Holiday/Family Related Stress

[BlueSkies]

I had a bad day today and feel like some of this stuff is the underlying issue.  So I'll get it out somewhere.  Maybe in the hopes others share or relate or find something positive.

Christmas Day and New Years Day I'm seeing both different parts of my extended family which case me anxiety and stress.  For my one side of the family its the feeling of not feeling good enough and uncomfortable the whole time.  

For my other side of the family I see the cousins who all are doing well in life and have kids.  And I say good on them.  But it feels a bit awkward as I've never left home, never dated, dealt with intense social anxiety most my life and realized the past year I have autism.  So I just can't relate to them.  Plus it gets awkward when I see how many toys these kids get.  My mom bought them a good amount as well.  I mean it's not that I'm jealous?  It's just that my dad and his dad were raised very Catholic and very strict.  My dad used to tell me he'd get one toy from his dad for Christmas and it'd be a big deal.  My grandfather called me spoiled quite a bit growing up.  And yeah I always had a roof over my head and what not but you can't compare what I got versus these kids.  So I hear his voice in my head a lot and constantly feel just way out of touch/out of my league during these visits.  And well nobody likes a Debbie downer do they?

Add to the fact I am already socially awkward and yeah there's that.  The most wonderful time of the year (sarcasm) 

[PRgal]

If you’re not criticized for not having a partner/kids then I’d say it’s better than constantly being asked.  It seems to me that once you’ve reached a certain age (and especially if you’re female), you’re going to have to face if.  And now that I’m a mom, I’m asked when the second one will come when we’re one and done.  
 

I’m not too stressed this year.  My parents are travelling and won’t be back until just before a Christmas.  We’re going to have another quiet one with just them (and the three of us).  Usual deal:  baked French toast brunch on Christmas Day, Chinese food and cake at dinner and then Indian takeout on New Year’s Eve.  No one will ask weird questions.  

[Leeds]

On 12/8/2022 at 7:05 PM, BlueSkies said:

I had a bad day today and feel like some of this stuff is the underlying issue.  So I'll get it out somewhere.  Maybe in the hopes others share or relate or find something positive.

Christmas Day and New Years Day I'm seeing both different parts of my extended family which case me anxiety and stress.  For my one side of the family its the feeling of not feeling good enough and uncomfortable the whole time.  

For my other side of the family I see the cousins who all are doing well in life and have kids.  And I say good on them.  But it feels a bit awkward as I've never left home, never dated, dealt with intense social anxiety most my life and realized the past year I have autism.  So I just can't relate to them.  Plus it gets awkward when I see how many toys these kids get.  My mom bought them a good amount as well.  I mean it's not that I'm jealous?  It's just that my dad and his dad were raised very Catholic and very strict.  My dad used to tell me he'd get one toy from his dad for Christmas and it'd be a big deal.  My grandfather called me spoiled quite a bit growing up.  And yeah I always had a roof over my head and what not but you can't compare what I got versus these kids.  So I hear his voice in my head a lot and constantly feel just way out of touch/out of my league during these visits.  And well nobody likes a Debbie downer do they?

Add to the fact I am already socially awkward and yeah there's that.  The most wonderful time of the year (sarcasm) 

I'm so sorry you feel this way.  I would encourage you to see your GP/doctor to get a referral to explore your suspicion of autism, if you have insurance coverage or can afford it out-of-pocket.  I'm glad you have this forum to get your thoughts down (I've been very grateful for it in the past, just as a place to vent or clarify my perspective).  Professionals could maybe help you further with suggestions for support groups.  I participate in a couple of groups online for something I struggle with that for various reasons I can't discuss with my family.

As far as toys, back when I was married we would host a holiday party and specify no gift giving/exchanging.  One friend would nonetheless bring gifts for their children and have them open them during the party "because it wouldn't be *insert holiday* without presents".  These were on top of the super expensive/latest fad/tossed in the corner an hour after opening gifts they would be getting at home.

[BlueSkies]

2 hours ago, Leeds said:

I'm so sorry you feel this way.  I would encourage you to see your GP/doctor to get a referral to explore your suspicion of autism, if you have insurance coverage or can afford it out-of-pocket.  I'm glad you have this forum to get your thoughts down (I've been very grateful for it in the past, just as a place to vent or clarify my perspective).  Professionals could maybe help you further with suggestions for support groups.  I participate in a couple of groups online for something I struggle with that for various reasons I can't discuss with my family.

As far as toys, back when I was married we would host a holiday party and specify no gift giving/exchanging.  One friend would nonetheless bring gifts for their children and have them open them during the party "because it wouldn't be *insert holiday* without presents".  These were on top of the super expensive/latest fad/tossed in the corner an hour after opening gifts they would be getting at home.

Thanks for the kind words.

And yes that is exactly what I recall my grandparents saying about giving toys out.  You forget them after an hour and toss them aside!  

[Bethany]

On 12/12/2022 at 7:00 PM, BlueSkies said:

You forget them after an hour and toss them aside!  

I learned my lesson when my daughter was a toddler and had more fun with the wrapping and boxes than she did with the presents!

Anyway I hear you about the excess where gifts are concerned.  In my family I had one sister who really didn't do a lot of presents with her kids.  They got a few but Christmas was more about the festivities surrounding it than it was about the gifts.  My other sister didn't feel like it was really Christmas unless there were so many presents you couldn't see the tree!  The problem with that approach is now she's a grandmother with a whole lot more kids to buy for and she runs her credit cards up to the max every year playing Santa rather than sitting back and letting her kids do for their own kids.  

[RealHousewife]

Hugs OP. I hope your Christmas went better than you anticipated and wish the same for you on NYD. 

Holidays often bring upon more stress than fun unfortunately. I love my family, but sometimes wish I had more of that happy family next door situation where there’s little drama. Not sure how many truly have that. I’m just telling myself the holidays are almost over. 

[BlueSkies]

On 12/28/2022 at 4:46 PM, RealHousewife said:

Hugs OP. I hope your Christmas went better than you anticipated and wish the same for you on NYD. 

Holidays often bring upon more stress than fun unfortunately. I love my family, but sometimes wish I had more of that happy family next door situation where there’s little drama. Not sure how many truly have that. I’m just telling myself the holidays are almost over. 

Thanks for the kind words.  Christmas was good, New Years was kinda aaah.  

 

I'm not sure how much I have left in the tank so to speak for these family get togethers.  It might just come down to saying my piece and if its not heard/respected just moving on