Judges' Houses

[aradia22]

All the auditions, results, and drama.

[aradia22]

Only the Young: I haven't kept up with Ella Henderson's post X Factor career so I don't know this song. That said, I still don't think they have remarkable voices. But they work well as a unit and they seem shiny and happy in a way that fits X Factor.

Blonde Electra: I thought they were called Blond Electric but the youtube video title is calling them Blonde Electra. You know they're not atrocious for a novelty act. They just don't have the soul or skill to sing the songs they pick and they're too old for an act like this. The Glee cover is still far superior as far as these things go.

The Brooks: Still quavery and whiny but I liked this performance better than their bootcamp performance

New Girl Group: They need someone with a sweeter voice or they need to soften their voices. They're putting up too much resistance to the blend. They're still clashing and they sound best as individuals.

Concept: Not bad but I'm underwhelmed by the sound they produce as four vocalists.

New Boyband: THERE ARE TOO MANY OF THEM. They can't just let everyone have a turn and then sing in unison. I need more interesting harmonies and they have to figure out who the stars are and let them carry more of the song. It's so awkward like this.

 

I think the new Boy Band is the best chance the Groups have to win even if there are too many of them. Because they have stacked the deck, that group has the most talent in it.

[kdm07]

I'm not gonna lie, I barely pay attention to the auditions at the Judges' Houses. All I want to see is who went through and then wait for the live shows so thanks aradia22 for always keeping us updated.

[aradia22]

No problem, kdm07. I'm just glad someone's listening to my ramblings. I used to cover the live shows in the same random way on my blog but I think it was more for me than an actual audience. ;) I'm not going to bother this year. Though I will be recapping Project Runway Threads when it starts on trashtalktv.

 

Jack Walton: Breathy and all closed off vowels. The worst combination. Mel made a face like she smelled a fart and stopped his performance. Oh, Mel. She told him "you've got nothing to lose right now" which is ridiculous. He could lose his chance to be on the live shows. That's why he's nervous. Why do I even have to explain this to you? When he started again it was equally underwhelming. Maybe very slightly improved. But boy, you do not step to Beyonce's Halo if you cannot bring it. And you cannot bring it.

Andrea Faustini: He's good but there's a disconnect for me. There's a part of me that still sees it as a caricature and finds it lacking. I mean, he can clearly sing. But can he really sing it as well as Jennifer Hudson (who I don't even like that much) or Jennifer Holliday or we just interested because he's a guy and not traditionally handsome?

Danny Dearden: He sang Beautiful Disaster. It was pretty. High pitched but not whiny and not falsetto. This is genuinely the register he's comfortable singing in. I don't know if I want to listen to this though. I think some of the guys they threw into the new boy band are much stronger singers. And his voice was kind of breaking a little at the point where they cut the clip off on youtube.

Jordan Morris: If this was The Voice, they'd say he has a fast vibrato. I wouldn't. He's not holding the note. It sounds like he's trembling or shivering from the cold. That affectation aside, I don't hate him. His direct competition is probably Danny and I'd probably take him over Danny.

Jake Quickenden: Hold the notes, Jake. Just hold the damn notes. Aside from him occasionally yelping at the ends of phrases, I think he's perfectly pleasant. If you're going to cast someone because he's cute, cast Jake. With a little training he'll be fine. Not amazing. But fine. 

Paul Akister: Bridge Over Troubled Water. He makes weird faces and needs to keep his eyes open when he sings. I'm sorry. I like hearing that full lower register from guys. But he's unquestionably good. Next to Andrea, I'd take Paul. 

 

Underwhelmed by the guys. Right now I'd be disappointed if any of them won. 

[Kromm]

I think Sinitta's aura of uselessness, combined with her stupid offensive Indian outfit, must have put ALL of those acts at Simon's house off their game.  "Stink", "stank" and "stunk" were my reactions all throughout.  I mean when we got a barely better than mediocre performance from that Fleur person, it's worth noting they had to inflate it to "great" to make it seem like the whole episode wasn't a total wash. 

 

Heynow! at least was genuinely good.  But four of those six were fetid steaming poo, one barely passable, and Ben the only actual good performance.  

[aradia22]

Over 25s: Fleur East, Helen Fulthorpe, Ben Haenow

Stevi Ritchie: Why is his face so red? Did he get a sunburn? Also why does he have three backup singers? He has those giveaways in his singing. The giveaways that separate lounge/cruise singers from professionals. He's not a great singer. But I like him so if they bother to include some of the Xtra factor and backstage and judging stuff this year I won't mind if Simon puts him through. Stevi's the guy in your office who is fun at karaoke who once had aspirations to be a performer and maybe a background in musical theatre.

Lizzy Pattinson: Whoa. Someone is singing a Blake Shelton song? I know nothing about her. Is she originally from America or is she like that girl... Caroline, I think... who wanted to be a country singer, just cause? Pleasant. But a big old meh.

Jay James: And back to annoying. Good God, man. Are you even trying? I don't care about your backstory. This is insufferable.

Helen Fulthorpe: Singing Etta James. Because fuck it. You can't see but I'm rolling my eyes right now. Helen is a caricature to me. She's actually not producing that much sound and she doesn't have the soulful rich sound she needs for this kind of music. She's be better off going to rock but she doesn't even have the power for that. She'd do better with Grace Slick or Janis Joplin but I think she'd still be disappointing. She's like a pale imitation of the blond fairy lady who was on a while ago.\

Fleur East: I like Jessie J and I like this song. And I need to go listen to her second album but they refuse to put it on Spotify. Compared to the rest of the competition, Fleur at least has some interesting texture to her voice. She's not wildly unique but there's at least something. I thought it was a solid audition.

Ben Haenow: I like him so much better than Andrea. I like that he's soul with a bit of rock. I think that's what gives him a slight edge over Paul but if they both get in I think I'll be back and forth on who I like better from week to week.

 

Based on just their judges' houses performances here are my picks.

Groups: 1. New Boy Band 2. Only the Young 3. New Girl Group (though I really don't care about #2 and #3)

Boys: 1. Jake 2. Paul, 3. Danny/Jordan

Overs: 1. Fleur 2. Ben 3. Stevi

[kdm07]

I think Sinitta's aura of uselessness, combined with her stupid offensive Indian outfit, must have put ALL of those acts at Simon's house off their game.  "Stink", "stank" and "stunk" were my reactions all throughout.  

This is the absolute truth. That outfit was awful! What was she thinking? "How do I manage to become relevant again? Oh I know, an offensive outfit at Simon's house!"

[Kromm]

This is the absolute truth. That outfit was awful! What was she thinking? "How do I manage to become relevant again? Oh I know, an offensive outfit at Simon's house!"

Someone with UK knowledge from thirty years ago tell me... was she really EVER relevant?  

When your very name is a punchline?  That's sad.  Then again she's probably living comfortably anyway sucking at Simon's teat (as is Louis, come to think on it--I mean where would HIS useless ass be without Simon propping him up?)

[aradia22]

Lauren Platt: It was pretty. Her voice is just going to annoy me guys. Girls voices don't change as much as guys voices during/after puberty but her voice so clearly needs to develop. If her voice was just kind of thin and pretty it would be fine. But I can hear it struggling between that full sound she can't quite get to and the childlike place she is now. She's good but if I'm being honest, she's not ready.

Kerrianne Covell: You need control with this song. You can't just wail it out. It was good but I also kind of felt like my ears were being assaulted.

Chloe Jasmine: OK, she's no Judy Garland but this is the most I've ever liked one of her performances. It felt less like an affectation this time. I still think she has things to work on but I'm starting to see more potential in her.

Stephanie Nala: Quavery baby voice. Breathy. A little bit flat. Am I saying you can't be a pop star with a vocal like that? Don't be ridiculous. Should you win a singing competition? Eh? Probably not.

Emily Middlemas: Emily is kind of like baby Helen Fulthorpe. Her face and hands and performance are all like 'look how awesome I am' but nothing's coming out of her mouth. I still like her though. Way more than Helen.

Lola Saunders: Very solid. No question her vocal was the best of the girls. It still wasn't perfect but in comparison, she had the best technical performance.

 

The girls aren't a super competitive category but it's hard to decide who you want to go with. I think everyone did as well as they could have with their voices except for maybe Kerrianne. The one who 100% deserves it on talent is Lola. With the others it's really about how you want to compete. What angle do you have to sell this act to the voters?

Girls: 1. Lola 2. Lauren 3. Emily 4. Kerrianne

[aradia22]

And our results are in!

 

Boys: Paul Akister, Andrea Faustini, Jake Quickenden

Girls: Chloe Jasmine, Stephanie Nala, Lauren Platt

Over 25s: Fleur East, Ben Haenow, Jay James

Groups: Blonde Electra, New Boy Band, Only the Young

 

Each category also gets a wildcard picked by another judge.

 

I have no problems with Mel's choices for the Boys. I'm happy she took Paul and Jake through and I wasn't that attached to the others. I don't care which of the boys will be coming back as a wild card. It'll probably be Jack because I like him the least.

 

Cheryl once again made stupid choices with the girls. I know I said it was about how you sell the acts but this is a weak team at the moment. Chloe is basically a slightly more talented Katie Waissel and any Broadway girl could do a better cabaret act. Her voice isn't that remarkable. You could make Stephanie into a credible pop act but I think it's going to put a real strain on her already weak vocals when you try and add dancing and running around. Lauren would be alright on a stronger team but as I said, I think she's too young. Maybe she'll get lucky and one of the other judges will give her back Lola. Or at least Emily.

 

Simon made smart choices with the Over 25's. I'm glad he's taking Fleur and Ben through. Helen and Lizzy would have been cannon fodder and he resisted bringing Stevi through as a fun act. Jay's voice annoys the crap out of me but with his backstory I can see how you sell him. My guess is that he'll get Stevi or Helen back as a wildcard. Unless the other judges are playing super competitively and give him back Lizzy just to see her get eliminated super quickly.

 

I'm not horrified with Louis' choices. The new boy band should unquestionably get through. There are way too many of them and they don't work as a unit but there's too much talent there to not take them through. Only the Young underwhelm me but of the groups who came to the competition, they work the best as a unit. I've got no attachment to any of the other groups, so sure, let him have Blonde Electra as his novelty act. He needs one. It keeps him happy. My guess is that he'll get the girls back as a wild card unless the others are being super competitive and give him someone weak like Concept or The Brooks.

[junemeatcleaver]

OMG Tulisa's face.  I knew she had work done but it was still shocking to see in HD.

[junemeatcleaver]

OMG Tulisa's face.  I knew she had work done but it was still shocking to see in HD.