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Dietland Quotes

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Steven: Wow, you're so retro with your newspaper every day like my grandpa.
Plum: It's my artisanal skill - reading on paper.
Steven: Are you answering letters? Hit me. Best one.
Plum: "Dear Kitty, you are so pretty, even though you look like a skinny wax Dracula. Question: is it always wrong to have sex with your father?"

Waist Watchers group leader: I was telling Karen that the scale is only one measure of our success. I mean, she's doing this to look great naked.
Karen: I am. I have to look great naked.
Waist Watchers group leader: And you're doing so good. I want you all to appreciate that Karen isn't giving up on herself.
Janice: Yeah, but she doesn't need to lose weight.
Karen: That's not what my husband thinks.
Janice: Oh. Screw your husband
Waist Watchers group leader: Janice, we don't use profanity here.
Janice: I'm sorry. Screw your husband.

Steven: I hate people.
Plum: Everyone sucks but us.

Plum: Confusion about the female anatomy.
Kitty: Oh. Well, there's nothing I can do about that. Those parent groups target us if we mention the word vagina. Makes writing articles on tampons hard. Find some euphemisms for vagina.
Eladio: Poon tang?
Kitty: Nothing sexual. Medicalize things. Come up with a list and send it to the girl writing the tampon piece. Best advice you can give a 13 year old: start using tampons as soon as you can. But I can't tell the girl where to put it.

Julia: I know I taught you to question authority, but not mine.
Leeta: That seems a little second wave.

Kitty: I used my triple lipid cream and my rosewater mister but I just can't seem to keep the glow today.

Eladio: Showering is the new sitting which was the new smoking. It's so bad for you.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Steven: I don't know about this, Plum. Have you vetted [Verena]?
Plum: Yeah, totally. I googled her.

Eladio: If I could go back in time-
Kitty: You can't. I just wish you were capable of learning from your mistakes.

Cheryl: Why would Austin Media pay for Malik's legal team?
Kitty: Because Malik is - was - part of the family. If you, I don't know, liked to diddle golden retrievers, we'd do the same thing for you.
Cheryl: Well, fortunately for both of us, I broke it off with Rover.

Witness: When the body dropped, I thought it was fake, like a fashion week stunt or that SVU show was filming. They're always coming up with crazy ways to kill people. That show's been on forever.

Steven: It's Jennifer. It has to be.
Ben: Who's Jennifer?
Steven: Stay current or you're fired, man.

Plum: I can't have sex thoughts about someone who thinks that Greenland is a continent.
Steven: Yeah, that is pretty sad. [Ben] has no stomach for the news, much less my conspiracy theories.

Kitty: Why do I get a novella when all I want is an answer?

Kitty: Being a member of the idle rich is a fate worse than poverty. Did you know [Abra] graduated summa from Kellogg? She had dozens of offers and she chose Stanley and his rules. He doesn't wants his women to work. He wants them available to run the home and suck the dick.

Kitty: Men would rather destroy the world than let us rule it.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Plum: I used to think of British people as proper - Jane Austen, Oxford, God Save the Queen, right? One look at their daily papers and all that went out the window. Legit titty pics! As gross as ou tabloids are, theirs are worse.

Madge Straley, Botha University sociology professor: If you're going to categorize this as an act of terror against men, you should use the same designation for the way men have treated women for millennia.

Marlowe: Don't conflate feminism with violence. It sounds very uninformed.

Botox doctor: Pretty hurts but ugly hurts more.

Paul: Primer, moisturizer, four shadows, concealer, foundation, bronzer, brow pencil, lip pencil, lipstick, lip tint, lip gloss. What else? Powder, brow gel, brushes. $1016.58. Worth every penny, right?

Plum: It won't even be a full page. It'll be in a box next to Kim Kardashian's ass.

Plum: Radiant, huh? That's what Charlotte called Wilbur.

Man on the street: On my own street, I don't feel safe. It's outrageous. I'm getting scared.
Woman on the street: Omigawd, I went running at midnight! Never done that before in my life! It's great.
Kitty: You should be spinning. Running's too hard on the face. Eladio, get what's her name to post an article about the aging effects running has on women over 35.

Kitty: Put [Jennifer's manifesto] on every women's cover - Daisy Chain, Belle Appeal, Swag Rag, the whole kit and caboodle.
Pablo: But they've all been printed.
Kitty: So?
Pablo: An all female judicial division, Presidential elections must only offer female candidates for the next fifty years, what is this?
Kitty: I just told you. It's the cover. Make it pop. Maybe have a woman's hand holding it or-
Pablo: Equal pay plus one third for all women. Come on, Kitty, I get putting this on Daisy Chain but-
Kitty: I want the manifesto printed on every magazine in the catalog. And get digital to feature it on all the websites.
Pablo: Did Stanley sanction this?
Kitty: Stanley sanctioned me, Pablo.

Jeff: You understand that I can't allow you to do this.
Kitty: It's a content decision outside of your jurisdiction, Jeff.
Jeff: CFOs have jurisdiction over anything involving money, my expertise. The board hired me to calculate risk.
Kitty: Stanley and the board agreed to print the manifesto in order to protect the men at Austen Media. Technically you're a member of that group.
Jeff: Per my advice, they voted to publish it only on the Daisy Chain cover.
Kitty: Your advice?
Jeff: Well, I was consulted privately. All due respect to your title, I mean, you may enjoy splashing that hysterical screed all over Austen Media, but I won't sign off on a half million dollar expenditure so you can feel relevant. It's nothing personal, honey.
Kitty: It isn't personal, is it? No, I see that now. You're only doing your job and protecting me from my rash decision. You've always been chivalrous that way - like when you insisted on wearing a condom when you screwed my second or was it my third assistant?
Jeff: I didn't-
Kitty: Doubly thoughtful since she was only 20 and completely incapable of taking care of an illegitimate child or for you pressuring her to have an abortion. You know, I think you should tell your wife. I bet she would thank you for protecting her from getting an ugly divorce, maybe even give you a half decent roll in the hay.
Jeff: I'm not like those men. She, Jenny, it was very consensual. I'm not a predator. And my marriage is very-
Kitty: Complicated. I know, honey. Aren't they all? Approve the expenditure. And tell Pablo never to question my authority again or he'll be begging for a job at Avon.

Kitty: I know you're not grabbing my Saint Laurent.

Kitty: This Jennifer thing.
Stanley: Jennifer who?
Kitty: The organization.
Stanley: The terrorists, you mean.
Kitty: One man's terrorist is another woman's liberator, Stanley.

Stanley: Fine. Whatever you want.
Kitty: We're not going to fight this out?
Stanley: I don't feel like fighting, Kitty. I just had a hot stone massage.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Thank you for posting these quotes,@ ElectricBoogaloo,  They go by so fast I miss some of them.  The dialogue is what's great about the show.  It may be uneven and confusing at times (and I read the book) but some of the lines are brilliant.

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Verena: Clive is my partner. As is Jake. 
Plum: Seriously? 
Verena: Seriously.
Plum: That's kind of awesome.
Verena: Well, marriage is just an arrangement. It can be whatever you want as long as you don't care what people think.

Plum: So my second date's tonight. Aiden. He's a human rights activist. You think you should be writing some of this down? In case one of these guys is the type to recruit a big gal into domestic terrorism.
Dominic: I'm sorry. Date two. Aiden. Activist.
Plum: Human rights activist. You sure you're a cop? TV cops write stuff down. A lot.
Dominic: No, you see, actually writers write stuff down. Us cops, we solve things.
Plum: With the help of writers.

Kitty: Women have been angry for a long time. A long time. So is it really so surprising that after all the abuse they've taken they are finally fighting back with deadly force instead of just words?

Kitty: You know, I get these letters, Cheryl, from my girls, a lot of whom are troubled, struggling with all kinds of issues - insecurities, abuse. Ever since Jennifer, many of these young women feel less alone. And that's, well, that's significant.

Cheryl: Is this just business to you? You give these terrorists the thumbs-up, and what happens when men have had enough? The war of the sexes won't be a metaphor anymore.
Kitty: Oh, please. Don't be dramatic.
Cheryl: We have a social contract in this country.
Kitty: We have a first amendment in this country. The free flow of ideas, even radical ones. If my readers want Jennifer, it's my job to deliver.
Cheryl: Even if people die because of you?
Kitty: Come on. Tell me you haven't thought about it. All those years of being demeaned and harassed and screwed over just because we wanted to sit at the table with the big boys? You know these guys. They don't listen to "please" or fairness. Tell me you've never wished you could pull the trigger.
Cheryl: That is not the same as doing it.
Kitty: I am not doing it. I'm finding my voice. And if that proves profitable, all the better.

Aiden: I need to confess something. I've, um, never dated anybody with, somebody like you. Uh, larger. I, look, I just, I want to be real with you cause, like, I'm kind of a fitness freak? And so I almost said no right out of the gate, but then I thought, "No, expand your horizons, expand your thinking."
Plum: So I'm kind of like a social studies project. Date a big girl. 
Aiden: No. Shit, no. Um I'm sorry, no, that was my, um, fully awkward way of saying you're not what I expected.

Kitty: Did you see me on Murphy's Law last night?
Plum: I did. It You were great.
Kitty: Thanks. You know who else thought I was great? Everybody.

Plum: Who cares about consequences when you aren't even afforded the consideration of a dog?

Plum: A creature doesn't feel. A creature can be punched, lied to, abused, debased, ridiculed. But there's freedom in that. If you don't feel, you can't care. And if you can't care, you can do anything.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Girl on street: It's her! It's white girl OJ!

Steven: Must be hard, feeling like you're being judged simply because of how you look.
Dominic: Thanks for the understanding.

Steven: [Plum]'s the smartest person I know wrapped around a 14 year old girl who doesn't know shit.

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Cheryl: A town this grim can't afford to lose its football team. It's the only thing they live for.

Plum: If I had more energy, I would have considered suicide.

Daniela: I have three brothers. I love men.
Luca: I have a father, two grandfathers, and a boyfriend. What does that have to do with anything?

Cheryl: Luca, tell me how the group started.
Luca: I'm a fashion and design major but I also play lacrosse. The group started when the school took our field away because the football team wanted a second field for drills.

Cheryl: The dissident group - did they have direct contact with Jennifer? Did Fiona say they directed her to do something?
Luca: We didn't even like Fiona. She was just some weird girl who ate our food and listened to us debate whether to have a bake sale or protest to get our field back.

Plum: I was reading about bipolar disorder-
Verena: You do NOT have bipolar disorder. What you have are feelings.

Eladio: Where's your temp?
Kitty: I fired the temp. He was a loud chewer.

Eladio: You can't be here, especially looking like my tía Rosa. She works at Kmart.
Julia: Relax. They thought I was the delivery tía. I figured you could use some food.
Eladio: I'll take it back after you leave. I'm not a fan of flatbread crackers.

Julia: I'm going for anonymous, not haggard.

Stanley: I owe you a phone call.
Kitty: You owe me a giant yacht.

Kitty: This isn't rocket surgery!

Plum: How was it okay for that cop to pull a gun on me?
Detective: You were in the act of committing a felony. He was in fear for his life.

Plum: You went through my files!
Dominic: I didn't. It didn't seem right so I had a guy do it.

Clive: Nobody truly remarkable is universally liked.

Kitty: The FBI is on it and we have security.
Dominic: I was a cop. Security guards are cops too dumb to pass the written. You really want those folks responsible for your life?

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Messenger: You're one of them, right? Jennifer?
Plum: No, I'm just a woman who thinks.

Stanley: I am penis number seven. That's beautiful. The man in the White House is number one. Can't fault them there, I guess. Walter Erickson, number four? My god, brave new world. The man's penis hasn't had contact with anything but a catheter for twenty years yet he's number four.
Dominic: Jealous, sir?
Stanley: A little bit maybe. I must say all these whiny lesbos have given me my first unmedicated erection in some time.

Dominic: I don't need other people fighting my battles.
Stanley: That's where you're wrong. That is the wealthy man's secret, my friend. Always let other people fight your battles.

Kitty: Crackers? Is bloated in now?

Kitty: What are your plans for the future?
Plum: Just not being here.

Stanley: Most of the men on that list, they are honest, upstanding, job-creating Americans. I need you to show that.

Stanley: "I'm a serious journalist." They watch you for your tits.

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Plum: Who is this Verena? Voldemort?

Sana: Being assaulted is not the best you can do.

Plum: Wow, you wrote that?
Leeta: No, but I read it really, really intensely.

Leeta: You are a super-smart person, but you write like a regular person.

Man: How did you get a hold of this?
Kitty: Isn't the correct question. How come you didn't get a hold of it?

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Kitty: A coup must be followed by a purge.

Kitty: Kiss it.
Dominic: Excuse me?
Kitty: My foot. Kiss it.
Dominic: Come on, Kitty.
Kitty: You're the one with scruples. Is it considered harassment if you're not an employee?

Jennifer woman: My problem is that you and Sofia think you're the leaders, even though having leaders is patriarchal crap.
Soledad: I used to feel the same way until I realized how hard it is to get twelve people to agree on anything. I'm beginning to understand why dudes love dictatorships.

Jennifer woman: This is how we're going to die. Nobody's going to catch us, we're going to talk ourselves to death.

Dominic: my problem is, I get all tangled up in stuff like right, wrong.
Eladio: But you're a cop.
Dominic: I was a cop - a married cop. Not anymore.
Eladio: Oh. Ohhhhh. Are you hitting on me? What's happening?

Plum: Every nation has an OS, just like your computer, and sometimes it needs a serious update. How do you change it? March. Disrupt. Make yourself a thorn in the side of the status quo. But you also have to become the status quo. Run for office. Lobby your representative. Not as sexy as murder, but trust me: laws. That's what makes the primal beast behave.

Kitty: She says "mindlessly following orders" as if that's a bad thing.

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