BlueberryJane23

5. When the child’s 3rd grade teacher contacts you because said child is bullying and tormenting other children, bring your girlfriend to the parent-teacher conference so she can passionately defend said child, flail her arms uselessly, snarl at the teacher, and attempt to have her fired.

Olivia is not a good fake cryer. That is all.

This is why CEO’s of media corporations should really go to college. When Valentin’s nose started to bleed did anyone else think Stranger Things? So glad they remembered to strap down his hands and put him in a hospital gown. Too bad they didn’t shave his head. Now I hope he goes all Eleven and uses his powers to hurl Papa Victor into the frozen wasteland.

It also makes no sense that Heather was willing to let Ava and Felicia go when just a few months ago, she wanted Ava dead badly enough to stab her with a hook. Or was that supposed to be some kind of trick? My broadcast was interrupted for a tornado warning in central NJ.

While the target practice scenes were not what anyone needed to see right now, I was impressed that Ava’s silk blouse remained free of pit stains. That’s some good antiperspirant she’s got.

For those wondering if grandparents suing for visitation is really a thing, when I was a kid, our neighbor had a falling out with her adult daughter and went to family court so she could see her grandchildren. She was granted supervised visits but both parties had to agree on the supervisor. The person they ultimately agreed on was my mother. This was in NJ about 30 years ago. So yes, Nina can get visitation, and if Michael and Willow are concerned that she might somehow “damage” Wiley, they can get Stella to supervise. I’m sure she has lots of free time now that Mike is gone. And then we won’t have to hear from any of them on this stupid subject anymore. Also, when the truth comes out about the sex tape, I want Joss and Trina to get revenge on Esme by drugging her, cutting off all that super shiny, annoyingly long hair, and donating it to Locks of Love.

Nina is not responsible for Peter's actions, but she's not blameless either. If she hadn't been so invested in protecting her "Mike" secret, she could have called the police or Anna or Jax -- or Valentine. And yes, Peter would have found some other leverage to use against her because he's a bad guy and that's what bad guys do. But at least Nina could have done what any normal rich person would do if they were being chased by a psychopath and gotten the hell out of town. Instead, she stuck around Nixon Falls, indulging in her Mike fantasy and putting everyone in harm's way. For that Phyllis has a right to be angry.

Thank you to the person who wiped Nina's face for the hospital scenes. The soot looked stupid. All the coughing and anvils about needing to get checked out made me wonder if she'll succumb to smoke inhalation and collapse as she's begging Sonny to forgive her. Then everyone will forget how pissed they are as they plead with her to wake up. Jason/Epiphany hug "I will name him George. And I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him."

Liz looked cute with her curly camping hair. I don't get the thing with the sauce. Couldn't people taste Trina's month-old, defrosted pasta sauce from the bar and say, "Good sauce! Tastes just like Sonny's!" without assuming that dead Sonny must have actually made the sauce? Isn't it possible that someone else had the same recipe? I've eaten chicken soup that tasted just like my late grandmother's. Somehow, I kept it together and didn't go all crazy thinking my grandma was still alive. Was Wyatt the same kid who discovered Peter when Liesel was holding him hostage in the cabin?

So in the brief time we’ve known her, Esmee has successfully masqueraded as a nurse, accessed the GH computers, recreated Kiki’s ID badge, and set fire to Ava’s car. I gotta hand it to the girl. She has SKILLZ. The Corinthos Organization (or is it The Morgan Organization now?) really ought to snap her up and put those talents to use. She blows Brick out of the water. And her odd remark about Ava deserving to suffer because Nick chose her over Spencer doesn’t bode well for Trina. We all know Spencer is going to choose Trina over Esmee. On other fronts, Britt is fast becoming one of my favorite characters. I felt really sorry for her at the GNO. Sure she’s done some bitchy things, but so has almost everyone at that table. (With the possible exception of Deanna.) I wish Terry would stop schooling her in that patient condescending voice. It’s irritating. Frankly, the “girls” missed a great opportunity because in addition to being gorgeous and smart, Britt happens to be a hoot. She’s definitely the one I’d want to hang out with in that group.

After watching that petty bickering scene between Terry and Britt, I got this bad feeling when Monica called them both in to discuss the CoS decision. I just hope we’re not getting “Co-chiefs of Staff Randolph and Westbourne” because (a) it’s stupid, and (b) we will subjected to regular sessions of their back and forth hijinks. Britt has really grown on me since they’ve been writing her as a rational person who speaks her mind, stands up for herself, shows vulnerability, yet still has a sense of humor. Watching her snark it up with the annoying and pointless Terry will just undo all the great progress they’ve made with her character.

Are we supposed to believe the names "Mike", "Wylie," "Nina," "Crimson," and "Port Charles" did not ring a single bell for Smike, but an old cap can trigger a whole host of memories? Also, I live an hour from NYC. It's 93 degrees here. Who is wearing a hat like that in July?

Thank you!!!! For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why Sam was playing for the PCPD!

ULKIS, I’m a few days behind in my reading, but thank you for the L.M. Montgomery reference!

Cyrus’s slow way of talking has always bugged me, but at least he’s able to inject a hint of menace into his tone sometimes. Phyllis, on the other hand, has taken the slow-talking to new depths. We get it! Nixon Falls is a sleepy town with a slower pace of life. Does that mean she has to speak to everyone with that flat tone of exaggerated patience? Is this her nursing strategy for dealing with dim-witted people? I especially hate the way she says “Mike” dragging it out into two syllables, “Mah-ayyek.”

Add to this the fact that Elizabeth hasn't seen her own mother in 25 years. By those standards, yes, Monica is an amazing mother. Why is Dev still on this show? His scenes make me miss Oscar. And Rafe.

Ava: Uterus schmuterus! Let’s have a drink! I would have loved the scene where Lucy tells Sasha about rising above scandals... if Sasha wasn’t such a fucking idiot.

When he does, I really hope they use that weird close-up of his face from Kim's baby dream. Yes, I remember how noble and heroic she was as she drugged Ava and ripped a fetus from her womb. And speaking of Ava, I'm getting tired of watching the show dump all over this character. Can't something good happen to her once in a while? MW is too good for this. How long can she stand to be the town punching bag? Michael looks like a complete ass when he condescends to her. Talk about kicking someone when they're down. Last of all, how did Carly get so orange? I'd love to have seen her dragging herself into the tanning booth with her pregnant belly, broken foot, and crutches.

If Sasha is going to die, is there any way she can give her virus to Dev first?

Have they explained why Margaux has a different last name from her parents? Was she married or something? Are we just not supposed to notice these kinds of things?

Not to mention, security in this maximum security institution stinks. You know what they say...break out once, shame on you. Break out TWICE, shame on Ferncliff!!

Is it me or did this swim suit thing come totally out of left field? I sometimes doze off during most of this show the boring parts. Also, couldn’t Bobbie have gone to Joss’s ceremony? Whenever I get locked up in an institution for the criminally insane, my mom always steps in to be there for my kid.

Bad move showcasing Jason, Sam, and Spin’s lame investigative skills right alongside Robert and Anna scenes. We all know the storyline is idiotic, but, somehow, TR and FH are able to rise above the material. The pair just exudes intelligence and class. Even their banter is a higher level than anything else we see on the current show. Meanwhile, the other three come off like clowns. Sam, bless her heart, couldn’t pull off sophisticated socialite if her life depended upon it. Jason hasn’t evolved beyond caveman so it’s wise that he didn’t speak, and Spinelli continues to be a complete buffoon. That ingratiating smile of his really bugs. Those scenes were an embarrassment for this once great soap.

The best thing about the Sam/Jason/Drew mess is that now I can go back to hating Sam like I always have. I felt sorry for her when she was dealing with Danny’s cancer, but the only time I ever actually liked her was when she chose Drew over Jason. Years ago, someone on TWOP described Sam as running all around town “smelling Jason’s farts.” I loved that comment because it summed up the character so perfectly. Then finally, with Drew, Sam got to be more than just a fart smeller, and now that’s what she’s going back to by choosing Jason. I’m disgusted at the thought that Sam will slip right back into the empty slot in the Sonny, Carly, Jason gang. Does anyone really need to see that again? Also, does Maxie not know that she can actually hire a financial planner, attorney, or accountant to help her? We’re supposed to believe this genius basically ran Crimson? Come on!

Nelle's character reminds me of a game my son Invented when he was about four. He would play "school" and there was one really bad kid called "Naughty Girl" -- some old doll he found. Naughty Girl delighted in doing terrible things to the other kids like pulling their chairs out from under them or breaking their toys. My role was to be the teacher and catch Naughty Girl in the act. She'd offer some lame excuse and I'd say, " Stop lying, Naughty Girl. I'm sick of it!" and throw her across the room. So Nelle is really just Naughty Girl 20 years later, sporting ugly lipstick and a creepy smile. Michael is constantly throwing her across the room, and the writing is about as subtle as something any four-year old might dream up.