dubstepford wife

So, like just about everyone, I didn't completely understand the challenge, but my understanding was that the winning dish appeared super simple, but beneath the surface it ended up being super complex and sophisticated. That's where the duck analogy came from -- ducks look calm and even bored on the surface, but below the surface of the water they're paddling like crazy. This dish appeared to be a cabbage leaf in a bowl of milk, but it was much, much more than that. Is that chaotic? I probably wouldn't use that word, I'd describe it more as deceptive as opposed to chaotic, but I guess the judges liked the interpretation of the assignment. It's certainly not for everyone but I love Kristin's androgynous style. You have to have a very specific look to pull that off. You have to basically be her -- tall, rail thin, sharp facial features, short hair -- for it to work. Put androgynous clothes on someone with an hourglass figure and long hair and it doesn't work as well. Like Padma for instance would never be able to wear that outfit, she was way too voluptuous. Kristin looks very model-esque, like she just walked off a high fashion runway. I agree the pants were too long, when you can't see someone's shoes it makes me think of JNCO jeans from the late 90s, but otherwise I thought she looked fabulous.

It drives me crazy when I hear people say, "Oh you just didn't *get* it." That's the laziest excuse for bad performance. These are judges with decades of experience, Kaleena. They'll get it just fine. And if they don't, maybe that's because there's nothing to get. Man, I want to like her but she makes it tough. Somebody on the production team really hates Laura. She mostly laid low this episode but they couldn't help themselves with the dark chocolate at the beginning. That said, even though I defended her last episode because I didn't think the budget problems were her fault alone, she's emerging as a dirty player. The editors can't make up footage. I like Rasika a lot and I'm surprised she's gone when it's still relatively early in the competition. But "slimy" and "slug like" are not criticisms from which you can recover. It's game over at that point.

It's funny because in the books there actually is a young character with a mental disability. It's quite heartwarming -- the Elizabeth of the books insists on him being included in activities with the other children, she teaches him what she can, and the town works together to do a fundraiser for him to have surgery. I'm surprised Hallmark didn't include that storyline as it seems like a good example of community, which is their bread and butter. Though, that said...spoiler alert...

There's a difference between making someone the villain and showing that they are culpable for a bad situation. Good people can make bad decisions and bring others down with them. I hardly think Laura is a villain, but she was responsible for using up a good chunk of the budget. That said I'm actually a bit surprised that Manny didn't get at least a bit of blame. Laura did get the villain edit in that Manny didn't get any flack for spending so much of the budget. Beef tenderloin is crazy expensive. As soon as I saw his pieces of meat I'm like, that has to be at least $200 right there. Beef will always be more expensive than chicken but there are cuts of beef that aren't that over the top. And he didn't even cook it properly anyway so he wasted the budget just as much as Laura did. Edit: the more I think about this, the more it isn't sitting right. Laura gets the villain edit because of her spending too much money, but Manny doesn't even though he was even more responsible for them being over budget. The rules just said beef course -- there are cuts of beef that are way, way cheaper than tenderloin. Yet he gets a pass, and this is pure conjecture, but I think it's because he's hot and the producers don't want to alienate the 18 - 40 women demographic that is a large chunk of the audience. That sucks for Laura.

I'm not impressed either. The dishes aren't very imaginative and they keep making very basic mistakes. Like, Charly seems cool and I love spicy caribbean food so if he had leaned into Haitian it would have been great, Tom even said that. But cooking fish 30 minutes before it is to be served? I received my culinary training from Betty Crocker and even I know not to do that. And as I was watching I actually exclaimed, "How do you screw up beef tenderloin?!" That's like butter meat. I'm sorry but if you can't cook that well then you are just not a very good cook. Edit: I had some stuff about Laura in here but I'm taking it out, because the more I think about it, the more I think Manny deserved the villain edit, not her. See my post below.

An entire season dedicated to her cutting her hair sounds about right. I remember there was an episode a season or two back where the main thing that happened was Nathan ate a lot of ice cream. The short hair makes sense though, Erin has short hair in real life and the showrunners were probably like, we're sick of maintaining those wigs, and it's the 20s in the timeline anyway (or at least I think it is, who knows with this show) so long hair had fallen out of fashion.

Harry: "You know, William II was probably murdered by his brother, Henry. Funny parallel, huh? But of course, I would never do that to you!" Will: (in his head) "If this were 1000 years ago, you totally would."

Having gotten WAY too into this show when it first came out, I figured it took place in Alberta because in 1914 there was a mining disaster that killed about half of a town's mining workforce, leaving many women widowed and many children fatherless. It was the Hillcrest Mine Disaster, and I thought that might have been what the writers based the original town of Coal Valley on. That said, the show actually takes place in an alternate universe, where the US and Canada are the same country, WWI is not a thing, people are always immaculately clean and have massive wardrobes and distractingly obvious veneers (looking at you, Kevin), and the technology is somehow both way too far advanced for the time period but also sometimes more appropriate for the 1860s.

Were this a better written show, this ambivalence on her part would be a red flag that maybe she's not ready to move on from Jack. It's completely understandable to think you've moved on, since you're not crying yourself to sleep every night, but when it comes time to actually imagine a new life with a new person, you can't do it. You don't want the new house, you don't want to move hours away, and you're triggered by someone in the same profession possibly losing his life. She's not ready, and she might never be ready. She might be a swan who mated for life. That's okay. Women's lives don't have to revolve around love, she can find something else to do with herself. And she has the Coulters, she has her girlfriends, she has her profession. Not being with a guy doesn't mean she'll be alone. But, this is not a well written show, so it's just rehashing the love triangle that went on forever because the writers are out of ideas. I thought the promo picture for this season -- the one of Elizabeth wistfully looking into the distance fading into a picture of the schoolhouse -- was lovely. Hallmark's graphic designers are better than their writers.

I just don't feel like Buddha won. I feel like Sara lost. But, they had to give it to him. He had four good dishes, compared with Sara, who had two great dishes, one fantastic, and one absolute disaster. She definitely would have won if her liver had been cooked properly, she was close to winning even with badly cooked liver. And it was with Amar; these two got eliminated for undercooking lamb in the wellington challenge. They just can't seem to get their timing right. I don't disagree with the decision, but having just seen The Menu, Buddha reminds me so much of the chef in that movie: calculated to the point of taking all the joy out of cooking. There's nothing spontaneous or eyebrow raising about it. It's elegant and refined of course, but he's following the Michelin script. And I think it says something that the judges will pick apart his clam chowder, but come very close to overlooking raw liver, because Sara's other dishes were just that good. For a second there I actually thought Gabri might take it. The judges seemed a bit milquetoast on Buddha, and Sara of course had the one disastrous dish. Meanwhile Gabri was the dark horse with his grasshoppers and dishes where the judges were like, "I have no idea what it is, but it's good!" Though for heaven's sake Gabri, learn to set a timer when you put beans on the stove.

If Gabri somehow ends up beating Buddha, I will never stop laughing. Talk about falling upwards. At this point the remaining chefs are so different that it feels like comparing apples and oranges. Buddha's food will be beautiful and avant garde and showcase a lot of technique, and a dinner made by him would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Sara's food will be the perfect bridge between fancy and comforting, it would never be boring but also never pretentious. And I feel like any restaurant owned by Gabri would be the most fun, it would be loud and lively and full of people drunk on tequila and enjoying the hell out of some elevated Mexican food. There's a time and a place for all three of those situations. Gail looked hot. That coral dress with the plunging neckline? Yowza.

She was breastfeeding and postpartum when this was filming. And even if she wasn't, her body is just fine. Let's ease up on this, eh? (And I thought her running was adorable) Something seemed a bit off to me about eliminating Tom and keeping Ali. We've seen many times on this show where the person who undershoots gets eliminated over the person who overshoots, but here it was the opposite. Also I didn't quite agree with Padma's assessment that the "caviar" shouldn't have tasted like caviar. The goal was to trick you into thinking you were eating real caviar but you weren't, and the salty umami-ness of the taste is a big part of that. I'm another who finds Buddha's food a little calculated. The best looking dish I've ever seen him make was the pasta Amatriciana inspired by his wife during last season. But then again, this is a criticism I have of fine dining in general. It just seems to reward artistry over everything else sometimes. The Michelin guide has been criticized for snobbery and also placing too much emphasis on Western cuisine over flavors from Africa, the Middle East, or Southeast Asia, and Buddha's food seems reflective of that. He wants a Michelin starred restaurant and he'll do what the Michelin guide is looking for in order to get it. That's fine, but it's also kind of soulless. I don't particularly like Gabri (as a chef, not as a person) and I think he's by far the weakest of the remaining contestants, but credit where credit is due: it took some cajones to give the judges a plate inspired by a mildewing nasty dish sponge.

Gabri is the Mr Magoo of Top Chef. At this rate, he's somehow going to stumble his way to the finale just by virtue of him always being second-to-last. How many times has that happened? Like, four weeks in a row?

Dale's story, oof. "I was an ignorant white guy who thought all Mexican food was Taco Bell, but then I tried real Mexican food and I became slightly less ignorant, so my dish is called, 'Look how not racist I am.' Enjoy!"

This ep legit made me a little angry. The quickfire was way, way too short for that volume of food. They don't tell viewers who got eliminated because they want to force LCK on everyone. And for a show that has been accused of sexism in the past, they seem like they went out of their way to ensure that Tom would continue. He takes a huge chunk of his team's budget and yet makes a bad dish, but is still given a chance to survive? Sylwia's lemon curd dessert chicken sounded nasty, don't get me wrong, but I think bad dish made with tons of money should get eliminated over bad dish made with not very much money. I am looking forward to the Watch What Crappens take on this episode though. There is so much material here that I know they're going to make fun of.