DrNowsWeightScale

TLC is airing the Steve A. (part 1) episode right now, where I live. I think they're showing Part 2 later tonight? I have been watching "My 600 Lb Life" the last few years but was prompted to go to Google and look it up and found this board and began posting here after the fiascos that were James K. from Kentucky and this Steve Assanti guy. I was shocked and horrified by both of them. James K. was very annoying (lots of whining, didn't seem grateful for the help he was getting), but this Assanti guy is, IMO, way worse. He's mean and rude to people. Well, maybe they're about the same, as James K. emotionally abuses his girlfriend Lisa. I guess Assanti just seems more transparent with his abusive behavior. I don't know. But both are awful.

Yep.

Yep, that right there. That is absolutely one big reason why she keeps giving him the food she knows he shouldn't have - there may be a few other contributing reasons, but that is most certainly one of them.

Thank you for explaining what was on the newest Go Fund Me page. I clicked the link someone gave to it earlier, but Go Fund Me or someone else deleted it.

I have wondered that too. Assuming that James K. has seen the episode on TV or online, I wonder what he thought of the parts where she said she would like to leave him but feels obligated to stay?

I know it's easy to get frustrated with enablers like Lisa, but I used to be similar to her. There are times you may find it easier to cave in and give the whiny (or yelling or non-stop complainer) person what they want to get them to shut up, so you can have some peace and quiet. I grew up with a few family members who were like that (non-stop complaining), and my ex was like that, as well. Would pout or complain until I caved in to him and he got his way. I don't think Dr. Now fully appreciates how psychologically tiring it is to listen to another person whine, whine, whine (or complain bitterly) until they get things their way - if you have to live with this person seven days a week, 12 months out of the year. Now that I'm out of codependency, I'd probably have a way easier time standing up to a non-stop whiner or complainer and just getting up and leaving the room if they start in on me, but back when I was in the thick of it, no. I was taught to tolerate stuff like that.

Your theory about James K. might be totally correct. My only doubt is that he doesn't seem very intelligent. I don't know if the guy has the smarts to concoct and hatch plans in order to hoodwink a woman.

Well, yes and no. I used to be very codependent, like Lisa on the show (though I was not in the same exact situation as her - I've never been care taker to a 700 pound person). But when you are in that codependent state, you are sick in a way and need therapy to get out of it. She probably does not realize there is a way out, and another way to deal with problems, conflict, and life. I was encouraged by both parents (my mother especially) to be codependent. My mom also role modeled that behavior for me. At the same time, I was shamed and verbally abused by my father and older siblings, so I grew up with no self confidence. As part of the codependency brainwashing I got, I was taught that having healthy boundaries and being assertive is selfish, mean, and wrong. Lisa may have been brought up in a similar family dynamic as me, or, as she was abused by her first husband, she may have developed codependent behaviors as a coping strategy with her ex husband. Lisa may not even realize she has a choice or that she can make choices for herself. I didn't realize until well into my 30s that it was okay and normal for me to make choices for myself, because I was encouraged in my family to be too dependent on my mother. I wasn't taught to develop my own life and to think totally for myself. Any time I did happen to make a choice for myself, my mother would question it so much, she made me feel like I was too inept to make choices for myself, so I let others make them for me. Maybe Lisa is going through something like that. She could be helped quite a bit by therapy, or at least if she read books about codependency.

Does anyone remember the episode of The Simpsons where Homer made a toilet recliner, so he wouldn't have to get up out of his chair during the Superbowl? He built a toilet right into the recliner, if I remember right. Yeah, I found it. You can see Homer's toilet recliner in this video on You Tube: Homer Simpson's Toilet Recliner Invention I think James K. would probably love to have that chair.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm like you are on the weight thing. If I see or feel my weight is getting up there, I start taking measures to cut back. I don't like to weigh myself on a scale - I can just tell if my body is getting larger, and by how my clothing fits what my size is. As I'm getting into middle age, though, it's taking longer to lose anything. It takes more effort. But I notice if I get 20 - 25 pounds over my preferred weight, and I start increasing the exercise and cutting back on calories (I try to go with 1200 calories per day when trying to lose). I sometimes wonder about people on the show... I don't know how they get up to 600 or 700 pounds. I notice if I get about 10, 15, 20 pounds over my goal weight. I have seen a person or two on this show, after they are weighed at Dr Now's office say, "I never realized I was THAT big" when they see the scale say 500 or 600 pounds. Maybe they honestly didn't notice how big they were getting? Some of the folks on this show, such as James K. and Steve Assanti need to find new coping methods, other than turning to food (well, obviously). They tend to sit in bed all day doing nothing but looking at an I-Pad. I have a moderate tendency or temptation to down a bunch of cookies, ice cream, or pizza if I'm feeling sad or lonely, but I force myself not to do that. Instead, if I'm feeling down, I may go on a walk, a jog, a bike ride, work on a painting, or draw a picture. You see the folks on this show often sit in bed doing nothing but looking at the internet on a cell phone or i-Pad. Maybe if they did more to preoccupy their minds - reading literature, take up guitar lessons, start water color painting, knitting - whatever - that would help them take their mind off food, help them find a different coping method, and they could stick to cutting calories easier? Other than looking at the internet on an i-Pad, I don't remember ever seeing any of them doing any thing else.

I know what you mean. I normally jog five days a week (I sometimes also go bike riding and/or on long walks). On days I feel I cannot possibly force myself to go another ten minutes at jogging, I start thinking about James K., or someone else from this show (especially if an episode was on the night before), and I tell myself, "Oh yes I can, oh yes I can!," and I can hold on for another ten minutes or more. I like the occasional junk food myself - pizza or a cookie - but on some days, after watching some of the folks on this show, that stuff looks so unappetizing to me. I used to like cheese and pepperoni pizza just fine until this past week's episode of Steve Assanti - his obsession with it, and shoveling it into his mouth. I'm now kind of hesitant to ever have another slice of that stuff ever again.

I'm very sorry to hear about your cancer and wish you a speedy recovery from your procedure. This show sometimes also gets me to thinking about my life and choices I've made, and stuff like that. It also makes you stop and consider, even if you're going through a tough time in life, or somebody did something wrong to you years before, it's not healthy to hold on to the anger or pain against that person, because it only ends up hurting you in the long run. I know some of the people on this show say they got to 600 pounds because they were wounded in childhood (parents abused them, or someone molested them, etc.) and I'm sorry all that happened to them, but you can see that they chose to deal with it in an unhealthy manner (in their case, over eating, but with other people, it could be drugs, alcohol, or what have you), which only created even more problems for them.

On the Assanti episode, (and there are photos of him from his episode online), he's in what appears to be a pair of shorts or underwear. They are beige in color. I'm not sure if they were originally white and turned beige due to ... funk ... or what, but there is a very large dark-brown splotch on them in the groin area. It looks as though he urinated on himself and the shorts were never changed, hence, the large, dark brown splotch on the shorts. *Place Barf Emoticon here* The level of cleanliness in these shows makes me want to hurl. The stains. The hard, yellow, crusty toe nails are difficult to see. Either this show or the Assanti one, one of the guys had what appeared to be green mold covering tree-bark looking texture on their legs.

I usually have compassion for most of the patients on this show, but there have been a small number such as James K (or Steve Assanti) who I do not (the ones who are jerks, ingrates, or not even willing to make an effort). I cannot imagine living life as they do, in the bodily fluids / other mess, not being able to take care of their own personal hygiene, due to over-eating. That anyone would be happy or so unmotivated to change and lose weight when they are adults and seem okay urinating or defecating on padded sheets, having family members change it, all because they over-ate and cannot walk themselves to a bathroom. I would feel so humiliated or ashamed if that were me.

Thank you, yes. I don't like that. I don't think losing weight for someone else is a good or healthy motivation. It was like the episode where the weepy Chuck was telling Nissa, "Don't do me like this, please! I'll lose the weight for you." But Nissa got it. She told him something like, "You can't do it for me. It has to be FOR YOU. I cannot be the reason you live, breath and everything else."

So many good quotes already in this thread. About anything by James K, like, "Ow, mah legs," and "But it's Fraad rice" (when his girlfriend tells him rice is on the "do not eat" list). I don't know if this is a favorite quote of mine, but it was so weird. On one show, the one where Gareth (or whatever his name was, the guy with an accent who had a "fat fetish") was married to ZsaLynn, and he explained his rationale for being attracted to large women with this comment: "Why settle for a hot dog when you can have a steak."

That was in reply to this comment by someone else: For about a year and a half, I was a care taker for a family member who had cancer. I don't think most people realize how totally draining it is, physically and psychologically, to be a care taker for a sick person. The person I was caring for got down to about 85 pounds, was around 5 ft 2 inches tall, and it still took quite an effort to flip her around in her hospital bed (that we were renting that was in her home) to change sheets, help her with physical therapy, etc. And I was larger, stronger, and younger than this person. It still exhausted me. I had an aunt who brought her 50-something husband home to care for him after he was in an auto accident. She is a petite lady, her spouse was normal- sized but somewhat brain damaged, and I think he was partially paralyzed (or too weak to move) due to the car accident. This aunt of mine cared for her husband for about two years in their own home. She had to have a neighbor of hers come in daily or at least weekly to flip him over and around in their bed to change sheets, clean him, and so on. Years later, I found out this aunt's oldest son (my cousin) got angry at her for finally putting his dad (her husband, my uncle) into a Skilled Nursing Facility. I asked this aunt, "Has your son (my cousin) ever cared for another sick, bed ridden adult full time?" She said, "No." I said, "Well I have. You have. Your son has no idea how exhausting it is being a care taker to another person." Now, I am talking about a normal sized uncle, and my cancer- stricken family member was petite, and it was still very difficult for my aunt and myself to care for and move around our respective bed ridden family. I cannot imagine how much more difficult it must be for a woman (such as Lisa, who may be about what, 5 ft 5 inches tall, a bit pudgy) to lift, move, or shift over, a 750 pound man in a bed to change a urine pad and to bathe him. I can totally understand why Lisa wanted or needed her daughter or friends to come over and help her move a 750 pound man around to care for him. (Not that I agree with her pulling her daughter out of school - I think she should have continued on in her education - but I see why she found it tempting.) One person cannot do that sort of care taking alone. I barely was able to move my 85 pound family member around on my own. It's like trying to handle a very large sack of potatoes. It's not easy, and it's hard on one's back. I cannot imagine having to lift or move around a 750 pound man, it was hard enough with an 85 pound person.

At times, I also find it annoying when James' girlfriend Lisa would enable him, but as someone who used to be codependent too, I kind of get her mindset on this, that she keeps caving in and bringing him the food the doctor says he's not supposed to have. I'm not saying I agree or approve of her breaking the rules and enabling the guy, but I kind of understand it. Until and unless Lisa develops some self-esteem and learns about the concept of boundaries, she's going to keep giving in to the guy who acts like a big baby. Aspects of being codependent can involve things such as fear of being alone (being rejected or abandoned), fear of confrontation, fear of anger, and you place your self worth on what you do for other people. So, Lisa is afraid if she says "no" to James and refuses to bring him another egg roll or burger, he will yell at her or break up with her. She may feel he will love her only if he needs her, if she does things for him (in his case, bringing him more pizza or whatever). Enduring verbal or emotional abuse is very scary and painful for codependents. On the one hand, while I understand the outlook that James is too large to get out of bed, chase her down, and physically abuse her should she not comply with his food demands, I empathize with her fear of receiving verbal abuse or possible abandonment. It's hard to articulate to people who have normal self-esteem or boundaries, but I used to be like her, so I get it. It's very hard to tolerate verbal abuse when you're still steeped in codependency. And on a side note here, years ago, I used to have a fiance' who would complain for minutes or hours on end to get his way in a dispute with me. I used to cave in and let my ex get his way just to get him to shut up, because I would get sick of listening to his ranting, yelling, or complaining. I was raised in a family where most of my family members were constant, negative complainers. I learned at a young age to just cave in and do what they wanted if it got them to stop complaining. Maybe Lisa was brought up like that too. She may find it easier to bring James another burger if it gets him to shut up and stop the whining, even if she knows it's not good for his health. It seems that the majority of people on this show over-eat and arrive at 600 pounds due to some left over issues or pain from childhood. Regardless, I think James K. could only benefit from some sort of mental health treatment. I can never figure out why Dr. Now sometimes waits 3/4th into a show (and usually after the patient fails 2 or 3 times at weight loss goals) before he orders them to see a therapist. IMHO, directing each patient to see a therapist or psychologist should be part of their VERY FIRST VISIT with Dr. Now each time. I've seen so many of the patients on this show not experience a breakthrough and achieve success until after they've been into therapy. This would include a person or two on the show who didn't even want to see a therapist, they swore up and down it wasn't necessary - but after seeing one, they would later say, "Well what do you know, I really DID have underlying emotional problems that were leading me to eat, and talking about them with my therapist really did help." Then they went on to follow Dr. Now's diet plan and lose the weight. I don't recall Dr. Now ordering James K. to see a mental health professional. If he did not, IMO, he really should have. Lisa, the girlfriend, could also use a few visits to a therapist and learn to stop being codependent and develop some boundaries.

As annoying as James K was, with the constant whining and so forth ("Mah legs, mah legs!! Ooow wee mah legs, don't drop me, mah legs!"), I found that Steve Assanti from the most recent episode of the show was in some ways far worse than James. On one level, I think James' treatment of his girlfriend Lisa amounts to (emotional) abuse (which is obviously very wrong), but I feel that the Assanti guy is more malicious and just plain attention-seeking - he seems to want attention from the general public. I think some reports have said that Assanti said he'd like to be an actor, and years ago, he was on the Dr. Phil show. I think he wants to be famous. Though James K. seems to want his friends and family to pay him lots of attention, but it doesn't seem to be quite the same thing as what Assanti is doing. I was very put off by the fact that even though the father on the show took out a second mortgage on his home to pay for James' trip to Houston (!!!), that James basically threw it away once he got there. Instead of diligently working at losing weight once he got to Houston (yes, it takes self discipline and effort to lose weight, which James doesn't seem willing to recognize), he disobeyed Dr. Now's direction and dietary rules. I cannot believe after his dad and girlfriend and all these other people went out of their way to help him, he just continued doing what he wanted to do.

I don't know about James, but maybe Lisa knows in the back of her mind what's really going on and how dire his situation is but is in denial. It may be easier for her to push these things out of mind than focus on them. When you have to face stuff that you find very painful, scary, or stressful to deal with, you come to the realization you may have to make some pretty big life changes, something I think which a lot of us are reluctant to do.