sconstant

Or like people falling in love over a karaoke app.

You can tell that Darcey and Jesse sells because, in addition to being a rehash of the same stuff from last year and the obvious time manipulation to drag it out to this season, they're often the last couple featured and then prominent in the Next-Time-On-90DF segments.

Yeah. The only person I can have a shred of respect for in this situation is Ximena, who talked to the production staff and was like "you want me to tell him to do what? with a straight face? ok, whatever, peoples, as long as your check clears" and then has a blast being fake-cutesy-evil. No respect for the stupid show or Ricky (she says you never need to mention Melissa again and then you do it during the proposal?) or for ... um, me for watching. Also as the resident person who isn't a fluent Spanish speaker but still can't deal with Ricky's sophomoric "just add an ending to the English word" - he simultaneously translates "lunch" to her as "lunche" after he said "lunch". That ain't the word, and if it were, she would have understood you when you said lunch. ¡Ay, Dios mío! Also: WHO BIKES WITH THEIR FEET PERPENDICULAR TO THE GROUND? NO ONE.

Yellow cake was really happening. Marriage is just for pretend.

You ain't throwing us off your trail that easily, Ms. Germanotta.

Still says it is on for 3 hours and 7 minutes on Sunday. I love you guys in the live-watch-along thread, but no way my life will allow me to watch 187 minutes starting at 8PM. Will be starting later and with the ability to skip thru commercials (sorry TLC, but c'mon.)

Looks like there's a one-week time period during which you can delete:

He actually goes and does bad things just to show what a great guy he is! [Hypothetical:] "Honey, I cheated on you with ... mas girlas ... many girls. And I had ... un poco de los bebes ... several children with them. Also I am ... la killero del state-o oro ... the Golden State killer. And also I told a lot of people on Facebook that you we had an open marriage and sent some men naked pictures of you and I sold all of your stuff and forged your name on some credit cards. So... how brave am I, a MALE GUY PERSON, for opening up to you and admitting faults like this?"

I’d take just the beard, as long as it comes without the punchy guy stuck to it.

Yes. And when I remove them for other things (e.g. to mix burgers, knead dough, etc) that’s when I’m most likely to lose track of them.

This is just the translator being too specific - in a lot of languages (including Portuguese) most nouns are gendered so there’s no nongendered word for child. So the translator app does the most specific job it can, which would have been correct if they all knew it was a boy, but in this situation the caption had the better translation, imho. Maybe like the three laws of robotics? First Law: A crewmember may not injure a show participant or, through inaction, allow a show participant to come to serious bodily harm. Second Law: A crewmember must obey orders given it by producers except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. Third Law: A crewmember must get good footage for the editors to use later as long as such footage-getting does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

You know what other place would have worked to reduce dramatics if that’s what he was after? The NETHERLANDS. By PHONE.

I would respond to this in the histrionic way that [someone] responded to [something] in the Next Week segment, but that would just be mean. Instead I will shrug and move on to the next person who accepted my "heyy" on Columbian Cupid.

You ... fast forward ... through those? I'm sorry, your visa to the 90 days snark is in danger of being denied. How will we marry?

He has a certain blank expression he uses when he's not understanding her Spanish and calculating whether or not he can just fake his way through or whether he'll have to ask. I'm not a fluent Spanish speaker by any means, but I keep hearing him mismatching the gender of nouns and adjectives and it just grates on me, so I admit that when his technique of "listen and nod and maybe it will be ok" fails floridly I kind of am amused. Though of course his language efforts are 195x that of most other USAn fi(n)ances and fi(n)ancees.

7. Kleenex tester. Oh, wait, she doesn't use them when she cries. So not that one either.

Yeah, there were some fancy undergarments, which are lovely I'm sure, but weren't doing great things as shapewear.

On a more real reality show I've learned that this kind of fabric is hard for even experienced people to work with, and Marta isn't that, apparently: The (pretty easy) elastic gather waist is fine, but the bottom hems are more than a little wonky. That means Marta, you're out. Auf wiedersehen.

I get this and agree. On the other hand, what would happen if production called Darcey and said "Look, Jesse is coming, but we just heard him say that he's going to break up with you and wants to do it in person. We think this is kind of a jerk move, so what do you say we just wrap up your storyline with a talking head where you say you're going to break up with him via text message? And then we'll get a talking head from him, and you don't have to worry about more filming until the tell-all." Pretty sure she'd say "No no! Let's do more filming. He'll break up with me. It'll be SUPER dramatic. I will wear all white, and my teeth will be white, and I will arrive in a horse-drawn carriage with a lot of luggage and ..."

I like how he says "are you changing your all's minds" into a translator. He needs a translator from his dialect to standard English and then from English to Portuguese.

Literally this woman has so much baggage.

"The only thing I can do is walk away from [Darcy]" says Jesse, while flying/driving across an ocean towards her.

This episode is called "expect the unexpected." I expect the news from the clinic will not be "Karine is pregnant." But that means it's unexpected to me for that to be the news. But that means that I should expect it to be a pregnancy. But that means I shouldn't expect it. I'm so confused. I'm not expecting, and I don't think Karine is either.

My husband went to a fancy store for a new tie and they tried to sell him a shirt too. It was super expensive, and they said, "well, ma'am, how much are you spending for your dress?" Less than that, I said, and they sold us the tie.

Eyeliner friend: Lucy, what do you think? Lucy: Dada.