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"You Stupid Kitchen Whore!": Best Quotes


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(edited)

I couldn't remember a funny enough quote to use as the thread title, so if you have suggestions then post them here and we can have the mods change the title later!

I was cracking up at Henri and Catherine's conversation while cleaning up the Bohemian lady's blood.

Catherine: It's leaving a stain.

Henri: Why is this so difficult? Our clothes go away dirty and they come back clean. How do they do it?

Catherine: I don't know. They take them to the laundry and they dip them in something.

And later her whole spiel to the Bohemian archduke was hilarious.

Catherine: As my husband will attest, I am not a judgmental person.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Old bank guy: With your word, I will sign [the document] and your dowry will be moved to your husband's accounts. The money is not yours, of course. Women cannot hold such accounts.

Lola: Yes, heaven knows what foolish things women might do with our own money - gamble, buy prostitutes.

Old bank guy: I beg your pardon!

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Mary: Catherine, I beg of you.

Catherine: You're a queen. Don't beg. It invites sympathy then pity then disdain.

 

Catherine: Forgive me, father. Since my last confession, I have taken the Lord's name in vain many times and ordered the assassination of a dozen Scottish visitors. I struck my servant, a slap, which I regret. It was a loss of self control and she's been sulky ever since. Also my cousin Cortenza is here. Expect worse from me. I loathe her. I'm prepared for my penance.

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Catherine: Forgive me, father. Since my last confession, I have taken the Lord's name in vain many times and ordered the assassination of a dozen Scottish visitors. I struck my servant, a slap, which I regret. It was a loss of self control and she's been sulky ever since. Also my cousin Cortenza is here. Expect worse from me. I loathe her. I'm prepared for my penance.

 

 

Hee!  I'm a couple eps behind so I haven't seen this one yet, but I can't wait to get to this scene.  Snarky Catherine is the best thing about the whole show.

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From Three Queens:

 

Kenna: Legally, Bash even owns my coal sticks and lip rouge, although I'd like to see him try and take those away.

 

Catherine: The nobles are just one leg on the three-legged stool that holds up France. If ever that stool goes down, you and I will end up flat on our royal fundements.

 

*peasants revolting in the background*

Mary: Perhaps we could talk to them, hear their grievances.

Peasant: Kill the Royals!

Catherine:  Perhaps not right now.

 

Mary: It was a foxhole!

Catherine: Badger!

Mary: Fox, and how would you know? You didn't even see it!

Catherine: I saw it after my foot got caught in it! My feet are too dainty to get caught in a foxhole!

 

Catherine: So you had an overwhelming need to pray to the patron saint of bearded ladies.

Mary: ...There's a physician, in Beauvais, who is celebrated for his knowledge of women's problems.

Catherine: I assume you mean fertility, because other than that no man has an inkling about women's problems.

 

Catherine's very impressed observation of the faux!royals: It is a masterful exploitation of a weakness.

 

Peasant Man: Your Majesty, is it true Queen Catherine once threw an entire family of hatmakers into the dungeon?

Peasant Woman: Yes, I heard they cheated her, and she nailed their eyes open so they'd always have to see their deceitful bills!

Catherine: Where do these stories come from?! It was one man, and I only stretched him a little. Nails, indeed! *sees Mary's face* First, you should know he was a terrible, terrible hatmaker.

 

Mary: If I learned one thing at French Court, it's always keep a dagger on you.

*Mary pulls a dagger out of somewhere. Catherine rummages around and pulls out a sharp, two pronged hairpin.*

Mary: Poisoned?

Catherine: Oh, you say that so hopefully now. Sadly it's not. I don't carry poison everywhere! I might accidentally kill myself.

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