Mike p.

It would be a mercy if someone sat this woman down to explain that not every photo must be another damned selfie, and that not every selfie requires your mug crammed into it up front. A mercy.

Some typical Audrey proofreading failures. I count two. If you find more, you're the blessed winner. Have fun!

Oh, Jesus. Snoop around this guy a bit. He's a spare-the-rod, spoil-the-child Christian disciplinarian, a participant in Focus On the Family nonsense, anti-gay, anti-transexual, endorsed by a savant from Duck Dynasty, a dealer in scary hyperbole about the failure of modern-day parents, a sneerer at parenting not Bible-based, the bane of child services workers everywhere. In other words, exactly the glittering gem that would attract the eye of witless Jeremy Roloff.

I don't know how she could go to a gay movie like that. Just shocking. Say it ain't so, Amy! I hope she covered her eyes for the three or four seconds it took for that scene to pass by. Any decent person would.

We lost a beloved pet, and in almost every sense it was like losing a member of the family. The grief is real. And you don't just snap out of it. I hope that no one in that absurd, self-absorbed family will attempt to discount the grief that Tori will experience.

Well, he's definitely an innovator. The way he mounted those spy cameras, for instance, was true innovation—without the brackets and wires and all that silly nonsense. The mark of an innovator! And don't forget the bomb shelter. He made that thing virtually disappear among the trees. And he rigged up a hidden alarm system to warn occupants—and only occupants—if intruders got near. And those escape doors that swung outward from inside: by sheer willpower he willed that no bad guys would ever block those doors to keep Roloffs from getting away. That's not just innovation, that's cerebral too.

I'm waiting for the Crazy Dayz Clearance Sale. Edit: We were tossing this around the other day. My wife thought that for Utah, they could have a three-for-one sale.

Price drop! Down to $19.99! https://shop.beating50percent.com/products/navigators-council And you can't get it yet. It's on "Pre-Order" status—whatever that is.

Audrey has an unfortunate smile. Typically, it looks more like a grimace than a smile, and can even look like an animal baring its teeth in warning. (Seriously. I'm not being mean.) It also never looks sincere. If you have a Giada De Laurentis cookbook, you will see the same thing in her face shots. If Audrey were otherwise remarkable (she isn't) and employed at a modeling agency, a coach would have worked with her on the "smile problem."

With those sunglasses, nobody will recognize her.

Well, why not? If it's for Jesus . . .

We should organize a baby shower along these and similar themes. I can start with an actual round Earth globe.

A baby that learns to read would be a slap in Jeremy's face.

I want to warn Milquetoast Chris—if he's reading this—to be sure to watch at least the first four seasons of the show before he goes much further into this stuff, to see the REAL Amy Roloff. I guarantee, Chris (if that's really your name), it's a whole different picture.

Jeremy should order a 40-foot equestrian statue of Matt, bronze, the horse rearing on its hind legs. The would seal the deal, I'm sure.

The Roloff family grasp of civil rights struggle has always been both tenuous and self-serving. A TLC-Roloff ad that ran at the start of their next-to-last episode featured photos of Amy juxtaposed with photos of the three black woman mathematicians featured in the Movie "Hidden Figures." It thanked her. I won't go for ranking categories of discrimination—it's all intended to demean, marginalize and destroy. But still, to compare those women to a giggling meal-ticket fraud like Amy Roloff turned my stomach. I don't know why they didn't go straight to Amy as Rosa Parks. Maybe next season.

I take your point, and it is correct. In the 10th episode, Matt has seen trebuchets on other farms and wants one himself. Thereafter, the entire project—design, building and operation—becomes Detjen's work. I view it as Detjen's thing.

I don't think it's good. There's some early tickling interaction between the two, but for the run of the show Matt has been mostly indifferent to Jake, or especially critical of him. Matt's focus has ALWAYS been on Jeremy. There is a telling moment in the run-up to Jeremy's wedding. The kids are inside the church (or maybe the schoolhouse), painting it. Matt enters, and the first thing he does is criticize what Jake is doing. Jake turns to his siblings, opens his arms palms up and wears an expression on his face: "See what I mean?" It's really quick, but I think it speaks volumes. This occurred at the about time that Jake was clearly withdrawing from the show. Matt's behavior may not be Jake's only reason, but I'm sure that it contributes. In an earlier incident, he is blamed by Matt for misplacing a remote control—no questions asked, no chance to plead not guilty. And it's clear that he isn't guilty of it, Zach is. Jake has expressed some admiration for his dad's problem-solving capacity, but not for much else that I can recall. Jake is a kid who lost his family at age 8. Early episodes show him completely involved, doing his part for the show. But he is always shown as a crybaby—a view he of himself that he doesn't share—and he begins to withdraw. He spends more time with Mike Detjen, then is injured by Detjen's trebuchet. At that point he gets surly and dark, I assume trapped in place he doesn't want to be. I suspect that part of the problem is that Jake is smart, especially compared to his brothers, and has learned to stand up for himself and, perhaps, to call a Roloff spade a spade.

When I speak to my wife, I think I'll stick with "Ma'am."

Shoveling snow from his roof? Oh, Jesus. Unnecessary for a pitched-roof house built to code, and more than a little stupid—easy to fall (unless you're wearing spikes, which he probably is). He—or the owner—should worry about an ice dam at the eaves. He needs to use an snow rake, from the ground. Two flat-roofed buildings, one of them an old school gymnasium, have collapsed so far in Bend. The snow is mostly powder, light and great for skiing, miserable for snowballs and snowmen.

If memory serves, all this nonsense about death threats, sleeping scared, chasing cars, keeping a loaded gun was considered laughably fraudulent at the time he made those claims. NOTHING independent of Roloff himself was ever found to back up his claims—most egregiously missing: police reports that would have been public record. There was simply no evidence to support him. Further, he made these claims at about the same general time that he was creating himself as an object of pity, comparing physicians in his childhood to Josef Mengele, the Nazi doctor—this itself in response to new media interest in bullying among children and gay suicides. Roloff saw a spotlight and inserted himself as a childhood victim to reap whatever sympathy it might generate. Again, if memory serves, these claims were regarded as the exaggerations of a very foolish man, and cost him considerable status among little people and their organizations. Personally, I'd be greatly surprised if private security arrangements—including cameras—had not been in place for years, paid for by TLC. It seems to me that such things would have been an early necessity, and the particulars of them not disclosed to the public. Lastly, I do agree that his facial mugging has gone on for years; giant eyeglasses, huge and weird hats, his mouth and features screwed awry—the epitome of Roloff's infantile humor. His clueless Facebook fans love to see it. This is America.

She's playing air guitar in her underpants, like Tom Cruise. Tsk.

As everyone is unwrapping the "birthday" gifts, Matt is tuned out, checking his phone.

"Farm chores." I'd been wondering what Jeremy was making me think of, and it clicked just now. He reminds of of Marie Antoinette playing milkmaid. (But he really believes it.)

Oregon land-use law may prohibit parcels smaller than x-number of acres in that area of Washington County; the Roloffs couldn't partition their place even if they wanted to. Further, there is probably a restriction on how much new construction they can do on that property—restrictions adopted to protect the area against people just like Matt Roloff and ticky-tacky developments and strip malls built over a long weekend. Matt could simply remodel the manufactured house to meet his needs, much as he did when he remodeled the big house, for a lot less money. Building permits would be no problem for that.