Ilovecomputers

I didn't get to see the finale but I've recorded it. It sounds underwhelming.

There's a commercial for a deodorant now available in a small size, like a lip gloss, and a woman is shown sitting at her desk, applying deodorant to her under-arm. Wth? Why not just freshen up with a clean tampon, too? No need to go into the ladies' room--we're all adults here.

We do too. And is it just me, or does the volume increase noticeably while he’s wrestling around with the inside of his mouth?

I believe it was Sabrina and what’s her name. The ladies whose fondant was destroyed over and over again in machinery went on to win. None of these cakes have seemed like wedding cakes to me. One couple wanted a superhero theme which seemed bizarre to me. The Mexican theme was okay—loved the tile work—but it looked more like a Mexican themed party cake. The prettiest thing I saw on this show was the ruffled gown cake topper with flecks of gold. I also thought the first version of the cake, with the dog peeking out below, was better. I agree with whoever said the winner will be a crapshoot; they don’t seem to have an environmentally controlled kitchen like the Great British Baking Championship. About the only good thing I can say is thank goodness they don’t have any last minute twist: “Bakers, you must incorporate anchovies into your cakes,” like all the other ridiculous FN competitions.

These appliances must have some strange timer in them to break down on major holidays, because our fridge died one Christmas Eve. Fortunately, the snow and cold allowed me to convert our deck into a walk in refrigerator with a card table used to store things until the repairman arrived the same day (cha-ching) to replace something or other. It gave up the ghost soon after and it was hard to choose the right appliance based on online reviews which are unintentionally hilarious. We decided not to purchase a fridge based, in part, on one review that said it made as much noise as a diesel tractor idling in his kitchen. Yeah and the mom says sarcastically, “Pray for us.” Oh, hon, TLC is paying you big bucks to follow you and your brood around and I’m sure you have their college educations and all the little extras paid for, so, no, there are much more worthy causes to pray for. Now get off your butt and go change your daughter out of that green stained mess.

There was a man in a nearby community who worked for his father’s landscaping/sprinkler service. This gave him the opportunity to watch houses and determine when the residents weren’t home. He often broke in and went through women’s undergarments and stole a lot of underwear. As time went on he became more brazen. He started knocking women down at grocery store parking lots, pulling their pants down and stealing their underwear. He was eventually convicted of two rapes/murders. His coworkers called him a panty sniffer. Police later found recordings in his home where he had filmed/recorded women using his bathroom. He was a married man with at least one child. A local newspaper had a photo of a large conference room table loaded with women’s underwear. If you had used the landscaping/sprinkler service, you were invited to come in and reclaim your underwear.

Call me an overreacter, but I saw this commercial recently and could hardly believe it. I don’t even know what the point of sniffing the jockstrap is/was, and it reminded me of a local convicted murderer whose landscaping co-workers called him a panty sniffer. Something is really, really off about that Gains commercial bordering on disturbing.

I remembered when you had to get up to change the channel, and only had local stations. I feel so old. Get off my lawn! I remember when the TV had to “warm up” before you could watch it, and the National Anthem played at midnight. Now get off my lawn or I’ll chase you with a broom! There is a disgusting product being advertised (can’t remember its name) to flush out your nose. It has tubes and a box and all kinds of paraphernalia. On the bright side, the thought of cleaning the machinery and slimy tubes works as a marvelous appetite suppressant!

He always seems a little odd, but I did enjoy watching him driving around his dogs asking what they wanted to eat for dinner.

I grew up in a home that called Miracle Whip mayonnaise and considered Helmann's too eggy to eat.

I was a little surprised they didn't pay some homage to an American dessert--like apple pie--since they had all of these international desserts going on. Those chocolate cakes looked so moist and yummy; I'm sure I gained weight just by looking at them. Wonder who eats all the leftover food cooked on FN every day. They should have a studio audience where they pass out leftovers. I'll take a slice of chocolate cake, please, but I'll pass on anything prepared on "Chopped." I hoped Jean-Francois would win. When they announced that Adam won, I was darn near as upset as a billy goat that got its tail caught in the barn, or something like that. Buh-bye, Jason.

Right. My "analysis" was interesting to me in the way that I found the messages on Bazooka bubble gum ("You will meet a VIP tomorrow.") interesting when I was a child.

I did the Ancestry DNA test. Our family folklore was always that we were mostly French and some Native American and Irish. My results told a different story, but my family was never like the ones you seen in their ads wearing lederhosen or something. My sister in law is getting on my nerves lately because she and her daughter did the 23 and Me test, and she boasts about how she has a lot of Neanderthal. She really believes she is some superior being or something because of her Neanderthal-ism. I asked how that was important, and she said, "Well, 'we' discovered fire." Mmkay. I said, "Well, you may have discovered fire, but my ancestors starting cooking with it."

All of the Mont Blancs looked like helmets to me except for the tank I've already mentioned.

Maybe they could give Adam his own half hour show on all the little chocolate work, cylinders and decorations he's so good at creating. We'll call it: Madam, I'm Adam (which is the same backwards and forwards).

Adam seems to be slipping a little. His flavors don’t seem to be in the right proportion and some of the required flavors aren’t very apparent. Didn’t care for his white meringue sticks—they looked like cigarettes or tampons. Max looked bewildered every time they showed him on camera. Hated his decorations—they looked like something broke all over the top of his dessert. Lasheeda’s rectangular Charlotte Royale looked like tank. Didn’t care for any of the Mont Blancs—that vermicelli piping looked like ground beef to me. Oh well, two more desserts I’ll never attempt to make. They just don’t appeal to me. I am glad Jean-Francois won the last round. Adam seemed shaken. It was nice to see Florian. He didn’t look constipated the way he used to look in Cupcake Wars. He hates red velvet anything. Maybe Adam’s red floured sponge gave him flashbacks to Cupcake Wars. They finally found a suit that fits Scott! JF for the win.

I want one of those mini-blow torches for my kitchen.

When you say “up-speak,” are you referring to the mannerism some people have of making statements in a questioning way—that is, their voices rise at the end of every sentence? Ugh, I hate that!!

Honey chile, I am so sick of Jason's schtick. "That tastes like a goat would wanna do the tango with a chicken, y'all." Just stop it! I don't understand why Lasheeda continues to advance. Her white chocolate leaves looked lame. I was sure Nosering would be a contender. There is a certain smugness to Adam that I don't like. Florian will be a judge next week. Hope they have the subtitles set up and ready to go, because I can hardly understand Jean-Francois and Florian was always difficult to understand on the cupcake shows. Lasheeda said she had never made a Marjolaine but I didn't see a print out of a recipe for her or anyone else. Do they really just have all of the measurements and procedures memorized? Maybe Adam does. She did say she knew how to make all of the components, but it doesn't seem possible to know all the steps to making the whole dessert. I'm assuming Food Network provides all of the ingredients, although on the Cupcake Wars they used to show competitors hauling flour and other ingredients and equipment to the challenge. I've never made a Marjolaine and don't think I want to. A napoleon is something I've wanted to do for a while with homemade puff pastry.

Does it stay cool? If I could refrigerate my pillow every day and take it out at night, I would.

I didn't care for Adam's green cucumber-looking Boston cream pie. The shape reminded me of the barracks they used to show on Gomer Pyle.

She is annoying, she can't sing, the commercial seems to last for 10 minutes, and this clip seems to play on endless loop. Did I die and end up in hell? Since I can pause the video, I guess not.

Does anyone know the technique for lemon curd biscuits? I assume they made a flour biscuit and not puff pastry. Could you inject lemon curd into the biscuits like a cupcake? I so want to try to make these but I'm puzzled about how to do it. Saw some online recipes where they slathered the curd on top of the biscuit like a scone. Would you just dump the strawberries on top of that?

Ah, Mary Berry. I read the online stories about Paul Hollywood and Betty Boop. Paul and his wife split last November and he has a girlfriend who's 20-something years old. Wonder if Scott Conant's wife is on the set watching much.

That's funny. It made me think of "A Christmas Story" when Randy was so bundled with winter gear that he couldn't put his arms down.