RetailTherapy

Wait. What? Jason Derullo isn't just one of those guest judge folks? He's going to be slouched over there, mumbling all season? No. Just, no. Paula is actually a dancer, so she gets a pass. While I like the show, I'm also very over contemporary and that weird style where they seem to pop out their joints.

I actually liked Noah and Rumer's freestyles. Rumer's the best. Riker's was just weird. The music, the costumes, the entire troop of dancers. Everything. And with all dances by Allison this season, it was frantic and sloppy. Again, Sharna has proven herself to be the choreographer of the show. She managed to create coherent routines for a man with one arm and one leg. He's still not a dancer, but she made him look like one. Derek and his hand jive should take lessons from the master.

While yes, Noah is an inspiration, he's just not a dancer. This show is not called "Inspired by the Stars", it's called "Dancing with the Stars". Critical difference. JR had the chops and personality to warrant his win. Easily. Amy, while not a war hero, also had enough dancing skill to master all of the dances and to do well. Noah, through no fault of his own, cannot physically master the dances. Quickstep? No. Jive? No. The rise and fall of the V Waltz? No. The intricate footwork of the A. Tango? No. He's great at posing and lifting Sharna. With what she's managed to do with him and even with the obnoxious Andy Dick, she's more than yanked away the crown of most creative choreographer during her time on the show. And quite honestly, if Noah's abs had their own spinoff show, I'd totally watch. I think we can expect a frantic, frenetic freestyle from Allison. She only has one speed - turbo. Maybe Twitch will help her out a bit. The wild card is whether Val will create something memorable for Rumer or if he'll fall flat. I almost wish they'd saved the Black Swan thing for this week.

Ummm, WTF? While I'm thrilled that Rumer made it, I'm just baffled by what I just witnessed. And I type this as someone who loathes Derek with the passion of a thousand suns, but there is no way that Noah should have been in the finals over Nastia. Hell, he shouldn't have been there over Willow, Robert or even that dull bachelor. Shark? Jumped. Thoroughly.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this season. On one hand, Rumer, Riker and Nastia are very good dancers. That's something we've really not ever seen - three that could win in any season. Usually it's one good dancer and a few ok ones at the end. Or, like in the season of Brooke Burke, no good dancers at all. On the other hand, I feel like any personality the show had this season left when Redfoo, Patti, Willow and Robert were booted off. I also miss pros like Karina, Louis, Cheryl and Maks. Not a fan of Allison and her frantic dances. But there are a few good adds - Artem (yum), Emma, Sharna and even Witney. I totally want Rumer to win and if not her, Riker. And I'm sure I'll get struck by lightening, but I'm very tired of Noah. Yes, he's done great things. And yes, there should be a weekly show that features his abs. But he isn't really dancing. There are things that he simply cannot do through no fault of his own. He should have been gracefully gone weeks ago.

Yeah, not terribly impressed with the trio dance concept. In all honesty, I liked the ones that actually, you know, DANCED together instead of the one that did all they could to showcase the supastah (said in the Mary Katherine Gallagher voice) and not the actual celebrity. Paso is hard to do, so props for those. Even that of Nastia, who continues to look like a 55 year old woman. Go away forever, contemporary dancing. Take the bachelor with you.

That was so sad. She was so heartbroken and it made me cry. Poor thing held it together until she got out there for a final dance. What I wouldn't give to have seen Nastia and gimpy get the boot tonight. Tom, as typical, was awesome. And even Erin managed to show some tact and compassion. The real choreographer on this show is Mark. He has been able to pull amazingly creative routines out, week after week, season after season, for such a huge variety of ability, age, style and religious belief. He managed to provide fun, age appropriate routines for a young teen that showcased HER ability. Derek is the one who unfairly gets that credit as being so great, which induces much eye rolling. Let's face it, we've seen his entire bag of tricks many times over. Hand jive. Dancing inside/behind/under some object. Smoke. Dim lights. And those tricks and gimmicks won't work with someone that doesn't already have some dance ability, so we'll never see him with a Cloris, Valerie or LoLo type partner. A non-dance partner would cause the annoyance of requiring him to actually teach them how to dance and that's just not how he seems to roll. Joining up with the present group on the knoll. There was something mighty fishy with the show last night. Giving Nastia immunity for absolutely no reason. Riker's scores were frighteningly inflated for that flat footed quickstep-ish dance that wasn't dinged for all of the hold breaks. Rumer was frighteningly underscored for what was a near perfect jive. Noah...I just don't know what to say. I think that Sharna's talent lies in jazz, as she even managed to make Andy Dick look good, which is damned near impossible. And this, to me, was Noah's best dance. But not 10 worthy. Said to me that he needed a bit of propping. The scores for Robert and bachelor Chris seem to be somewhat in line with what they've done, so that says to me they didn't need propping at this point and are being saved for the double elimination. You sucked last night, show.

I'm sorry - what??? This was stadium anthem night? Woulda never known, as none of them actually selected a stadium anthem to sing. Hated to see Quentin go. He was the only one who was even in the least bit interesting. Photos of the rest can be found in the dictionary as examples of what "meh" means.

Maybe I've just been watching too long. It all looks the same. 1. Riker and Allison dancing at top speed, regardless of the dance style 2. Robert and Kym, bravely making a go of it, with Robert always two beats behind 3. Nastia and Derek, with Derek figuratively and now literally phoning it in 4. Bachelor Chris lunking around the dance floor 5. Rumer and Val doing basically the same cha-cha/samba/salsa 6. Willow and Mark, trying to do theme night every night 7. Noah and Sharna, with Sharna frantically dancing around him while he wobbles back and forth Bring back real, authentic ballroom. Lose the jazz, modern, Bollywood and all other non-traditional ballroom style dances.

I don't really see Riker as a ringer, simply because he's just not that good. And if they really wanted him to win, he certainly wouldn't have been paired with Allison. There have been a few ringers on the show. Aside the randomness of Maks being tossed a bone in the form of Meryl and Witney getting Alfonso likely by reason of being as small as he is, there really is only one that seems to get the regular ringer-type celebs. No need holding one's breath to eventually see him saddled with a Patti, a Cloris, a Valerie, a Nancy Grace or a Kate Gosslin. That's when the rubber will meet the road. Or we'll see dances in a smoke filled, pitch black dark studio, standing in a refrigerator box.

Wow. That was just painful last night. While Kelly has never really been my favorite, it was glaringly, sadly obvious how far this show has fallen since the early days. It reminds me of Lola, the fomer showgirl, sitting at the bar in her ratty old yellow feather costume. Purple hair was probably the best of the night and her voice grates like fingernails on a chalkboard. The rest ranged from forgettable to just plain bad. And what were they all wearing? Did they fire the stylists in an effort to save money? Purple hair's red dress looked like something she made in Home-Ec and those white culottes - oy. Here's my take on why they took every single upbeat KC song and dumbed it down to a draggy ballad. None of them have the vocal ability to even come close to hitting any of the notes that KC does. The ones that tried sounded thin, weak, tinny and off key. I think that the term "Making it their own" is code for "Making it a song that is singable by a marginally talented singer". Speaking of code, is laryingitis the new term for the voice changing that occurs during puberty?

Well, they managed to make it all the way to week 3 before starting the tongue bathing of Derek. Boo-hoo. Poor pitiful baby. He travels allllll the time, ya'll. He's so darned busy that he can't possibly devote more than a day or so, but he comes jitterbugging in as some sort of conquering hero. Please. Sure, Nastia knows the dance. She's well versed on choreography and she's had plenty of practice during the week. I heard the strands of a million tiny vioilins, playing just for him. Rumer - underscored. Riker - overscored. The rest were passable, even bachelor dude. Michael is getting lost in the shuffle and I hate that. Bruno was absolutely out of line with what he said to Charlotte. Yeah, we all know she's not the brightest bulb in the light fixture, but no need for that pot to be calling the kettle black on national tv.

This season confuses me. I'll admit that it's also so boring that I often forget it's on. Last night, I watched and came away shaking my head. Is there really no talent left in Ameriker? Are the talented kids just not auditioning for AI? Or are the judges so completely tone deaf that they eliminate actual talent in favor of what's currently on stage? I caught a few of the auditions and there were a few kids with decent talent. Yet, along the way, those kids got cut. We are left with a kid that looks and sounds like he's eight years old, a couple of girls who do something up there that cannot be considered singing, forgettable boys and one or two that still think powerhouse vocals are relevant today. Last night was just plain awful and this was an improvement over a week where one boy sang "Danger Zone" like a Vegas lounge act. The kid singing the Phil Collins song was about the best of the pack and even he wasn't all that good. It went downhill on a 90 degree trajectory after that. Let's face it. We have a season of kids who make us wish for a Taylor Hicks or Lee Dewyze.

While Nastia was technically near perfect, she's just not really "there" in terms of feeling the dance. They were definitely going through the motions and to me, didn't connect at all. And, she looks older than Suzanne. Too bad Henry is the one doing all of the work and getting no real credit. Very sweet moment with Noah and his girl. He was genuinely surprised. Forget dance. Just stand there and allow us to admire what has to be the world's most perfect set of abs. Yum. Bachelor was just a non entity. I would have been perfectly happy to see him go instead of Redfoo, who greatly entertained me. It was nice that Keo didn't get the first boot twice in a row. While I'm of the opinion that we as a society us the term "bully" a little too loosely sometimes, I have defintely seen some really ugly stuff written about Charlotte. The 'net gives a lot of false courage and people can say some mighty cruel things. No one wants to read things like that about themselves. I love Michael and his sweet smile. He's not quite a dancer yet, but maybe Peta can work a miracle or two. Willow is adorable and did a great job on her tango. Mark has done well with her. The very definition of awesome is Patti LaBelle dancing to 50 Cent and In da club. Too bad every second word had to be bleeped out! Could she do that every single week to close the show? Riker wasn't bad. He's a good dancer and seems to also be a good sport. That foxtrot was too frantic though.

I'm sure I'm in the minority, but I wasn't all that impressed with Nastia. As typical of the past few seasons, her partner has been cruising along with the same old tired tricks of "hope you don't see" lifts and props to hide bad footwork. She would have been better served by getting a pro who had even a fleeting interest in seeing her do well and not so much about him getting to the finals. One could hope that there are others like me who are tired of seeing the same pro get the season's anticipated "ringer" each time and will cast their votes accordingly.