the next guy but do you want to stand around whining about a missing finger bone or do you want to talk about a ledger that points us to where the other bones might be?

Alaric: That sounds like fun but on the way could you drop me off at the ER?

Davina: [Klaus] has lived more than ten lifetimes. That's more than enough.

Klaus: I suppose I owe you thanks.
Alaric: Staying the hell out of Virginia is all the thanks I need.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Klaus: Freya informs me your mate Vincent has a plan. Just one tiny problem. I don't trust him.
Marcel: Vincent helped me keep the peace for five years. He knows the Hollow's power and he is our best shot at coming up with a plan.
Klaus: I have a plan of my own. We find this thing and its acolytes and we slaughter the lot of them and then we stack their bodies into a monument dedicated to those that would threaten my family.
Marcel: Right, right. There's just one problem with that. One of those bodies would be Sofya and I want her alive.
Klaus: Please, Marcel. It's not a time to be sentimental. This is New Orleans. Toss a few beads. You'll find another girl.
Marcel: That is the problem with you and your family. You'll do anything to save your brother but to hell with anyone else, right? It all seems a little familiar. The Hollow is evil, yes. Do we want to defeat it? Yes. But I'm not willing to stand by and watch someone that I care about become more Mikaelson collateral damage.

Vincent: Five years ago we were sitting in this exact same room trying to work out a way to take out a different threat to your family and you made the call to take out Davina. In your mind, the ends justified the means. I get that. But what am I to think now? That Elijah's life is just worth more?

Freya: What if you're wrong?
Keelin: I'm never wrong. I'm a doctor.

Freya: Do you know how pathetic it is selling your soul to the devil?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Josh: Given that the hollow is like pure evil incarnate, maybe you should consider reaching out to people who are just a little bit more powerful than me. Like Mikaelson people.
Marcel: I work better alone.
Josh: Really? Then what am I doing here?

Kol: All right, chit chat's over. Can we slaughter someone now?

Kol: Lethal thorns, resurrected witches - what could possibly go wrong?

Marcel: Now that is messed up. The first thing you do after being reborn is you massacre the witches that were following your crazy ass?

Harvest girl: Your brother murdered us.
Kol: I am not my brother!

Klaus: You desire a weapon that can kill us, then you're a threat.
Marcel: That's just your paranoia. Not everything is a plot against you.

Marcel: Klaus used to tell me that having power made you a target. Having allies made you vulnerable so choose. You could have one or the other - power or friends.
Josh: You know that's psychotic, right?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Josh: Hey there. It's me again. I hope all is well where you are. You know, I really would love to talk to you about a few hundred things. Like how Eddie uses this weird baby voice any time he says hi to a random dog. I don't know. Might be a deal breaker. Or how I finally watched Practical Magic. And you were right - perfect movie.

Rebekah: That's the Laforge house. At one time it was the center of high society, but that all changed when Dr. Laforge tortured and killed his friends and family.

Marcel: You could at least feign sympathy.
Rebekah: Why? [Sofya] shot me - multiple times.

Klaus: Mercy is a privilege reserved for family. Your status has been revoked.

Marcel: We were in love for two centuries and now we're setting fires to avoid each other. What the hell happened?
Rebekah: I woke up from a dagger nap to find you trying to kill everyone that I love.
Marcel: Your brother ripped my heart out and then tossed my body off a bridge.

Josh: You're a twice resurrected harvest girl with an original vampire boyfriend. Normal's always going to be relative.

Kol: I caught Klaus in a rare charitable moment. It won't last long.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Rebekah: Can we please put a moratorium on all of this sulking? It's a lovely day, the hollow is dead, and my brother is back, much to the joy of custom suit tailors everywhere.

Vincent: I don't care if any of you trust me to be perfectly honest because unlike all of you, I have been doing something.

Marcel: The only way you're getting to get to Vincent is over my dead body, and in case you haven't heard, I can't die.

Vincent: I couldn't save her. Hope's gone. She's the hollow now.
Elijah: We have to find her. Vincent, surely you can pull the hollow out.
Vincent: Elijah if it were easy enough for me to just pull her out, then I would not be standing here talking to you right now.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Rebekah: [Kol]'s finally got a chance at happiness and we're asking him  to come home and play host to a quarter of a demon.

Rebekah: I'm usually the first one who wants to run off on my own and now I don't have a say in the matter. I'm feeling quite perturbed.

Rebekah: Elijah, you know how it feels to be apart. At first the freedom is exhilarating and then one day inevitably you wake up with that pit in your stomach, that dull aching feeling of missing the only people who know you.
Elijah: Until that very ache threatens to consume you entirely.

Rebekah: What about Nik, on his own, no family? You know very well that without you around, he will go mad.

Vincent: See, your reaction right there is just proving my point. You Mikaelsons are selfish egocentric fanatics. It is not my job nor is it my inclination to convince you to do the right thing.

Klaus: I failed you, Marcellus, to my eternal shame.

Eiljah: What are we anyway? What is the Mikaelson family? Desperately searching for some kind of humanity beneath the ridiculous banner of always and forever.

Klaus: Little brother, you always did love a dramatic entrance.
Kol: I prefer them more than my departures which often involved you and the pointy end of a dagger.
[awkward silence]

Klaus: You were always the keeper of our bond and because of that you will feel this pain the most. When the inevitable happens and I, devoid of family influence, relapse into a spiral of mayhem and bloodshed, I need you to leave me to my fate.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Poppy: If these don't prep your liver for Mardi Gars, then nothing will.
Josh: My liver was probably dead before I became a vampire.

Vincent: Let me remind you - moments of prosperity are invariably followed by times of great pain unless we remain vigilant.
Freya: Thank you, Mr. Buzzkill.

Josh: I swear, if you don't marry [Declan], I will.

Hope: I told you to be discreet. What part of jumping out of a tower is discreet?

Henry: I'm not a person things go right for. Have you ever seen a werewolf with no pecs who quotes e e cummings?

Klaus: Mahler's really more my style.
Elijah: Mahler? Guaranteed to clear any room.
Klaus: Well, then he and I have something in common.
Elijah: And how is that?
Klaus: I have a bit of a temper.
Elijah: Interesting. I wouldn't be able to tell by looking at you.
Klaus: Wouldn't you?
Elijah: And most people wouldn't look so disappointed about that observation.

Hayley: Where were you going?
Hope: I met a guy online. He's in a band and he lives in London. He says he's 25 but he seems older.

Hope: So I can't judge my deadbeat dad but you can judge me?
Hayley: I don't judge you. I judge your actions. I'm your mom. I love you and I would forgive you for anything, but that's not a blank check for bad behavior.

Hayley: Revenge isn't justice.

Klaus: I know what it's like to be raised by a monster.
Caroline: Omigawd, come on, that was like a thousand years ago. Really mean dad? Newsflash! The guy's dead. Get over it! Stop using Mikael as an excuse to be a bad father. I also know what it's like to be a kid missing her father. You may not be able to be in the same room with her but there's this ancient gadget called a telephone.

Edited April 19, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Klaus: Sister, the years have been kind to you.
Freya: You know, just sunblock, the love of a good woman, and literal witchcraft.

Klaus: No story that begins with water turning to blood has ever ended in triumph.

Josh: If I die, no tequila. No, I want wailing, sobbing in the streets, rainbow flags waving at half mast.

Freya: Americano with extra remorse? Sorry I haven't called you back. Family emergency.
Vincent: It's going to take something a hell of a lot stronger than an apology coffee for a Mikaelson family emergency.
Freya: I thought you might say that, so that's more whiskey than it is coffee.

Roman: Lizzie Saltzman said she saw Henry jump from the turret. A werewolf wouldn't survive that kind of fall.
Hope: Yeah, well, Lizzie also said that I exploded an orphanage with my brain when I was eight.
Roman: Yeah, I heard that one. I also heard you're a long lost Romanian princess. So what is your secret, Marshall?
Hope: They've got me all wrong, you know. Truth is, I exploded an orphan Romanian princess with my brain. Girl had it coming though.

Klaus: For a gent with a missing paramour, you're awfully chipper.
Declan: You might avoid sneaking up on a bloke with a blade in his hand.
Klaus: Where's Hayley Marshall?
Declan: Best guess? Roaming about her giant house sorting out inspired new ways to be emotionally unavailable.

Declan: Hayley stood me up. It's not exactly rare. I figured hell, Hope's dad must have done a real number on her but since you're obviously a right ray of sunshine, must have been someone else broke her heart and Hope's.

Roman: According to my school files, I have a rebellious nature and a callous disregard for authority.

Roman: This is like a house of horrors. Viking grimoires, a million weird knives, and did you know you have a dead redhead wrapped in a sheet in your parlor?
Hope: Yeah, that's my dad's crazy ex.

Josh: Okay, underage hybrid chained up in my house. To be clear, the optics on this are not awesome.

Klaus: You had your little hybrid friend attack your mother?
Hope: Henry just did the heavy lifting. And attack is a really strong word. Mom's fine - in a really nice coffin, sleeping. I put her in a sleeping spell that I wrote myself.
Klaus: Well, in that case, I've never been prouder.

Hope: I didn't think I had to knock before entering an astral plane. Sorry I interrupted your murder orgy.

Klaus: In my experience, fathers cause pain whether by their presence or their absence. There's a certain type of ruin that only a father can leave behind.

Marcel: He might not have the words to tell you but no matter what, your dad will love the very worst of you until the oceans are dust. You are worth every sacrifice, and you are good. Period. Show me anyone who says otherwise and I'll eat them.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Antoinette: It used to be noise. Now it's music. On the other hand, we also catch fire in the sun but hey, nothing's perfect.

Elijah: When I woke up, I looked at my cufflink and it had the letter E engraved on it, so I guess my name begins with an E. Edmund? Elliot? Eleanor?

Antoinette: You haven't compelled? Oh, you are in for a treat.

Antoinette: Maybe you were a butler.

Elijah: I wanted to surprise you.
Antoinette: You're an amnesiac with zero life experience. You really think you ought to be planning surprises?

Elijah: I'll take you some place nice and I promise to get you home by midnight.
Antoinette: Sounds wholesome.
Elijah: If you prefer debauchery, we can do that.

Marcel: Elijah, even without memories, you are still a pain in my ass. Did you forget how to read too?

Elijah: Elijah Mikaelson spent every day of his wretched life trying to save you from yourself. I can't imagine a more miserable existence. From what I understand, that poor bastard was lucky to find any moment of pleasure. That's not me. That's not who I am.

Klaus: You were not unhappy. You were a king amongst men. We both were, standing shoulder to shoulder through the ages. We had glorious times together.

Antoinette: We choose who we are, every day, every moment.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Vincent: So what exactly are you implying?
Klaus: Hope hid her mother with a cloaking spell. Someone found her. That requires a witch.
Vincent: So that means it was one of mine? I don't think so.
Klaus: You witches always plead virtue but if history is to be prologue, you're the most rotten of the bunch.
Vincent: As soon as Freya told me Hayley had gone missing, there were a dozen of us witches out there on New Orleans streets performing locator spells trying to find her because Hayley is actually a friend to us, okay? Hayley, unlike you, has earned our respect and out of respect to her, I'm going to say this to you one time, Klaus - we had absolutely nothing to do with her disappearance. I promise you that.
Klaus: A witch's promise is as slippery as snake oil and as effective.

Vincent: Your brother has got very interesting approach to motivational speaking.

Marcel: I can't help you if you won't let me.
Klaus: If your assistance requires psychological evaluation, allow me to make this easy for you. Psychopath on a mission. No time for chit chat.
Marcel: Look, you want to shed blood today? Get in line. I care about Hayley too, so be a dick to everyone else but watch your tone with me.

Josh: Technically, you can't waste time if you're immortal.

Klaus: And here I thought we were friends.
Josh: Okay, fine, you caught me badmouthing you. But I was badmouthing while also doing what you asked, so I'm thinking they kind of cancel each other out, no?

Josh: Oh, wow. A hostage situation. How creative.

Klaus: If you don't do as I say, I will hunt down anyone you love and then blood, gore, screaming, death. I win.

Vincent: I appreciated this city a hell of a lot more when it ran like a democracy and not like a monarchy. Truth be told, none of y'all were missed.

Vincent: It's the same story over and over. I give that family the benefit of the doubt, I do magic for them, and in the end, it's just the same thing.

Freya: Pretty - in a creepy don't get caught alone here at night kind of way.
Hope: The Saltzman twins found it two years ago. I'm pretty sure it's their evil Mean Girls hideout.
Freya: Or they share their father's love for the bottle.

Vincent: The witches are done being on call for you. All you know how to do is use and abuse. You treat us like we're pawns in your family's endless self-defeating schemes. No more.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Klaus: "Lack of vision will be his downfall."
Greta: That's what [August] always said about you.

August: The purpose of art is to portray life as it is. When that world is joyous, art must reflect that beauty, but when our existence is beset with unrest, humiliation, hyperinflation, the indignity of reparations, art must necessarily be equally drab and ugly.
Klaus: Or perhaps, August, the ugliness is a result of the artist lacking any discernible talent.

Elijah: Derivative. And so extraordinarily tedious. I wouldn't argue with this fool. He's not listening to a single word you say. He's simply waiting for you to draw breath so that he might pontificate anew.
Klaus: I believe that you're thinking of my brother. Elijah - he's the pompous controlling one.
Elijah: Interesting. I'd always heard that Elijah was the enigmatic and charming one, the truly distinguished element of the family.

Elijah: Thirteen years and you don't look a day over a thousand. How do you do it, Niklaus?

Klaus: Sit tight, August. I'll get back to your hackery momentarily.

Klaus: Say that again and I'll pluck out your eyeballs and eat them like olives off my fingertips.

Elijah: [Rebekah] does seem happy [with Stefan].
Klaus: Well, her happiness isn't my highest order. You should know that.

Klaus: The man was a forgettable artist, a virulent fascist, and a murderous snob who slaughtered werewolves by the pack.
Marcel: And what did you do to him?
Klaus: What makes you think I had any piece in this?
Marcel: Oh, I don't know. A couple hundred years of history.

Roman: You should really lock your door. You know that, right?
Hope: I'm pretty sure I did, Roman.
Roman: Well then next time use a lock I can't pick.

Hope: An ancient bad boy vampire with a damanged soul. How positively...
Roman: Literary?
Hope: Cliche.

Greta: You shouldn't underestimate the movement. We will not fail.
Klaus: History is littered with eugenicists who overstate their sway - the Khmer Rouge, the Hutu, the Turks in Armenia, all of whom left death and suffering in their wake and all of whom buckled under the weight of their own hatred.

Klaus: Marcel, I have a question - would it be wrong of me to assume there are traitors in my midst?
Marcel: So we've moved from blameless Klaus to paranoid Klaus.

Marcel: You see that? That is the problem with our relationship. I think I've signed up to be his partner. He thinks that I've pledged allegiance to the king.

Klaus: A thousand years of family have taught me to expect betrayal from those I hold most dear. Bind her? Really? How many times have you heard me rail against the shame our parents gave me?
Freya: How many times have you heard me cry devastated over having lived my life without my mother?

Josh: Klaus isn't without compassion.

Klaus: In the end, I was the match that lit the fuse. My mistake was that I humiliated them and in doing so, I empowered them with the most potent form of hate, that which has fueled my rage for a millennia - shame.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Hope: I knew your hair had emo tendencies, but your music?
Roman: Shade thrown and caught.

Klaus: You know, you have a lot to answer for, and not just for losing my daughter.
Caroline: She's not lost-
Klaus: After all your haranguing. "Be a better father, become more engaged."
Caroline: I refute "harangue." I am not a haranguer. I gave constructive advice.

Klaus: Hope didn't make it any easier.
Caroline: She's not eight years old anymore. She doesn't have to look up to you now just because you're her dad. You have to earn it.

Klaus: You know, the truth be told, it's been bloody awful. I mean, it was bad enough when I had to keep my distance, but now, the desire to keep her close, to-to protect her, the constant worry. I've never known such pain.
Caroline: Well, congratulations. You just became a father.

Klaus: Why? Why would she do this?
Caroline: It's pretty basic. Some girls just like the bad boys. The more sheltered they are, the more likely it is.
Klaus: You say that like it's inevitable. It's not a rite of passage.
Caroline: Oh, for some girls it is. If there was a bad boy within a five-mile radius, I would find him. And some were even way too old for me.

Roman: Werewolves kill to trigger their curse. None of them are innocent. But at least they're a naturally occurring species. Hybrids are a perversion. Look at Klaus.

Hayley: Hybrids have a choice, too, Roman. We all have free will. Klaus did whatever he did not because he's a hybrid, but because he's Klaus.

Roman: Greta never stopped looking for me. She never gave up. She's a good mother.
Hayley: No, Roman. She's not a mother. She expects things from you that no mother ever should. A mother who really loved her son wouldn't use him as a soldier. Don't you see? She has trained you to become a terrorist.

Hayley: Hope, if if we all judged ourselves by the mistakes we've made with the men in our lives, we would never, ever get any peace.

Edited May 31, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Vincent: No news because news means information, information means action, and action means dead people. I don't want any news.

Klaus: What's the delay?
Ivy: It's magic, not pay per view.

Klaus: This family - we're a curse to each other and to our home.

Freya: People will forget the things you said, forget the things you did, but no one ever forgets the way you made them feel.

Klaus: You stay away from me.
Elijah: Believe me, I'm not here because I enjoy the pleasure of your company.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Elijah: If you're thinking about jumping, don't. I already tried it. I landed in the world's most pretentious wine cellar.
Klaus: You sorted it by vintage.

Rebekah: Oh, Nik. Always so dramatic.

Kol: I suppose I'll ask the obvious - piss off any witches lately?

Kol: You and I have never really had much in common besides our dashing good looks.

Marcel: You got something against literature?
Kol: Well, these are the works of William Shakespeare. Love, power, betrayal - how to thrive in the Mikaelson clan 101.

Marcel: Why would your book of plays be in the music room?
Kol: Kids are messy?

Marcel: How come your pain in the ass brother Kol can be happy with someone he loves but you can't?

[paulvdb]

Klaus and Hailey talking about baby names:
Hailey: "Katherine?"
Klaus: "God, no."

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Josh: What part of "I hate everything you stand for" do you think gave them the "mi casa su casa" vibe?

Declan: If you're here to loot, they already took the good stuff.
Elijah: At this moment, I'll take quantity over quality.
Declan: It's bottom shelf. It might burn a hole in your stomach.
Elijah: Try me. I have an excellent constitution.

Keelin: How pissed is [Klaus]?
Freya: I'd say somewhere to the left of berating and to the right of plucking out hearts.

Vincent: Vampires and werewolves have hated each other since the dawn of time. Just because some lunatic decides that he wants to put that in writing doesn't make it anything new.

Vincent: Witches are always used as the match that sets the whole bonfire ablaze. If we stay out of it, maybe cooler heads will prevail.

Vincent: There are hateful people and then there are psychopaths. Emmett strikes me as the latter.

Freya: No more choosing between you and my family because you are my family, Keelin.

Emmett: So let me get this straight. Our solution, everyone in their corners, separate, was good enough when [Marcel] demanded it but somehow I'm hateful for proposing the same.
Josh: No less hateful when it was [Marcel's] idea.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Klaus: Well, consider starting small then. Fingernails or perhaps the tongue. Build the suspense.

Vincent: [Hope] barely survived this when she was eight. Now she's a budding adult and she's one human kill away from triggering her werewolf side. You think she's angry right now, you wait until those claws come out and the eyes turn yellow.

Klaus: I'm sorry but I have to ask, as much as I enjoy your withering judgment

Klaus: Don't. 
Elijah: Don't what? Counsel you against your worst instincts? For a thousand years, I have desperately tried to sway you toward some kind of reason.

Klaus: All that power, still merciful. You clearly didn't get that from my side of the family.

Marcel: I leave town for a few years, and suddenly you know everything?
Josh: I always knew everything. I just played dumb so you'd put up with me.

Elijah: The road to redemption is long and winding but worthy.

Hope: Are they all dead?
Klaus: Immortality isn't for everyone. You should consider what you did an act of public service.

Antoinette: Can you ever forgive me for the mess that my family made?
Elijah: I could ask you the same question.

Edited July 12, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[immortalfrieza]

On 7/12/2018 at 5:09 AM, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Klaus: All that power, still merciful. You clearly didn't get that from my side of the family.
 

I had to laugh at that one, since Haley was barely any better. The question is where exactly DID Hope get her mercy from, because she's not exactly swimming in role models.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Hope: I don't know why we leave flowers. Doesn't do them any good. It's not much of an apology for killing someone.
Klaus: Unintentionally. You rid the city of those vermin. You have nothing to apologize for.
Hope: Don't make it sound so noble. Yeah, yeah, I killed a few bad guys, but it was as much to get the magic out of me as anything else.

Freya: Rebekah is going to be maid of honor, and I'm going to ask Vincent to be best man. Klaus, well, he's doing nefarious things to secure the venue, and Kol is going to do the ceremony. And it would mean a lot to me if you would walk me down the aisle.

Elijah: You're either broke or you're a terrible drunk.
Hayley as Andrea: Excuse me?
Elijah: You've been nursing that drink for over an hour.

Klaus: Hello, brother.
Kol: Well, that's a suspiciously warm greeting.
Klaus: Paranoid as usual, I see. But don't worry, it's not you I'm looking for.
Davina: Well, then, it must be important if you're asking me for a favor. I'm in mourning, if you even care.

Marcel: You really want to do this today? 
Declan: I'm sorry, did I pick an inconvenient time to learn I live in a demon town and that you ran this city like a fascist before my uncle died?

Rebekah: It wouldn't be a Mikaelson family gathering without one of us being mad at another one.

Elijah: The more you drink, the more exceptional the art becomes.

Freya: Um, we need to talk.
Keelin: That's your serious voice. Why are you using it on our wedding day?

Freya: How do you tell someone you can't have a child because you're afraid you're gonna hurt it? That you'll find some way to put your needs before theirs because that's what your parents did to you. That you're toxic and broken and a Mikaelson and that's just what we do.
Rebekah: Listen to me. We may be damaged, but we are not doomed to repeat our parents' mistakes. After everything that we have been through, none of us would see a child of ours suffer just to ease our own pain.

Freya: Please don't.
Keelin: Don't what? Do what's best for myself? I have waited for you for years, lived on your terms, set aside what I needed for myself to make you happy! And then you pull this crap?

Keelin: That is the look that I need. That's the "I don't know what to do" look. That's the "you're my partner, let's work it out together" look. And believe me, it is a lot better than the Mikaelson "I'm gonna stubbornly make all the decisions for the both of us until the end of time" look.
Freya: Oh, gawd, you must hate that look.
Keelin: I hate that look like you wouldn't believe.

Kol: Dearly beloved, now, not to make this all about me, but we know how families work. Sometimes it's dinner, and sometimes it's daggers. Now I don't know why it takes something as special as this to wake us up, to make us aware of the beauty in the moment, during the moment, or to be grateful for what we have, while we have it. Now, I, for one, am grateful for today, and I'm grateful for all of you.

Hayley as Andrea: Elijah, I wanted to thank you for giving me a beautiful day just when I needed it. You helped me more than you can ever know. I realized I'd been holding on to things that I shouldn't. If I had met my ex under different circumstances, without the legacy of pain that haunted him, things would have been different for us. My time with you helped to forgive him for the pain that he caused me, and remember the best parts of our lives together. And though I can't honestly say I'll ever get over him entirely, I can finally look forward, because of you. I'll never forget my time in France. And if by some chance we do meet again in another life, I'm going to hold you to that dance. Until then, be happy. And as you grow and find the parts of your life that fit you perfectly, make sure you never let them go. Andrea.

Kol: Now by the power vested in me by a Franciscan monk in the 13th century, and by the internet a few hours ago just to be on the safe side, I now pronounce you married.

Edited July 19, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Klaus: I need you to look after [Hope] to make sure she doesn't exert herself.
Elijah: Wouldn't it be better for you to find someone Hope despises a little less than me? Perhaps quite literally anyone else she's ever met.

Caroline: Excuse me. I just need one minute with this very lost new janitor. Come on, Bob. I'll show you the toilets.

Elijah: The diary of Stefan Salvatore.
Hope: We're not supposed to touch it, but I practically have the whole thing memorized. And spoiler alert: Dad is the villain and you're the evil henchman. 
Elijah: From one very biased perspective. 
Hope: Yeah, well, I got a second opinion. The Mystic Falls Files by Alaric Saltzman, Volume One. In every story, Dad is the big bad wolf.

Klaus: They're siphoner witches. It's what they were born to do, siphon magic from one thing-
Caroline: And put it in another. So after they siphon it from Hope, what are they supposed to do with it? You can't just shove a demon in a jar and put it on a shelf.
Klaus: They'll put it in me.
Caroline: That's great. And then you can practice mindful meditation while we just cross our fingers and hope that you don't develop some sort of temper. Oh, wait.

Hope: If you're here to tell me that my dad has a heart of gold, this is probably the worst spot considering that there's a plaque inside near the dartboard for some woman that he killed in a moonstone ritual.

Twin: What do we get if we say yes?
Caroline: The warm feeling in your heart that comes from helping a friend in need.
Blonde twin: Well, we are in need of new cell phones.
Brunette twin And permission to go to the senior solstice dance. And you and Dad take the skirt length rules out of the dress code. It's anti-feminist and oppressive.
Blonde twin: And not cute.
Caroline: No to the phones. Maybe to the dance. And yes to defying the patriarchy one plaid skirt at a time.

Caroline: Now Mr. Mikaelson is going to explain exactly what he needs you to do. Very clearly and kindly, without even a hint of a temper or frustration.

Alaric: Whatever the hell's going on here, NO.

Elijah: Know how to drive?
Hope: Um, Mom and Declan taught me a little in the old truck.
Elijah: I think it's probably time you drove a Bentley. Come with me.

Elijah: That would be a stop sign approaching. That's a stop sign.
Hope: Okay, okay, don't have a panic attack about it. It's not like I can kill you, and I'm dying already, so...
Elijah: Is it absolutely necessary to destroy this work of art in the process?

Hope: I just don't think I was meant to exist in the first place. I think about all the crazy things that led to me being born. Dad lives a thousand years, does weird ritual to become the only vampire who can procreate. Mom moves from foster home to foster home to end up in Mystic Falls. When dad got sad and drunk and had a one-nighter with mom who was basically hate-banging him. Then boom! Loophole, miracle baby. But can you be a miracle and a mistake at the same time?

Hope: Okay, so we're gonna spend my final hours watching Connor get to first base with runner-up Miss Mystic Falls?

Elijah: You do understand I could compel these idiots to do just about anything you want.
Hope: Or you can compel them to forget what I'm about to do.
Elijah: That's not what I'm suggesting. You cannot be reckless with your energy.
Hope: If I die in jock revenge mode, it'll be worth it.

Caroline: I'm confiscating this [crossbow] forever.
Alaric: Fine. It's only for the security of the school, but apparently that's a thing of the past since you're just inviting Voldemort to campus.

Alaric: He still clouds your judgment.
Caroline: What are you talking about?
Alaric: I am talking about Klaus Mikaelson, a cockroach of a creature who wrought havoc on this earth for a thousand years and can never be stamped out ever. And you just want to give him more evil power?

Caroline: Are you sure that there's no other way?
Klaus: There's always another way. Somewhere, written in some forgotten language, in some city lost in lava, likely lies buried the secret to having everything I want all at once. But I'm not going to find it today, and today is all I have.

Caroline: Aren't there a million things that you want to say to her? About life, boys, or how to file taxes?

Edited August 1, 2018 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Kol: Just when I thought you were showing the vaguest signs of maturity, our brother makes a unilateral decision that leaves the rest of us stewing in his melodrama.

Elijah: This energy feeds on anger and our brother, as we know, has enough to set the world on fire.
Kol: How many times are we going to play this game? Calamity and doom approach our brother and then all of a sudden, a trap door appears and poof! He escapes. He's a cockroach that will outlive us all, and we're immortal.
Rebekah: And what if it's different this time? What if he figures out a way to end it all?
Kol: I don't think he would notice or care that I wasn't there to witness it.

Kol: You're lucky I didn't turn you into the world's blondest roadkill.
Rebekah: And you're lucky I didn't crush your car like a toy, you selfish prat. Our brother needs us and you scamper off like a rodent.
Kol: Oh, you're one to talk. Shouldn't you be planning your next epic jilt of dear Marcel? You know, happiness is a choice you're incapable of accepting.
Rebekah: Go to hell, Kol.
Kol: No, dear sister. I'm going home to the woman I love instead of wallowing in this toxic codependent nightmare we call family. You know, that man has daggered us more times than can be counted so if this is Niklaus's way of finally biting the big one, we should be celebrating.
Rebekah: What I'm celebrating is the fact that he has matured. For once in his narcissistic life, he's doing something for the rest of us. If we turn our backs on him now, then we are no better than the monster he's been to us.
Kol: I never said I was better. You all bought in to always and forever. I didn't.
Rebekah: You really don't care?
Kol: I don't.

Klaus: What have you done?
Elijah: What I've always done. Followed you into the fire.

Freya: I want a better future, Vincent. I want it with Keelin and I want it with you. We're family.
Vincent: Freya, sometimes family means telling someone whom you love no.

Rebekah: I have three brothers. One's dying, one's a deserter and one's an enabling mess.
Marcel: Mikaelsons have always been complicated. You got to wonder what that says about me, that I fought so hard to be one of you.
Rebekah: My heart is breaking.
Marcel: Because, despite everything, they're family and you love them. And so do I.
Rebekah: The little fool is right.
Marcel: Which fool?
Rebekah: Kol. Happiness is a choice.

Caroline: Say good-bye to your daughter, Klaus. Give her real closure.
Klaus: Closure is a myth.

Elijah: You know, he always had a prescient eye. He was extolling the virtues of Vincent van Gogh when the world decided he was a madman with a severed ear.
Rebekah: Wait, do you remember that April Fool's in Copenhagen where he compelled a circus troupe to follow you around?
Elijah: Also known as the most challenging 36 hours of my long life.
Marcel: No, no, no, no, no. The worst was when he would get drunk and get it in his head that he was gonna set the world ablaze with his paintings.
Elijah: And then he would actually set them on fire.
Marcel: What was his phrase? His, uh-
Elijah, Rebekah, and Marcel: His inspirational rampages.
Kol: His drunken collection was always my favorite. [Kol holds up a bottle of bourbon] I should have known this was going to be redundant.
Elijah: Brother, bourbon's never redundant.
Rebekah: The prodigal brother returns.
Kol: Yes, well, as much as I hate to admit it, you were right. We should honor our brother's sacrifice. And if Nik's time is up, then I guess I didn't want to miss my chance to bitch and moan. Because he is a tremendous ass.
Klaus: That he is.

Hope: I can't promise that I won't go through a period where I get irresponsible tattoos and date older men.

Elijah: The purpose of my life, my unrelenting desire has always been your redemption.

Elijah: I even looked Kol in the eye and I told him if he doesn't look after [Hope], I'll come back and haunt him.

Vincent: Two witches and a werewolf. This kid's going to have one hell of a temper.

Klaus: I don't deserve the love you've given me, brother, but I am so grateful.